{"id":10973,"date":"2020-07-02T17:20:26","date_gmt":"2020-07-03T00:20:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=10973"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:07","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:07","slug":"recovering-from-an-affair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/","title":{"rendered":"Recovering From an Affair: The Ultimate Guide to Healing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When you discover your partner\u2019s infidelity, a horrible sinking feeling washes over you&#8211;followed quickly by a wave of denial.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt can\u2019t be true!\u201d you try to reassure yourself, even as another wave of realization pummels you with the truth: <em>This is actually happening to you even though you never thought it would.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Being the victim of a cheating spouse is a heartbreaking sucker punch to the gut.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s also terrifying because if the person you trusted to be faithful to you isn\u2019t, that calls everything into question. What\u2019s the point of anything if the love and commitment you thought you had are a sham?<\/p>\n<p>Your happiness and hope are sucked out as though you\u2019ve crossed paths with a dementor from a Harry Potter book.<\/p>\n<p>Is there really hope that you\u2019ll ever stop feeling like a complete fool and feel desired, taken care of and special again?<\/p>\n<p>Of course there is. I\u2019ve seen it too many times to doubt it.<\/p>\n<p>But I get that it does NOT feel that way today.<\/p>\n<p>As hard as it is when you discover your partner\u2019s infidelity, there\u2019s plenty you can do to speed the healing process and come out with an even better marriage than before.<\/p>\n<p>Really!<\/p>\n<p>These six how-tos will help you come through this challenge with your dignity, your self-respect and a marriage that\u2019s stronger than ever.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/#1_How_to_Get_Relief_from_the_Pain_of_Infidelity_while_Keeping_Your_Dignity\" title=\"How to Get Relief from the Pain of Infidelity while Keeping Your Dignity\">How to Get Relief from the Pain of Infidelity while Keeping Your Dignity<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/#2_How_to_Speed_Up_the_Healing_from_Infidelity\" title=\"How to Speed Up the Healing from Infidelity\">How to Speed Up the Healing from Infidelity<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/#3_How_to_Get_Rid_of_the_Other_Woman\" title=\"How to Get Rid of the Other Woman\">How to Get Rid of the Other Woman<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/#4_How_to_Avoid_the_Worst_Myths_about_Surviving_Infidelity\" title=\"How to Avoid the Worst Myths about Surviving Infidelity\">How to Avoid the Worst Myths about Surviving Infidelity<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/#5_How_to_Get_a_Mentor_to_Help_You\" title=\"How to Get a Mentor to Help You\">How to Get a Mentor to Help You<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/#6_How_to_Have_Hope_for_Your_Future\" title=\"How to Have Hope for Your Future\">How to Have Hope for Your Future<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_How_to_Get_Relief_from_the_Pain_of_Infidelity_while_Keeping_Your_Dignity\"><\/span>1. How to Get Relief from the Pain of Infidelity while Keeping Your Dignity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10976\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-pain.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-pain.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-pain-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-pain-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-pain-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-pain-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-pain-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>As a mere mortal woman yourself, you probably want him to <em>hurt.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Of course you do! That\u2019s exactly what happens to humans when we\u2019re so mournfully wounded ourselves.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-850658535\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Your hurt and anger are valid, and they deserve their day in the sun.<\/p>\n<p>Start with the moping. Commit to moping all damn day and don\u2019t let anyone out-mope you.<\/p>\n<p>Next, give your anger its due. Throw things and scream\u2026but not at him.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not saying he doesn\u2019t deserve it. It\u2019s actually you I\u2019m thinking about here. It\u2019s your dignity I\u2019m wanting to protect.<\/p>\n<p>It has likely already taken some hits in this ordeal, and that\u2019s understandable.<\/p>\n<p>But the sooner you can stop saying things to him you might regret later&#8211;justified though they may be&#8211;the sooner you\u2019ll stop feeling the throbbing pain in your heart.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not saying you have to forgive or forget&#8211;not by a long shot.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just that when anger tinged with hurt and fear is in the driver\u2019s seat, you\u2019re likely to end up somewhere you never wanted to go.<\/p>\n<p>You could get there with an emotional hangover too. And for what?<\/p>\n<p>Catharsis! That\u2019s what.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re craving relief, which that dangerous conversation with him holds the promise to give you.<\/p>\n<p>Of course you deserve to be heard and seen! That\u2019s important.<\/p>\n<p>And you can get that elsewhere.<\/p>\n<p>You can talk to your mom or sister, bartender or AA sponsor, priest or rabbi, friend or relationship coach.<\/p>\n<p>The distinction between tending to your own emotional needs at this time and punishing him with harsh words is choosing your audience wisely.<\/p>\n<p>In my experience, my emotional well-being suffers when I indulge my desire for revenge by saying nasty things to someone I\u2019m furious with.