{"id":12679,"date":"2021-04-07T08:00:51","date_gmt":"2021-04-07T15:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=12679"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:05","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:05","slug":"my-husband-is-always-angry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-always-angry\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Is Always Angry"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband keeps getting angry, you are not alone.<\/p>\n<p>When he blows a fuse at you or the kids, it can be really hurtful and scary.\u00a0 When it happens again and again, then it has a way of making you angry too.\u00a0 Especially if he jumps down your throat at the smallest things, like how you stock the groceries!<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s baffling when you\u2019re doing him kindnesses like making his coffee or having his dinner ready night after night.\u00a0 If you\u2019re doing everything you can think of to be a good wife and still getting the cold shoulder, it is downright disheartening.<\/p>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12685\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/being-a-good-wife.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/being-a-good-wife.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/being-a-good-wife-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/being-a-good-wife-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/being-a-good-wife-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/being-a-good-wife-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/being-a-good-wife-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>He wouldn\u2019t even treat the dog this way!<\/p>\n<p>So what to do if your man is always angry and negative?\u00a0 How do you deal with a rude husband?<\/p>\n<p>Here are four proven ways to turn a rageaholic into a respectful spouse.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-always-angry\/#1_Rewind_the_Tape_to_See_What_Happened_Just_Before_the_Rage_Started\" title=\" Rewind the Tape to See What Happened Just Before the Rage Started\"> Rewind the Tape to See What Happened Just Before the Rage Started<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-always-angry\/#2_Disarm_His_Anger_with_These_Magic_Words\" title=\" Disarm His Anger with These Magic Words\"> Disarm His Anger with These Magic Words<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-always-angry\/#3_Do_Not_Try_to_Fix_Him\" title=\" Do Not Try to \u201cFix\u201d Him\"> Do Not Try to \u201cFix\u201d Him<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-always-angry\/#4_Know_When_to_Step_Away\" title=\" Know When to Step Away\"> Know When to Step Away<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Rewind_the_Tape_to_See_What_Happened_Just_Before_the_Rage_Started\"><\/span>1) Rewind the Tape to See What Happened Just Before the Rage Started<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12684\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/relinquishing-control.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/relinquishing-control.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/relinquishing-control-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/relinquishing-control-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/relinquishing-control-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/relinquishing-control-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/relinquishing-control-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>This sounds crazy because <i>he\u2019s<\/i> the one who\u2019s behaving badly and being mean, but\u2026 his reactions could be\u00a0 an opportunity to look at your side of the street to see whether anything needs cleaning up.<\/p>\n<p>His anger might be 95% of the problem, and that\u2019s easy to focus on. But it\u2019s a rare, wise woman who can also ask herself, \u201cDid I do or say anything that wasn\u2019t so great?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When Ana\u2019s husband kept getting annoyed with her day after day, it was as if she couldn\u2019t do anything right.\u00a0 She felt completely disrespected, which is when she decided to take a look at how <i>she <\/i>was doing showing respect.<\/p>\n<p>Hmm, this all started after she offered to call the exterminator.\u00a0 Sounds harmless enough, even helpful, but Ana knew that \u201chelpful\u201d in wife language meant \u201ccontrolling\u201d in husband language.\u00a0 She was afraid that their Airbnb guests would have unexpected pest visitors and she would be humiliated online.<\/p>\n<p>As usual, fear lay beneath her urge to control.\u00a0 Sure enough, she was trying to control her husband to take care of the problem before they left town.<\/p>\n<p>Granted, this seemed like a very small transgression to Ana, and it might to you too, but check out what happened when she decided to clean up her side of the street by saying, \u201cI apologize for being disrespectful when I tried to control how you handled the pest situation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The tone in her house immediately improved.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3344710712\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Her husband thanked her for all she\u2019d been doing to prepare for their trip and insisted she go relax and get her nails done.\u00a0 The new tone of mutual respect and gratitude carried into their long drive, where he couldn\u2019t do enough to please her.\u00a0 Even with two little ones in tow, it turned out to be a romantic road trip!<\/p>\n<p>Is there something on your side that you\u2019re not super proud of saying or doing?\u00a0 If so, how might you own your mistakes?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe he\u2019s nitpicking an improperly ironed shirt when, in reality, he\u2019s annoyed at how you keep getting into his closet.\u00a0 (Our \u201chelpfulness\u201d can wear so many guises!