{"id":16654,"date":"2024-12-17T13:51:25","date_gmt":"2024-12-17T21:51:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=16654"},"modified":"2025-02-11T14:49:22","modified_gmt":"2025-02-11T22:49:22","slug":"how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle the Silent Treatment with Dignity"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The silent treatment can make you feel really bad and desperate to end the tension.<\/p>\n<p>It feels horribly rejecting when someone you love won\u2019t speak to you, answer you, or look at you. Like punishment with no end to the sentence.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s one of the scariest things and takes up a lot of energy as you wonder how long it\u2019s going to last, if it\u2019s still on, and if there\u2019s something you should be doing differently to fix it.<\/p>\n<p>So what can you do when you\u2019re being shut out?<\/p>\n<p>Here are 3 experiments to try if what you\u2019re doing doesn\u2019t feel so dignified:<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#1_Make_yourself_happy\" title=\"Make yourself happy\">Make yourself happy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#2_Go_on_a_smile_campaign\" title=\"Go on a smile campaign\">Go on a smile campaign<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#3_Stop_walking_on_eggshells\" title=\"Stop walking on eggshells\">Stop walking on eggshells<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Make_yourself_happy\"><\/span>1. Make yourself happy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16655\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/make-yourself-happy.jpg\" alt=\"make yourself happy\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/make-yourself-happy.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/make-yourself-happy-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/make-yourself-happy-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/make-yourself-happy-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/make-yourself-happy-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Of course, you\u2019re stressed out, and things feel tense, so it might seem impossible to make yourself happy right now. Who giggles at a comedy show when her husband has shut her out, right? Who dances down the hallway when the air in her house is frosty? Who shares funny memes when her husband won\u2019t even look at her?<\/p>\n<p>Well if YOU do, a couple of things could happen&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You could <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/047-the-1-way-to-make-your-marriage-happier\/\">stop suffering<\/a>. That\u2019s worthwhile right there. However long the cold war lasts, you\u2019re having a good time. Even though it\u2019s still painful that he\u2019s blocking you out, that\u2019s not the only thing going on in your life. There\u2019s also some fun happening.<\/p>\n<p>You can decouple your happiness from your circumstances. That\u2019s a superpower you can develop.<\/p>\n<p>You could also stop feeling afraid, at least while you\u2019re watching that funny show. And that\u2019s significant because humans don\u2019t laugh when we\u2019re scared. When I\u2019m scared I just kind of hold my breath or take shallow breaths. There\u2019s no playfulness because I\u2019m reacting to a perceived threat. Threats are serious.<\/p>\n<p>So if you felt good and giggled during a cold war, you would also be demonstrating that you\u2019re not afraid, which could even have the effect of ending the cold war sooner. I\u2019ll explain in a minute.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-2570982407\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Go_on_a_smile_campaign\"><\/span>2. Go on a smile campaign<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16656\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/smiling-at-husband.jpg\" alt=\"smile at your husband\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/smiling-at-husband.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/smiling-at-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/smiling-at-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/smiling-at-husband-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/smiling-at-husband-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019re feeling good, not suffering so much and therefore happy enough to smile, that is going to change your whole energy and therefore the energy between you and your man. If you were sulking around before, feeling terrified that he isn\u2019t speaking to you, that\u2019s completely understandable! But also not necessary.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re so happy you <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-make-marriage-fun\/\">start smiling<\/a> and even smiling at him, even though he might be scowling at you, first of all, you\u2019re going to feel empowered. As a fringe benefit, can you even imagine how hard it would be to keep up a cold war with someone who is smiling at you because she is genuinely happy? Especially if her happiness is your highest priority, which is husband nature even if it doesn\u2019t seem like it right now.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3086069393\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Plus, this is an opportunity to make his head explode, which is one of my favorite things about practicing <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">the 6 Intimacy Skills\u2122<\/a>. It\u2019s like saying, \u201cSurprise! I flipped the script. I changed the dance. I\u2019m blowing your mind right now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s so much fun to see the look on his face when you do that.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Stop_walking_on_eggshells\"><\/span>3. Stop walking on eggshells<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16657\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/focus-on-you.jpg\" alt=\"focus on you\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/focus-on-you.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/focus-on-you-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/focus-on-you-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/focus-on-you-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/focus-on-you-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If you were walking on eggshells so he wouldn\u2019t get upset to begin with, then you might want to take a break from that. I know it seems like you\u2019re being considerate and just trying to keep the peace, but you\u2019re also projecting a negative Spouse Fulfilling Prophecy of \u201cYou\u2019re going to get upset.\u201d That\u2019s what you\u2019re affirming.<\/p>\n<p>The more careful you are to make sure he doesn\u2019t get upset, the louder that message comes across.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s also so exhausting. You\u2019re trying to control something you can\u2019t control. So consider just getting back on to your paper and asking yourself what you want to do instead of thinking about how to appease him so much, which never works anyway.<\/p>\n<p>That will free up some more energy for you to make yourself ridiculously happy, which is vital because it turns out that only happy people have happy relationships. Making yourself happy while on the receiving end of the silent treatment will not only make you feel more dignified, it might even shorten or stop the silent treatments at your house, which will, in turn, strengthen your marriage and family\u2014which is an incredible accomplishment.<\/p>\n<p>So kudos to you for changing the dance and keeping your dignity no matter what your husband is doing.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s one way you\u2019re doing that today? I\u2019d love to hear in the comments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The silent treatment can make you feel really bad and desperate to end the tension. It feels horribly rejecting when someone you love won\u2019t speak to you, answer you, or look at you. Like punishment with no end to the sentence. It\u2019s one of the scariest things and takes up a lot of energy as\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16659,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[708],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-16654","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Handle the Silent Treatment with Dignity<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So what can you do to handle the Silent Treatment in your marriage? Here are 3 experiments to try right now!\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Handle the Silent Treatment with Dignity\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"So what can you do to handle the Silent Treatment in your marriage? Here are 3 experiments to try right now!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-12-17T21:51:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-02-11T22:49:22+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"How to Handle the Silent Treatment with Dignity\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-12-17T21:51:25+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-02-11T22:49:22+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/\"},\"wordCount\":799,\"commentCount\":6,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/\",\"name\":\"How to Handle the Silent Treatment with Dignity\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment-with-dignity\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/how-to-handle-the-silent-treatment.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-12-17T21:51:25+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-02-11T22:49:22+00:00\",\"description\":\"So what can you do to handle the Silent Treatment in your marriage? 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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