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a hidden cost that took me years to recognize, but finally I\u2019m able to see how my toxic words just boomerang back to me immediately and painfully, spoiling any fleeting satisfaction from \u201cletting <em>him<\/em> have it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s been more satisfying and self-loving is getting what I really need&#8211;which is someone to witness my hurt, anger, shock and fear.<\/p>\n<p>If I bare my soul to someone who wasn\u2019t involved, I avoid temptation and get relief without all the unpleasant side effects of inflicting that punishment.<\/p>\n<p>Well, with the exception of one important caveat that I\u2019ll explain momentarily.<\/p>\n<p>These days I\u2019d rather take care of me and my emotional needs with a neutral party than indulge my (human but expensive) desire for revenge, which I now think of as the emotional equivalent of touching a hot stove.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1531732614\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_How_to_Speed_Up_the_Healing_from_Infidelity\"><\/span>2. How to Speed Up the Healing from Infidelity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10977\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-be-happy-after-an-affair.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-be-happy-after-an-affair.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-be-happy-after-an-affair-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-be-happy-after-an-affair-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-be-happy-after-an-affair-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-be-happy-after-an-affair-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-be-happy-after-an-affair-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Even if only 51% of you is leaning toward trying to save your marriage, you deserve a medal. Truly!<\/p>\n<p>It takes so much courage to do what you\u2019re doing. Many women will never find that courage.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re likely questioning whether it\u2019s worth it, whether your marriage can ever be shiny and happy again.<\/p>\n<p>You might be vacillating.<\/p>\n<p>One minute you fantasize that he\u2019ll come back begging for your forgiveness and telling you it was all his fault, and that he\u2019ll never, ever, ever do it again and that you were always the only one for him, so you can be reunited for good.<\/p>\n<p>The next minute, you envision dramatically telling him he\u2019s lost you forever and walking away for the last time. Imagine the look on his face!<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a good thing it\u2019s a woman\u2019s prerogative to change her mind, right?<\/p>\n<p>But here\u2019s something powerful you can do RIGHT NOW to affect the outcome of the crisis you\u2019re in: Decide what your intention is.<\/p>\n<p>Since you\u2019re reading this blog, it seems like your intention is to heal from this betrayal and fix your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m checking because another piece of the healing is to land on a decision, even if you completely change your mind again by 2:30.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10983\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-statistic.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"361\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-statistic.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-statistic-150x41.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-statistic-480x130.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-statistic-768x208.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-statistic-325x88.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-statistic-1024x277.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Just for this millisecond, what is your intention with your relationship? <em>Do you want to fix your marriage?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>It may feel safer to stay in the murky indecision, but it\u2019s actually prolonging your suffering. Indecision is painful. Mixed energy will keep you miserable. So one thing you can do today is\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Decide.<\/p>\n<p>Then you can decide again later, or tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>Just decide for right this minute.<\/p>\n<p>Why? Because when you decide, you stop being a victim.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to stay in this marriage.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to end this marriage.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s your decision. Doesn\u2019t that sound good right about now?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you don\u2019t feel like it\u2019s your decision because he\u2019s forcing your hand saying he\u2019s going to file for divorce or refusing to end the affair.<\/p>\n<p>But that\u2019s on his side of the street.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s on yours?<\/p>\n<p>How will you use your formidable influence?<\/p>\n<p>Only you can know what your decision is, and once you acknowledge that decision you become much more powerful.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_How_to_Get_Rid_of_the_Other_Woman\"><\/span>3. How to Get Rid of the Other Woman<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10978\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-lies.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-lies.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-lies-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-lies-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-lies-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-lies-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-lies-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Another thing you can do for faster healing of yourself and your marriage is to starve the other woman of oxygen. This is just a metaphor&#8211;I\u2019m not saying you should literally suffocate her (though I can see why you\u2019d want to).