My Husband Wants to Separate

The Secret to Recovering His Affection and Adoration

By Empowered Wife Leticia

Fall 2012

“I look at you sleeping in bed next to me and I feel nothing.”

Those were the devastating words my husband said, staring into my eyes the whole time. As I held back the tears that stung my eyes, I came to understand what the sound of silence was like.

It was a big ouch. As if I had been punched in the stomach and was gasping for air.

How could that wonderful man who had adored me and worshipped the ground I walked on fifteen years earlier be telling me this?

Very matter-of-factly, he went on to say that he wanted to be honest and didn’t want to hurt me. In the same breath, he mentioned that he’d had a look at rentals in our area but couldn’t go back to living like a student.

The rest of that Sunday is a blur.

Here’s how I got us back together and better than ever:

That morning, I was fuming inside. Thank goodness I had the wisdom not to say anything then and there.

Which was surprising because I had been pretty honest with him too. In the days, months, probably years leading up to that morning, my disappointment about my husband had been tangible.

Any other Sunday morning, I’d sneak out of the bedroom, throwing him an indifferent glance. I would put on my invisible martyr’s cape and go down to feed our two young boys and start my sad Sunday routine: brewing my own coffee, having my breakfast, reading the newspaper or poking around online.

I’d occasionally look at the clock and, noticing the late morning hour, mutter, “So typical of him. Another wasted Sunday.”

It was 9 a.m. and we should be doing things, after all. Did I mention it was a Sunday?

May 26, 2017

“The goddess of aging gracefully has blessed you. I love you and thank you for never leaving me.”

This is what my husband told me on my 48th birthday. Not that he doesn’t say it any chance he gets these days, but this time he said it with a special poignancy. And then he acted on it.

Then again, he acts on it all the time. He regularly texts me sweet nothings, comes home with something beautiful (a dress, a necklace, perfume) that I happily receive, loves to plan romantic getaways (we’re heading to Paris in two weeks!), and whenever I’m out with friends, he asks when I’m coming home. These days, he just hates to be away from me.

That’s a far cry from my life just five years ago, when I stumbled onto Laura’s Six Intimacy Skills™.

So what changed? Today, my life is focused on meeting my needs first. Laura calls it the indispensable Skill: self-care. And she’s right.

What is self-care? Doing at least three things daily that bring you joy and peace.

Everyone’s list is different. For me, that means doing some exercise (like Goldilocks–not too much or too little, just right), putting earrings on, slathering some lotion all over my body or working on a puzzle.

Self-care is about treating myself with respect, and once I’m sorted, it’s my husband and kids’ turn.

It sounds incredibly selfish, I know.

That’s what I thought when I first read one of Laura’s books. I poked around wondering why the Skills worked for her, and then I came to the part where she said she didn’t have children. “Aha! There it is. No wonder they worked for her.” But still, I gave her Skills a try.

Then I realized that while children, especially babies, force a family into a new set of dynamics, they really aren’t the problem. They simply bring out what’s festering beneath.

Being tired doesn’t help. Neither does the laundry that’s piling up. Or the kids competing for attention. Ditto with that job that needs you there by 9. Suddenly, you are second, third and last place, and who better to lash out at than your partner?

Once I became hard core with my self-care, my time expanded. Over time, the benefits of self-care began spreading to other areas of my life.

As I focused on myself, I had little time to be angry at my husband for sleeping in on a Sunday. (Had I really thought 9 a.m. was too late?)

I had more time to invest in other areas of my life, like my health and my friends.

I became a more patient mom (a teensy bit at least) and a better listener overall.

Making myself happy inspired my husband to find ways to make me even happier, expanding my time further.

He has gradually outsourced help. It was music to my ears when he suggested hiring a cleaner. Just a few months ago, I was happy as could be when he arranged to increase her hours.

He knows that I don’t like cooking. So he takes over the cooking most days of the week or sends me a recipe that I can follow. (He loves grocery shopping too.)

