Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach
Michigan, United States
Happy wife, and mother of five.
When I married at the age of 21 I thought everything would be happily ever after. Over the years and five children later (including triplets who are teenagers) my knight, my prince of a husband started looking more and more like a frog. Then one day I no longer dreamed that kissing the frog would ever turn him into a prince. So with little intimacy in or out of the bedroom I took my “frog” to marriage counseling, seminars and therapists. I gave him books to read (as gifts of course), and even had him tested for Aspergers. I was sure the first part of that word diagnosis fit I just needed professional confirmation.
I was stunned to find there was no medical malady causing my “frog” not to be my prince. Every time I looked, there he was, my “frog”. I could no longer stand the sight or the very breath this “frog” took. I asked him to leave. “Back to the pond with you,” I thought. I longed for the day prince charming would ride in and save me. I desired that to be my husband. I wanted my husband to bang the door down proclaiming his love for me. I wanted him to fight for me.
I waited and nothing happened–except I grew angrier by the day. How dare he not want his princessI My “frog” moved to his pond almost a mile away and lived in our camper. He seemed quite content which only added to my anger. My “frog” put his check into our bank account every week and spent very little on food for himself. He did not ask questions about money, or anything really.
He showed up almost nightly when my cat, (my best friend), was dying to help me administer I.V. fluids. In my mind I felt it was the least he owed me.
I had expectations a mile long. One example is I expected my husband to see the house was dirty and do something about it. I mean seriously how can you not know what to do when giant dust bunnies are chasing you. I expected him to know a vacuum cleaner is your weapon of choice when battling dust bunnies.
The exchange would go something like this. “Why don’t you help me around here? I am not the maid! I can’t believe that grabbing the vacuum never once crossed your mind. Seriously, what is it going to take for you to help me?” It came out as one sentence with no breath in a shrilly, loud kind of way. I never got the result I wanted. I wanted help with the housework. I only managed to push him away further which would escalate my telling him how he needed to help me.
I looked for divorce lawyers and no one was available to take my case. I had come to the end of myself after nine months of separation. Nothing was changing and I found my “frog” responsible for it all.
A counselor friend of mine told me about the book The Surrendered Wife. I thought, “Anything but THAT!” Well, I read through the book quickly and was stunned to find myself on every page, in every sentence. The only thing I could think of was, if what Laura wrote was true, I had a lot of work to do. Quite frankly I did not want to and realized this princess was acting more like a wicked stepmother.
For my children I signed up for coaching. Six weeks after applying the principles (through gritted teeth at first), my husband, my absolute amazing prince charming returned home to a princess who was learning how to respect and adore her amazing prince. Now I get to live happily ever after.
What does that look like you ask? Let me share a couple stories with you.
I was one week into applying the principles and had told my husband I could not do the finances anymore. After two weeks I was freaking out a bit about the finances so I headed to the bank with my safety deposit key in hand. I just wanted to see that there was something tangible to keep me financially safe.
After finding comfort in my safety deposit box I left the bank and drove across the street to buy gas. Guess who just happened to be in the area and came rushing up to my van window? Oh yeah, it was my husband. I was stunned. He said he saw me pull out of the bank and so he followed me to the gas station so he could see me and pump my gas. I mumbled something about looking at the safety deposit box and he happily pumped my gas and never said a word about my being at the bank. He left with a smile and I was embarrassed to say the least. That was the last time I went to the safety deposit box.
Later into surrendering my husband was on edge about the finances and I found myself asking him if he was ok, what can I do for you, all questions that I knew better than to ask but did anyway. Things became tense between us. I felt him pulling away. I apologized and was making sure my side of the street was clean. This went on for three weeks with him pulling away and me trying to be open and vulnerable but finding living this way to be difficult.
An opportunity came up for a girls’ weekend away in Chicago and I grabbed the opportunity for some great self-care. I did not hesitate to go and take care of myself. I left all the thoughts of, “how are the kids going to survive with him being so grumpy? What will they eat? How will he be when I get back?” I packed up and was off. Returning home that Sunday I was a little nervous about what I would find. My husband met me in the garage and gave me the biggest hug, smile, and kiss. He was so happy to see me and the sparkle was back in his eyes. I am thankful that I took the time to care for myself, which resulted in that awesome connection once again.
This princess relishes in self-care, relinquishing control, respecting my prince, receiving gifts graciously, being vulnerable, and expressing my gratitude daily. The royal treatment that ensues is my prince desires me, relieves me of stress, cherishes me, proves chivalry is not dead, protects me, trusts me, and is ever so devoted to me. You too can live happily ever after.
I am looking forward to connecting with you in our deep, powerful, eye-opening, one-on-one coaching.
“Michelle is an awesome coach! She is a great listener! I really felt like she took the time to help me through what I needed help with. I loved how she would always discover something I hadn’t thought about and she helped me see what I needed to focus on for creating a more intimate relationship with my husband!”
“I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your compassionate listening skills while coaching/mentoring me this past summer. My husband and I have experienced more intimacy, peace and joy than any time in our 22 years of marriage! Your encouragement made it possible for me to practice expressing my desires without expectation. Michelle, my life is blessed because of the professional, loving, compassionate support you provided during our calls. Thank you!!!”
Laura and I want to help you have the same kind of intimacy, passion and peace in your relationship. To learn how, apply for a Discovery Session here