<\/p>\n<p>I know it\u2019s tempting to confront the other woman, to let her know what a homewrecker she is and what an idiot to date a married man, and that you\u2019re not blind to what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n<p>The illusion is that by checking on her on social media or his phone you\u2019ll know more about your safety and future prospects. That illusion is strong!<\/p>\n<p>But all of that works the opposite of how you want it to because what you focus on increases. You\u2019d be giving her oxygen in the form of your attention, your thoughts and your energy, which results in her growing more prominent in your life and your husband\u2019s life.<\/p>\n<p>But how can you ignore her when she seems to be the source of all the suffering you\u2019re enduring now?<\/p>\n<p>It takes some commitment for sure.<\/p>\n<p>But what if acting as if she didn\u2019t exist were the key to ending your own suffering?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what we see on our campus, where women commune to get the encouragement to choose their focus carefully so that they\u2019re having the experience they want to have&#8211;not the one they don\u2019t want.<\/p>\n<p>One of my coaches describes how her husband\u2019s mistress was her focus for years before she learned this truth and got the support to follow through with it. She was amazed that the woman completely disappeared from their lives shortly after that.<\/p>\n<p>If you want the other woman completely out of your lives, one powerful thing you can do is stop bringing her up yourself, even to yourself.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s just a distraction from your highest priority of making yourself happy, even if you don\u2019t feel like you\u2019ve got much to be happy about right now.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_How_to_Avoid_the_Worst_Myths_about_Surviving_Infidelity\"><\/span>4. How to Avoid the Worst Myths about Surviving Infidelity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10979\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-recovery.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-recovery.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-recovery-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-recovery-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-recovery-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-recovery-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/infidelity-recovery-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll hear advice that you have to stop talking to him.<\/p>\n<p>You might read that step one of recovering from an affair is that he has to end things with his affair partner. Until that happens, you\u2019re stuck waiting around&#8230;and it could be a while.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll see \u201cexpert\u201d advice that you should separate, kick him out, or even that you have to divorce! Or else you\u2019re not respecting yourself.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019ve watched thousands of students buck all that bad advice and make real, lasting change in their relationships that exceeded their own expectations.<\/p>\n<p>One woman waited six months following a therapist\u2019s advice that there could be no progress until her husband ended his affair, though she felt more powerless and hopeless with each passing month.<\/p>\n<p>When she decided to do what she could on her side of the street, using The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 and The Connection Framework, she saw incredible progress. Her husband turned toward her and away from his affair partner in just two months, and she regretted that she had wasted those six months.<\/p>\n<p>Wanting to keep your family intact doesn\u2019t make you a fool.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.health.harvard.edu\/blog\/the-health-advantages-of-marriage-2016113010667\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Research shows that being married improves your health<\/a>, your general well-being, your standard of living, your overall income, your resistance to disease and a reduction in alcohol and substance abuse.<\/p>\n<p>Married people have more and better sex than singles and are at lower risk of suicide.<\/p>\n<p>Even if it\u2019s just because you don\u2019t want to lose status or money or because of the kids, staying married after an affair is a big accomplishment.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve seen enough courageous, committed women fix their marriages after a betrayal to know that it takes more strength and wisdom to stay than it does to end your marriage.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_How_to_Get_a_Mentor_to_Help_You\"><\/span>5. How to Get a Mentor to Help You<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10980\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/affair-recovery-counseling.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/affair-recovery-counseling.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/affair-recovery-counseling-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/affair-recovery-counseling-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/affair-recovery-counseling-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/affair-recovery-counseling-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/affair-recovery-counseling-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Did you know there are women who have lived through an affair and made it to the other side with a happy, healthy marriage who are willing to show you exactly what they did to heal from the infidelity?<\/p>\n<p>Their whole job is to guide you, support you and stand for your greatness as you embark on the journey to your own happy, healthy marriage.<\/p>\n<p>These women are called Certified Relationship Coaches, and they are a rare and powerful breed.<\/p>\n<p>No one can identify with your situation quite like she can. And that empathy is something you definitely deserve right now.