{"id":10612,"date":"2020-04-09T14:59:03","date_gmt":"2020-04-09T21:59:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=10612"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:08","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:08","slug":"coronavirus-affect-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"How Does Quarantine Affect Your Marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Some people say quarantining with your family because of COVID-19 can be a wonderful bonding time, but what if it just feels like daily drama and conflict?<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s adding stress when you\u2019re already anxious about Coronavirus, financial losses and adjusting your life to the new normal.<\/p>\n<p>Here are the mistakes that everyone seems to be making during quarantine that can lead to wall-to-wall hostility or a cold war, and the simple fixes that will help you restore the playfulness and passion at your house.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/#1_Not_Enough_Solitude\" title=\"Not Enough Solitude\">Not Enough Solitude<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/#2_You_Have_a_Negative_Spouse-Fulfilling_Prophecy\" title=\"You Have a Negative Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy\">You Have a Negative Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/#3_Youre_Being_Too_Helpful\" title=\"You\u2019re Being Too Helpful\">You\u2019re Being Too Helpful<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Not_Enough_Solitude\"><\/span>1. Not Enough Solitude<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019ve been asking yourself why you\u2019re so irritable or on edge, lack of solitude may be the sneaky culprit that\u2019s affecting your mood.<\/p>\n<p>Before quarantine you had time alone&#8211;maybe at work, on your commute, or when the kids were at school&#8211;and now you\u2019re together all the time.<\/p>\n<span class='bctt-click-to-tweet'><span class='bctt-ctt-text'><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D10612&#038;text=You%20still%20need%20solitude%20as%20part%20of%20your%20daily%20self-care.%20Without%20it%2C%20everybody%20you%20live%20with%20is%20going%20to%20get%20on%20your%20very%20last%20nerve%2C%20especially%20your%20spouse.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">You still need solitude as part of your daily self-care. Without it, everybody you live with is going to get on your very last nerve, especially your spouse. <\/a><\/span><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D10612&#038;text=You%20still%20need%20solitude%20as%20part%20of%20your%20daily%20self-care.%20Without%20it%2C%20everybody%20you%20live%20with%20is%20going%20to%20get%20on%20your%20very%20last%20nerve%2C%20especially%20your%20spouse.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank' class='bctt-ctt-btn'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n<p>You might be thinking it\u2019s impossible to have solitude during quarantine.<\/p>\n<p>It definitely requires some effort to put that structure in place, but it can be done.<\/p>\n<p>Bonnie, one of my students with young children, has established a two-hour mama break in the afternoon every single day.<\/p>\n<p>Every day!<\/p>\n<p>She is vigilant about having that time to herself and has trained everybody in the family that they can\u2019t ask for a snack or even a hug or anything else during those two hours. She uses the time to take a bath, a nap, to read or journal.<\/p>\n<p>She went from feeling ragged and irritable all the time to being the happy, smiling mom and wife she wants to be, all because she gives herself those two magical hours.<\/p>\n<p>If even the idea of taking a timeout makes you feel guilty, think of giving yourself daily solitude as a way of giving the gift of a loving partner and parent to your spouse and kids.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3258512604\"><p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Only happy people have happy relationships. If you\u2019re not making yourself happy, it can cause a lot of extra drama and Needless Emotional Turmoil.<\/p>\n<p>So you wanna ask yourself, how can you carve out some alone time every day as part of the new normal as a way of being a better spouse?<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-4185072229\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_You_Have_a_Negative_Spouse-Fulfilling_Prophecy\"><\/span>2. You Have a Negative Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Now that we\u2019re all so close all the time, your partner\u2019s flaws can seem really glaring, and it\u2019s only natural that you not only notice them but comment on them. So you might be saying to your spouse: \u201cYou are such a slob!\u201d Or \u201cYou\u2019re drinking too much!\u201d Or \u201cYou\u2019re wasting money!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is what humans do. I\u2019ve done it! But it didn\u2019t get me what I wanted. At all.<\/p>\n<p>What I was doing was reinforcing something about my husband that I didn\u2019t want to be experiencing. I was affirming the negative behavior&#8211;the one that was bugging me.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the simple fix: Since nobody\u2019s behavior is all black or white, you could decide to focus on what your partner is doing right.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you are married to a slob, but if you wait to catch him taking his plate to the sink you could say, \u201cYou\u2019re so good about cleaning up!\u201d Catching him doing something good and affirming that is one way to have a completely different experience.<\/p>\n<p>It might feel like a stretch, but so what? What you focus on increases. Why not choose your focus about your spouse intentionally to match what you prefer?<\/p>\n<p>My student Sage\u2019s husband drank too much, which had been a source of conflict for them for decades, even leading to a separation. Her unwitting Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy was \u201cYou drink too much.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She decided she had nothing to lose by trying a Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy experiment, so she looked for evidence that he was a moderate drinker&#8211;even though that felt like a stretch&#8211;so she could thank him for it.<\/p>\n<p>She found evidence that he didn\u2019t drink as much as some of their friends and that he never drank and drove, but she was nervous to say it to him.<\/p>\n<p>When she finally did, he looked at her like she finally got him. So she kept it up and now she says his drinking is no longer a problem.<\/p>\n<p>He even says about himself now, \u201cI only drink moderately.