On weekend mornings, as he peacefully dozes (he really does look so cute, I now realize), I either head to the gym or take a quick shower and snuggle up next to him in the nude.

There’s no better wake-up call than that, and it puts us both in a great mood for the weekend.

I don’t get so involved in my kids’ school activities. I realized that it was stressing me out, leaving me depleted. Instead, my home is open to any of my children’s friends who want to come over. That doesn’t stress me. And our house is always full of rambunctious little boys.

So back to my birthday.

In my family’s tradition, we get serenaded at 6 a.m. on our special day. But my husband was never willing to participate. He said it was my tradition, not his. So after twenty years together, I had given up asking him to play a song for me.

This year? He was up at 6 a.m., playing the birthday song for me and singing along.

A sweeter serenade there never was.

What self-care brings you joy and peace? Please share your comments below.

By Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

60 replies on “My Husband Wants to Separate”

I love walking. I walk my dog in the early mornings. It’s quiet, peaceful. It gives me a chance to pray and meditate before the chaos and noise of the world starts in.

Nice! There’s nothing like morning self-care to start the day feeling good.

Kristin, I hear that you are scared and lonely. I love that you’re vulnerable enough to reach out for support and open to trying something new in spite of those fears. What do you have to lose? I would love to empower you with some tools to experiment with to see how you can feel cherished, desired and adored. I’ll give them to you in my free upcoming webinar, “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life.” You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Hi Laura
I understand self care is important
But my husband of five years wants time apart because he doesn’t love me the way he used to and needs space.
Now we are living separately as a trial I am worried if I seem happy he will decide to separate for good.
What do I do?

Leticia, I love your story &how it highlights the power of self-care!

Thank you for the inspiration!

I looove long walks in the country listening to birds &bullfrogs& the wind. I looove snuggling with my kids &my husband. I looooove free time to have break &chill & slow down &not have to rush &care for other’s needs.

I am soo happy for your birthday song you received &all the other amazing parts of your joyful intimate relationship too!

My favorite part of your story – relaxing weekend mornings of snuggling in the nude! – yes, its the BEST! Yum! And, whoo hoo!

Celebrating the Skill of self-care with you!

Xo,
Mrs. Good to Myself

I looooove your self-care rituals and your gratitude. And your name, Mrs. Good to Myself!

I hear you, Joann–I think Leticia had a hard time believing it herself! Given her commitment to practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills and the thousands of similar transformations I’ve seen, I wasn’t surprised though. Are you curious what trying out these Skills could do for you? Check out my free upcoming webinar, “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life,” at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Self Care brings me so much joy! I love taking baths, reading, swimming, making jewelry, visiting the lake, doing yoga, meditation and hanging out with my friends. 😀

How do you do self care when for years I was working out and taking time for my self when last October my husband gave me the speech that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. He had kissed another woman and she filled him emotionally. He said I wasn’t spending any time with him and didn’t pay attention to him. This was a shock to me because I felt like we had the perfect marriage. So we went they counseling but how do you go back to doing the things I once did for myself?

Roz, I’m so sorry to hear that. What a heartbreaking shock. I admire your vulnerability in reaching out for support here and your desire to resume your self-care. When I thought divorce was my only alternative to staying in a broken marriage, I could not manage to keep up my self-care. I felt so overwhelmed and alone. Prioritizing my self-care, in conjunction with working the other Intimacy Skills, gave me back the playful and passionate relationship I once had. If I can have that kind of transformation, I know you can too! I would love to give you more support in doing things for yourself and in feeling cherished, desired and adored. I invite you to my free upcoming webinar, “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life.” You can register for it at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

