{"id":16294,"date":"2024-07-29T20:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-07-30T03:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=16294"},"modified":"2024-07-29T15:44:09","modified_gmt":"2024-07-29T22:44:09","slug":"how-to-fix-marriage-to-a-bipolar-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-marriage-to-a-bipolar-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Fix Marriage to a Bipolar Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s so dreary to find out you&#8217;re married to someone with bouts of exhaustion and depression interspersed with manic behavior.<\/p>\n<p>It feels like a bait-and-switch. How are you ever going to have a great partnership when there are just those two extremes, nothing in the middle, and no normal husband behavior?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s scary because not only are you married to someone who can\u2019t always be a good partner to you, it sucks up your time and energy trying to care for him. Instead of a playful, passionate marriage, you\u2019re left with a stressful burden. Ugh!<\/p>\n<p>But it doesn\u2019t have to be that way. You too can be a ridiculously happy wife, even if your husband is bonafide bipolar.<\/p>\n<p>Here are three ways you can turn this around:<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-marriage-to-a-bipolar-husband\/#1_Dont_Do_What_I_Did\" title=\"Don\u2019t Do What I Did\">Don\u2019t Do What I Did<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-marriage-to-a-bipolar-husband\/#2_Focus_on_His_Good_Qualities\" title=\"Focus on His Good Qualities\">Focus on His Good Qualities<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-marriage-to-a-bipolar-husband\/#3_Act_as_if_He_Is_Just_a_Regular_Guy\" title=\"Act as if He Is Just a Regular Guy\">Act as if He Is Just a Regular Guy<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Dont_Do_What_I_Did\"><\/span>1. Don\u2019t Do What I Did<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16304\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/husband-is-distant.jpg\" alt=\"Husband is distant\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/husband-is-distant.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/husband-is-distant-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/husband-is-distant-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/husband-is-distant-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/husband-is-distant-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Of course, you want to be supportive and know how you can best help him with his challenges.<\/p>\n<p>One big temptation is also a common recommendation from experts for wives of husbands with bipolar disorder and other diagnoses and neurodiverse conditions: to help him come up with a treatment plan, manage his medications, and watch out for signs that he\u2019s falling into a depression or manic state.<\/p>\n<p>This absolutely seems like the right thing to do because all the so-called experts say so.<\/p>\n<p>But you won\u2019t catch me saying that because, as a wife whose husband was diagnosed with a mental disorder, I did all that back when our therapist declared that John had ADD and I\u2019ve gotta tell you, it was pretty disastrous.<\/p>\n<p>My husband didn\u2019t feel very respected that I was so focused on his deficit disorder all the time, for one thing. Can you imagine how that would feel if someone was always talking about your \u201cdeficit\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>It wasn\u2019t very respectful. Since <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/219-how-do-you-respect-a-husband-who-hasnt-earned-it\/\">respect is like oxygen<\/a> to him and most husbands, John probably felt like he was suffocating. Naturally, he was defensive. But I was determined to \u201chelp\u201d him.<\/p>\n<p>Or was I actually just criticizing him by saying he was not very capable or competent? That\u2019s how he took it.<\/p>\n<p>In retrospect, that\u2019s exactly what I meant. In a nice way.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3377274772\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>But there is no nice way to say \u201cYou can\u2019t manage anything yourself, so let me tell you how to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, I was resentful that he wasn\u2019t doing more to fix his ADD so he would be normal (whatever that is) so that I could finally be happy! I was also exhausting myself trying to control someone I couldn\u2019t control. That crushed the intimacy and created distance, tension, and fighting.<\/p>\n<p>Still, I thought it was all his fault. Him and his ADD.<\/p>\n<p>What a mess.<\/p>\n<p>You might argue that bipolar disorder is different. It\u2019s not the same as ADD. It\u2019s true I know only a little about your situation, and you\u2019re the expert on your life.<\/p>\n<p>But I know I\u2019ll never go down the dark alley of trying to manage or control my husband thinking it will lead to a happier marriage if I could just fix him. That just backfires.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, there\u2019s a much, much, much better way to get a shiny marriage with a bipolar, ADD or otherwise neurodiverse husband\u2026<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1079832847\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Focus_on_His_Good_Qualities\"><\/span>2. Focus on His Good Qualities<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16305\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/focus-on-your-desires.jpg\" alt=\"Focus on your desires\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/focus-on-your-desires.