{"id":16798,"date":"2025-07-21T02:00:14","date_gmt":"2025-07-21T09:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=16798"},"modified":"2025-07-21T21:53:21","modified_gmt":"2025-07-22T04:53:21","slug":"controlling-in-laws","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal with Controlling In Laws"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What\u2019s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. ba-dum!<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because in-laws can be annoying and get on your very last nerve if they\u2019re nosy, overbearing, or passive-aggressive. They can cause stress in your marriage. But you can\u2019t get rid of them, much as you might like to sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>Or is that me I\u2019m thinking of? Well\u2026not anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Now I genuinely really like all my in-laws. But to paraphrase Francis O\u2019Walsh, I used to find fault with them like it was buried treasure. Mostly, I was defensive and afraid that I wouldn\u2019t be accepted into the Doyle family.<\/p>\n<p>Turns out I never needed to worry about that because they\u2019re a great bunch.<\/p>\n<p>But maybe <em>your<\/em> in-laws are not so great,\u00a0 and it\u2019s putting stress on your marriage. So then what?<\/p>\n<p>Here are three experiments you can do to give you relief from that stress while still maintaining your dignity.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/#1_Assume_the_Best\" title=\" Assume the Best\"> Assume the Best<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/#2_Be_Vulnerable\" title=\" Be Vulnerable\"> Be Vulnerable<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/#3_Express_What_Youre_Grateful_for\" title=\" Express What You\u2019re Grateful for\"> Express What You\u2019re Grateful for<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Assume_the_Best\"><\/span>1) Assume the Best<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-16842 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-controlling-in-laws.jpg\" alt=\"how to deal with controlling in laws\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-controlling-in-laws.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-controlling-in-laws-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-controlling-in-laws-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-controlling-in-laws-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-controlling-in-laws-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Alison felt enormous pressure from her in-laws, who expected her family to visit them a lot and were passive-aggressive when they didn\u2019t get their way. She and her husband agreed that they would not be visiting for an upcoming major holiday, and she dreaded the guilt-inducing comments they would make when they found out.<\/p>\n<p>But with a little coaching, she decided to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-trigger-a-mans-hero-instinct\/\">expect the best<\/a> from them.\u00a0 When her in-laws heard the news that they wouldn\u2019t be coming, she was still nervous, which seemed completely justified when her father-in-law said, \u201cYou\u2019re too busy to see us, fine. You do you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Instead of defending herself or secretly rolling her eyes, Alison saw an opportunity to just take her father-in-law at his word. So she said, \u201cThank you for understanding and always being so supportive. That means a lot!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When she did that, something shifted, and she had the experience of feeling unburdened, and that her in-laws were accepting of their decision not to visit. Also, Alison felt great about showing up with so much dignity and love for her in-laws instead of having Needless Emotional Turmoil and labeling them as passive-aggressive.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Takeaway to try:<\/strong> Experiment with receiving their words at face-value even if you suspect sarcasm<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-508788069\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Be_Vulnerable\"><\/span>2) Be Vulnerable<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16843\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-enmeshed-in-laws.jpg\" alt=\"how to deal with enmeshed in-laws\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-enmeshed-in-laws.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-enmeshed-in-laws-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-enmeshed-in-laws-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-enmeshed-in-laws-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/how-to-deal-with-enmeshed-in-laws-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Rachel had the opposite challenge. Her mother-in-law lived close by but rarely engaged with her and the kids, choosing instead to keep her distance. Even when her husband would invite his mother to come over for dinner, she usually declined.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2439147013\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Rachel felt sad that her mother-in-law stayed away and didn\u2019t have much of a relationship with her kids, so using <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/being-vulnerable-in-a-relationship\/\">the Intimacy Skill of vulnerability<\/a>, Rachel left her a voicemail saying how she missed seeing her and that she would love to have her join them for dinner. It was so heartfelt that there was even a crack in her voice when she left the message.<br \/>\nAnd do you know, the mother-in-law responded immediately that she would be there, and she came to dinner with the family and engaged with everyone. She seemed like a different woman.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Takeaway to try:<\/strong> Experiment with getting into your feels and letting them see your soft side<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Express_What_Youre_Grateful_for\"><\/span>3) Express What You\u2019re Grateful for<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16844\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/gratitude-for-your-in-laws.jpg\" alt=\"gratitude for your in laws\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/gratitude-for-your-in-laws.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/gratitude-for-your-in-laws-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/gratitude-for-your-in-laws-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/gratitude-for-your-in-laws-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/gratitude-for-your-in-laws-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Janine was quite unhappy with her sister-in-law, who had hurt her feelings many times, even trying to get her excluded from a family party with Janine\u2019s own family! Who wouldn\u2019t be hurt, right?<\/p>\n<p>She felt on guard whenever she interacted with the sister-in-law. But during coaching, when asked what she was grateful for about her sister-in-law, Janine shared vulnerably that she was grateful for her care for Janine\u2019s father, who could no longer walk. Janine was not in a position to offer that care, but the sister-in-law was doing a great job of it. While sharing about what a gift this was, Janine got teary-eyed.<\/p>\n<p>Where just moments ago she had been talking about how she could never trust this sister-in-law, <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/051-the-most-powerful-intimacy-skill\/\">finding her gratitude and deciding to express it<\/a> softened Janine in such a way that, despite the hurt, she shared that she felt a lot of love for her sister-in-law.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Takeaway to try:<\/strong> Experiment with focusing on what you appreciate about your in-laws instead of what you don\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>These three women are not saints\u2014just mere mortal women like you and me, who took the high road with their in-laws and created a much better experience than the one they were having previously.<\/p>\n<p>So it\u2019s interesting to think what might happen if you decide to experiment with one of these approaches when you\u2019re interacting with your in-laws. How would it shift the family dynamics in a way that feels lighter and more relaxed for you if you used the 6 Intimacy Skills\u2122 when you interact with your in-laws?<\/p>\n<p>You might create connections that make you feel your in-laws are just as wanted as outlaws.<\/p>\n<p>I would love to hear which approach you\u2019ll try and how it goes for you! Please drop me a note in the comments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What\u2019s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. ba-dum! That\u2019s because in-laws can be annoying and get on your very last nerve if they\u2019re nosy, overbearing, or passive-aggressive. They can cause stress in your marriage. But you can\u2019t get rid of them, much as you might like to sometimes. Or is that me\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16845,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[711,723],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-16798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-and-parenting","category-how-to"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Deal with Controlling In Laws [3 Proven Tips]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here are three experiments you can do to give you relief from that stress while still maintaining your dignity.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Deal with Controlling In Laws [3 Proven Tips]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here are three experiments you can do to give you relief from that stress while still maintaining your dignity.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-07-21T09:00:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-07-22T04:53:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/controlling-in-laws.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"How to Deal with Controlling In Laws\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-07-21T09:00:14+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-07-22T04:53:21+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/\"},\"wordCount\":845,\"commentCount\":2,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/controlling-in-laws\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/controlling-in-laws.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Family &amp; 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