{"id":13000,"date":"2021-07-06T06:00:22","date_gmt":"2021-07-06T13:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=13000"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:02","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:02","slug":"husband-never-does-anything-special-for-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-does-anything-special-for-me\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Never Does Anything Special for Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband never does anything romantic, it\u2019s a sad place to be.<\/p>\n<p>You know he\u2019s capable of being sweeter than he\u2019s being. I mean, he turned on the charm to get that ring on you. Was that just to lure you in for the old bait and switch where you\u2019re taken for granted while he lies around scratching his groin like Al Bundy?<\/p>\n<p>Now that you\u2019ve put in all the hard work to build a life together, it\u2019s like he values you less, not more.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re seeing the signs your husband doesn\u2019t value you, it is so hurtful. It\u2019s tempting to start feeling hopeless when your husband is not thoughtful.<\/p>\n<p>And if you go to Google for the prognosis, forget about it. A lot of the so-called experts out there will steer you straight to divorce court.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s probably not your desired destination or you wouldn\u2019t be reading this right now.<\/p>\n<p>If what you really want is to revive the romance and make it last, read on. Here are four concrete steps you can take today to start feeling desired, taken care of and special&#8211;pronto.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-does-anything-special-for-me\/#1_Create_a_Romance_Plan_of_Action\" title=\" Create a Romance Plan of Action\"> Create a Romance Plan of Action<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-does-anything-special-for-me\/#2_Set_the_Mood_for_Intimacy\" title=\" Set the Mood for Intimacy\"> Set the Mood for Intimacy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-does-anything-special-for-me\/#3_Give_It_Time\" title=\" Give It Time\"> Give It Time<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-does-anything-special-for-me\/#4_Change_Your_Perspectacles\" title=\" Change Your Perspectacles\"> Change Your Perspectacles<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Create_a_Romance_Plan_of_Action\"><\/span>1) Create a Romance Plan of Action<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13003\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/keeper-of-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"keeper of relationship\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/keeper-of-relationship.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/keeper-of-relationship-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/keeper-of-relationship-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/keeper-of-relationship-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/keeper-of-relationship-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/keeper-of-relationship-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>As you well know, your husband is not a mind reader.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve already tried to spell your needs out for him. If you\u2019re anything like I was, it sounded something like this: \u201cI need you to spend more time with me\u201d or \u201cI need you to be more romantic.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The problem is, saying something like that comes across as a complaint. And a criticism.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s a spoiler alert: Criticizing and complaining do not spur your man to action. They\u2019re actually less attractive, not more&#8211;basically as repellant as two magnets facing the wrong way.<\/p>\n<p>To flip those magnets around, try this instead. On second thought, if you flip both magnets, they\u2019ll just repel one another again. But they will attract each other if you flip only one. So, to restore the magnetism by flipping just one spouse\u2019s energy, have a conversation about how much you miss spending time with him.<\/p>\n<p>For a really great conversation, say these three little words: \u201cI miss you.\u201d<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-311781990\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>And that\u2019s it.<\/p>\n<p>Not what you had in mind?<\/p>\n<p>I know, I know. As women, we tend to have a lot more words than our men.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s part of why four of the most dreaded words in the male culture are \u201cWe need to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Having a state of the union address trying to find out where he stands or what he plans not only hurts the very intimacy you\u2019re trying to cultivate, it\u2019s selling yourself short.<\/p>\n<p>As the woman, you are the keeper of your relationship. So it\u2019s a lot less important what <em>he<\/em> wants than what <em>you<\/em> want.<\/p>\n<p>And what you\u2019re planning to do about it.<\/p>\n<p>What if, instead of waiting around for him to woo you (and being disappointed when pigs don\u2019t fly), you created a romance plan of action?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s easy to know what you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want. What is it that you do want?<\/p>\n<p>Be specific. I\u2019m not talking about instituting a \u201cdate night\u201d either, which is actually one of the \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-tips\/\">3 Common Relationship Tips that Will Destroy Your Marriage.