Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach
A book called “The Surrendered Wife”? With a drawing of a woman in a bubble bath? No thank you.
At least that’s what I thought to myself a few years ago, as I browsed relationship books on Amazon.com, desperately trying to keep my end of the bargain my husband and I had entered into a few months before. That bargain came on the heels of an emotional re-commitment to one another after a few years of highs and lows. With two toddlers in tow, I had come to a point where I looked at my husband and wondered where the warm, romantic and loving man I had met 15 years before had gone. I saw this warmth with the people I loved, so I knew it was there…which made the pain of knowing that he was not directing it at me all the more raw, but it also gave me a glimpse of hope. Like that book I had seen on Amazon, and had quickly turned away from.
I had read several academic-type books that appealed to the clever girl in me. And they were great in offering me a lot of theory, but offered no practical steps for me to take, which is what I really needed. Yet, something kept pulling me back to Laura Doyle’s book with the hideous title that went against everything I had been raised not to be! I fought it; I talked myself out of it many times, thinking of former classmates and colleagues and friends and family…no, no, no. Too embarrassing. And I went back, browsed the book again, then read the comments and was piqued. I looked inside. And I very quietly bought it, thinking how embarrassing it was that someone in a big warehouse would connect that book to a stranger named Leticia Vasquez.
I devoured it in two nights and kept to Laura’s advice in Chapter 3 (which comes way to late…I almost spilled the beans in Chapter 1, I was so excited) about letting your husband notice it first. It took about one week for him to caress me like the old days and lovingly say, “Wow. I want to thank you for coming back. I wondered where the girl was that I had fallen in love with.” That was it. I could hear the clang and “We have a winner!” being announced.
Since reading the book and practicing the Intimacy Skills, my life has changed. Where there was once ice-cold silences and times where Godzilla made appearances for major house violations (like a poorly loaded dishwasher), now warmth and love reigns in this home. We now share a level of intimacy so strong and binding, so powerful and, yes, sometimes tear-provoking, that I have become an ardent believer in the power of being a Surrendered Wife. The power of being vulnerable. The power of self-care. The power of expressing gratitude. The power of making pure expressions of desire. And that power is exhilarating!
I discovered that learning a new way to communicate didn’t make me a Stepford Wife; instead, I became the best version of myself, as the lifetime lover and partner of my own wonderful partner. I still consider myself a feminist, but I also know that my husband and I have different needs that feed into one common goal: forming an awesome couple that is crazy about each other.
Laura and I want to help you have the same kind of intimacy, passion and peace in your relationship. To learn how, apply for a Discovery Session here.