{"id":11838,"date":"2021-01-11T13:48:17","date_gmt":"2021-01-11T21:48:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=11838"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:06","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:06","slug":"my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-matter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-matter\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Treats Me like I Don&#8217;t Matter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re wondering what the signs are that your husband doesn\u2019t love you, then you\u2019ve probably already been seeing them.\u00a0 He\u2019s distant and cold, more interested in his phone or the TV than spending time with you.<\/p>\n<p>Or your husband disrespects you, speaking harshly and criticizing your parenting or housekeeping.<\/p>\n<p>Either way, it\u2019s so angering and hurtful.\u00a0 You\u2019re probably wondering if there\u2019s any hope for having the kind of relationship you deserve or if you just married the wrong man.<\/p>\n<p>Here are four tips to inspire love so you can get your husband\u2019s attention and fix your marriage for good.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-matter\/#1_Get_the_Right_Communication_Tools\" title=\"Get the Right Communication Tools\">Get the Right Communication Tools<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-matter\/#2_Step_into_Your_Power\" title=\"Step into Your Power\">Step into Your Power<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-matter\/#3_Work_On_the_Right_Things\" title=\"Work On the Right Things\">Work On the Right Things<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-matter\/#4_Turn_Up_the_Gender_Contrast\" title=\"Turn Up the Gender Contrast\">Turn Up the Gender Contrast<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Get_the_Right_Communication_Tools\"><\/span>1. Get the Right Communication Tools<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-11834\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/criticizing-husband.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/criticizing-husband.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/criticizing-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/criticizing-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/criticizing-husband-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/criticizing-husband-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/criticizing-husband-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re feeling hurt, it\u2019s easy to say things like \u201cYou treat me like I don\u2019t exist!\u201d or \u201cYou never call because you don\u2019t care about me\u201d or \u201cYou don\u2019t even make an effort to change.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re just calling it like it is, doing your best to express your feelings and needs.\u00a0 When all else has failed, how else are you supposed to wake him up?\u00a0\u00a0The problem is that such constructive criticism is, well, critical.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve tried this approach, then you already know all too well that it doesn\u2019t get you very far in restoring the connection you want.\u00a0 On the contrary, criticizing him is disrespectful.<\/p>\n<p>For men, respect is like oxygen, so there\u2019s no surer way to suck the oxygen out of your relationship than to criticize or control, dismiss or demean him.\u00a0 (And kill your sex life in the process since the biggest aphrodisiac for men is&#8211;you guessed it&#8211;respect!)<\/p>\n<p>Conventional wisdom dictates using \u201cI\u201d statements like \u201cI get anxious when I don\u2019t hear from you\u201d or \u201cI would really appreciate it if you could spend some time with the kids for two hours every evening so that I could have some time to myself\u201d or \u201cI feel sad when we don\u2019t communicate.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But is that really better?\u00a0 Using the word \u201cyou\u201d and even \u201cwe\u201d is venturing onto his side of the street.\u00a0 Even if you manage to avoid conveying the implicit criticism <i>You\u2019re not communicating with me<\/i>, hanging out on his side of the street puts you in control-land, which is another form of disrespect.<\/p>\n<p>Once your eyes are open to how sneaky disrespect can be, what are you supposed to do instead?<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re lonely for his time, attention, or affection, try these three magic words: \u201cI miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My student Charlene was stressed about her husband sleeping on the sofa.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t sleep with the tension in the air, so she went out there and started to point out the error of his ways.\u00a0 Then she caught herself.\u00a0 She knew that disrespect wasn\u2019t very attractive, so she used another magic phrase to clean it up: \u201cI apologize for being disrespectful when I\u2026\u201d and filled in the blank with how she\u2019s criticized him.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-1145216323\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Now that her side of the street was clean, she vulnerably showed her softer side by saying what she really meant, which was simply \u201cI miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He got in bed with her ten minutes later.\u00a0 True story.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-4094952348\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Step_into_Your_Power\"><\/span>2. Step into Your Power<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-11833\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/change-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/change-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/change-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/change-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/change-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/change-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/change-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Your man\u2019s shortcomings, his part in the breakdown of your marriage, and the changes he needs to make are probably crystal clear.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s so frustrating and discouraging when you\u2019re trying to get him to change and he just won\u2019t.\u00a0 It\u2019s not very empowering either.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because you cannot change anyone but yourself.\u00a0 With no control over him making any changes, you become the victim.<\/p>\n<p>But you\u2019re no victim.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, you hold all the power.\u00a0 As a woman, you are the keeper of your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>You have the power to change the culture of your marriage single handedly, without his conscious knowledge or effort.<\/p>\n<p>It takes a lot of courage to let the change originate in you.