Laura Doyle

What it Really Means to Be a Good Wife

A Muslim, a Jew and a Christian all went to a workshop…and found that the concepts supported what they learned from their faith. I know it sounds like a joke, but one of the deeply moving things about teaching the principles of intimacy is that they are universal to women of all faiths and no faith. Today’s guest blog is from a Muslim woman who found surrendering to be an eye-opening experience.

I taught a four-week workshop on How to Have an Intimate, Passionate, Peaceful Relationship with your Man at a local mosque last year and I’ll be offering it again in September. For more information, go to www.wisewives.org. — Laura

I have been married for four and a half years. But I like to think that my marriage only really started two years ago after I learned to be a better wife to my husband who was slipping through my fingers.
My background in journalism helped me start this journey. I used my research skills to look into how to be a better wife after realizing that I had a lot to learn about marriage. Things I was never taught before I got married that I think are essentials in maintaining a happy home.

While doing my research I came across Laura’s book “The Surrendered Wife.” And shortly after reading it, along with other books, articles, studies, etc., I created a woman’s group called Wise Wives (www.wisewives.org) to spread the message to other women in my community. I then offered and took Laura’s four-week surrendering workshop with other members from my club.

This eye opening experience furthered my betterment in so many ways. Before implementing these new ideas I was controlling, criticizing, unloving, unappreciative, disrespectful… all the things that were destroying my relationship. But after “surrendering” I learned what it really means to be a good wife and in turn he became a great husband.

Surprisingly the concept of “surrendering” and everything that comes with it goes perfectly with ideals from my faith, Islam. A faith that teaches you to respect your husband, to be appreciative, to be modest in behavior, etc. I’ve learned to implement all these concepts and we are both better people for it.

It was amazing to see the automatic positive response from my husband. Simple actions I learned like saying “thank you” when he did the dishes, or saying “I’m sorry for being disrespectful” when I criticized his clothes or his way of fixing the garbage disposal, completely transformed him into a loving, more caring man.

It was also surprising to me to see how these small things made such a huge difference in the mind and heart of a man. I learned that men and women have different needs and how to fulfill them.

One of the most distinct changes I have made is to be non-controlling. After going on our “non-control date” as a homework assignment from Laura’s workshop, I’ve learned to literally let go and let him take the lead; whether its in our finances, his wardrobe choices, his driving, etc.

Speaking of driving. I realized that I used to be a nightmare! Possibly the most annoying passenger a husband can ask for. I would tell him to slow down, make turns (even when he knew which way to go), watch the car in front of us, to take the freeway instead of city streets, to buckle his seat belt, etc, etc. Now I’ve learned to not say every little thing that comes to my mind.

All and all, by implementing these ideals along with the ideals taught by my faith, I’ve come to realize that little tweaks here and there make a huge difference in a marriage.


1 Comment

  1. Thanks for the reminder. Completely agree. Compassion, care, patience, kindness, forgiveness, being careful of the words we speak, these are some of the ideals that Islam wants us to imbibe. What really striked me was the reason why marriage is considered half our faith is because it should challenge us to bring out the best in us. It presents us with opportunities to learn to be our best self.

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