{"id":12750,"date":"2021-05-04T12:36:23","date_gmt":"2021-05-04T19:36:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=12750"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:04","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:04","slug":"my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband makes you feel bad about yourself, it\u2019s so hurtful.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve had to hear the worst things a husband can say to his wife.\u00a0 That is no fun.\u00a0 It\u2019s not right either&#8211;you should not be treated like you don\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n<p>If he then turns everything around on you, as if it\u2019s all your fault, it can make your head spin.\u00a0 That\u2019s enough to make anyone feel hopeless.<\/p>\n<p>Especially if you\u2019re doing all the work to try to make things better but he makes no effort to change, as if he were God\u2019s gift to the universe, perfect exactly as he is.\u00a0 And, without two to tango, how is anything ever supposed to get better?<\/p>\n<p>No matter how hopeless things may seem right now, the good news is that you can get the respect you deserve.\u00a0 You probably just haven\u2019t been shown how.<\/p>\n<p>Here are four essential hacks to get him to own his mistakes&#8211;no begging required.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong\/#1_Bring_Down_His_Defenses\" title=\" Bring Down His Defenses\"> Bring Down His Defenses<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong\/#2_Call_a_Truce_in_the_Blame_Game\" title=\" Call a Truce in the Blame Game\"> Call a Truce in the Blame Game<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong\/#3_Rewrite_Your_Story\" title=\" Rewrite Your Story\"> Rewrite Your Story<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong\/#4_Build_Your_Self-Esteem\" title=\" Build Your Self-Esteem\"> Build Your Self-Esteem<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Bring_Down_His_Defenses\"><\/span><b>1) Bring Down His Defenses<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12761\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/vulnerability-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/vulnerability-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/vulnerability-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/vulnerability-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/vulnerability-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/vulnerability-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/vulnerability-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Kristen\u2019s husband went off the rails complaining about her messy car and criticizing her for letting their children trash it.<\/p>\n<p>She was tempted to defend herself and rail right back, \u201cDon\u2019t you think I want a clean car too?!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Instead, she responded with just one word: \u201cOuch.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo, seriously,\u201d her husband retorted, now criticizing her vulnerability too.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOuch two,\u201d she replied, holding up two fingers cutely.<\/p>\n<p>This took not only vulnerability but a lot of courage given that her husband had made it clear he did not like this whole \u201cOuch\u201d thing.<\/p>\n<p>Nonetheless, to Kristen\u2019s amazement, intimacy was restored immediately.\u00a0 He softened and let out a little laugh.\u00a0 He then proceeded to have a talk with the kids&#8211;and clean the car himself.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3545049010\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Even beneath his supposed criticism, it was clear how important it was to him that his wife get to drive the nice, clean car he had bought her!\u00a0 This is a heart message she likely would not have heard had she RSVPd <i>yes<\/i> to the argument.<\/p>\n<p>Next time you receive an invitation to a fight, how would the dynamic change if you expressed your hurt with a simple \u201cOuch\u201d and left the room?<\/p>\n<p>Showing up so dignified and respectful yourself&#8211;and giving him the space to see that he has just hurt the woman he loves, without his being on the defense&#8211;is a powerful combination to inspire him to see his part.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3243119832\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Call_a_Truce_in_the_Blame_Game\"><\/span><b>2) Call a Truce in the Blame Game<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12762\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/respect-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/respect-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/respect-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/respect-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/respect-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/respect-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/respect-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Maintaining your dignity and respect is easier said than done when he knows exactly how to push your buttons, especially when you\u2019re unfairly blamed for something and he refuses to take any responsibility.<\/p>\n<p>I figured I could remedy that by pointing out the error of my husband\u2019s ways, but somehow this never made him want to be the better man I was hoping for.\u00a0 My criticism was clearly not inspiring, which makes sense since being criticized does not motivate me to change either.<\/p>\n<p>Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?\u00a0 If you\u2019re anything like I was, the answer is <i>both!\u00a0 <\/i>I was all about keeping score and figuring out who was at fault.\u00a0 Especially during a heated argument, I couldn\u2019t resist getting out my scorecard, pointing out who had left the dishes unwashed and forgotten to pay the bills.<\/p>\n<p>The problem with my scorecard was that it meant there would be a winner and a loser.\u00a0 I was convinced he was the loser, but somehow I kept losing out on the peace and passion I craved.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re reading this, chances are you\u2019re ready for a new gameplan.<\/p>\n<p>Tamara knew she needed a new one when her man left her.\u00a0 As devastated as she was, she saw her part in the breakdown and realized she had some cleaning up to do.\u00a0 She decided to experiment with the phrase \u201cI apologize for being disrespectful when I\u2026,\u201d filling in the blank with ways she had criticized or controlled, dismissed or demeaned him.<\/p>\n<p>Restoring respect pumped the oxygen back into her dying relationship.\u00a0 He started helping her with whatever she needed around the house, serving her tea, opening up to her, complimenting her, rubbing lotion on her back, giggling and flirting with her.<\/p>\n<p>Even when they had a conflict about the lawyer and he broke his plans to come over, accusing her of refusing to sign even though she had agreed to, he came over after all.\u00a0 Unfortunately, he ended up flying into a rage at not being able to print the agreement and left in a huff.