{"id":13278,"date":"2021-09-23T07:00:17","date_gmt":"2021-09-23T14:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=13278"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:00","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:00","slug":"tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"Tired of Begging for Attention from Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re begging for attention in a relationship, it is so lonely, demoralizing and even demeaning.<\/p>\n<p>You shouldn\u2019t have to beg for attention from the man you married!<\/p>\n<p>I remember the bad old days when my husband didn\u2019t want to be around me, and they were lousy. Fortunately, I learned a thing or two to turn that around completely.<\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019re tired of begging for attention from your husband, you are in the right place.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019re so ready for the hurting to end that you\u2019re trying to figure out how to stop wanting attention from your husband.<\/p>\n<p>But that never works. Plus, who wants that, really? I sure didn\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n<p>So I\u2019ll raise you.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how to get more attention from your husband in 5 simple steps.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband\/#1_Ditch_Conventional_Wisdom\" title=\" Ditch Conventional \u201cWisdom\u201d\"> Ditch Conventional \u201cWisdom\u201d<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband\/#2_Say_Your_Piece-Vulnerably\" title=\" Say Your Piece&#8211;Vulnerably\"> Say Your Piece&#8211;Vulnerably<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband\/#3_Appreciate_His_Subtle_Side\" title=\" Appreciate His Subtle Side\"> Appreciate His Subtle Side<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband\/#4_Give_Him_a_Little_Eye_Candy\" title=\" Give Him a Little Eye Candy\"> Give Him a Little Eye Candy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband\/#5_Find_Your_Happy_Place\" title=\" Find Your Happy Place\"> Find Your Happy Place<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Ditch_Conventional_Wisdom\"><\/span>1) Ditch Conventional \u201cWisdom\u201d<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13281\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/manifestation-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"manifestation in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/manifestation-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/manifestation-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/manifestation-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/manifestation-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/manifestation-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/manifestation-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>First of all, kudos to you for doing your research. Just by reading this, you\u2019re well on your way to getting the attention and affection you deserve!<\/p>\n<p>The problem is, much of the advice out there is more of the same. And doing the same old thing will get you, well, more of the same old thing.<\/p>\n<p>Like when I used to do research to find out what was wrong with my husband and then pronounce him \u201cemotionally unavailable.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I\u2019m embarrassed to say I actually did that! But I had it on good authority from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wevorce.com\/blog\/5-truths-emotionally-unavailable-husband\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">articles<\/a> I read that it would help somehow to give my husband a negative label, even though it made me feel even more hopeless. Since what you focus on increases, he only seemed less emotionally available with my \u201cdiagnosis.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then there were the times I tried to follow conventional wisdom by confronting him about his lack of tenderness, hoping to get a crumb of affection. It sounds like a terrible idea now, because who wants to beg for affection? It\u2019s not very attractive, for one thing.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2385207782\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Around here, we call those \u201cSpouse-Fulfilling Prophecies,\u201d or \u201cSFPs\u201d for short. In my experience, women are powerful manifesters, and what we focus on increases. So focusing on the SFP that \u201cHe\u2019s emotionally unavailable\u201d or \u201cHe lacks tenderness\u201d will get you more of the same lack of affection&#8211;or worse.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1038092409\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Say_Your_Piece-Vulnerably\"><\/span>2) Say Your Piece&#8211;Vulnerably<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13282\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/affection-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"affection in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/affection-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/affection-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/affection-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/affection-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/affection-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/affection-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Ready for a quiz? Which of these statements do you think goes over best with a man?<\/p>\n<p>A) \u201cYou completely ignore me when I talk.\u201d<br \/>\nB) \u201cI feel unheard when you use your phone during dinner.\u201d<br \/>\nC) \u201cLet\u2019s make the dinner table a phone-free zone. I love hearing about your day.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You probably spotted the problem with option A right away: Accusing him of ignoring you is loaded with criticism and blame, which aren\u2019t very connecting but likely to push him further away.