<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rather, if you could wave a magic wand, what would you be doing on that date? Trying the new Ethiopian restaurant? Taking a Sunday drive? Or a getaway to Aruba?<\/p>\n<p>Now we\u2019re getting somewhere!<\/p>\n<p>Once you have a clear vision of exactly the outcome you want, express your desire in a way that inspires, like this: \u201cI would love to try the new Ethiopian restaurant!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Notice you\u2019re not <em>asking<\/em> him for anything. There\u2019s no expectation placed on him at all and no pouty face if he doesn\u2019t hop to it. That would be controlling, which is as repellant as complaint and criticism.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, you\u2019re just putting your desire out there, sharing the excitement of being a woman who knows what she wants, kind of like a kid would exclaim \u201cI want a new Iron Man Lego set!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Beverly had that excitement when she expressed her desire to stay at an extravagant hotel. There was zero expectation attached because she was sure it would never happen; it was just way out of their ballpark financially.<\/p>\n<p>Until, for her birthday, he drove her to this extravagant hotel.<\/p>\n<p>Beverly felt like a princess. When they pulled up, her husband had a big, loving smile as he watched her face light up with surprise and delight. What he couldn\u2019t see was her heart fit to burst with gratitude. This hero going to any lengths to fulfill her desires was the same man who, ten months earlier, wouldn&#8217;t even go out to dinner with her because he wanted nothing to do with her.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-4018333210\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Set_the_Mood_for_Intimacy\"><\/span>2) Set the Mood for Intimacy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13004\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/husband-not-attracted-to-me.jpg\" alt=\"husband not attracted to me\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/husband-not-attracted-to-me.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/husband-not-attracted-to-me-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/husband-not-attracted-to-me-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/husband-not-attracted-to-me-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/husband-not-attracted-to-me-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/husband-not-attracted-to-me-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If your man won\u2019t even make love to you, much less such grand gestures, again there\u2019s no need to sit around twiddling your thumbs.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not talking about telling him \u201cWe need to have sex\u201d or pointing out how long it\u2019s been since the last time (read: complaining). I tried those old go-to\u2019s plenty of times, and trust me, they\u2019re not sexy. At all.<\/p>\n<p>Rather, make the first move by showing that you\u2019re available for sex, allowing him to initiate.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s that&#8211;you\u2019ve forgotten how to seduce your man?<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, you can bring back your feminine spirit, as I share in the podcast episode \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/012-how-to-be-feminine-and-be-10x-more-attractive\/\">How to Be Feminine and Be 10X More Attractive.<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You should not have to jump through hoops to be attractive to your husband. You didn\u2019t have to when you attracted him in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>A lingering kiss, stroking his thigh, or telling him how excited you\u2019re feeling is all it takes.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re thinking \u201cYeah right. You don\u2019t know my man,\u201d you\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n<p>Toni would wait for her husband in her skimpiest neglige\u00e9, but when he walked through the door and saw her, she might as well have been wearing the garbage man\u2019s uniform.<\/p>\n<p>If that\u2019s your sexual situation too, there\u2019s probably something else getting in the way of the intimacy you deserve, something no amount of lingerie can fix.<\/p>\n<p>Chances are, what\u2019s gone missing is the biggest aphrodisiac for men.<\/p>\n<p>Nope, it does not require ginseng or pheromone perfume, oysters or asparagus (pew!).<\/p>\n<p>The biggest aphrodisiac for men is actually respect.<\/p>\n<p>And there\u2019s a simple way to restore it if it has gone missing, using the seven words I share in \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/072-how-to-deal-with-disrespect-in-marriage\/\">How to Deal With Disrespect in Marriage.<\/a>\u201d Those are the words Toni tried out, and now all it takes to get steamy is a kiss. Seriously.<\/p>\n<p>If you go that route, there is a serious side effect, however: you might feel like you are wearing pheromone perfume (one that actually works)!<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Give_It_Time\"><\/span>3) Give It Time<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13005\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/control-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"control in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/control-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/control-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/control-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/control-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/control-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/control-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Speaking of disrespect, trying out a plan like this one can be loaded with expectations that your husband become Mr. Darcy. Overnight.