\u201d She was amazed to hear her words back to her and see him end his drinking early.<\/p>\n<p>If your man is drinking more to cope with quarantine&#8211;or engaging in any other negative behavior&#8211;you might want to create a positive Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy for him instead of a negative one.<\/p>\n<p>People tend to live up to your expectations for them, so why not experiment with expecting the best?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Youre_Being_Too_Helpful\"><\/span>3. You\u2019re Being Too Helpful<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Coronavirus is scary! There\u2019s disease and death in the news every day and financial insecurity from job loss everywhere.<\/p>\n<p>One of the ways that people cope with fear is by trying to control.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re spending so much time together. You\u2019re feeling anxious about everything. That\u2019s a recipe that could cause anybody to become controlling.<\/p>\n<p>The problem is, you don\u2019t feel like you\u2019re being controlling&#8211;you feel like you\u2019re being helpful.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re just telling your spouse how to cut an onion to help them do it better.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re just helping to remind them that they should eat more vegetables or take their vitamins so they\u2019ll be healthier and have better immunity to the virus.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re just advising them on how to talk to their boss to be supportive.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re just reminding them it\u2019s better to file for unemployment now than to procrastinate.<\/p>\n<p>So there you are being what you see as \u201chelpful\u201d then your partner is defensive and you can\u2019t understand why.<\/p>\n<p>Being \u201chelpful\u201d is just a euphemism for control, and nobody wants to feel controlled.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s an underlying criticism when you\u2019re telling your partner how to do something, like they don\u2019t know how to do it themselves or they won\u2019t do a good job.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s bound to cause some conflict when your partner thinks you\u2019re criticizing their abilities or judgment.<\/p>\n<p>The cheat phrase that you can rely on if you find yourself falling into this very common temptation to control is the phrase \u201cwhatever you think.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say your partner is talking out loud about whether they\u2019re going to do a home workout or go for a walk outside and you think they should stay inside. You can demonstrate that you trust them to make good decisions by saying \u201cWhatever you think.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You might be surprised at how well things turn out when you let him know you trust him.<\/p>\n<p>One of my students, Shelly, decided to kick her control habit when her husband was considering a new job opportunity. She had a history of advising him, or \u201chelping\u201d him decide, which had caused a lot of fights in the past.<\/p>\n<p>This time was different. He was telling her about how a headhunter had found him a job and she wanted to tell him it wasn\u2019t a good idea, but instead she decided just to listen.<\/p>\n<p>When he asked what she thought he should do, she said, \u201cWhatever you think,\u201d even though it was scary. She was amazed that after a few minutes of talking to her about it, he made the decision on his own to turn down the headhunter\u2019s job!<\/p>\n<p>No fighting. No tension. In fact, Shelly felt closer than ever to her husband and relieved of the burden of having to help him make a decision.<\/p>\n<p>Coronavirus can put stress on your marriage. It might even be causing a breakdown, but crisis and opportunity travel together.<\/p>\n<p>This could be the breakdown before the breakthrough in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>It might be the flashpoint that has you decide to study the 6 Intimacy Skills\u2122 and practice choosing your faith over your fear so you can stop feeling stressed, exhausted and lonely and start feeling desired, taken care of and special.<\/p>\n<p>A few months from now, you may look back and feel happy, accomplished and proud of how you used the time to create the very outcome you intended in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever challenges the recent events are bringing you, having a strong community of amazing women standing for your greatness will help you get through them while also being your best self.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some people say quarantining with your family because of COVID-19 can be a wonderful bonding time, but what if it just feels like daily drama and conflict? You\u2019re not alone. That\u2019s adding stress when you\u2019re already anxious about Coronavirus, financial losses and adjusting your life to the new normal. Here are the mistakes that everyone\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10617,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[714],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-10612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How Does Quarantine Affect Your Marriage? [COVID Lockdown]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Does Quarantine Affect Your Marriage? [COVID Lockdown]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Some people say quarantining with your family because of COVID-19 can be a wonderful bonding time, but what if it just feels like daily drama and conflict? You\u2019re not alone. That\u2019s adding stress when you\u2019re already anxious about Coronavirus, financial losses and adjusting your life to the new normal. Here are the mistakes that everyone\u2026 Read More &raquo;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-04-09T21:59:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:34:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/coronavirus-affect-marriage-1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"How Does Quarantine Affect Your Marriage?\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-04-09T21:59:03+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:34:08+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/\"},\"wordCount\":1441,\"commentCount\":5,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/coronavirus-affect-marriage-1.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Love &amp; Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/coronavirus-affect-marriage\/\",\"name\":\"How Does Quarantine Affect Your Marriage? 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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