{"id":13033,"date":"2021-07-22T07:00:51","date_gmt":"2021-07-22T14:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=13033"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:01","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:01","slug":"my-husband-is-miserable-in-our-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-miserable-in-our-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Is Miserable in Our Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband says he loves you but is unhappy, you may be dealing with a case of Miserable Husband Syndrome.<\/p>\n<p>Do you wish he\u2019d help out around the house but, no matter how nicely you ask, he\u2019s too busy watching yet another episode of <em>Breaking Bad<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p>Have you begged him to spend time with the kids but he\u2019s still more interested in his phone than his own children?<\/p>\n<p>Or asked him to have sex&#8211;or just spend time with you, period&#8211;but he\u2019d rather work all hours than be with you?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve expressed how you feel, cried even, and he\u2019s actually gotten angry and walked out. Talk about feeling abandoned.<\/p>\n<p>His lack of interest, consideration, and responsibility is so lonely&#8211;and infuriating!<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re also among the top unhappy marriage signs.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re going through any of this, it\u2019s natural to wonder if you\u2019d be better off without him. But then you remember that you\u2019d really rather keep your family together. Or maybe just that you still love him and don\u2019t want to be another divorce statistic.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever your reason, the good news is: There is hope.<\/p>\n<p>Here are 4 tips to try today so you can bring back the cheerful man you fell in love with.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-miserable-in-our-marriage\/#1_Expect_the_Best_Outcome\" title=\" Expect the Best Outcome\"> Expect the Best Outcome<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-miserable-in-our-marriage\/#2_Relinquish_Control_of_the_Outcome\" title=\" Relinquish Control of the Outcome\"> Relinquish Control of the Outcome<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-miserable-in-our-marriage\/#3_Catch_Him_Doing_Something_Good\" title=\" Catch Him Doing Something Good\"> Catch Him Doing Something Good<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-miserable-in-our-marriage\/#4_Find_Your_Own_Happiness\" title=\" Find Your Own Happiness\"> Find Your Own Happiness<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Expect_the_Best_Outcome\"><\/span>1) Expect the Best Outcome<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13036\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expect-the-best-outcome.jpg\" alt=\"expect the best outcome\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expect-the-best-outcome.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expect-the-best-outcome-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expect-the-best-outcome-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expect-the-best-outcome-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expect-the-best-outcome-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/expect-the-best-outcome-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s natural to want to figure out exactly what\u2019s wrong so you can fix it.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve noticed a pattern of specific triggers like him getting into a mood when you bring up certain topics. Great&#8211;now you can brainstorm ideas to help him work past it&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Right?<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3726677948\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Well, on second thought, I bet you\u2019ve already tried gently suggesting, say, that he get checked out or get professional help or at least try some supplements. But your helpful suggestions have about the same impact as an umbrella in a hurricane.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because \u201chelpful\u201d in wife language translates to \u201ccontrolling\u201d in husband language.<\/p>\n<p>Not only was I clueless on that point, I just couldn\u2019t help myself because I was convinced I knew better than my husband.<\/p>\n<p>As good as it feels being right, there\u2019s something very unsexy about being a know-it-all. I felt more like his mom (and men do not want to have sex with their moms, which leads to even more disconnect in the marriage).<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re ready to change the \u201chelpful\u201d dance so he starts taking some initiative, what if you&#8230;stopped?<\/p>\n<p>What if you instead gave him the space to figure it out on his own?<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re wanting things to change&#8211;preferably yesterday&#8211;just giving him space probably sounds scary, if not a bad idea.<\/p>\n<p>But space is a powerful thing because it conveys the message that you expect the best outcome.<\/p>\n<p>When you expect the best, people have a way of rising to the occasion.<\/p>\n<p>Speaking of space, when he gets home is he used to being greeted with a list of to-do\u2019s or an agenda of scheduling questions?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s natural when you\u2019ve been waiting to see him all day and want to have the floor before he switches on the TV or hides out in his man cave.<\/p>\n<p>Try greeting him with a smile and saying you\u2019re happy to see him. You might even hear the sigh of relief.<\/p>\n<p>If you do feel the urge to question him, criticize what he\u2019s been doing, or get into fix-it mode, here are three little words you can say instead that will totally switch things up\u2026<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s it. Just listening, without agreeing or disagreeing, is a big way to create emotional safety in a hurry.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1585577280\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Relinquish_Control_of_the_Outcome\"><\/span>2) Relinquish Control of the Outcome<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13037\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/letting-husband-make-decisions.jpg\" alt=\"letting husband make decisions\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/letting-husband-make-decisions.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/letting-husband-make-decisions-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/letting-husband-make-decisions-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/letting-husband-make-decisions-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/letting-husband-make-decisions-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/letting-husband-make-decisions-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When Rachel\u2019s husband simply checked out as a husband and father, he claimed he was having a midlife crisis, but she was afraid she had married an alcoholic.<\/p>\n<p>When it was time for dinner, the kids\u2019 bath and bedtime, he\u2019d hightail it out the door to the bar.