{"id":12962,"date":"2021-06-22T06:00:01","date_gmt":"2021-06-22T13:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=12962"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:02","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:02","slug":"my-husband-is-unhappy-with-his-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-unhappy-with-his-life\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Is Unhappy with His Life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Women often wonder: What are the top unhappy marriage signs?<\/p>\n<p>Well, if your husband is always negative and angry, I don\u2019t need to tell you what a drag that is.<\/p>\n<p>It is painful when your husband is unhappy with you. Or negative about everything! It\u2019s so lonely and disheartening too. I mean, is this even the same man you said \u201cI do\u201d to?<\/p>\n<p>Even if that fun, sweet man has become unrecognizable, the good news is that you can bring him back.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re suffering from Miserable Husband Syndrome, here are four ways to get back the man who attracted you.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-unhappy-with-his-life\/#1_Say_These_Three_Sweet_Words\" title=\" Say These Three Sweet Words\"> Say These Three Sweet Words<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-unhappy-with-his-life\/#2_Be_Patient_but_Proactive\" title=\" Be Patient but Proactive\"> Be Patient but Proactive<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-unhappy-with-his-life\/#3_Find_Your_Happy_Place\" title=\" Find Your Happy Place\"> Find Your Happy Place<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-unhappy-with-his-life\/#4_Call_in_a_Professional\" title=\" Call in a Professional\"> Call in a Professional<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Say_These_Three_Sweet_Words\"><\/span>1) Say These Three Sweet Words<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12965\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/i-hear-you.jpg\" alt=\"i hear you\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/i-hear-you.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/i-hear-you-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/i-hear-you-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/i-hear-you-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/i-hear-you-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/i-hear-you-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s natural to want to help your spouse, especially when he\u2019s struggling.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what I thought a good wife was supposed to do. Then I actually did it for a while, helping my husband with his career, his money, his wardrobe, his diet, and so on. I was brilliant at diagnosing exactly what the problem was and troubleshooting to find solutions for him.<\/p>\n<p>He wasn\u2019t exactly brilliant at taking my suggestions though, so nothing changed. Worse yet, before long he didn\u2019t want to be intimate or be around me much, period. It seemed that the sofa was now sexier than I was.<\/p>\n<p>I had no idea that \u201chelpful\u201d in wife language means \u201ccontrolling\u201d in husband language. I was acting like his mom. No wonder he didn\u2019t want to have sex with me! (Men are not attracted to their mothers, FYI.)<\/p>\n<p>How have you tried to \u201chelp\u201d your man, and how has it served you?<\/p>\n<p>How would it fit to try something different? Like letting go of trying to get him to talk to you about what\u2019s wrong? Letting go of making him \u201cwrong\u201d in the first place? Or the next time he is venting, letting go of fix-it mode and just listening instead?<\/p>\n<p>A powerful tool for showing that you respect what he\u2019s saying, whether you agree or disagree, consists of three sweet little words\u2026<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI hear you.\u201d<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-324066766\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>The more he hears those magic words, the safer he\u2019ll feel opening up and sharing more with you. Which gives him the opportunity to diagnose exactly what he needs.<\/p>\n<p>That doesn\u2019t mean you have to sit there and take whatever he dishes out. Saying \u201cI hear you\u201d and honoring what you want to do is a great out if the negativity is weighing you down and listening to one more word will leave you angry, hurt, or resentful.<\/p>\n<p>After lots of I hear you\u2019s over here, now I can\u2019t be on the sofa, even if I\u2019m trying to work on my laptop, without my husband scooching up to be close to me.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what happens when you give him the breathing room to figure things out, leaving him to his own thinking and being there for him when he is ready to talk.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-160817750\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Be_Patient_but_Proactive\"><\/span>2) Be Patient but Proactive<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12966\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/compliment-husband.jpg\" alt=\"compliment husband\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/compliment-husband.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/compliment-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/compliment-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/compliment-husband-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/compliment-husband-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/compliment-husband-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When someone is feeling down, any judgment or criticism can come across as kicking him while he\u2019s down.<\/p>\n<p>When it\u2019s the hardest to catch him doing something good, that\u2019s when he could most use such affirmation.<\/p>\n<p>When was the last time you told your man what you love about him? Whether it\u2019s how he provides for the family, his handyman skills, or the goofy way he plays with the kids, what are his strong points?<\/p>\n<p>This may sound like a tall order right now. Why should you have to kiss up to him when he\u2019s so glaringly out of line?<\/p>\n<p>At least, that\u2019s how Cecilia felt. She had completely lost sight of her husband&#8217;s finer points because he was in a serious funk. He was depressed, drinking a lot, and spiraling.<\/p>\n<p>Naturally, she was all over him, telling him what to do and what not to do, especially when it came to his drinking.<\/p>\n<p>Nothing helped. It got so bad, she thought he was going to die. At one point, he actually ended up in the hospital, pre-diabetic and at risk of having a stroke.<\/p>\n<p>It was scary. Something clearly needed to change. But, frustratingly, none of her efforts to make it change were working. So Cecilia revised her approach and did something radical: She relinquished control. No more telling him what to do or not to do.<\/p>\n<p>She also quit focusing on all the evidence of how unhealthy he was, including checking his blood work (which was a terrifying read anyway).<\/p>\n<p>She went a step further and started seeking evidence that he was healthy. The evidence was so scarce, she scrambled to find any. Aha! He was drinking water&#8211;that was a start.<\/p>\n<p>She even spoke her affirmation aloud, telling him \u201cI love seeing you so healthy!