I have been using the six intimacy skills over the last three weeks and can see how dramatically my actions, responses, etc. Impact how my husband treats me. For the first time in ever, I feel empowered as a wife… I am excited for our future together! But I still really struggle with the what’s on his page vs. my own page, especially when our pages overlap. Our biggest struggle is a lack of sex after our kids have been born. After our second kid was born, we had sex twice and accidentally got pregnant when our daughter was only five months old. I was so upset and overwhelmed. So now, we haven’t had sex once since our second daughter was born six months ago. I know my husband is trying to be good, wise, and protective. I don’t want to have more kids. But, I had been waiting for him to take initiative on getting surgery or something, and he hasn’t said a thing. I don’t exactly want to work on enticing him either, because I don’t want to have unprotected sex. I had asked him twice about going on birth control, and he didn’t give me an answer. So I’m wondering, is that something in my page? As part of my confidence and self-care, do I just go get a birth control prescription so I can operate without fear of another pregnancy, until he deals with his own page of the equation? Or do I just wait until he says something? I’m confused on how to handle this part of our relationship and get what I want out of it: intimacy without more babies.

MMM, I am delighted to hear how empowered you now feel! I love how committed you are to staying on your own paper when it comes to sex and acknowledge you for doing such a beautiful job of that in exploring your own birth control options. One of my coaches had the same dilemma but didn’t want to take birth control. She got so frustrated her husband refused to get a vasectomy after all she’d been through giving birth twice. She used the 6 Intimacy Skills to take a feminine approach, and her husband took initiative to handle the birth control.

I too used to feel so frustrated sitting around waiting for my husband to take initiative when he wouldn’t, especially when it came to sex! Practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills has completely changed that so he now takes initiative to please me inside the bedroom and out. You can get back the physical intimacy you want–and your husband’s support regarding birth control. I’ll give you tools to help you do that in my upcoming free webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

It has been5 years since we have been intimate and I’m just 51. He says it’s because of a hernia but he does other things it doesn’t stop him. He has time for other things but when I want to do something he doesn’t have time. We have been married for 29 yrs. HELP!!!!!!!!

Tina, it sounds painful that your husband doesn’t have time for you and has gone five years without being intimate with you. I admire your vulnerability in sharing that and your commitment in coming here for support. I remember how lonely I felt when my husband no longer wanted to make love to me. I’m still amazed at how practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills outside the bedroom restored our love life inside. Now he wants to spend time with me, even snuggling up next to me on the sofa while I’m working. Tina, I know it’s possible to get back the man you married 29 years ago. The one who wanted to spend time with you and make love to you so much that he committed to you for life. I have a free webinar coming up that will give you tools to help you get that back. It’s called “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life,” and you can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Hi Laura, I really want to order your book. I want to know if you are going to ship here in Dubai, UAE? Please let me know so I will proceed my order online.
Thank you very much.

Listening to music, singing along with it, and dancing to pop music meant for young teens! Reading, reading, reading.

Thank you for your beautiful story Leticia. I love how you transformed yourself. The power of self care! It’s a great turning point.

Hi Deb. I am so glad you liked my story Deb: the most beautiful part is that it is not fiction. This definitely belongs in the non-fiction department. I remember several years ago, poking around websites and browsing books, wondering what I could do. And while it takes time to ditch old habits and learn new ones (it’s not a linear learning process!), it is worth it. I am a big fan of Laura’s. Why wouldn’t I be? She saved my marriage and helped me truly blossom as the beautiful woman I had hidden within. I wish you all the best.

My husband left me and moved out of our house 9 months ago. I have tried several things to bring him back with no luck! How can I use these skills to bring him back to me and our family?

Terri, I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling to save your marriage. I know you’ve been so committed to surrendering and acknowledge you for your deep desire to learn how to use the 6 Intimacy Skills to get him back and reunite your family. So many of my clients seek coaching at that painful time of separation. And so many of them save their marriages, even after he has moved out, by getting the support they need to practice the Intimacy Skills fully. If they can do it, I know you can too! I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. This call alone will give you clarity. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching.

