{"id":16799,"date":"2025-07-09T02:00:12","date_gmt":"2025-07-09T09:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=16799"},"modified":"2025-07-09T22:07:28","modified_gmt":"2025-07-10T05:07:28","slug":"my-husband-doesnt-respect-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Doesn&#8217;t Respect Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It feels really bad when the man who promised to love honor and cherish you sneers at you when you\u2019re talking, takes sides with the kids, or doesn\u2019t bother to answer you when you\u2019re saying something important. Or if he makes demands or criticizes you, that\u2019s so hurtful and insulting.<\/p>\n<p>You start to feel like you\u2019re always on guard to protect yourself, which is tiring. How is it ever going to improve when he\u2019s just getting ruder and more dismissive? It\u2019s scary to think about spending the rest of your life with someone who is so disrespectful!<\/p>\n<p>I talk a lot about how to be respectful on this blog, but what about you getting respect?<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s a powerful way to break out of the cycle of feeling disrespected by your husband and create a new culture at your house. You ready? Here is a three-part experiment you can try:<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/#1_Stay_On_Your_Paper\" title=\" Stay On Your Paper\"> Stay On Your Paper<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/#2_Use_This_Fight-Stopping_Superpower\" title=\" Use This Fight-Stopping Superpower\"> Use This Fight-Stopping Superpower<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/#3_Get_an_Apology\" title=\" Get an Apology\"> Get an Apology<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Stay_On_Your_Paper\"><\/span>1) Stay On Your Paper<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-16830 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/how-to-be-vulnerable-in-a-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"how to be vulnerable in a relationship\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/how-to-be-vulnerable-in-a-relationship.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/how-to-be-vulnerable-in-a-relationship-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/how-to-be-vulnerable-in-a-relationship-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/how-to-be-vulnerable-in-a-relationship-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/how-to-be-vulnerable-in-a-relationship-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>The first part is to let him know when you\u2019re hurt.<\/p>\n<p>You might think, \u201cOh, I let him know when I\u2019m hurt! I\u2019ve told him how upset I am, how rude he\u2019s being, and how disrespectful he is all the time! And that\u2019s not working! At all.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what I did too! And it didn\u2019t improve things around here either until I learned a phrase that I\u2019m going to show you right now.<\/p>\n<p>Turns out, I <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> letting John know I was hurt. I was telling him that he hurt me!<\/p>\n<p>I blamed him for blaming me and criticized him for criticizing me. I wasn\u2019t being vulnerable, so he didn\u2019t see me as needing protection or tenderness.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d already solved any problems I was having by launching a counterattack at him, so I didn\u2019t need his help. He was too busy trying to defend himself from my verbal punches to protect me or care for me anyway.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know of any payoff or benefit to telling my husband that he hurt me, except for satisfying my desire as a mere mortal woman to PUNISH HIM. My desire to make him pay for hurting me felt as tempting as a fresh bread bowl at dinner, but it was counterfeit.<\/p>\n<p>Oh, there was a moment of human satisfaction in telling him he hurt me, but it was fleeting, and followed by a blow-up, an emotional hangover, and a frost at my house.<\/p>\n<p>It wasn\u2019t until I learned to STOP <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-save-a-marriage-when-only-one-is-trying\/\">jumping onto his paper<\/a> by telling him what he was doing wrong and just stay with myself by saying \u201cOuch!\u201d that I got a completely different and much better response.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2935220483\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-2828516131\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Use_This_Fight-Stopping_Superpower\"><\/span>2) Use This Fight-Stopping Superpower<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-16831 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-is-mean-to-me.jpg\" alt=\"my husband is mean to me\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-is-mean-to-me.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-is-mean-to-me-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-is-mean-to-me-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-is-mean-to-me-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-is-mean-to-me-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s why this cheat phrase is so powerful:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOuch!\u201d does not mean \u201cYou hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOuch!\u201d only means \u201cI hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s it. \u201cI hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This may sound like a ridiculously subtle difference, but I love this distinction because it\u2019s been so empowering for me.