<\/p>\n<p>Remember I said there\u2019s a caveat about getting things off your chest with a third party like your friends, mom or sister?<\/p>\n<p>Telling the story again and again will help with your healing, but if you tell a friend or relative the terrible things he did to you, it will color their view of the man for a long time to come.<\/p>\n<p>People who love you want to protect you, and down the road they might think reminding you how awful he once was is a good way to do that.<\/p>\n<p>They might even tell you to leave him, even if that\u2019s not what you think is best for your family or for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why it\u2019s so valuable to have an audience who can empathize and also keep her eye on the ball of healing your marriage&#8211;if that\u2019s an option you want to keep open.<\/p>\n<p>Your relationship coach will do all of that.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t want to be alone with this, and you might not want to be relying on well-meaning friends, who may love you to bits but not have the wisdom and experience to advise you.<\/p>\n<p>Having a coach is the fastest way to heal an infidelity, which comes with so much urgency and pressure on you. You shouldn\u2019t have to be alone with that.<\/p>\n<p>A <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/marriage-relationship-coaching\/\">relationship coach<\/a> stands for your greatness and for your husband\u2019s (even if he doesn\u2019t deserve it right now!). She can help you find your inner wisdom, illustrate the trusty skills she\u2019s learned along the way, and point out blind spots that would otherwise impede your progress.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6_How_to_Have_Hope_for_Your_Future\"><\/span>6. How to Have Hope for Your Future<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10981\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/self-care-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/self-care-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/self-care-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/self-care-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/self-care-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/self-care-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/self-care-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>An overview of infidelity research from the Zur Institute found that most couples survive an affair rather than getting divorced and that most affairs don&#8217;t last beyond the falling-in-love phase and are short-term.<\/p>\n<p>So if it\u2019s your intention to stay married, the odds are in your favor, even if that\u2019s not what he\u2019s saying right now.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re the one he married in front of God and everybody. You\u2019re the one he has made a life with and likely has joint property or kids or cats with.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s just someone he has on the side.<\/p>\n<p>He can\u2019t marry her because he\u2019s already married to you. And that will start to bother her pretty soon. Especially if he\u2019s not leaving you. Especially if he\u2019s not divorcing you.<\/p>\n<p>She may get shrill about that, for one thing. And that tends to burst the infatuation bubble quickly. The grass doesn\u2019t seem so much greener anymore.<\/p>\n<p>We have a saying about it around here: \u201cA wife with The Connection Framework trumps a mistress every day of the week and twice on Sundays.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve come to think of affairs as the breakdown before the breakthrough.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10982\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/hopeless-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/hopeless-relationship.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/hopeless-relationship-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/hopeless-relationship-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/hopeless-relationship-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/hopeless-relationship-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/hopeless-relationship-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s an intense pain that\u2019s bringing your attention to this part of your life, the part that\u2019s on fire.<\/p>\n<p>When you bring your focus to your relationship and more importantly, to your own self-discovery as a result of this crisis, magical things can result.<\/p>\n<p>One of my coaches was describing such a miracle recently when she shared about a student who did get divorced and then wrote months later to let her coach know that they had remarried and were happier than ever. This client talked about how she had learned so much about herself and was a happier person overall.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the kind of thing we witness around here a lot, and it never gets old. It always gives us chills and cause for celebration.<\/p>\n<p>If that can happen for her and for thousands of other students on our campus, why not you too?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you discover your partner\u2019s infidelity, a horrible sinking feeling washes over you&#8211;followed quickly by a wave of denial. \u201cIt can\u2019t be true!\u201d you try to reassure yourself, even as another wave of realization pummels you with the truth: This is actually happening to you even though you never thought it would. Being the victim\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/recovering-from-an-affair\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10985,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[713],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-10973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Recovering From an Affair [Ultimate Guide to Healing]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"6 powerful ways to stop the pain, keep your dignity and restore hope when recovering from an affair.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, 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