{"id":14106,"date":"2022-01-05T07:00:24","date_gmt":"2022-01-05T15:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=14106"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:33:58","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:33:58","slug":"do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman\/","title":{"rendered":"Do Husbands Come Back after Leaving for Another Woman?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband cheated and left you, it\u2019s one of the most heart-wrenching things anyone can go through. When the man who vowed to love you for better or worse betrays you, it affects your self-esteem, your health, your family, every aspect of your life.<\/p>\n<p>No one deserves to be treated like that.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve been through the most devastating kind of betrayal, what now? A lot of people will tell you it\u2019s time to give up on your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>But if you\u2019re reading this, there must be some part of you that still wants to make it work.<\/p>\n<p>The question is: How are you supposed to do that, especially if your husband is living with another woman?<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019d like to know if your husband will regret leaving for another woman. And, if so, when will he realize that?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe he\u2019s saying he is done, he\u2019s not in love with you anymore and there\u2019s no changing his mind. Ouch! You shouldn\u2019t have to hear things like that from your man. It\u2019s enough to make anyone feel hopeless and ready to give up.<\/p>\n<p>Kudos to you for not giving up. Because as the wife, the keeper of your relationship, you have enormous power to turn things around, in my experience.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what to do when your husband abandons you, how to get him back after he leaves you.<\/p>\n<p>And it\u2019s not what you think.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman\/#1_Find_and_Keep_Your_Dignity\" title=\" Find and Keep Your Dignity\"> Find and Keep Your Dignity<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman\/#2_Starve_Her_of_Oxygen\" title=\" Starve Her of Oxygen\"> Starve Her of Oxygen<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman\/#3_Find_Your_Power_and_Use_It\" title=\" Find Your Power and Use It\"> Find Your Power and Use It<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman\/#4_First_Fall_Completely_Apart\" title=\" First, Fall Completely Apart\"> First, Fall Completely Apart<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman\/#5_Prepare_for_a_Breakthrough_You_May_Not_Have_Imagined\" title=\" Prepare for a Breakthrough You May Not Have Imagined\"> Prepare for a Breakthrough You May Not Have Imagined<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Find_and_Keep_Your_Dignity\"><\/span>1) Find and Keep Your Dignity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14109\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/control-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"control in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/control-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/control-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/control-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/control-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/control-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/control-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When the pain is fresh, every fiber of your being probably wants to cry out, \u201cHow could you do this to me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He deserves a guilt trip, big time.<\/p>\n<p>You would be well within your rights to send him on that trip. I wouldn\u2019t blame you a bit.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-4277365336\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>There\u2019s one question that\u2019s worth asking first: <em>How would it serve you?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Chances are, even if it doesn\u2019t look like it, he\u2019s in pain himself. It\u2019s not very dignified to hurt the woman you vowed to love.<\/p>\n<p>What if you were to remain dignified yourself?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what Misha did when she caught her husband in the act. In that moment of unspeakable pain and shock, Misha did the unthinkable.<\/p>\n<p>She pulled her husband aside in the bathroom. With the other woman still lying in bed in the next room, Misha asked, not \u201cHow could you,\u201d but \u201cDo you not love me anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That wasn\u2019t the problem.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOkay,\u201d she said, \u201cCome home.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Misha says that things couldn\u2019t be more different now. Gone are the days of disconnect and disinterest, when they were like passing ships in the night. Now they actively spend time together, and she feels so supported. He even got a job at her same company so they could move overseas where she wanted to be.<\/p>\n<p>Letting him deal with the shame himself grants him life lessons, not wife lessons. You not acting like his teacher or his mother, not criticizing or correcting or trying to control, is probably the most surprising thing you could do.<\/p>\n<p>And the most respectful. Which is super attractive because respect is like oxygen for men.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-12741686\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Starve_Her_of_Oxygen\"><\/span>2) Starve Her of Oxygen<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14110\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/the-other-woman.jpg\" alt=\"the other woman\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/the-other-woman.