<\/p>\n<p>It may take more than batting your eyelashes to get him to come hither. After all, your man is not a puppet. And it may not happen on your timeline.<\/p>\n<p>But around <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rm1e\">here<\/a>, women typically see results in two weeks.<\/p>\n<p>If your expression of desires and vulnerability and even gratitude don\u2019t cause the about-face you\u2019re looking for, it\u2019s possible that more control is coming across than vulnerability.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because another key ingredient is probably missing, and it\u2019s the indispensable first step to intimacy: taking care of yourself. Self-care increases your attractiveness like no beauty cream ever could.<\/p>\n<p>What would it take to get your happy on?<\/p>\n<p>I recommend scheduling three self-care activities per day&#8211;yes, <em>per day<\/em>&#8211;whether it\u2019s picking up the phone to catch up with a girlfriend, getting out the old paintbrushes, cloud gazing, or trying the hip hop Zumba class sure to make you laugh (at yourself).<\/p>\n<p>If the dishes don\u2019t get washed because you\u2019re prioritizing watching cat videos, so be it. Your relationship will thank you.<\/p>\n<p>And if you\u2019re too busy for self-care, that\u2019s a good sign you might need it even more. Channel your inner Gandhi, who was not one to skimp on his self-care. As he said in the midst of his busy schedule as a lawyer, anti-colonial nationalist, political ethicist, leader of the resistance for India&#8217;s independence, and inspirer of civil rights movements and freedom around the world, \u201cI have so much to accomplish today that I must meditate for two hours instead of one.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it\u2019s not meditation that makes you feel really good but reading celebrity gossip pages, having a rich dessert with coffee, or engaging in retail therapy. If it makes you feel a little guilty too, then you\u2019re on the right track. When it comes to happiness-inducing activities, the more luxurious the better!<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Change_Your_Perspectacles\"><\/span>4) Change Your Perspectacles<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13006\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expressing-gratitude-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"expressing gratitude in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expressing-gratitude-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expressing-gratitude-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expressing-gratitude-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expressing-gratitude-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expressing-gratitude-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expressing-gratitude-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>As Gandhi-like as you may be elsewhere, it can be so easy to see the glass half empty in your relationship. All the evidence of him not caring enough to make an effort or take you into consideration piles up until it\u2019s hard to see anything else.<\/p>\n<p>The more you collect such evidence, the more it snowballs. That\u2019s because you are a powerful manifester, and what you focus on increases.<\/p>\n<p>What if you were to focus on all that he\u2019s doing right?<\/p>\n<p>Woah, woah. <em>All?<\/em> From where you\u2019re standing it may be hard to find a single thing.<\/p>\n<p>Hmm\u2026 Does he go to work to provide for the family? Change the AC filter so you have clean air to breathe? Romp with the kids at the end of the day?<\/p>\n<p>Even in those cases, your empty-glass alarms may be sounding. <em>He works so much he barely has time for us! He waits two months to change the filter! He gets the kids all riled up right at bedtime!<\/em><\/p>\n<p>If you could hear the heart message behind his gestures, however clumsy and imperfect they may be, all of them would be acts of love.<\/p>\n<p>So next time he does the dishes when you&#8217;re tired or takes the kids to the park so you can enjoy a quiet afternoon at home, it\u2019s exciting because now you have the opportunity to catch him doing something good.<\/p>\n<p>Expressing your gratitude not only gives you a powerful new set of perspectacles, it inspires him to want to do more when he sees that he can add to your happiness.<\/p>\n<p>Now that you\u2019re sporting fancy new perspectacles, it\u2019s time for a toast because glasses are fuller everywhere, until your cup is overflowing. You might even find that what you have now is even better than the excitement of your honeymoon phase because it\u2019s a mature and lasting love.<\/p>\n<p>The good news is that, with these steps, you don\u2019t have to choose&#8211;you can have both peace and passion! Which step will you experiment with first to rekindle the romance at your house?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband never does anything romantic, it\u2019s a sad place to be. You know he\u2019s capable of being sweeter than he\u2019s being. I mean, he turned on the charm to get that ring on you. Was that just to lure you in for the old bait and switch where you\u2019re taken for granted while\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-does-anything-special-for-me\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13002,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-13000","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Husband Never Does Anything Special for Me [What to do?]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Does your husband never do anything special for you? 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