<\/p>\n<p>Option B sounds better, right? After all, we always hear that \u201cI\u201d statements are the way to go.<\/p>\n<p>Even the so-called \u201cI\u201d statement, however, is still criticizing him for using his phone and making you feel unheard.<\/p>\n<p>Option C probably sounds the best because it\u2019s so positive. But let\u2019s take a closer look at \u201clet\u2019s.\u201d Hmm, on second thought this is actually telling him what to do. You might as well say, \u201cQuit using your phone and talk to me!\u201d Which is pretty controlling. Which makes it just as disrespectful as the other two statements.<\/p>\n<p>If your respect radar wasn\u2019t so finely tuned to spot that inappropriate control, you\u2019re in good company&#8211;mine wasn\u2019t either. That\u2019s why I was so puzzled as to why my husband kept retreating even further even though I was using all the \u201cI\u201d statements in the world.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what actually worked for me&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Getting vulnerable with a real \u201cI\u201d statement, as in \u201cI miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no control or criticism in sight with those three simple words. They are so powerful that students around here end up hearing the same words from him!<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s something else you won\u2019t hear from some pandering experts, who counsel, \u201cRemember that it isn\u2019t you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If it\u2019s not you and you\u2019re just at the mercy of his whims, then that leaves you&#8230; a victim. Not much you can do about that. Now, what I\u2019m about to say here may not be very palatable, but it is very empowering: <em>It could be you, at least in part.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>At least that\u2019s what I and thousands of students here have found.<\/p>\n<p>If your husband is withdrawn, keeps fighting with you, or there\u2019s an all-out cold war, something else could be getting in the way of the affection and connection you want.<\/p>\n<p>To pull out the big guns to end the war&#8211;and this one is big&#8211;try apologizing for being disrespectful. Shoot, this will melt not only a cold war but iciness in the bedroom too, as I share in <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/008-the-best-aphrodisiac-for-men\/\">\u201cThe Best Aphrodisiac for Men.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Finally, it\u2019s also vulnerable to express affection yourself. Maybe even a peck on the cheek before he leaves for work or a lingering touch when he pays you a compliment is outside your comfort zone and thus vulnerable.<\/p>\n<p>Little things turn out to be big things&#8211;smiling more, sharing more hugs with your kids or others, hiding little notes for your husband about why you love him&#8211;in creating an aura of affection in your home.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Appreciate_His_Subtle_Side\"><\/span>3) Appreciate His Subtle Side<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13283\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/husband-love-language.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/husband-love-language.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/husband-love-language-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/husband-love-language-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/husband-love-language-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/husband-love-language-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/husband-love-language-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Gisel\u2019s husband became distant, started talking divorce, and quit sleeping with her. He not only moved to the guest room, he barricaded the door.<\/p>\n<p>Well, Gisel is nobody\u2019s victim, that\u2019s for sure. She knew that respect had gone missing in her marriage, so she decided to boost her practice of that Skill by combining it with the most powerful Intimacy Skill\u2122 of all: gratitude.<\/p>\n<p>Still, she didn\u2019t see much progress in her marriage, as her husband was still talking about getting his own apartment.<\/p>\n<p>Gisel was surprised to find she didn\u2019t fall into Needless Emotional Turmoil about it much. She felt genuinely grateful, and dignified. In fact, she felt so empowered about the way she was behaving with her husband that she observed, \u201cI\u2019m not so sure the Skills will save my marriage, but they are saving me!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, in the middle of a devastatingly honest conversation, right as she was feeling their whole marriage falling apart and they sat in the painful silence that the marriage could be over, she did something unheard of.<\/p>\n<p>She told him why she respected him. Talk about vulnerable.<\/p>\n<p>The silence must have been unbearable, as he listened and didn\u2019t say a word.<\/p>\n<p>Then he came to her and made love to her. He even fell asleep in their bed that night and asked if she wanted him to sleep with her the night after that.<\/p>\n<p>Now Gisel has changed her tune too: &#8220;I know the skills are saving me, and I&#8217;m astonished to say that they are saving my marriage too.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Clearly, what she\u2019s focusing on is increasing!<\/p>\n<p>How could you applaud your husband&#8217;s unique love language? What strong points of his could you express gratitude for? Even if he hasn\u2019t been showing you attention overtly, has he done so in subtle ways, such as picking up your dry cleaning even when you didn\u2019t ask for it or doing the dishes when he knows you\u2019ve had a hard day?