{"id":15830,"date":"2023-11-21T02:00:03","date_gmt":"2023-11-21T10:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=15830"},"modified":"2023-11-21T02:00:00","modified_gmt":"2023-11-21T10:00:00","slug":"living-with-an-addict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/living-with-an-addict\/","title":{"rendered":"Living with an Addict"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Living with an addict is so scary. Here you\u2019ve tied yourself to your husband for better or worse, and he\u2019s gotten much worse.<\/p>\n<p>You question whether you should be trusting him with things that will impact your life when he\u2019s always under the influence of his addiction.<\/p>\n<p>Addicts have a terrible reputation for making bad decisions, which can make you understandably anxious and even vigilant. It\u2019s exhausting.<\/p>\n<p>What power do you even have? If <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/187-living-with-an-addict\/\">he can\u2019t stop being an addict<\/a>, even though you\u2019ve asked him to, told him to, and given him ultimatums, then what\u2019s left?<\/p>\n<p>Since this blog is for empowered wives, let\u2019s talk about the immense power you have in your marriage, even if you\u2019re living with an addict.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/living-with-an-addict\/#1_The_Foolproof_Marriage_Test\" title=\"The Foolproof Marriage Test\">The Foolproof Marriage Test<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/living-with-an-addict\/#2_What_You_Focus_on_Increases\" title=\"What You Focus on Increases\">What You Focus on Increases<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/living-with-an-addict\/#3_Whats_Your_Story\" title=\"What\u2019s Your Story?\">What\u2019s Your Story?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_The_Foolproof_Marriage_Test\"><\/span>1. The Foolproof Marriage Test<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15848 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/perspective-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Perspective in Marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/perspective-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/perspective-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/perspective-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/perspective-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/perspective-in-marriage-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>First, I\u2019m going to tell you a secret about how I can tell what the inside of a marriage is very quickly.<\/p>\n<p>You ready? Here\u2019s how.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s by the way a wife speaks about her husband.<\/p>\n<p>A wife might tell me her husband is ambitious and hardworking, or she says he\u2019s a workaholic who\u2019s never home. She might say he\u2019s very involved as a father or too harsh with the kids.<\/p>\n<p>That tips me off as to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/respect-in-marriage\/\">whether she is respectful<\/a>. Whether she sees the best in her husband or the worst. And from that, I know a little bit about how it\u2019s going at their house, by the level of respect in her words.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s the publicist for her husband, and I\u2019m finding out about him through her, so I hear what she\u2019s focused on when she speaks about him.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s telling me the way things are through her perspectacles.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1753133028\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_What_You_Focus_on_Increases\"><\/span>2. What You Focus on Increases<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15849 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/what-you-focus-on-increases.jpg\" alt=\"What you focus on Increases\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/what-you-focus-on-increases.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/what-you-focus-on-increases-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/what-you-focus-on-increases-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/what-you-focus-on-increases-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/what-you-focus-on-increases-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I used to tell anyone who would listen that John was a Loser McLoosey Pants. That seemed like the truth to me, but it was actually just my focus. When I <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/laws-of-attraction-in-relationships\/\">changed my focus<\/a>, I had a totally different experience.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2598756636\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>By opening my eyes a little wider and changing my mantra from \u201cMy husband is a loser\u201d to \u201cMy husband is a great provider\u201d and finding evidence for that instead, that\u2019s what I experienced.<\/p>\n<p>Now my husband is so successful. Now he\u2019s Mr. Moneybags.<\/p>\n<p>Did you catch what I did to become empowered?<\/p>\n<p>I changed what I was focused on. That\u2019s where my empowerment came from. I started focusing on the great qualities I saw in him when I chose him, which are still things I enjoy about him to this day. I started <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/059-the-law-of-attraction-for-relationships\/\">finding evidence for the things I wanted to experience<\/a>, and that changed my reality.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Whats_Your_Story\"><\/span>3. What\u2019s Your Story?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-15850\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/write-your-own-story.jpg\" alt=\"Write your own story\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/write-your-own-story.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/write-your-own-story-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/write-your-own-story-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/write-your-own-story-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/write-your-own-story-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>So if the headline story at your house is that you\u2019re living with an addict, you might think that\u2019s what you need to focus on to stay safe and protect yourself and your kids.<\/p>\n<p>But there\u2019s more to the story.<\/p>\n<p>If your mantra is \u201cI\u2019m living with an addict,\u201d one question I have for you is, who else are you living with?<\/p>\n<p>Are you also living with a hard worker and a good provider? Are you living with a good dad? Are you living with a comedian? Are you living with your hero? Are you living with the romantic lead of your love story? Is he loyal and devoted? Sweet or successful? Would he do anything for his family?<\/p>\n<p>What you focus on increases, in my experience. I\u2019m always impressed and inspired when I hear <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/rhw-waitlist\/\">women come to our campus<\/a> and share how, when they decided to change their focus, they had a whole new experience of the man they lived with. A much more enjoyable experience.<\/p>\n<p>If they can fix their marriages while living with an addict, then why not you too?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what we\u2019re all doing here: putting an end to the suffering in our marriages by changing the things we can, like what we focus on.<\/p>\n<p>What focus will you choose today? I\u2019d love to hear in the comments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Living with an addict is so scary. Here you\u2019ve tied yourself to your husband for better or worse, and he\u2019s gotten much worse. You question whether you should be trusting him with things that will impact your life when he\u2019s always under the influence of his addiction. Addicts have a terrible reputation for making bad\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/living-with-an-addict\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15847,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[715],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-15830","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Living with an Addict<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Today we&#039;re talking about about the immense power you have in your marriage, even if you\u2019re living with an addict.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/living-with-an-addict\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Living with an Addict\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today we&#039;re talking about about the immense power you have in your marriage, even if you\u2019re living with an addict.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/living-with-an-addict\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-11-21T10:00:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" 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