We are separated and getting a divorce that I don’t want. Is there a chance that we can reconcile before it’s too late. We have been married for 29 years and separated for a year and a half. Scared and vulnerable

Dee, I can see why you’re feeling vulnerable and afraid when you don’t want a divorce. I admire you for your commitment to your marriage and for reaching out for support here. There is definitely still a chance of saving your marriage! I see the same story over and over here: a wife starts practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills and gets her husband back–not the same husband who left her but one who cherishes, desires and adores her. This often happens after a separation and recently even after a divorce! I would love to support you in reconciling with your husband too. I have a free webinar coming up called “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life.” You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Hi Laura
Are your book translated to Farsi? Persian language
If not, in case I want to translate them myself what do I need to do?

Maryam, unfortunately my books have not yet been translated to Farsi. Thank you for your commitment and desire to expand the reach of my work by getting my books translated! To translate my copyrighted material, the translator must work with a publisher and obtain the rights by working with my foreign rights agent. The publisher would need to agree to purchase the foreign rights and contact my foreign rights agent to obtain proper authority and permission to translate the copyrighted materials.

Hi. What if he has already separated from you? Do you have any suggestions that would help heal our marriage?

Lynn, I’m sorry to hear that he has separated from you. That is painful. I admire you for your commitment and vulnerability in reaching out for support here. I have numerous clients who came to me after their husbands left and, by practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, got him back. I’ve seen this happen again and again, even after divorce proceedings begin and sometimes even after a divorce! So I know it’s not too late for you to heal your marriage. I would be happy to give you the tools you asked for, which I will do in my upcoming free webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Hi Laura,
My husband and I have been married for 2 years. My first and his second marriage. He recently started working in another state and has been talking about having a place to live there as well as our home. For the last several months he’s only been home about 10 days each month which makes me very sad. I miss him, I miss us. I want to support his work but I feel like he’s slipping away. I practice the 6 intimacy skills when we are together and try to keep them going on the seldom phone conversations we have. Moving to be with him isn’t an option. Today he told me he’s signing a year lease on a place and will rent furniture for it. It’s like he still wants to be single. He never asks my opinions and just spends and does what he wants. How do I get him to want to be physically living with me in our marriage? I’m scared that all this time apart is damaging our marriage. I’m lonely and the marriage is becoming unfulfilling. How do I keep our marriage alive and strong while he’s gone most of the time?

Jess, I can see why you’re feeling lonely, sad and scared. I admire your deep commitment to keeping your marriage alive. I can still remember feeling bewildered when it seemed like my husband was slipping away from me and certainly not asking my input on the matter. Deepening my practice of the 6 Intimacy Skills, especially by receiving support to figure out how to apply them to whatever I was going through, not only attracted him back so he wanted to be with me but made my marriage playful and passionate. If I can do it, you can too! I’ll give you tools to help you in my free webinar coming up: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Not a moment of love or even a flicker of affection not a kiss for the pass 5 years( occasional-like christmas and new year events) is what’s going on in my life..I give up!

Tracy, I’m sorry to hear you’ve spent the past five years without affection or love. That sounds so painful and lonely. I admire you for coming here for support even when you’re ready to give up, which tells me there is a flicker of hope. I remember feeling so alone when my husband had stopped being affectionate. Learning the 6 Intimacy Skills was so empowering because I found there was something I could do about it–not to mention I started feeling cherished, desired and adored as a result. I strongly believe you can get that love and affection back, if only you had some tools to help you do that. I’d love to give them to you in my free upcoming webinar, How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Wow, this struck a nerve. I’ve been guilty of the “invisible martyr’s cape” and looking angrily on my dozing husband, too. I’ve been practicing Laura’s 6 skills for about a year now and have seen a huge improvement in my marriage. 80% better! The final road block for me seems to be being vulnerable. I’ve managed to put the duct tape on and stop the criticism, but I am still not relaxed and open with my husband. I think getting “hard core” with the self care, as you put it, may be the key to letting myself blossom and be more receptive. Thanks for the wonderful post.