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/the-other-woman-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/the-other-woman-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/the-other-woman-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/the-other-woman-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/the-other-woman-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Speaking of oxygen, if you\u2019re like most of us mere mortal women, you\u2019re probably giving oxygen to the last thing you want to think about: the other woman.<\/p>\n<p>Who is she? Where did they do it and when and how many times? What does she look like? What does she have that you don\u2019t?<\/p>\n<p>Again, it\u2019s worth considering how it would serve you to get such answers.<\/p>\n<p>Especially since what you focus on increases.<\/p>\n<p>Increasing this woman\u2019s presence in your lives is surely the last thing you want.<\/p>\n<p>What if you were to take an entirely unexpected approach and ignore her completely?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what Misha did, starting the moment she found out about this woman and ignored her presence just next door. The other woman (or \u201cOW,\u201d as we call it around here) disappeared. For good.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Find_Your_Power_and_Use_It\"><\/span>3) Find Your Power and Use It<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14111\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/accountability-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"accountability in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/accountability-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/accountability-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/accountability-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/accountability-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/accountability-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/accountability-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Just as with the questions \u201cHow could you do this to me\u201d and \u201cWho is she,\u201d it\u2019s natural to want to turn to him for answers about where the relationship went wrong.<\/p>\n<p>Especially if you\u2019re blindsided by this whole thing. Many wives think that things are going okay until something like this happens.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a wakeup call no one wants. Maybe you\u2019re so desperate to save your marriage that you are willing to make it right, if only you knew what \u201cit\u201d was.<\/p>\n<p>The problem with turning to him for this information on what needs fixing is that it\u2019s over on his side of the street. In my experience, empowerment resides on my side of the street, and it starts with me knowing and admitting what I wish I\u2019d done differently<\/p>\n<p>The times I\u2019ve said \u201csorry\u201d because I didn\u2019t like my husband\u2019s reaction and wanted to make nice, not because I was actually remorseful, only made the tension worse.<\/p>\n<p>But wait a minute. <em>He\u2019s<\/em> the one who got caught, not you. <em>He\u2019s<\/em> the one who owes an apology.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>But if you\u2019ve ever tried making him show accountability, you already know it\u2019s pretty unproductive. Maybe he obliged, but his apology wasn\u2019t very satisfying because you had to ask for it. Or maybe, like Kendra\u2019s husband, he just got annoyed with you, making matters even worse.<\/p>\n<p>As frustrating as that was, Kendra saw how undignified her own response had been, which is only human when she found a video of her man having sex with another woman. While she obviously couldn&#8217;t make him take accountability, she could be the bigger person and show such accountability herself.<\/p>\n<p>She cleaned up her side of the street, using the anatomy of an apology I share in <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/007-how-to-bring-back-that-lovin-feeling\/\">\u201cHow to Bring Back that Lovin\u2019 Feeling.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Her unexpected response led to unexpected results.<\/p>\n<p>Her husband did show that accountability she had longed for. He broke it off with the other woman, blocked her on social media, and never spoke to her again. He quit going out until 5:00 in the morning.<\/p>\n<p>Almost a year later, he again expressed remorse for how he had cost them in their marriage, along with his appreciation for Kendra being so strong when he was at his worst.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_First_Fall_Completely_Apart\"><\/span>4) First, Fall Completely Apart<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14112\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/happiness-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"happiness in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/happiness-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/happiness-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/happiness-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/happiness-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/happiness-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/happiness-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve just had a bombshell dropped on you, it\u2019s pretty impossible to feel strong right now.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to be strong. I bet you\u2019ve been strong enough, carrying things for a long time.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to suck it up. As Jung wisely said, \u201cWhat you resist persists,\u201d so I invite you to give your feelings their day in the sun. You probably don\u2019t need any help getting the tears flowing, but listening to sad songs and even angry songs can be cathartic.<\/p>\n<p>Venting to well-meaning friends and family, who will naturally want to protect you and may have a hard time ever forgiving him, can be dangerous when you want to save your marriage, or at least keep that option open for now. So is being alone at a time when you most need support. There\u2019s nothing like having a community of like-minded women who will support your desire for your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>That kind of social self-care goes a long way when you don\u2019t know if you can ever forgive him yourself.