<\/p>\n<p>Tamara somehow managed to stay respectful throughout all this bait.\u00a0 She went for a walk to clear her head.<\/p>\n<p>She was so touched when he then texted her a long apology.<\/p>\n<p>She planned to respond when she got home, but he couldn\u2019t wait.\u00a0 Thirty minutes later, he called.\u00a0 That alone was outside the norm.\u00a0 But what really blew her mind came next.<\/p>\n<p>He apologized for blaming her and said, \u201cI want to be respectful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He had never said that before.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re ready for mutual respect and accountability, why not think big picture?\u00a0 Instead of dissecting whose fault it is, how would things change if you focused on your side of the street?\u00a0 Even if that meant apologizing for only a small comment you made that contributed to the melee?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Rewrite_Your_Story\"><\/span><b>3) Rewrite Your Story<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12763\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/laws-of-attraction-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/laws-of-attraction-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/laws-of-attraction-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/laws-of-attraction-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/laws-of-attraction-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/laws-of-attraction-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/laws-of-attraction-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If your husband makes you feel bad about yourself or treats you like you don\u2019t matter, I bet you could give me a whole list of evidence for that right now.<\/p>\n<p>For me, the evidence seemed overwhelming.\u00a0 Problem was, when I went around saying things like \u201cHe treats me like I don\u2019t matter,\u201d that\u2019s all I saw.<\/p>\n<p>I found out the hard way what a powerful manifester I was.\u00a0 What I focused on increased.<\/p>\n<p>I realized that no one <i>always<\/i> shows up in any way 100% of the time.\u00a0 So I did an experiment and flipped my complaint into the experience I wanted to have.\u00a0 When I flipped my <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/073-3-ways-to-solve-a-passive-aggressive-husband-problem\/\">Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy<\/a> \u201cHe\u2019s a Loser Pants when it comes to money\u201d into calling my husband \u201cMr. Moneybags,\u201d for example, he started his own business and became more successful than he ever had been.<\/p>\n<p>What story are you repeating to yourself, your man, or others?\u00a0 Is your story unwittingly magnifying the problem like mine was?<\/p>\n<p>What if you tried on a new Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy and started gathering some new evidence?<\/p>\n<p>Be prepared to find out what a powerful manifester you are!<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Build_Your_Self-Esteem\"><\/span><b>4) Build Your Self-Esteem<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12764\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/self-esteem-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/self-esteem-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/self-esteem-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/self-esteem-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/self-esteem-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/self-esteem-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/self-esteem-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If your man has been putting you down, it has a way of getting to you.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to start internalizing that you\u2019re somehow not good enough, leaving your self-esteem in the gutter.<\/p>\n<p>And waiting for him to make you feel better about yourself can make for a long waiting game.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of waiting for him to treat you right, why not start by treating yourself right?<\/p>\n<p>When I was being treated badly, I was a big culprit in giving myself bad treatment.\u00a0 Then, I decided to become responsible for my own happiness by putting my self-care first.\u00a0 For me, that meant lots of volleyball, dancing, napping, walking, reading, getting facials, drinking tea and eating chocolate.<\/p>\n<p>Treating myself in such an esteemable way boosted my self-esteem, which increased my magnetism.\u00a0 Seeing me happy made my husband want to pile on more good treatment to make me even happier.\u00a0 Talk about a virtuous cycle!<\/p>\n<p>Focusing on my own happiness also got me off his side of the street.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to solve his problems, baby him or fix him.\u00a0 Giving him the space to tackle his own issues head on allowed him to take more initiative and show up as a man, which made him a lot more attractive too!<\/p>\n<p>Doing my own thing also helped me give him his space rather than begrudging his self-care.\u00a0 If I found myself getting annoyed that he was watching too much TV, that was a red flag to up my own self-care.<\/p>\n<p>Letting go of having to spend every spare moment together nixed the neediness&#8211;which actually made him want to spend more time with me!<\/p>\n<p>What would fill your self-care tank?<\/p>\n<p>An essential part of my self-care is girl talk.\u00a0 Not just with any girl.\u00a0 Especially when it comes to sharing about something as important as marriage, I\u2019ve seen how destructive it is to confide in the wrong people.\u00a0 Sure, friends and family are all well-meaning, but it\u2019s a rare breed who will stand for you and your marriage even when the going gets tough.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, it\u2019s now easy to find support groups full of like-minded women, such as the free <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/AdoredWife\/\">Adored Wife Facebook community<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Turning to an outside confidante is a great way to diffuse emotional situations.\u00a0 Seeking support you can trust can make all the difference when it comes to fixing your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Now that you know these four hacks, which will you try first to create the experience you want to have?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband makes you feel bad about yourself, it\u2019s so hurtful. Maybe you\u2019ve had to hear the worst things a husband can say to his wife.\u00a0 That is no fun.\u00a0 It\u2019s not right either&#8211;you should not be treated like you don\u2019t matter. If he then turns everything around on you, as if it\u2019s all\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12765,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-12750","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong [What to Do?]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is your husband always angry no matter what you do? 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