Wow, SL, I’m thrilled to hear that your marriage has improved so dramatically! I admire your commitment to your marriage and practicing the Intimacy Skills, and I love your desire to be more vulnerable and intensify your self-care. Vulnerability was one of the hardest Skills for me too! But when I was able to practice it in conjunction with the other Skills, it really deepened my connection with my husband. As you continue to learn how to work all 6 Intimacy Skills in tandem, I predict the same thing happening for you! For further support, I invite you to watch my TV series Empowered Wives. It’s free with an Amazon Prime membership or a free 1-month trial of Prime at https://goo.gl/iPPQZG. Episode 1 is about Marissa, who, like you, has already made her relationship more peaceful and wants to take it to the next level.

Like one of the women mentioned above my husband works away from home – I see him 2 days out of every 14 – he does not want to be with me – he wont take time off work to be with me so putting the 6 skills into practice is very difficult. Sometimes when he is at home I also have to work so cutting down our time further. He tells me he has not decided if he wants to work on our being together or not – there has been no intimacy for 3 years – until recently I was getting a peck on the cheek but now that has all stopped while he decides what he is doing. I feel he is putting off telling me he is leaving as my father recently has cancer and I cared for him at home until he died a few weeks ago. On top of all this we have limited cash which annoys my husband. My mother in law also lives with us and at times I feel like I am married to her – I see her more often than my husband. There are occasional times when my husband gambles (horse betting) once every 6/7 weeks he has a small binge but still more than we can afford. I have signed up for the webinar but what else can I do with an absent partner?

Rosie, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. And the strain on your marriage on top of it. It sounds very lonely and painful to spend years without intimacy or much time together and for your husband to be considering not being together. I admire your commitment to your marriage and your vulnerability in reaching out for support. Many of my clients did not discovery the 6 Intimacy Skills until they were already separated, so the only opportunity they had to practice them was when their husband was picking up the kids or at divorce attorneys’ offices. Even with such limited interaction, the Intimacy Skills have saved marriages farther gone than yours. If they can do it, you can too! I’d love to see you get the 6 Intimacy Skills and experiment with them. You can get them from my book The Empowered Wife. Here’s a free chapter: http://getcherished.com

Waiting for the seminar to start. I said bad things in anger to my husband and he has left me and the kids. He says he can’t get over what I said.
I love him dearly and pray he comes back home. I’ve read your book and started the 6 steps. They seem to be pushing him further.
Sad times

NB, I’m so sorry to hear that your husband left and hasn’t been responding to your efforts so far. I admire your courage and commitment to saving your marriage and reuniting your family. I remember feeling so frustrated when I started surrendering and my husband didn’t respond the way I wanted him to. It was only when I truly relinquished control that I actually got the intimacy I had always hoped for. I needed support to practice the 6 Intimacy Skills effectively based on what I was going through. If I can feel cherished, desired and adored after the awful things I said to him, I know you can too. I would love to give you that support and invite you to watch my TV series Empowered Wives. It’s free with an Amazon Prime membership or a free 1-month trial of Prime at https://goo.gl/iPPQZG.

I have been working on the skills for awhile and yes it surprises me that my husband turns around when I thought things were bad. I am big into my self care…. but my husband seems jealous. It is as if he wishes he could get up and go for mornings walks with me but he doesn’t….
so each time I come back happy and full of energy he criticizes me for anything… what is that about,

Esther, that sounds hurtful and frustrating! I love your commitment to practicing your self-care and to restoring the intimacy in your marriage. I remember feeling bewildered when my husband initially didn’t respond to my efforts to change as I hoped he would. While self-care was the foundation, fortunately I learned how to use all the other Intimacy Skills in tandem with that so my marriage became playful and passionate. I would love to support you in getting your husband to respond more positively to your efforts so you can feel cherished, desired and adored too! I have a free webinar coming up that will help: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Thank you for writing this blog. It’s like reading about myself. Unfortunately I didn’t discover this site or these skills before my husband gave up on me/us, started an affair with a co-worker and moved out 4 months ago. I’ve read both “surrendered wife” and “first, kill all the marriage counselors” and I’ve watched your webinar three times. I’m trying my hardest to practice the skills when he comes around to see our two boys (3-5 days a week) and I think he has noticed the difference but I don’t think he believes them. And the hardest part is that I think he is still seeing the OW.