\u00a0 It means looking at your part in those very areas where he\u2019s falling short even though they seem like all his fault.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re feeling disrespected, how are <i>you <\/i>doing when it comes to showing respect?\u00a0 If you\u2019re feeling unappreciated, how are <i>you<\/i> doing when it comes to expressing appreciation?<\/p>\n<p>And what does your husband see when he looks into his wife mirror?\u00a0 If a painful self-image is reflected back to him in your eyes, he\u2019ll stop looking.\u00a0 What I see all too often is that he starts looking elsewhere to get the reflection he once got from you, back when you saw the best in him.<\/p>\n<p>Try embarking on a smile campaign.\u00a0 When he walks into the room, light up.\u00a0 Instead of the typical \u201cHow was your day?\u201d or \u201cWhat do you want for dinner?\u201d (\u201cyou\u201d questions back on his side of the street), how about saying how happy you are to see him?<\/p>\n<p>Chances are, he\u2019ll want to spend more time with such a shiny wife mirror!<\/p>\n<p>And he\u2019ll want to share more with you too.\u00a0 Haven\u2019t you always wanted him to open up to you?\u00a0 The more you just listen without contradicting or advising, the more he\u2019ll want to.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Work_On_the_Right_Things\"><\/span>3. Work On the Right Things<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-11832\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/sel-care-in-relationships.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/sel-care-in-relationships.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/sel-care-in-relationships-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/sel-care-in-relationships-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/sel-care-in-relationships-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/sel-care-in-relationships-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/sel-care-in-relationships-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I know, I know.\u00a0 It\u2019s kinda hard to light up when you\u2019re exhausted or overwhelmed working, shuttling kids around, getting dinner on the table, dreading the mountain of dirty laundry, and worrying about your marriage on top of it all.<\/p>\n<p>You might think I\u2019m asking you to become a Stepford Wife.<\/p>\n<p>Absolutely not!\u00a0 I\u2019m inviting you to be 100% authentic.<\/p>\n<p>Here are two key questions for honoring yourself: <i>How do you feel <\/i>and <i>what do you want?<\/i><\/p>\n<p>The answer may be as simple as \u201cI feel tired.\u00a0 I want a nap.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s amazing how things can turn around after a thirty-minute lie down.\u00a0 After some sorely needed \u201cMe Time\u201d, all may look right with the world again.\u00a0 Your husband isn\u2019t so annoying anymore.\u00a0 Maybe he has even cleaned up while you got out of the way.<\/p>\n<p>Self-care is like pixie dust, and it\u2019s the indispensable first step to intimacy.<\/p>\n<p>What would you do if only you had the time?\u00a0 What did you used to do for fun back when you attracted him?<\/p>\n<p>The more frivolous, the better.\u00a0 Take a cooking class, kick your feet up and read instead of doing those dishes, go on that wine tasting day trip with your friends.<\/p>\n<p>If you feel guilty, do it anyway!<\/p>\n<p>If not for yourself, do it for your relationship.\u00a0 Filling your self-care tank increases your magnetism and makes you an irresistible Girl of Fun and Light.<\/p>\n<p>And there\u2019s no surer way to rekindle the spark.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Turn_Up_the_Gender_Contrast\"><\/span>4. Turn Up the Gender Contrast<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-11831\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/express-gratitude.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/express-gratitude.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/express-gratitude-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/express-gratitude-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/express-gratitude-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/express-gratitude-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/express-gratitude-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s one more piece of conventional \u201cwisdom\u201d to ignore: date night!<\/p>\n<p>Does adding that to the list of chores, right between scrubbing the toilets and cleaning the garage, really inspire romance?<\/p>\n<p>If you really want to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you\/\">get the romance back<\/a>, try dialing up the gender contrast instead.\u00a0 One way to increase your femininity (and his masculinity) is becoming more receptive.\u00a0 If he does the dishes, it may be tempting to say \u201cNow how about wiping the counters?\u201d (like I used to).<\/p>\n<p>Instead, receive graciously.\u00a0 Even if he loaded the dishwasher wrong.\u00a0 Even if he did only a few.<\/p>\n<p>Want the magic phrase for receiving?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThank you.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s it!<\/p>\n<p>When you focus on receiving, all sorts of things will start coming your way&#8211;to the point that you might feel guilty receiving them all.\u00a0 If your husband has already taken care of the kids\u2019 bath time and bedtime, gives you a massage while watching a movie with you, then offers to get up early so you can sleep in (yes, this is a real-life example), it might be too much to take.<\/p>\n<p>I invite you to receive graciously anyway.\u00a0 As he sees you being so pleasable, he\u2019ll want to do even more to make you happy.\u00a0 As you express your gratitude so freely, he\u2019ll express more appreciation for you.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s to having the power to change the culture in your marriage!<\/p>\n<p>How will you use it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re wondering what the signs are that your husband doesn\u2019t love you, then you\u2019ve probably already been seeing them.\u00a0 He\u2019s distant and cold, more interested in his phone or the TV than spending time with you. Or your husband disrespects you, speaking harshly and criticizing your parenting or housekeeping. Either way, it\u2019s so angering\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-matter\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11835,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[379,187,377,380,378],"app":[],"class_list":["post-11838","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy","tag-he-treats-me-like-i-dont-exist","tag-how-can-i-change-my-marriage","tag-my-husband-treats-me-bad","tag-my-husband-treats-me-like-i-dont-exist","tag-my-marriage-needs-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Treats Me like I Don&#039;t Matter [Here\u2019s what to do]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Does your husband treat you like you don\u2019t matter? 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