\u00a0 Check out this podcast for fourteen other <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/031-15-signs-youre-not-controlling\/\">forms of control<\/a>.)\u00a0 Clean up your part&#8211;figuratively and literally&#8211;and respect his space.<\/p>\n<p>If, on the other hand, you inspect your side of the street and it\u2019s clean, then leave his mess on his side.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t found any value in apologizing just to make nice.\u00a0 The magic only happens when I\u2019m truly accountable for the part where I wasn\u2019t at my best.<\/p>\n<p>His rage is not your fault.\u00a0 His bad behavior is squarely on his paper. Even if you did something to irritate him, that doesn\u2019t make it okay to hurl curse words and insults at you.<\/p>\n<p>There could be another source for his anger, such as problems at work or with the in-laws.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s tempting to ask questions like \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d or \u201cDid I do something?\u201d\u00a0 Prodding him for what\u2019s wrong with <i>him <\/i>or whether you upset <i>him <\/i>are back on his side of the street.\u00a0 And that\u2019s back in control territory.<\/p>\n<p>Relinquishing control of his moods and staying on your side of the street, on the other hand, is a totally respectful thing to do.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m reminded of the serenity prayer asking for the serenity to accept the things we cannot change (his anger) and the courage to change the things we can (our response).<\/p>\n<p>You are a shiny wife mirror.\u00a0 As you flourish your powers of respect, he will come around and start reflecting you by showing you the respect you deserve.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-287093223\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Disarm_His_Anger_with_These_Magic_Words\"><\/span>2) Disarm His Anger with These Magic Words<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12683\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/stay-calm-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/stay-calm-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/stay-calm-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/stay-calm-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/stay-calm-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/stay-calm-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/stay-calm-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s also tempting to have emotional check-ins or encourage him to get therapy.\u00a0 All \u201chelpful\u201d and (yup, you guessed it) controlling and therefore disrespectful.<\/p>\n<p>Even pouring on empathy for what he\u2019s going through can land askew.<\/p>\n<p>Does he look at you funny&#8211;or not at all&#8211;when you validate, \u201cThat sounds really hard!\u00a0 I can only imagine how stressful.\u00a0 I would be so frustrated by what you\u2019re going through.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I find that\u2019s because feelings tend to be one of women\u2019s superpowers.\u00a0 Such validation feels great to us.\u00a0 For men, a mere \u201cThat sucks\u201d tends to do it.<\/p>\n<p>So, if you\u2019re wanting to respect male culture, here\u2019s the secret to making it safe for him to want to open up and share with you&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Listening without interrupting.<\/p>\n<p>What I\u2019m proposing here is easier said than done, but what if you didn\u2019t reciprocate or react to his mood bait at all?\u00a0 Remaining neutral can dampen his emotional intensity.\u00a0 In time, he will calm down and mirror your reactions (or lack thereof).<\/p>\n<p>Here are three little words to empower you to listen respectfully: \u201cI hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What a relief when he knows you\u2019re a safe harbor for him, that with you he doesn\u2019t have to suck it up and \u201cbe a man,\u201d especially since those pent-up emotions can snowball into uncontrollable outbursts.<\/p>\n<p>If you want to go all out with this listening experiment, try just letting him talk while you practice that phrase for a full hour.<\/p>\n<p>Easier said than done, I know!\u00a0 Most women report that after dealing with the discomfort of stretching outside their comfort zone, however, it\u2019s a relief not to have to problem solve, offer advice or fix anything for him.\u00a0 And a joy when he steps up and takes the initiative to solve those problems himself (and the initiative to do more things for you too)!<\/p>\n<p>There is one key exception: No need to say \u201cI hear you\u201d if he says something hurtful to you.<\/p>\n<p>You are nobody\u2019s doormat or whipping post.<\/p>\n<p>If he calls you names or curses at you, simply saying \u201cOuch!\u201d and leaving the room is a powerful way to express your hurt in a dignified way.<\/p>\n<p>When you have such a vulnerable, respectful way to give him the space to see that he has hurt the woman he loves, he\u2019s way less likely to do it again next time.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Do_Not_Try_to_Fix_Him\"><\/span>3) Do Not Try to \u201cFix\u201d Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12682\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/compliment-husband.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/compliment-husband.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/compliment-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/compliment-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/compliment-husband-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/compliment-husband-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/compliment-husband-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re been dealing with his outbursts for a while now, it\u2019s easy to catch him doing something wrong.<\/p>\n<p>The problem is: <i>You are a powerful manifestor<\/i>.<\/p>\n<p>What you focus on increases.