One thing I’m struggling with is that allthough I completely identify how you, Leticia, described yourself in this blog and you, Laura, in your books I never wanted to leave…..my husband did… and I can’t help but blame myself. I just didn’t know how to change the dynamics of where our relationship has gotten to, where I gotten to?
I was the one that was resentful, angry and rejectful whenever he wanted closeness and intimacy….how can I show him that I want to change all this now when I feel I’ve got the tools?
When we do have nice moments together (although their short) I miss him so much and I get impatient. Is there any timeline for change…..? Are there any signs I can look for other than him just wanting to be friendly for the sake of the kids?

Thank you!

(I’ve also had a discovery call but because of my financial situation in all this I, unfortunately, can’t, afford coaching)

Kristina, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling and getting impatient. I am full of admiration for your commitment to getting your husband back and your family back together. I too blamed myself for what had become of my marriage. It took my husband some time to believe that the best self that the 6 Intimacy Skills brought out was here to stay. I know it’s easy to lose hope during that time. While I can’t say when it will happen, I do know how your story ends: your husband comes home. That’s what I’ve seen over and over again when a wife is as committed as you are to continuing to practice the Intimacy Skills. I needed support to know how to apply the Skills effectively to whatever I was going through. I hear that private coaching is not a fit for you right now, but you’ll benefit from my coaching other women in my TV series Empowered Wives. It’s free with an Amazon Prime membership or a free 1-month trial of Prime at https://goo.gl/iPPQZG.

We are in middle of a major cold war and I don’t know how to break it.
I have been following your methods and suggestions for almost 2 years. Self care, showing respect, being happy, minding my own business and more has brought about INCREDIBLE change. I’m immensely grateful for the impact it has had on my marriage. But I am not authentic in my respect to my husband. I acted like I did. I don’t REALLY think he’s respectable. He’s not always honest (neither am i), I don’t like the way he interacts with our kids (not enough & too critical). He is ALMOST ALWAYS with his laptop or phone. The challenge of keeping up all the skills was too great. I wasn’t practicing well. We are in middle of a major cold war. I don’t know how to break it. I have been doing self care (being happy, keeping busy, being in contact with sisters and friends, biking). He’s been so cold and aloof my big kids are aware and that makes it worse. We went out to eat in a real nice?restaurant (my suggestion, his pick)and it was a disaster. That was thursday night. We sort of hosted an affair with friends and family over the weekend. He stayed away from me. I did not bite the bait and worked hard to enjoy and be happy withoit him. Today he started being a bit more normal but I can’t go back to warmth without being open and honest. Such a conversation will go bust!!! It’s just gonna make things worst. I’m so stuck. I feel like i need to confront him about his internet”addiction” but i know it wont go well. So im not. We travelled today over 2 hours in the car and I made sure ( to pretend ) to be calm and not sour or pouty. I gave short calm neutral voiced responses. I think he feels stuck. He was completely wrong in being so publicly cold to me but didn’t know how to break it. He did everything I asked for today so I could tell he feels bad. I would live to have a real conversation with him about our issues. But right now we are both too raw.
****Should I just keep up my self care and personal (fake) happiness and wait to see what happens?****
If course I’m not really happy without feeling connected to my husband. It’s what grounds me and makes me feel best.
I’m dejected that we can’t sustain a strong honest relationship for long. As soon as i stoo the work I feel The repercussions. The work is constant and sometimes I mess up. Just?keeping up the skills is what I need to do now?
Sorry for the ramble.
I wonder if I make sense.
Hope its not giving you a headache.