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/focus-on-your-desires-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/focus-on-your-desires-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/focus-on-your-desires-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/focus-on-your-desires-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>What if there were no actual payoff to focusing on your husband\u2019s bipolar moods but you could instead change some other things that would lead to your marriage feeling easier and happier?<\/p>\n<p>What if you could change some things that <em>are<\/em> within your control and then he showed up differently?<\/p>\n<p>Now you\u2019re looking at things through the lens of my experience, and the experience of thousands of clients. But we could only see it in retrospect\u2014after we\u2019d practiced <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The 6 Intimacy Skills\u2122<\/a> and started respecting and trusting our husbands and replenishing ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>Being on the other side of that challenge, it seems obvious that focusing on a diagnosis like bipolar was no help at all. Today, by focusing on other things, my husband\u2019s ADD no longer hurts me or our marriage. I never think about it anymore because it just\u2026went away.<\/p>\n<p>You might be thinking, but HOW is your situation ever going to improve if you don\u2019t improve him?<\/p>\n<p>One way is to use your influence wisely.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of focusing on what\u2019s wrong with him, <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/laws-of-attraction-in-relationships\/\">catch him doing something good<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of being hyper-vigilant for signs of depression, insomnia, or mania that would confirm he\u2019s bipolar, how about focusing on how he took the trash out, played with the kids, or walked the dog?<\/p>\n<p>Since what you focus on increases, you will naturally start to have a very different experience with your husband if you make a gratitude list instead of a list of all the symptoms he\u2019s showing.<\/p>\n<p>That leads us to Step 3.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Act_as_if_He_Is_Just_a_Regular_Guy\"><\/span>3. Act as if He Is Just a Regular Guy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16306\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/happy-marriage-1.jpg\" alt=\"Happy Marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/happy-marriage-1.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/happy-marriage-1-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/happy-marriage-1-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/happy-marriage-1-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/happy-marriage-1-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>For me, the answer to my suffering was to pretend my husband was normal. And now, it really seems like he is\u2014not just normal but pretty awesome in the husband department. Now I can see how funny John is, how calm and sweet, playful and supportive and smart.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not hard to be happy with someone who makes me laugh so much, makes my tea every morning, and makes up songs about how cute I am.<\/p>\n<p>So it\u2019s interesting to think about what your experience might be if you <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/051-the-most-powerful-intimacy-skill\/\">celebrated your husband&#8217;s good qualities<\/a> instead of his annoying ones, which everybody has.<\/p>\n<p>There is no perfect husband, as far as I know, but your bipolar husband could just be perfect for you.<\/p>\n<p>Now that you know the three ways to inspire your man to be his best self, which will you experiment with? I\u2019d love to hear in the comments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s so dreary to find out you&#8217;re married to someone with bouts of exhaustion and depression interspersed with manic behavior. It feels like a bait-and-switch. How are you ever going to have a great partnership when there are just those two extremes, nothing in the middle, and no normal husband behavior? It\u2019s scary because not\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-marriage-to-a-bipolar-husband\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16301,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[715],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-16294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Fix Marriage to a Bipolar Husband<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you struggling in your relationship? Here are 3 ways you can turn around your marriage to a Bipolar Husband. Right now!!\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-marriage-to-a-bipolar-husband\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Fix Marriage to a Bipolar Husband\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Are you struggling in your relationship? Here are 3 ways you can turn around your marriage to a Bipolar Husband. 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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