{"id":15172,"date":"2023-02-09T05:00:11","date_gmt":"2023-02-09T13:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=15172"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:33:53","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:33:53","slug":"my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Is Nicer to Other Women"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>One of the worst feelings is when you\u2019re not getting much of your husband\u2019s time to begin with then you hear his voice get all warm and happy when he\u2019s talking to the neighbor or on the phone with a co-worker or even the bank teller.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s hard not to take it personally.<\/p>\n<p>Or if he\u2019s always texting a \u201cfriend\u201d who\u2019s a woman and doing nice things for her, it\u2019s downright scary.<\/p>\n<p>Shouldn\u2019t he be treating you, his own wife, at least as sweetly as he\u2019s treating her? Shouldn\u2019t he fix the cabinet at your house instead of dropping everything to go unclog her sink at her house?<\/p>\n<p>How do you tell him that he\u2019s being inappropriate and have him really hear you and stop embarrassing you?<\/p>\n<p>Especially if you\u2019ve already tried to tell him yet he still acts like it\u2019s no big deal even though it\u2019s hurting you. You don\u2019t deserve that.<\/p>\n<p>But how do you get him to give you what you deserve?<\/p>\n<p>Here are three ways to respond when your husband is being nicer to another woman and you want him to stop that and be nicer to you.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women\/#1_Stop_Giving_Her_Oxygen\" title=\"Stop Giving Her Oxygen\">Stop Giving Her Oxygen<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women\/#2_List_22_Things\" title=\"List 22 Things\">List 22 Things<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women\/#3_Be_Pleasable\" title=\"Be Pleasable\">Be Pleasable<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Stop_Giving_Her_Oxygen\"><\/span>1. Stop Giving Her Oxygen<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15174 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/focus-on-what-you-enjoy.jpg\" alt=\"Focus on what you enjoy\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/focus-on-what-you-enjoy.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/focus-on-what-you-enjoy-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/focus-on-what-you-enjoy-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/focus-on-what-you-enjoy-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/focus-on-what-you-enjoy-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Of course you wish he\u2019d just stop paying any attention to her because that\u2019s taking away from time he could be spending with you.<\/p>\n<p>But what if YOU stopped giving her airtime first?<\/p>\n<p>What if you stopped thinking about her, talking about her, checking to see what he texted her and all other forms of shopping for pain?<\/p>\n<p>Knowing the ins and outs of his conversations with her and whether they\u2019ve gone over the line may feel like it\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-insecure\/\">keeping you safe<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>But what if your focus on the woman he\u2019s being nicer to is making her presence in your lives bigger, not smaller?<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-814305434\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>What if you focused only on other things, things you enjoy, and gave her no oxygen?<\/p>\n<p>That can be challenging, I know. But here\u2019s something you can do instead of fretting and focusing on her.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-2184018664\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_List_22_Things\"><\/span>2. List 22 Things<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15177 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/what-you-focus-on-increases-1.jpg\" alt=\"What you focus on Increases\" width=\"1080\" height=\"454\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/what-you-focus-on-increases-1.jpg 1080w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/what-you-focus-on-increases-1-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/what-you-focus-on-increases-1-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/what-you-focus-on-increases-1-768x323.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 1080px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Consider making a list of all the ways your husband makes your life better.<\/p>\n<p>Think of the things he does every day, things he\u2019s done for years, that lighten your load, contribute to your kids\u2019 lives, improve your home or make you laugh.<\/p>\n<p>Then I invite you to say three of them directly to him today.<\/p>\n<p>It could be very simple things. He made coffee or dinner. He works hard to support the family. He told a dad joke and made everybody groan. He locks the doors before bed. He got the wifi working again. He took out the trash. He put the trash on the curb on trash day.<\/p>\n<p>When you get to 22, you\u2019ll have a week\u2019s worth of gratitude and one bonus gratitude you can express to him too.<\/p>\n<p>But why do that?! Why be so nice to him when he\u2019s being nice to some other woman? Isn\u2019t that just rewarding his bad behavior?