Chaya, I can see why you’re feeling dejected when there’s a cold war going on despite your efforts. I really admire you for being so committed to your marriage and to practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills to feel connected to your husband. I totally relate to showing respect for him feeling inauthentic, as I used to be convinced that my husband was not respectable. As I got the support to practice the Intimacy Skills in tandem with each other based on what I was going through, his shortcomings were crowded out by all his qualities, and soon I felt like we were dating again. I invite you to be gentle on yourself and to receive support to deepen your practice of the Skills. How would it fit to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see what working with a coach would do for you? The call alone will give you clarity. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching.

I am in a very similar situation. I recently came across your books and would like to read all of them, however, to start working on my marriage ASAP, which book would you recommend that I start with so that I can become familiar and start my work on mastering the skills and begin to implement them today. Please help.

Lauren, I admire your commitment and would love to help you save your marriage. I recommend The Empowered Wife. You can read a free chapter here: http://getcherished.com. I look forward to hearing how it goes!

Thank you for your interest in my Amazon Series. The producer is working on getting the series in more countries, including Canada, so keep checking back with Amazon Canada. In the meantime, I invite you to my free webinar on How to Get Respect, Reconnect & Rev Up Your Love Life. Here’s where you can register: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist. See you in the webinar!

My husband left for a couple of weeks to his parents, he said he doesnt feel good being around me. I read your book and started practicing the intimacy skills. I do my hair, paint my nails make time for me and my son. He is living back with us but still is very distant. He seems to want to iniciate sex and then he backs off or just does it without any passion. He is really hot and cold. I have been trating him with respect and have notice that reacts in a positive way, but then keeps being very distant. I want us to be a loving an strong couple again even better than before. He recently asked me if I felt lonely, I was caught off guard so I said no. I should have been honest with him but I don’t think I’m ready to have a conversation about the status of our relationship just yet. We separated a month ago, the longest time we have been in this situation. (Sorry for the typos, English is my second language).

Nancy, I love your commitment to restoring the intimacy in your marriage and your wonderful self-care! I hear that you feel lonely with him being so distant. I remember feeling lonely too when my husband was hot and cold. Practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, including sharing my softer side, has filled my marriage with warmth and made it hot, hot, hot! If I can make my marriage playful and passionate–and even better than before–you can too! I’ll give you the tools to do that in my free upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

My husband of five years told me a month ago that he was just not feeling right at home with me. He has become distant and we have been fighting non-stop a few months ago. He left a few weeks and then ended up returning home because he also has issues with his parents. He said he would look for apartments near our home to but hasnt done anything yet. We have been spending time together, I also read your book and started practicing the intimacy skills but feel like something is still missing. We have a toddler and I have been working on my desires and enjoying my time with my son, I have also been treating my husband with respect yet sometimes he reacts in a positive way and then becomes cold. Even when he iniciates sex, he starts to kiss me and then stops or just does it without any passion. I barely know how to act around him, from trying to give my self space and wanting for us to become the couple that we always had the potential to be, a strong and loving couple. I do have issues being vulnerable around him, He asked me if I felt lonely the other nignt and told him know. I do feel lonely but I just did not want him to know that. I feel I should tell him now, but prefer to do it through text. I just can’t do it in person. What should I do or how should I express how I really feel?

Nancy, I hear that you want to tell your husband that you are feeling lonely and that you prefer to do so by text. I acknowledge you for being ready to show vulnerability and for getting in touch with your desire. I’m eager to hear how it goes when you practice showing such vulnerability in conjunction with the other Intimacy Skills. In addition to the webinar I invited you to, you may want to check out my TV series Empowered Wives to learn more about vulnerability. It’s free with an Amazon Prime membership or a free trial at https://goo.gl/iPPQZG.