\u00a0 That\u2019s why every time you bring up this problem, even in an attempt to solve it, it magnifies and gets even worse.<\/p>\n<p>What if you tried something different, like catching him doing something good?\u00a0 If he expresses himself in a connecting way, let him know how happy he has just made you.\u00a0 A little gratitude goes a long way.<\/p>\n<p>This is different from being his cheerleader.\u00a0 Trying to make him feel better through desperate encouragement or saying \u201cIt could be worse\u2026\u201d or \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just\u2026\u201d oozes control, and men chafe at being controlled.<\/p>\n<p>Even gently offering support by saying something like \u201cIs there anything I can do to take the stress off your plate?\u201d is being \u201chelpful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHelpfully\u201d observing that he\u2019s been getting angry a lot lately is likewise disrespectful, which actually creates even more distance.<\/p>\n<p>That is, unless it\u2019s from a place of \u201cThat\u2019s not like you!\u201d\u00a0 Expecting the best outcome is super respectul.<\/p>\n<p>Saying that would probably feel like a big fat lie.\u00a0 Is it any more of a lie than telling yourself he\u2019s <i>always<\/i> angry?<\/p>\n<p>What difference does it make what you tell yourself (or him)?\u00a0 Again, what you focus on increases.<\/p>\n<p>When Tanya\u2019s husband lost his temper yet again, she changed the dance by responding, \u201cThat\u2019s not like you to lose your temper.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This was a huge stretch since what she normally told him was \u201cYou always lose your temper!\u201d\u00a0 Sure enough, her husband gave her a funny look when she voiced her new affirmation, and even their 12-year-old son said, \u201cYes it is, Mom! He always loses his temper.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Not long after, the husband was fuming at a restaurant\u2019s slow service: \u201cI have a good mind to call the manager over and let him know how long we\u2019ve been waiting!\u201d\u00a0 Then, he stopped himself and said, \u201cThat\u2019s not like me to lose my temper, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Tanya had not only shifted her own view of her husband but even how he saw himself!<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Know_When_to_Step_Away\"><\/span>4) Know When to Step Away<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12681\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/fight-for-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/fight-for-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/fight-for-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/fight-for-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/fight-for-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/fight-for-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/fight-for-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s normal for negativity to affect your well-being at times.\u00a0 Sometimes you just need a timeout.\u00a0 There\u2019s no shame in removing yourself from the situation.\u00a0 Rather, you\u2019re choosing intimacy by removing yourself from the bait so you won\u2019t bite.<\/p>\n<p>This is a perfect opportunity to take some time to do the things you love.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it\u2019s going for a long walk while letting it all out with a supportive friend&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Not the family member who loves you so fiercely she\u2019ll never forgive him for treating you that way, even after he becomes his best self and you\u2019re ready to move past this chapter.<\/p>\n<p>Not the friend who tells you what a jerk he is and that you deserve better.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to find advocates for divorce.\u00a0 They\u2019re well-meaning but may not have the tools for their own relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Hopefully you can confide in the rare bestie who\u2019s a great listener and still stands for the marriage you want, maybe even steering the conversation to why you want to fight for it.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Or, if you\u2019re one of the many women who don\u2019t have that, check out my <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rm4o\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">FREE Roadmap<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> so you do not have to be alone with this.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>If your husband is a rageaholic, you might think all of this sounds too good to be true and maybe it won\u2019t work for you.\u00a0 But when women on our campus find the courage to experiment even when they think it\u2019s completely hopeless, to paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen&#8211;they happen all the time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband keeps getting angry, you are not alone. When he blows a fuse at you or the kids, it can be really hurtful and scary.\u00a0 When it happens again and again, then it has a way of making you angry too.\u00a0 Especially if he jumps down your throat at the smallest things, like\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-always-angry\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12680,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[708],"tags":[484,485,481,486,487,482,480,483],"app":[],"class_list":["post-12679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-annoyed","tag-my-husband-gets-annoyed-easily","tag-my-husband-gets-mad-all-the-time","tag-my-husband-has-a-bad-behavior","tag-my-husband-insults-me-all-the-time","tag-my-husband-is-a-rageaholic","tag-my-husband-is-always-angry","tag-nitpicking"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Is Always Angry [4 Proven Secrets that Help!]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is your husband always angry no matter what you do? 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