\u201d If she sounded like a crazy person, so be it. She was willing to take that risk on the chance that <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/073-3-ways-to-solve-a-passive-aggressive-husband-problem\/\">this experiment might turn things around<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>And turn things around, she did.<\/p>\n<p>The following year, Cecilia shared that her husband had just celebrated one year of sobriety in recovery from alcoholism. He\u2019d also lost 75 pounds!<\/p>\n<p>His confidence was through the roof, and the intimacy was so good&#8211;\u201csuper fun,\u201d in her words.<\/p>\n<p>They were counting their macronutrients together. Who was this man?! He was a man who brought home information on a trainer because he wanted to start going to the gym too.<\/p>\n<p>Cecilia is not unique in being a powerful manifester. It\u2019s the law of attraction: What you focus on increases.<\/p>\n<p>What have you been focusing on and inadvertently increasing?<\/p>\n<p>How could you flip this focus into the reality you want to experience?<\/p>\n<p>Now get ready to find out just what a powerful manifester you are. (Don\u2019t say I didn\u2019t warn you!)<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Find_Your_Happy_Place\"><\/span>3) Find Your Happy Place<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12967\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/happy-wife-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"happy wife marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/happy-wife-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/happy-wife-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/happy-wife-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/happy-wife-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/happy-wife-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/happy-wife-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It can be really hard to show up happy yourself with Eeyore around. Maybe you\u2019re just fine&#8211;until he walks in the door. Which makes sense. How are you supposed to act happy-go-lucky with a dark cloud looming under your own roof?<\/p>\n<p>The problem is, as the woman, you are the keeper of the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>In my book, that\u2019s a great \u201cproblem\u201d to have because it means that you have all the power to create the culture you want.<\/p>\n<p>Betty\u2019s husband was struggling with substance abuse and mental health issues.<\/p>\n<p>She knew she couldn\u2019t fix his unhappiness for him, but she could become responsible for her own happiness.<\/p>\n<p>It was hard to make time for self-care with her rigorous work schedule though. She found a way to quit working summers and to work less during the school year too. This freed up time for long motorcycle rides, spending time in nature, playing with her dogs, and devotional self-care.<\/p>\n<p>These may sound like very frivolous reasons to sacrifice her work. But here\u2019s what happened when she put her self-care first&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>She discovered how shiny and magnetic she was to her husband when she was happy. He started calling her throughout the day, just to say hi, and coming home earlier. He\u2019d take long weekends and other time off and plan vacations and fun adventures for the two of them.<\/p>\n<p>And he got himself the support he needed to let go of the burdens he had been carrying.<\/p>\n<p>It proved highly respectful&#8211;and highly attractive&#8211;to focus on her own happiness and leave his happiness to him.<\/p>\n<p>Just as Cecilia had quit broadcasting her own anxiety and seeing it reflected back to her, Betty quit broadcasting stress and overwhelm. When she started broadcasting happiness instead, her husband got the message that he was safe opening up to her (thanks also to those magic words in step #1).<\/p>\n<p>How could you stock up on your own happiness points? What self-care would make you feel better&#8211;physically and emotionally, spiritually and socially&#8211;so you can mirror exactly what you want to see reflected back to you?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Call_in_a_Professional\"><\/span>4) Call in a Professional<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-12968\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/connection-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"connection in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/connection-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/connection-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/connection-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/connection-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/connection-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/connection-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>For yourself, that is.<\/p>\n<p>I know this seems backwards. Most \u201cexperts\u201d will tell you to have him seek professional help. Maybe you\u2019ve already tried. If so, you know that you can\u2019t make him get help because you cannot control another person, only yourself.<\/p>\n<p>You could give him an ultimatum, sure. Something like, \u201cEither get help or I\u2019m done.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve reached the point of being able to say that and mean it. Only you know for sure because you are the expert on your life.<\/p>\n<p>If what you really want is to save your marriage and attract back the fun man you married though, trying to control him, including with an ultimatum, will cost you the connection and contentment you really want.<\/p>\n<p>Men do not like being controlled and will retreat further away.<\/p>\n<p>If you see a need for professional help, why not set the pace by reaching out for such support yourself? <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A good relationship coach or marital support community is invaluable. Get started with my <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rm4o\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">FREE Roadmap<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You should not have to go it alone at a time when you could most use the support.<\/p>\n<p>If your marriage feels like it\u2019s falling apart, you might think it\u2019s too late to apply this checklist to bring back your happy guy. But when women on our campus find the courage to experiment even when they think it\u2019s completely hopeless, to paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen&#8211;they happen all the time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Women often wonder: What are the top unhappy marriage signs? Well, if your husband is always negative and angry, I don\u2019t need to tell you what a drag that is. It is painful when your husband is unhappy with you. Or negative about everything! It\u2019s so lonely and disheartening too. I mean, is this even\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-unhappy-with-his-life\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12964,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-12962","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Is Unhappy with His Life [4-Steps to Bring Him Back]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is your husband always negative and angry? Are you certain he\u2019s unhappy with his life? 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