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Give_Him_a_Little_Eye_Candy\"><\/span>4) Give Him a Little Eye Candy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13284\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/feminine-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/feminine-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/feminine-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/feminine-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/feminine-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/feminine-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/feminine-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>You should not have to jump through hoops to get your man\u2019s attention.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m sure you didn&#8217;t have to when you first met. You probably didn&#8217;t have to make much effort back then at all because the gender contrast was already set to high, which is part of what made the attraction so intense and exciting.<\/p>\n<p>When a woman shifts into controlling or pursuing her man, however, which is natural when he seems less interested and she gets scared, the gender contrast lessens and he tends to take less initiative sexually and even in general.<\/p>\n<p>Because men and women are opposites, and heterosexual men are attracted to women, the higher the gender contrast, the more attraction there will be. Men are attracted to the feminine essence of a woman: her feminine shape, spirit, scent and sensuality.<\/p>\n<p>If wearing something that makes you feel sexy helps you feel feminine, it\u2019s easier for him to read your availability signals. Heck, he might not even notice that you tried a different hairstyle or eyeliner style, but if it helps <em>you<\/em> feel more sensual, that\u2019s what counts.<\/p>\n<p>And trust me, he will notice that.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Find_Your_Happy_Place\"><\/span>5) Find Your Happy Place<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13285\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/talk-to-friends-about-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/talk-to-friends-about-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/talk-to-friends-about-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/talk-to-friends-about-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/talk-to-friends-about-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/talk-to-friends-about-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/talk-to-friends-about-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Gisel knows a secret that goes a long way toward dialing up the gender contrast.<\/p>\n<p>She was having the kind of day where it seems impossible to find your happy place. She had her hands extra full, with both her child and her dog sick, but she was determined to enjoy herself as much as she could. She found a way to enjoy taking care of her sick kid, she watched a movie with all of her kids and even built Legos.<\/p>\n<p>When her husband came home, she easily could have unloaded on him, full of complaints about what a miserable day she\u2019d had. Instead, she was genuinely happy to see him. He responded in kind, opening up to her about his work.<\/p>\n<p>He had not touched her in days, but this is when something magical happened: He wanted to dance salsa with her. The touching didn\u2019t stop with dancing either&#8211;he patted her butt and squeezed her boobs.<\/p>\n<p>Delighted and sweaty, Gisel headed for the shower, but he still couldn\u2019t seem to stay away from her. He came into the bathroom and brushed his teeth while she was showering. This is the same man who had been locking the bathroom door and when he wanted to come out and heard her on the stairs would close the door again and wait until she was gone.<\/p>\n<p>Gisel turned that around through filling up on self-care, increasing her magnetism to the point that she is irresistible to her husband. She went to bed that night with even more self-care, listening to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcasts\/\">The Empowered Wife podcast<\/a>, playing games on her phone and celebrating her wins with her Coach Training tribe.<\/p>\n<p>How could you fill your self-care tank?<\/p>\n<p>Would some meditation or yoga, reading or a long walk re-energize you?<\/p>\n<p>For some vital social self-care, having your own tribe to turn to lets you come back to your marriage as your happiest self. If you don\u2019t have a tribe yet, there\u2019s one waiting for you in the <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rhw-waitlist\/\">Ridiculously Happy Wife program<\/a>. <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Or, if you\u2019re just getting started, you\u2019ll find a terrific launch pad for the marriage-transforming journey ahead in <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">my <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rm4o\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">FREE Roadmap<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Having a group of like-minded women goes a long way toward rewiring your mindset when negative thoughts creep in too.<\/p>\n<p>Now that you have these five simple steps to getting the attention you deserve, which will you try first?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re begging for attention in a relationship, it is so lonely, demoralizing and even demeaning. You shouldn\u2019t have to beg for attention from the man you married! I remember the bad old days when my husband didn\u2019t want to be around me, and they were lousy. Fortunately, I learned a thing or two to\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/tired-of-begging-for-attention-from-husband\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13280,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-13278","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Tired of Begging for Attention from Husband<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you tired of begging for attention from your husband? 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