Hi. My husband left me 3 years ago for about 6 months. He started coming back and forth. One night led to two night then a week. Then he moved back in. Everything was perfect for about a year. Now again he wants a separation we have been fighting really bad. Were I did some bad things like call the real estate agent not come home one evening. I was arguing with him cause he was just so unhappy and miserable. He finally admitted to me that I made him that way. I can’t find myself again. I feel that he stole our happiness again. I don’t know we’re to turn. I’m so lost.

Tricia, I’m sorry you’re feel so lost and that, after getting your husband back, he wants a separation. It’s disheartening to have had to endure so much fighting and unhappiness.

I remember when my husband had stolen my happiness and I didn’t know where to turn. The 6 Intimacy Skills turned everything around, ending the fighting and giving me the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted.

If I can do it, I know you can too! I’ll give you the tools to find yourself and your happiness–and attract your husband back–in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist

Everything in your book about how a wife feels, when at the point of leaving her husband, is exacally all the ways my husband feels about me and all the things he does and the ways he thinks and controls “helps” me. As I read I just keep saying, wow, this is my husband and how he has told me how he feels and the things he does to me. Of course I do things that I need to work on and I have started on implementing the skills this week, but can just me changing turn things around when all the things you are saying are exacally how my husband feels and not necessarily how I feel? He wants to leave, he wants me to make more money, he treats me like a child reminding me to do things, he wants me to go back to school to better my future and he wants me to parent my daughter (his step daughter) the way he feels is the right way, his way, he said the passion between us is gone, that he loves me but isnt in love with me anymore. Please help explain how the skills work when the roles are flipped. Thank you! You are amazing!!!!

My husband is in the process of moving out. I have already been through this before 5 yrs ago. He said he moved back in but nothings changed. Im actively reading Empowered Wife and this has opened my eyes to a lot of things.
Number one thing is the first time he left I took no time for my self. I was still in the taking care of everyone else mode and he got lost in the shuffle. He is angry with me and said he doesnt want to live like this anymore. We will be married 30 yrs this summer. Im angry because I feel as though he has given up but I cant dictate what he considers his fight. Reading your book has opened my eyes and as I start using some of the skills I can see a difference in his attitude and actions.
Not sure how I can continue to use these skills when he is no longer in the home.
I dont cry in front of him or talk about the relationship. He seems more at ease but as every other woman I too am impatient and want answers. Reading helps ease my mind but not enough to wait a yr to see if he comes home.

My husband of 8 years (together for 10 yrs) told me he don’t see a future with me, he loves me but is not in love with me, he doesn’t know what he wants in life (upcoming unemployment) all the clichés and left the house some days after that. He has been calling me to talk, have fun, and sounds calmer about his life but since he decided he needed time off to figure things out , never said how long, I don’t know what to do in the meantime. I don’t know what he wants to figure out since he seemed so determined in his “I’m not in love” speech. I told him I do believe in marriage and that a couple can mend the falling out of love/loss of intimacy. He said he doesn’t know what he believes. What can I do in the meantime? I want to talk and apologize for my part in the relationship, but most advice not to contact. Also how can we reconnect at this point? How can I apply the six intimacy skills when we are at this point?

Hi everyone

I need some help and advise, I’ve been with my fiance for 18 years and have a 13year old son.
Last week I asked what was wrong with him as he had been really off with me, previous month he told me he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore so I asked him if we could work on things.
When I asked what was wrong he told me he wanted to leave as he wasnt happy and hadn’t been in years. He wants his own place so he can be alone with quite and just be by himself he said he needs it for his mental health. I told him that I love him and it’s not what I want but I will support him in every way, he’s still at home and is wanting to move out when he finds somewhere to live and our financial situation is sorted he also wants to decorate the house for me and my son before he leaves. I feel like he has been depressed for so long and was smoking cannabis for years which masked his feelings now I feel like my family has been broken and my heart. How do I keep strong for my son and myself. I want him to change his mind but he is every string willed.

Leave a Reply to Mrs. Good to Myself Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *