How to Know When to Divorce

how to know when to divorce

How to Know if You Should Get a Divorce

Is Marriage to an Addict, Abuser or Adulterer Tolerable or Terminal?

I hate hearing about anyone getting divorced.

But as a relationship coach, almost every day I hear from a woman who is in excruciating pain and on the verge of divorce because her husband is having an affair and refuses to end it.

Or his chronic, excessive drinking has put her over the edge and she is afraid of what the kids are seeing.

Or her self-esteem is gone because of the physical abuse in their home or because he engages prostitutes.

There was a time when I would have urged these women to leave such heartbreaking situations. I wrote exactly that in my first book and more recently in blogs like this one.

I presumed I knew what a woman in such a difficult situation should do.

As if I were the expert on her life.

Which I’m not.

Recently I’ve been confronted with something even worse about what I’ve written for all these years, and I’m embarrassed to say I was too afraid to admit it.

Until now.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

Understanding Men in Relationships

Understanding Men in Relationships

Demystifying Men

What He Secretly Thinks about Seduction, Controlling His Temper, Opening Up to You, and More

If you’ve ever wondered what motivates your man or why he’s acting the way he is, you’re not alone.

Men can be hard to understand.

They laugh at things that aren’t that funny, enjoy movies that aren’t that interesting, and react to harmless comments like they’re insults.

At least, that’s how it seemed to me for a long time.

You may feel the same way.

So at the Cherished for Life Weekend, we gather five men, put them on stage and anonymously ask them any question we want.

Anything at all.

We ask for seduction tips, how to get him to open up or what made him decide to choose his wife.

And they answer very authentically–and thoroughly.

But the women had so many burning questions that the last Man Panel didn’t get to them all. So for today’s blog, I decided to ask questions submitted at the Cherished for Life Weekend to a Man Panel of one: my husband, John Doyle.

He agreed to pull back the curtain and answer eight anonymous questions candidly.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

My Husband Doesn’t Listen to Me

My Husband Doesn’t Listen to Me

My Husband Doesn’t Listen to Me

4 Ways to Speak the Language Husbands Like and Understand

Having the same conversation again and again, the one that turns into an argument or a cold war every time, gets old fast.

But when your husband isn’t holding up his end of the parenting, finances or household maintenance, you end up stuck holding the bag, which is exhausting.

You’re likely to get resentful if you don’t say something, but what if he gets irritable whenever you mention a particular topic?

Or, what if every time you bring it up, it isn’t a good time? What if he just won’t listen?

If he’ll never talk about it, how will things ever get better?

It can make you feel hopeless.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

My Husband Gets Mad When I Cry

My Husband Gets Mad When I Cry

3 Ways Vulnerability Can Actually Attract Your Man

By Stefanie Herron, Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach

When you’re raised to be strong and resilient and, most of all, equal, the idea of becoming vulnerable is low on your to-do list.

Why be weepy when it can make you look “touched”–like a nut job with a screw loose?

Crying seems like something to avoid in favor of being rational.

Who wants to be sensitive and soft when what’s rewarded in the world is being undemonstrative and competent?

That’s what I thought too. Everyone knows boys don’t cry, and that includes girls.

Plus, whenever I did turn on the waterworks, my man would locate the nearest exit. Then I really had something to cry about.

But then I learned something that reversed this trend for good.

These days my husband loves to see me cry–for all the right reasons.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

Is My Relationship Normal

Is My Relationship Normal

Is My Relationship Normal?

How to Know if What You’re Going Through Is Typical or Out There

When there’s a breakdown in your relationship, it can trigger shame.

You don’t want other people to know what he just called you, or how you’ve been sleeping separately, or that he punched a wall or shook one of the kids or isn’t coming home at night.

When you’re scared like that, it’s normal to want to protect yourself from judgment.

That means you can’t compare notes with others to see if that happens at their house too. You’re left feeling alone.

If you did talk about what’s really going on at your house, the person you share it with may tell you that you shouldn’t tolerate that behavior. They might urge you to leave and question your judgment if you don’t.

The shame keeps you isolated in the worst way. Most of us will go a long way to avoid that feeling of shame because it feels like life or death.

That’s why I didn’t want anyone to know about the struggles in my marriage. I wanted to keep my status in the tribe.

So I suffered silently, but it wasn’t necessary.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

How to Cope with the Threat of Divorce

Husband Threatens Divorce

How to Cope with the Threat of Divorce

3 Ways to to Heal Your Hurt, Restore Your Dignity and Revive Your Faith in Love

When I was on the brink of divorcing my husband, I was desperate to end the pain of constantly feeling rejected and lonely. I also hoped to escape the financial chaos we were stuck in and dreamed of finding a man who would better match me than the Loser Pants I had married.

Convinced it was my husband’s fault that I was so unhappy, I managed to avoid looking at my own contributions to the tension, hostility and pain in my marriage. I was sure I was the “good” spouse–the marriage counselor even said so.

I didn’t realize I was avoiding the door marked “Reflect on Your Shortcomings,” and I would have gone on my self-righteous way if my marriage hadn’t been failing.

Looking back, I realize that I not only contributed to the breakdown in my marriage, I was chipping away at the intimacy and connection on a daily basis.

Nobody had ever taught me the Six Intimacy Skills™ critical to having a playful, passionate relationship. My parents are divorced, so I was following a failed recipe. Maybe nobody has ever taught you either.

The good news is that the aching heartbreak in my marriage led to an incredible, transformative journey that I never would have taken any other way.

Today I’m deeply grateful for the breakdown and for the woman I’ve become as a result.

That’s why I’m so passionate about ending world divorce and why I started an international coaching company, writing several books to make sure every woman knows how to prevent a divorce by making her marriage amazing.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

My Husband Flirts and Thinks It’s No Big Deal

My Husband Flirts

My Husband Flirts and Thinks It’s No Big Deal

4 Questions to Get the Respect You Deserve without Causing a Fight

Catching your husband ogling other women feels bad.

It can shake your confidence and make you feel less desirable.

But when you hear his voice lilt when he’s speaking to another woman or catch him texting or Facebooking her, that sets your alarms off and makes you feel truly terrible.

Can you really trust him? Is it completely innocent, like he claims? Or is he crossing the line?

Where does it stop?

Sometimes there’s no real way to know, so your mind wanders and strikes fear in your heart.

Fortunately, you can restore your confidence, get the respect you deserve and preserve the passion, all at the same time.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

My Ex-Husband Is Manipulative and Mean

My Ex-Husband

My Ex-Husband Is Manipulative and Mean

How to Get Your Ex to Co-Parent Peacefully without Lawyers
By Kathy Murray, Laura Doyle Certified Senior Relationship Coach

When your ex-husband is playing games, using the kids to get to you and refusing to do simple, reasonable things like drop them off when he says he will, it’s maddening.

Especially if the whole reason you got divorced was to get away from his crazy-making behavior, it can make you feel trapped.

Those getting hurt the most are the kids, and that breaks your mama heart. Why can’t he see what he’s putting them through?

Luckily, there is a solution. It doesn’t involve threats, courts or begging.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

My Mother In Law Hates Me for No Reason

My Mother-in-Law Hates Me

My Mother-in-Law Hates Me for No Reason

How to Get Your MIL to Behave and Give You the Kind of Help You Want

Mothers-in-law can be pushy.

Yours may think she knows better than you how to make a cup of tea, burp the baby or get the spot off the carpet, but it’s your beverage, your baby and your carpet, and nobody wants to be told how to do things.

Sometimes it goes even further and you get the impression that she just doesn’t like you. At all. In fact, you get the feeling she’s rooting for you to fail.

It’s like she hates you, and you’ve never done anything to her except marry her son.

It feels terrible. And as much as you’d like to put her in her place, you can’t because your husband insists she means well and you should try to be more understanding around her.

Or maybe you have had your blow-ups with her and now things are tenser than ever.

But you can’t get your mother-in-law (MIL) out of your life. So you’re stuck with what feels like an enemy in the camp. Forever!

Fortunately, you can solve this.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

My Husband Wants to Separate

Husband Wants to Separate

My Husband Wants to Separate

The Secret to Recovering His Affection and Adoration
By Leticia Vasquez, Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach

Fall 2012

“I look at you sleeping in bed next to me and I feel nothing.”

Those were the devastating words my husband said, staring into my eyes the whole time. As I held back the tears that stung my eyes, I came to understand what the sound of silence was like.

It was a big ouch. As if I had been punched in the stomach and was gasping for air.

How could that wonderful man who had adored me and worshipped the ground I walked on fifteen years earlier be telling me this?

Very matter-of-factly, he went on to say that he wanted to be honest and didn’t want to hurt me. In the same breath, he mentioned that he’d had a look at rentals in our area but couldn’t go back to living like a student.

The rest of that Sunday is a blur.

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Author Bio

Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me had returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

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