{"id":15994,"date":"2024-02-19T20:00:29","date_gmt":"2024-02-20T04:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=15994"},"modified":"2024-02-19T20:19:21","modified_gmt":"2024-02-20T04:19:21","slug":"my-husband-and-i-have-nothing-to-talk-about","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-and-i-have-nothing-to-talk-about\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband and I Have Nothing to Talk About"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Nothing feels lonelier than just eating with your husband in silence or living under the same roof but never having the deep conversations you\u2019re craving.<\/p>\n<p>It feels terrible when the emotional intimacy goes missing like that.<\/p>\n<p>I still remember how miserable that was when it was happening at my house.<\/p>\n<p>So how do you get back to sharing your dreams, desires, and the details of your day?<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what worked for me and might work for you too.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-and-i-have-nothing-to-talk-about\/#1_Restore_emotional_safety\" title=\"Restore emotional safety\">Restore emotional safety<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-and-i-have-nothing-to-talk-about\/#2_Do_something_that_excites_you\" title=\"Do something that excites you\">Do something that excites you<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-and-i-have-nothing-to-talk-about\/#3_Become_a_great_conversationalist\" title=\"Become a great conversationalist\">Become a great conversationalist<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Restore_emotional_safety\"><\/span>1. Restore emotional safety<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16000\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/emotional-safety-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Emotional safety in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/emotional-safety-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>One thing that shuts down conversations fast is when it\u2019s not safe to say anything, for either one of you.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019re afraid he\u2019s going to blame you or shut you out or he\u2019s afraid you\u2019re going to micromanage or criticize him.<\/p>\n<p>Neither of you feels free to be yourself, so you stay distant. It feels awful! Especially if you used to talk about everything and confide in each other.<\/p>\n<p>So how do you restore emotional safety, especially if you\u2019re the one who doesn\u2019t feel safe?<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll need a superpower. At least it seemed like one to me early on in my marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, it\u2019s one you can develop.<\/p>\n<p>This is pretty counterintuitive, I know, but the superpower for restoring emotional safety is to scan my side of the street for ways <em>I<\/em> contributed to the problem.<\/p>\n<p>Even if I was only 10% of the problem and he was 90%.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-4162772518\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Even if I was only 1% of the problem and he was 99%.<\/p>\n<p>I like having deep conversations and silly conversations and sharing details about our day, so if that goes missing, I like being able to fix it.<\/p>\n<p>Once I figure out what I did, I use my superpower of being able to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/making-up-after-a-fight\/\">apologize for being disrespectful<\/a>, critical, or controlling.<\/p>\n<p>Before I had this superpower, I thought this idea was ridiculous.<\/p>\n<p>I was just waiting for him to apologize for his part. But that got old and painful, so I decided to go first. Now I like being able to clean things up myself, and it\u2019s wild how he also apologizes.<\/p>\n<p>We both got superpowers after I decided to go first.<\/p>\n<p>Even if he doesn\u2019t apologize, I also don\u2019t need him to anymore. That\u2019s wild too!<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-787835376\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Do_something_that_excites_you\"><\/span>2. Do something that excites you<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16002\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/how-to-be-a-great-listener.jpg\" alt=\"How to be a great listener\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/how-to-be-a-great-listener.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/how-to-be-a-great-listener-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/how-to-be-a-great-listener-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/how-to-be-a-great-listener-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/how-to-be-a-great-listener-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Are you doing something that lights you up that you\u2019re so excited to talk about?<\/p>\n<p>If not, then let\u2019s talk about that.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s stopping you from having an adventure, expressing yourself creatively, or playing a sport that fills you with endorphins? Like say, I don\u2019t know, volleyball!<\/p>\n<p>Okay, so that\u2019s my thing, but what\u2019s your thing?<\/p>\n<p>Because when you are full of endorphins or bubbling with the excitement of bringing a creative endeavor into the world or planning on having an adventure, a couple of things happen: One, you have something interesting to talk about, and two, you <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/012-how-to-be-feminine-and-be-10x-more-attractive\/\">become more attractive<\/a> because you\u2019re so full of joy and excitement.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Become_a_great_conversationalist\"><\/span>3. Become a great conversationalist<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16003\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/excitement-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Excitement in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/excitement-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/excitement-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/excitement-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/excitement-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/excitement-in-marriage-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>How do you do that? By becoming a great listener.<\/p>\n<p>How do you <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/\">become a great listener<\/a>? It\u2019s not as easy as it seems, speaking of superpowers.<\/p>\n<p>I lean on this cheat phrase, to remind me that what I want to do is listen well: \u201cI hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s it. Just \u201cI hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no \u201cAnds\u201d or \u201cButs\u201d at the end. There are no helpful suggestions either.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s just bearing witness, giving your man the gift of being heard and understood.<\/p>\n<p>Every human needs that.<\/p>\n<p>Now that you know the three ways to create emotional intimacy, which will you try first? I\u2019d love to hear what conversations it sparks at your house!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nothing feels lonelier than just eating with your husband in silence or living under the same roof but never having the deep conversations you\u2019re craving. It feels terrible when the emotional intimacy goes missing like that. I still remember how miserable that was when it was happening at my house. So how do you get\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-and-i-have-nothing-to-talk-about\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16001,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[708],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-15994","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband and I Have Nothing to Talk About<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-and-i-have-nothing-to-talk-about\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Husband and I Have Nothing to Talk About\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Nothing feels lonelier than just eating with your husband in silence or living under the same roof but never having the deep conversations you\u2019re craving. It feels terrible when the emotional intimacy goes missing like that. I still remember how miserable that was when it was happening at my house. 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