{"id":15818,"date":"2023-11-07T02:00:31","date_gmt":"2023-11-07T10:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=15818"},"modified":"2025-04-05T13:21:27","modified_gmt":"2025-04-05T20:21:27","slug":"is-marriage-counseling-worth-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Does Marriage Counseling Work?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you and I have been hanging out together for a while on this blog, then you already know how I feel now about marriage canceling, I mean <em>marriage counseling<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>So don\u2019t even get me started! Who even approved this topic for the blog anyway?<\/p>\n<p>Actually, there is one very specific kind of marriage counseling that I believe can help, which I\u2019ll tell you about in a moment, but first\u2026<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#1_The_Embarrassing_Reason_Marriage_Counseling_Didnt_Work_for_Us\" title=\"The Embarrassing Reason Marriage Counseling Didn\u2019t Work for Us\u00a0\">The Embarrassing Reason Marriage Counseling Didn\u2019t Work for Us\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#2_Why_Couples_Fight_On_the_Way_Home_from_Marriage_Counseling\" title=\"Why Couples Fight On the Way Home from Marriage Counseling\">Why Couples Fight On the Way Home from Marriage Counseling<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#3_The_Only_Kind_of_Marriage_Counseling_I_Recommend\" title=\"The Only Kind of Marriage Counseling I Recommend\">The Only Kind of Marriage Counseling I Recommend<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_The_Embarrassing_Reason_Marriage_Counseling_Didnt_Work_for_Us\"><\/span><strong>1. The Embarrassing Reason Marriage Counseling Didn\u2019t Work for Us<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-15824\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/why-marriage-counseling.jpg\" alt=\"Why Marriage Counseling\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/why-marriage-counseling.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/why-marriage-counseling-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/why-marriage-counseling-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/why-marriage-counseling-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/why-marriage-counseling-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re wondering whether marriage counseling is worth it, that means you\u2019re looking for some relief.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you feel like I used to and you want validation that you were abandoned, duped or abused.<\/p>\n<p>I wanted sympathy and a professional to confirm that I was right, right, right!<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what I was hoping for when I dragged my husband to marriage counseling so that the counselor could fix him and I could finally be happy.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, as you know, that\u2019s not how it works.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s not how you get <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/176-your-journey-to-becoming-a-ridiculously-happy-wife\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">outcome<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> you\u2019re wanting from marriage counseling<\/span><\/a>. And that\u2019s the real reason you go to marriage counseling, for the outcome.<\/p>\n<p>Because nobody says to their partner, \u201cI\u2019ve got a great idea! Let\u2019s go sit on a stranger\u2019s couch, complain about each other for an hour, then have a fight on the way home!\u201d That\u2019s not anyone\u2019s idea of a good time.<\/p>\n<p>No. You go to marriage counseling because you hope to get a happy relationship and stop suffering.<\/p>\n<p>Or in my case, to have the counselor tell your husband how wrong he is!<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3189305156\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Why_Couples_Fight_On_the_Way_Home_from_Marriage_Counseling\"><\/span>2. Why Couples Fight On the Way Home from Marriage Counseling<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-15825\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Is-marriage-counselling-worth-it.jpg\" alt=\"Is marriage counseling worth it\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Is-marriage-counselling-worth-it.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Is-marriage-counselling-worth-it-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Is-marriage-counselling-worth-it-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Is-marriage-counselling-worth-it-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Is-marriage-counselling-worth-it-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Okay, so that was not the right attitude for me to have in marriage counseling.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-864838197\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>I know, I know. I should have been trying to learn how I could be a better partner and communicate better and blah blah blah.<\/p>\n<p>Buuuuut since <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-save-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">our problems were all his fault<\/span><\/a>\u00a0and the marriage counselors agreed with me, all I could do was wait for him to finally get that he was a loser McLoosy pants who needed to straighten up!<\/p>\n<p>You might be thinking that this bad attitude I had was the reason I had a bad marriage counseling experience. And you\u2019re probably right! (Doesn\u2019t that feel good?)<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t go to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-change-myself-to-save-my-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">take a long hard look at myself<\/span><\/a> and my flaws. No! I went to blame, complain and criticize.<\/p>\n<p>But I don\u2019t think I\u2019m the only one who approaches marriage counseling this way.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, it\u2019s like inviting my dad to complain about the government. It\u2019s not going to end well. Your husband is right there and the counselor wants to know what the problem is and it\u2019s your big chance to get it off your chest.<\/p>\n<p>No wonder John and I fought all the way home.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_The_Only_Kind_of_Marriage_Counseling_I_Recommend\"><\/span>3. The Only Kind of Marriage Counseling I Recommend<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-15826\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/marriage-counseling-that-works.jpg\" alt=\"marriage counseling that works\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/marriage-counseling-that-works.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/marriage-counseling-that-works-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/marriage-counseling-that-works-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/marriage-counseling-that-works-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/marriage-counseling-that-works-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>But there is one situation where marriage counseling can be very helpful toward improving your marriage, and that\u2019s if and only if the marriage counselor is also a Laura Doyle certified coach and expert on the 6 Intimacy Skills\u2122 who sees you individually, not as a couple.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, you\u2019d be having a session by yourself with a counselor who is also equipped to help you learn and practice the 6 Intimacy Skills. The Intimacy Skills, if you don\u2019t know, are the powerful skills that I learned from women with happy relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Who would have thought that women with happy relationships would know the actual practices that work to make your marriage playful and passionate, right?<\/p>\n<p>Having marriage counseling by myself with a coach who held me accountable and emotionally safe at the same time would have really busted me. Nobody else to blame or criticize. No one to point a finger at. Only my own paper to look at and try to improve.<\/p>\n<p>I probably wouldn\u2019t have been open to that in the bad old days of my marriage. Because it\u2019s not easy to be accountable. It\u2019s kind of excruciating at first. You need someone super safe and supportive to help you get there. That kind of accountability feels like you\u2019re going to die. It\u2019s painful. At least it was for me.<\/p>\n<p>But then, after you run through the waterfall of fear and get to the other side, there are new sensations. Hope. Empowerment. Determination. Possibility to create the kind of marriage you dreamed of when you were a little girl, one where you feel loved, desired and taken care of. That is your birthright as a woman.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rhw-waitlist\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a certified coach who\u2019s in your corner<\/span><\/a> because she has fixed her own marriage and can empathize with your pain, your struggle and your heartbreak is what I wish for every woman who wants her marriage to last and thrive.<\/p>\n<p>What kind of support would really change things for you? I\u2019d love to hear in the comments below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you and I have been hanging out together for a while on this blog, then you already know how I feel now about marriage canceling, I mean marriage counseling. So don\u2019t even get me started! Who even approved this topic for the blog anyway? Actually, there is one very specific kind of marriage counseling\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15823,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[706],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-15818","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-coaching"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Does Marriage Counseling Work?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There is one very specific kind of marriage counseling that I believe can help. 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Let&#039;s go over the details so you can get the help you need.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-11-07T10:00:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-04-05T20:21:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"Does Marriage Counseling Work?\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-11-07T10:00:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-04-05T20:21:27+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/\"},\"wordCount\":850,\"commentCount\":4,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Relationship Coaching\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/\",\"name\":\"Does Marriage Counseling Work?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/is-marriage-counseling-worth-it.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-11-07T10:00:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-04-05T20:21:27+00:00\",\"description\":\"There is one very specific kind of marriage counseling that I believe can help. 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