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what Becca wondered after her husband cheated. How could she ever trust him again?<\/p>\n<p>Becca didn\u2019t know whether she was capable of all that, but she found a simple practice she was capable of doing.<\/p>\n<p>She scheduled three self-care activities every single day. Things that filled her up, made her feel better, and allowed her to feel happy even at her saddest time. She listened to music she hadn\u2019t heard in a long time, took long bubble baths, and did basic things like making sure she got enough sleep every night. (Being her best self without feeling like the walking dead was hard enough.)<\/p>\n<p>If she wasn\u2019t working or sleeping, she was doing self-care. She filled the freezer with meals for her teenagers and stopped cooking. Basically, she did what she wanted. She was gone all the time, shopping, seeing movies, taking craft classes, eating out, going to the park or the lake, and visiting friends.<\/p>\n<p>One day, Becca suddenly felt a release of the hurt and resentment she\u2019d been carrying.<\/p>\n<p>Taking care of herself in these simple ways turned out to be a way of taking care of herself emotionally too.<\/p>\n<p>Becoming responsible for her own happiness also allowed her to receive all the ways her husband started piling on to her happiness, as if it were contagious.<\/p>\n<p>He started crashing her self-care, trying to find her, like the time he found her sitting at a bar having a drink. Then he started asking her to do things with him, like going out in his boat with him. Then he invited her on trips, lots of trips.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Prepare_for_a_Breakthrough_You_May_Not_Have_Imagined\"><\/span>5) Prepare for a Breakthrough You May Not Have Imagined<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14113\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/trust-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"trust in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/trust-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/trust-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/trust-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/trust-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/trust-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/trust-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re like most women, you may be afraid that, even if you decide to move forward, you\u2019ll always be looking over your shoulder, wondering what he\u2019s up to, waiting for the other shoe to drop.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, you worry that your marriage will be forever sullied. After such heartbreak and pain, that\u2019s a common concern. And it can hold you back from wanting to save your relationship, thinking it will always be third-rate.<\/p>\n<p>Your marriage will be different, yes, but in my experience, again it\u2019s not how you might think.<\/p>\n<p>Misha\u2019s, Kendra\u2019s, and Becca\u2019s unexpected responses to infidelity brought about unexpected results. In fact, their dark time was the breakdown before the breakthrough.<\/p>\n<p>What lay on the other side of that breakdown was more connection than before. Even your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.recovery.org\/pro\/articles\/the-3-phases-of-erotic-recovery-after-infidelity\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">sex life changes<\/a>, often for the better.<\/p>\n<p>Another student, Mindy, is yet another example of the breakdown before the breakthrough. Shortly after the arrival of their newborn baby, her husband confessed to an affair. She felt dumb, naive, and heartbroken.<\/p>\n<p>Yet she didn\u2019t berate him or even talk to him much about it, not feeling the need to remind him of it. She starved it of oxygen and focused on the evidence that he is a good husband who loves her.<\/p>\n<p>What she focused on increased too.<\/p>\n<p>Today, she says that the new normal is feeling like they\u2019re in love, like when they were dating. Shortly after she started this approach, her husband told her that he felt butterflies when he kissed her.<\/p>\n<p>She was about to attend one of her coaching calls, getting the kind of support that empowered her to become her best self, watching a show on the couch with him when he said, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just cancel your meeting and hug me forever?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Some students on our campus have even expressed gratitude for their husband&#8217;s affair because it\u2019s what brought them here, where they got to become their best selves and learn the secrets of loving and being loved in return.<\/p>\n<p>Now that\u2019s unexpected.<\/p>\n<p>What unconventional steps will you take to have your breakthrough?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If your husband cheated and left you, it\u2019s one of the most heart-wrenching things anyone can go through. When the man who vowed to love you for better or worse betrays you, it affects your self-esteem, your health, your family, every aspect of your life. No one deserves to be treated like that. If you\u2019ve\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/do-husbands-come-back-after-leaving-for-another-woman\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14108,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[709],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-14106","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-and-separation"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Do Husbands Come Back after Leaving for Another Woman?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Has your husband left you for another woman? 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