<\/p>\n<p>Or, if he was home, he couldn\u2019t be bothered to lift a finger (except to click the TV remote, cigarette lighter, or his fiercely guarded phone).<\/p>\n<p>Being a single mom while her husband lived the single life was not what Rachel had signed up for. She told him she needed help. He agreed&#8211;then came home too drunk to follow through.<\/p>\n<p>When his only remedies were to follow his friends\u2019 suggestions to smoke pot for anxiety or take hallucinogenic mushrooms for a \u201creset,\u201d Rachel was scared. She didn\u2019t know how things would ever get better.<\/p>\n<p>She did know one thing: she had no control over this man.<\/p>\n<p>She had tried to manage his drinking, and it had only gotten worse, to the point of his blacking out in the arms of other women.<\/p>\n<p>Determined to keep her family intact, Rachel decided to try a new approach. She completely relinquished control of his lifestyle choices.<\/p>\n<p>Fear underlies control. So Rachel made a conscious decision to choose faith over fear.<\/p>\n<p>Getting out of the way had a profound impact. There was a lot more room for him to take the initiative to solve his own problem.<\/p>\n<p>The \u201cmidlife crisis\u201d (or whatever it was) is long gone.<\/p>\n<p>These days, he\u2019s more interested in being her hero, even skipping his own plans to golf or go out with friends so he can spend more time with the fam.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Catch_Him_Doing_Something_Good\"><\/span>3) Catch Him Doing Something Good<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13038\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/being-positive-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"being positive in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/being-positive-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/being-positive-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/being-positive-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/being-positive-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/being-positive-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/being-positive-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When Rachel was too scared to be able to see that outcome, it was very tempting to stay focused on the problem.<\/p>\n<p>But pointing out that he drank too much had not helped. At all.<\/p>\n<p>On the contrary, the problem had only increased. (This probably sounds familiar <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/021-what-if-your-husband-drinks-too-much\/\">if your husband drinks too much<\/a>.)<\/p>\n<p>So Rachel decided to try something new. She shifted her focus from him having a problem (and her own problems as a result) to looking for opportunities to catch her husband doing something good.<\/p>\n<p>Every time he did anything to help out, whether spending five minutes with the kids or carrying a single dish to the sink, she expressed her gratitude. She let him know how much it meant that he was putting her first.<\/p>\n<p>She made a list of everything she was grateful for about him and added to it daily to keep her gratitude mindset present for herself. The volume dial of her fears and complaints went way down.<\/p>\n<p>Not only did she feel the shift within herself, she saw something shift in her husband.<\/p>\n<p>He quit coming home drunk. Instead of going out, he chose to stay home to help out with bedtime and watch a movie together.<\/p>\n<p>How would the atmosphere change at your house if you were vocal about how much you appreciate your man\u2019s efforts? His strengths?<\/p>\n<p>Is he a great handyman? Does he send your grandma flowers on her birthday? For an instant (gr)attitude adjustment, try making a list of everything you\u2019re thankful to him for, big and small.<\/p>\n<p>Shifting the dialogue to the positives does double-duty: It refocuses your view and influences his perception of himself too. He\u2019ll be quick to want to please you even more.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Find_Your_Own_Happiness\"><\/span>4) Find Your Own Happiness<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13039\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/the-power-of-a-transformed-wife.jpg\" alt=\"the power of a transformed wife\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/the-power-of-a-transformed-wife.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/the-power-of-a-transformed-wife-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/the-power-of-a-transformed-wife-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/the-power-of-a-transformed-wife-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/the-power-of-a-transformed-wife-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/the-power-of-a-transformed-wife-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If only you could be the cure for his unhappiness. If only&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019m sure you already know that the only person who can make your husband happy is him.<\/p>\n<p>His unhappiness is not personal, and it\u2019s not your fault.<\/p>\n<p>While you can\u2019t control it, you do have enormous power as his wife. That\u2019s because you are the keeper of the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>When he\u2019s glum, it can be pretty hard to show up cheerful yourself. The problem is that, when two people mirror each other, the cycle perpetuates.<\/p>\n<p>Ready to switch up that vicious cycle?<\/p>\n<p>What if you started showing up happy yourself? Distracted yourself with a coffee date with a girlfriend or found a hobby that takes your mind off your husband\u2019s unhappiness?<\/p>\n<p>Becoming the happiest version of YOU is contagious!<\/p>\n<p>Since having a dark cloud hovering under your own roof can make anyone crazy, social self-care is an especially potent antidote.<\/p>\n<p>How could you find a release? Whether you speak with a supportive friend or join a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/AdoredWife\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">free online support group<\/a>, it always helps to talk to like-minded women you can trust.<\/p>\n<p>Now that you know all four ways to bring back the man you fell in love with, which will you try first?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband says he loves you but is unhappy, you may be dealing with a case of Miserable Husband Syndrome. Do you wish he\u2019d help out around the house but, no matter how nicely you ask, he\u2019s too busy watching yet another episode of Breaking Bad? Have you begged him to spend time with\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-miserable-in-our-marriage\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13035,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[706],"tags":[579,580,581,582],"app":[],"class_list":["post-13033","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-coaching","tag-miserable-husband-syndrome","tag-my-husband-says-he-loves-me-but-is-unhappy","tag-top-unhappy-marriage-signs","tag-unhappy-marriage-and-cheating"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Is Miserable in Our Marriage [Try these 4 things]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is your husband miserable in your marriage? 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