{"id":16077,"date":"2024-03-19T02:00:59","date_gmt":"2024-03-19T09:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=16077"},"modified":"2024-03-19T02:00:06","modified_gmt":"2024-03-19T09:00:06","slug":"when-he-doesnt-love-you-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/when-he-doesnt-love-you-back\/","title":{"rendered":"When He Doesn’t Love You Back"},"content":{"rendered":"

Finding out your guy doesn\u2019t love you back feels so rejecting.<\/p>\n

It hurts like crazy and crushes your self-esteem. It feels like you\u2019ve been let down in the worst way when you least expected it.<\/p>\n

Your head races with terrible thoughts about how this could have happened, whether it\u2019s hopeless, and what it means for your future, which can seem so dark.<\/p>\n

Does it mean you\u2019re not lovable?<\/p>\n

First of all, no! It doesn\u2019t mean that at all.<\/p>\n

In a moment I\u2019ll give you proof, but more importantly, if what you want is for him to respond to you like an irresistible magnet so you feel attractive and desired, let\u2019s bust some myths that could be hurting your relationship.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Myth #1: We can talk this out<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Talking<\/p>\n

When he says or acts like he doesn\u2019t love you<\/a> back, it\u2019s as tempting as a Cinnabon to talk things out with him, but I don\u2019t recommend it.<\/p>\n

Those State of the Union addresses are likely to do more harm than good<\/a>, as you probably already know from having them. They always seem like they will help, but they don’t.<\/p>\n

Nobody ever felt more confident, connected, and desired after talking about why he doesn\u2019t love her back.<\/p>\n

When I was pursuing those kinds of talks, the driving force behind my desire was fear.<\/p>\n

I wanted to talk until he saw things my way, otherwise known as steamrolling him into changing his mind, so I didn\u2019t have to be scared.<\/p>\n

The more scared I was, the more steamrollery I got. The more I steamrolled, the more he just wanted to get away from me, which made me even more scared.<\/p>\n

What a mess!<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

So here\u2019s what I learned to do instead: Take that fear to someone else. You need to feel seen, heard, and understood, more than ever, and to get reassurance that you\u2019re still lovable.<\/p>\n

He can\u2019t give you that right now, which hurts, but it\u2019s temporary.<\/p>\n

But you can get it from your friends, family, or a relationship coach<\/a>.<\/p>\n

You might think that\u2019s not the same as hearing from him, but we\u2019re not done yet. So stick with me here.<\/p>\n

\n

Related Article:<\/h3>\n

The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>

<\/span>Myth #2: If I do more for him he\u2019ll feel my love and love me back<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Being<\/p>\n

Another mistake you might fall into as a mere mortal woman is trying to earn his love by doing things for him so he\u2019ll love you back again. But that\u2019s not what makes men feel loved.<\/p>\n

They feel loved when they get to do things for you <\/em>and see you happy as a result.<\/p>\n

Did you catch that? I\u2019m going to repeat it because it\u2019s so opposite of what makes women feel loved, but it\u2019s very complementary to what makes us feel loved.<\/p>\n

Men feel love when they carry heavy things for you, assemble furniture for you, or bring you your favorite dessert and you\u2019re happy as a result. They feel in love when they do things for you and you receive them with delight and gratitude<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t that kind of great?<\/p>\n

So a much less exhausting and more effective approach to restoring the love in your relationship than doing things for him is to be receptive to him doing things for you.<\/p>\n

You could show that you\u2019re pleasable by smiling and making yourself happy, even though you\u2019re also feeling hurt and sad. I know that sounds contradictory.<\/p>\n

Next, let him squash the creepy bug in the bathroom, or take care of your car, or make you a cup of coffee. Then smile and say how happy that makes you.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Myth #3: If he doesn\u2019t love you he never will again<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Does<\/p>\n

It may seem permanent that he doesn\u2019t love you back, and you likely feel hopeless about that. That\u2019s understandable because it\u2019s very hurtful!<\/p>\n

But since he previously did love you and now he doesn\u2019t, that means he changed his mind. Since he changed his mind, that means he can change it back, right?<\/p>\n

What he is likely trying to say when he claims or acts like he doesn\u2019t love you back is that he\u2019s feeling deprived of oxygen, which is how men feel about respect in a relationship\u2014it\u2019s their oxygen.<\/p>\n

That means it\u2019s not really about you as a person. It\u2019s not that you\u2019re unlovable or unattractive to him. But it could be that no one ever taught you what respect looks like<\/a> and you\u2019ve been unintentionally suffocating your marriage.<\/p>\n

That was my experience too.<\/p>\n

If you learn what respect looks like to him and show up more respectfully, that will breathe new life into your marriage. We see that happen a lot on this campus.<\/p>\n

A student was just telling me yesterday that when she read the book The Empowered Wife<\/em>, it completely changed her understanding of what it means to be respectful and she realized she wanted to make some big apologies as a result of her new awareness.<\/p>\n

She was amazed that her husband put his arms around her when she managed to tell him that she understood that she had been disrespectful and she regretted that.<\/p>\n

As scary and painful as it is, when your man isn\u2019t loving you back, that doesn\u2019t mean your love story with him is over, in my experience of helping over 15,000 women fix their marriages.<\/p>\n

It probably just means there are gaps in your education, just like there were in mine, about how to love and be loved in return.<\/p>\n

In other words, this could be\u2014and often is\u2014the breakdown before the breakthrough to feeling more loved than ever before.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t think of anything more important and exciting to learn.<\/p>\n

Which of these three things\u2014nixing \u201cwe need to talk,\u201d receiving instead of doing more for him, and restoring the oxygen of respect\u2014would you like to experiment with first so you can have your breakthrough?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Finding out your guy doesn\u2019t love you back feels so rejecting. It hurts like crazy and crushes your self-esteem. It feels like you\u2019ve been let down in the worst way when you least expected it. Your head races with terrible thoughts about how this could have happened, whether it\u2019s hopeless, and what it means for\u2026 Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16082,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[714],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-16077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen He Doesn't Love You Back<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you want is for him to respond to you like an irresistible magnet, let\u2019s bust some myths that could be hurting your relationship.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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