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not him I\u2019m thinking about. I\u2019m suggesting you focus on what you\u2019re enjoying about your husband instead of what you don\u2019t like because <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/laws-of-attraction-in-relationships\/\">what you focus on increases<\/a>. If you continue to focus on what you don\u2019t like, that will continue to be your experience, in my experience.<\/p>\n<p>But if you focus on how wonderful he is and how much he does for your happiness, you\u2019re going to experience more of that, in my experience.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-rekindle-a-marriage\/#5_Express_Your_Gratitude\">expressing your gratitude<\/a>, you\u2019ll already be halfway to suggestion #3, which is to\u2026<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Be_Pleasable\"><\/span>3. Be Pleasable<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-15178\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/how-to-get-my-husband-to-be-nicer-to-me.jpg\" alt=\"How to get my husband to be nicer to me\" width=\"1080\" height=\"454\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/how-to-get-my-husband-to-be-nicer-to-me.jpg 1080w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/how-to-get-my-husband-to-be-nicer-to-me-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/how-to-get-my-husband-to-be-nicer-to-me-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/how-to-get-my-husband-to-be-nicer-to-me-768x323.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 1080px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If your husband is being nicer to someone else than he is to you, it might seem like you should punish him to show him that\u2019s not okay.<\/p>\n<p>But then you\u2019d be giving yourself a permanent scowly face, which means you\u2019re going to look like that grouchy teacher nobody liked at school, which means you\u2019re also going to feel pretty miserable.<\/p>\n<p>You can\u2019t wear that disapproving face and feel good at the same time, as you already know.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019d also be discouraging your husband from being nice to you because you\u2019d be signaling that he can\u2019t please you. So why should he try?<\/p>\n<p>If your most wanted outcome is to have him be nicer to you than her, then you\u2019ll want to reinforce that you\u2019re pleasable.<\/p>\n<p>You can do that by smiling when you see him.<\/p>\n<p>And it\u2019s true, he may be surprised. If you\u2019ve been crying or scowling or raging at him a lot, he may wonder if you\u2019ve been hit in the head recently.<\/p>\n<p>Why the sudden smile?<\/p>\n<p>If he asks, you can just tell him that it <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sclhealth.org\/blog\/2019\/06\/the-real-health-benefits-of-smiling-and-laughing\/\">feels good to smile<\/a> and you just like to feel good.<\/p>\n<p>Or you can tell him you made a list of things you\u2019re grateful for and it made you smile.<\/p>\n<p>Or you could admit that you\u2019re happy to see him.<\/p>\n<p>And if all three of those suggestions sound like the opposite of what you should do when he\u2019s being nicer to another woman, I get it. It\u2019s not how I was trained early on either.<\/p>\n<p>And I didn\u2019t decide to start focusing on how *I* was showing up instead of what *he* was doing wrong until things got really bad.<\/p>\n<p>But once I found the switch and flipped it, I not only learned how to be nicer to myself I also <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/ways-to-be-more-attractive\/\">attracted back all the niceness<\/a> I had been missing from my husband.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve already tried the conventional approach, like trying to punish your husband for being nice to another woman, then what do you have to lose?<\/p>\n<p>Consider experimenting with bringing the grateful, smiling, nice you back to the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>I can\u2019t wait to hear how your experiment serves you\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the worst feelings is when you\u2019re not getting much of your husband\u2019s time to begin with then you hear his voice get all warm and happy when he\u2019s talking to the neighbor or on the phone with a co-worker or even the bank teller. It\u2019s hard not to take it personally. Or if\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15179,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-15172","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Is Nicer to Other Women<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Husband Is Nicer to Other Women\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One of the worst feelings is when you\u2019re not getting much of your husband\u2019s time to begin with then you hear his voice get all warm and happy when he\u2019s talking to the neighbor or on the phone with a co-worker or even the bank teller. It\u2019s hard not to take it personally. Or if\u2026 Read More &raquo;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-02-09T13:00:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:33:53+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/my-husband-is-nicer-to-other-women.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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It\u2019s hard not to take it personally. 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