Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach
It’s Never Too Late to Attract The Relationship You Desire!
“Is this all there is?” If you are asking yourself that question, you are where I was in January of 2015. Since then, I have discovered in myself the courage and humility to dive deep into the practices of the Six Intimacy Skills. Now I can emphatically answer that question: There is so much more! We can create the loving relationships we desire!
After 30 years of marriage and raising three children, I felt lonely and resentful most of the time. My kids had all grown and moved out of the house, and my husband was spending more nights playing poker and fewer nights with me. I passed the time watching TV most nights alone, wondering if this was all there was for me in this new stage of life.
Poker was my husband’s new love. I could count on one hand how many times we had been intimate in the past year.
I couldn’t understand what had happened. I gave him the best years of my life! I was devoted to raising our three children, helping to support our young family as a nurse, then working, for free, as my husband’s office manager for the past 15 years.
I envisioned he would be thanking me for my role in organizing his business and saving him from an early heart attack. Isn’t that what wives did? Take care of their husbands?
Now that the children were out of the house, I figured we should be rekindling our romance, traveling and ballroom dancing and rediscovering our love as we grew old together.
Instead I found myself chasing him with my calendar, trying to schedule “dates” since he seemed to be forgetting the importance of being intimate in our marriage. His personal calendar, which he kept in his car, showed the nights and weekends filled up with poker events.
I was so sad that he did not feel our marriage was a priority. To make matters worse, on the few occasions he relinquished his poker nights to be with me, I was overwrought with feelings that he was just doing it to shut me up.
My sadness quickly developed into resentment. The more I tried to fix our marriage, the more he ran, and the more alone and sad I felt. I thought maybe we were heading down the same path as my parents who experienced very similar circumstances during this same stage of life. I remember my mom full of resentment that my dad had checked out too. They were divorced after 40 years of marriage.
When I first read Laura’s book, I loved that she said we women have the power to set the culture of our relationship. In the beginning of my surrendered journey, I took that to mean I could change my husband’s behavior by changing my own and I was up to that challenge.
At first, I saw results after making small changes in my behavior, but I wanted even more because I wasn’t getting any younger! If this didn’t work, I envisioned divorce on the horizon, so I jumped into enrolling in Laura’s coach training program.
It was the best investment, both for taking responsibility for my happiness as well as creating the peace and intimacy in all my relationships, including my children. I feel blessed this opportunity came into my life when it did.
During the first 8 weeks of the coach training program, I discovered that sharing my feelings freely with other like-minded women helped me see how I contributed to my husband’s “missing-in-action” behavior. Having a group of ladies going through the same thing and supporting me through this journey has aided me in my transformation, helping me delve deeper into the skills Laura teaches.
The first skill that really resonated with me was self-care. Being given the green light to do self-care three times a day was like putting on an oxygen mask when you can’t breathe.
The burning in my belly dissipated and my view of my life was more positive. That was my springboard to being ready to receive all that I was to be given, now that I was “Goddess Sheila.” For me, it was the best self-help program out there to rediscover that girl inside me who just wanted to enjoy life.
After going through the programs, my husband and I are now dating again! Expressing my renewed gratitude of who he is for me, as well as receiving graciously every gift he offers, has rekindled the renewed feminine electricity I feel now when Mark touches me. I feel free to express myself with Mark. I find myself touching him without thinking about why. When I am my Goddess of Fun and Light my husband gets to show me his knight in shining armor, or what he likes to call my “God-Master,” and I get to receive, receive, receive. Mark now knows he is respected for who he is and is free to find lots of ways to contribute to my happiness.
He still plays poker but I don’t have to chase him with the calendar.
I no longer work at his office (my choice!) so he calls me from work to ask me out. I used to count how many times we were intimate by the year, but now, I count it by the week.
I believe my story is a testament: it is never too late to create something amazing and new. All it takes is the right tools–the Six Intimacy Skills–and a deep desire to commit to practicing them daily. I’ve learned that all I needed was to be willing to take a leap of faith and believe that you do have the power to transform your life and your relationships.
I now believe that any woman can have all that she wants, and more! Laura and I want to help you have the same kind of intimacy, passion and peace in your relationship. To learn how, apply for a Discovery Session here.