{"id":15773,"date":"2023-09-12T02:00:41","date_gmt":"2023-09-12T09:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=15773"},"modified":"2023-09-12T02:00:02","modified_gmt":"2023-09-12T09:00:02","slug":"rebuilding-trust-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Secrets to Rebuilding Trust in Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re trying to fathom how you could ever rebuild the trust in your marriage, it means you\u2019ve had it broken in a big way. That\u2019s so painful and scary because it seems so permanent!<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re feeling bad because you feel responsible for breaking your husband\u2019s trust, you might also be struggling to know how you can get that back, which can fill you with regret and fear.<\/p>\n<p>Or, if he let you down in a big way, you may feel like you\u2019d be a sucker to trust him again. Whether he lied, cheated or spent money recklessly, it\u2019s completely natural to feel like vigilance, not trust, is the smart thing to do.<\/p>\n<p>Either way, I\u2019ve got a terrific exercise that will help you powerfully rebuild the trust in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>First of all, kudos to you for reading this. Because wanting to rebuild trust is like saying you want to be the woman who expects the best from your husband and who gives him her best too.<\/p>\n<p>And the good news is: you can be her again, and he can be the man who deserves your trust. Or vice versa.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re going to talk about how to rebuild the trust in both directions.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>If you\u2019re the one who feels that your trust was betrayed, here\u2019s secret #1 for rebuilding trust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage\/#1_Pretend_You_Do_Trust_Him\" title=\"Pretend You Do Trust Him\">Pretend You Do Trust Him<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage\/#2_Talk_to_Your_Future_Self\" title=\"Talk to Your Future Self\">Talk to Your Future Self<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage\/#3_Get_a_Tribe\" title=\"Get a Tribe\">Get a Tribe<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Pretend_You_Do_Trust_Him\"><\/span>1. Pretend You Do Trust Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15787 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/how-to-trust-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"how to trust in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/how-to-trust-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/how-to-trust-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/how-to-trust-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/how-to-trust-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/how-to-trust-in-marriage-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I had to stretch to trust my husband to manage our finances years ago, the area where I had the least amount of trust in him. It took all my might.<\/p>\n<p>But I learned that the only way you can ever trust someone is to decide to trust them.<\/p>\n<p>Trusting doesn\u2019t include checking up on someone to make sure they\u2019re behaving. That\u2019s the definition of doubting and mistrust.<\/p>\n<p>Trusting can involve wrestling with your own doubts in the night or taking them to a third party\u2014not the person you\u2019re trusting.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t mean you won\u2019t ever get hurt again. You might.<\/p>\n<p>So why on earth would you decide to trust again?<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2828684137\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>For one thing, being in a perpetual state of doubt is exhausting and painful.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019ve discovered that the best reason to decide to trust my husband is that <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/\">choosing my faith instead of my fear<\/a> dramatically improves my chances of experiencing the outcome I want.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like the part in the Serenity Prayer that references \u201cthe courage to change the things I can.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sure, it\u2019s scary as heck sometimes. But as Ambrose Redmoon wrote, \u201cCourage is not the absence of fear but the decision that something else is more important.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Like trusting my husband to handle our bills. I was so afraid, but I decided that it was more important to have financial intimacy than to give into my fear, and you know what? My fear that I couldn\u2019t count on him was wrong.<\/p>\n<p>He handles our finances beautifully. It\u2019s such a gift and a relief.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3744379129\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Talk_to_Your_Future_Self\"><\/span>2. Talk to Your Future Self<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-15788\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/relationship-is-better.jpg\" alt=\"relationship is better\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/relationship-is-better.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/relationship-is-better-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/relationship-is-better-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/relationship-is-better-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/relationship-is-better-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>In <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rhw-waitlist\/\">the Ridiculously Happy Wife group coaching program<\/a> and the Diamond private coaching program, we have a very popular training about talking to your future self, where I invite you to go a year into the future and ask yourself how things turned out in your relationship so that you can find out that\u2014spoiler alert\u2014everything went the way you wanted it to.<\/p>\n<p>Your dreams came true and your relationship is better than ever!<\/p>\n<p>So spend some time visiting your future self and filling out that vision for yourself, about how strong and confident you feel about your relationship, how much trust there is between you.<\/p>\n<p>Especially if you\u2019re the one who feels guilty for betraying his trust, let your future self tell you all about how you rebuilt the trust.<\/p>\n<p>After you do that part, which is critical because you\u2019ve gotta have a vision, ask yourself these powerful questions: How would you show up differently today if you knew that your vision for a year from now was how things were going to turn out?<\/p>\n<p>What would you do today?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a powerful way to shake off your fear and choose your faith.<\/p>\n<p>I always get blown away by hearing how my students use this training to actually get to the wonderful relationship they imagined back when I invited them to do this exercise.<\/p>\n<p>If they can do it, why not you?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Get_a_Tribe\"><\/span>3. Get a Tribe<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-15789\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/experiment-with-trust-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"experiment with trust in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/experiment-with-trust-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/experiment-with-trust-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/experiment-with-trust-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/experiment-with-trust-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/experiment-with-trust-in-marriage-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I know these suggestions that involve pretending and visualizing may sound too airy fairy or you may just struggle to get yourself to do them.<\/p>\n<p>You might have a lot of \u201cyeah but\u2026\u201d thoughts coming up right now. I get it.<\/p>\n<p>I always encourage you to stretch but not to tear.<\/p>\n<p>One thing that helps me be brave and stretch when I\u2019m afraid is being with a like-minded group of women who stand for my greatness, want to see me succeed and are being brave themselves.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s contagious. When I see them doing it, it makes me want to do the scary thing that I\u2019m nervous about. It gives me wings. I see it with students too.<\/p>\n<p>If that\u2019s you, then how weird that I\u2019m talking about you in third-person, right?<\/p>\n<p>What I mean to say is that you, who are part of my community of like-minded women who think marriage is important, make me braver.<\/p>\n<p>You do it by:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Sharing your story on <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcasts\/\">the Empowered Wife podcast<\/a>, as over 180 students have done.<\/li>\n<li>Encouraging me with reviews on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apple.com\/us\/search\/empowered-wife?src=globalnav\">Apple Podcasts<\/a>. Thanks for that.<\/li>\n<li>Sharing your challenges and your insights so vulnerably in our groups.<\/li>\n<li>Training to become a coach.<\/li>\n<li>Being a coach.<\/li>\n<li>Putting on workshops and events like the Cherished for Life Weekend in Australia.<\/li>\n<li>Going to those events.<\/li>\n<li>Using your voice to stand for marriage.<\/li>\n<li>And stretching to rebuild the trust in your marriage even when it seems like it just won\u2019t work.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Together, we really are rebuilding trust in marriage.<\/p>\n<p>If there has been a breach in your marriage, which of these three experiments will you try?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re trying to fathom how you could ever rebuild the trust in your marriage, it means you\u2019ve had it broken in a big way. That\u2019s so painful and scary because it seems so permanent! If you&#8217;re feeling bad because you feel responsible for breaking your husband\u2019s trust, you might also be struggling to know\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15784,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[713],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-15773","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>3 Secrets to Rebuilding Trust in Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"3 Secrets to Rebuilding Trust in Marriage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you\u2019re trying to fathom how you could ever rebuild the trust in your marriage, it means you\u2019ve had it broken in a big way. That\u2019s so painful and scary because it seems so permanent! If you&#8217;re feeling bad because you feel responsible for breaking your husband\u2019s trust, you might also be struggling to know\u2026 Read More &raquo;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-09-12T09:00:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/rebuilding-trust-in-marriage.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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