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no blame or criticism in \u201cOuch!\u201d When I say it, I\u2019m just slowing down to tend to my own painful feelings, which, it turns out, I\u2019m responsible for.<\/p>\n<p>But what if I\u2019m hurt BECAUSE my husband was just incredibly rude or mean?<\/p>\n<p>Well, that used to happen around here.<\/p>\n<p>But check it out: My superpower of being able to respond with a dignified \u201cOuch!\u201d was such a stark contrast to his disrespectful words that instead of fueling the fight, it <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-fighting-with-your-husband\/\">brought the angry train to a screeching halt<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Get_an_Apology\"><\/span>3) Get an Apology<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-16832 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/respecting-yourself.jpg\" alt=\"respecting yourself\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/respecting-yourself.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/respecting-yourself-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/respecting-yourself-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/respecting-yourself-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/respecting-yourself-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Saying \u201cOuch!\u201d also often has the effect of eliciting an apology.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s right\u2013an apology!<\/p>\n<p>And his tenderness. The very things I wanted so much when I was telling him how disrespectful and rude he was being!<\/p>\n<p>I admit though, it wasn\u2019t easy at first to summon an \u201cOuch!\u201d when my instincts were telling me \u201cJust let him have it!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But going to battle with my husband like that was not only unpleasant, it meant I didn\u2019t have time to tend to my feelings. Which meant my ouchy wounds were left to fester instead of getting the attention from me that they deserved.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s so much mutual respect and emotional safety at my house now that I rarely reach for an \u201cOuch!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Cleaning up my side of the street and learning <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/240-how-do-you-respect-your-husband\/\">what respect looks like to <\/a><u>a man<\/u> have helped a lot with that, but so has honoring myself by saying \u201cOuch!\u201d with my husband, my friends, my family and colleagues instead of going to battle.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s made me more resilient. There\u2019s a lot of inner strength in knowing I can stay with myself when I\u2019m hurt, no matter the circumstances.<\/p>\n<p>These days, it\u2019s hard to imagine feeling disrespected by my husband or anyone else, even my worst critics.<\/p>\n<p>Of course I still have tender spots on me that get triggered, like any mere mortal woman does.<\/p>\n<p>I was pained recently by my dad noticing I have a lot of blonde hair on my chin and asking if I was lacking estrogen. Ouch! He didn\u2019t mean to hurt me, but he hit a tender spot! Can\u2019t we just pretend I\u2019m still in my forties and that I don\u2019t have hair in unsightly places?<\/p>\n<p>The truth hurts!<\/p>\n<p>But that\u2019s on me. And somehow, the simple act of respecting my own feelings by pausing to say \u201cOuch!\u201d when I feel hurt has made me feel more respected everywhere I go.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s almost like I\u2019m bringing my own self-respect, which everyone else recognized and responds to.<\/p>\n<p>So it\u2019s interesting to think about what might happen if you experiment with using the word \u201cOuch!\u201d when you feel disrespected by your husband, your mom, your kids, or anyone else who seems to put pressure on your tender spots, like slapping your back where you\u2019re already sunburned.<\/p>\n<p>Will saying \u201cOuch!\u201d make you feel more confident and resilient too? As the expert on your own life, only you know what\u2019s best in your situation.<\/p>\n<p>I would love to hear what works for you in the comments!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It feels really bad when the man who promised to love honor and cherish you sneers at you when you\u2019re talking, takes sides with the kids, or doesn\u2019t bother to answer you when you\u2019re saying something important. Or if he makes demands or criticizes you, that\u2019s so hurtful and insulting. You start to feel like\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16829,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[714],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-16799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Doesn&#039;t Respect Me<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My superpower of being able to respond with a dignified \u201cOuch!\u201d was such a stark contrast to his disrespectful words.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Husband Doesn&#039;t Respect Me\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My superpower of being able to respond with a dignified \u201cOuch!\u201d was such a stark contrast to his disrespectful words.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-07-09T09:00:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-07-10T05:07:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"My Husband Doesn&#8217;t Respect Me\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-07-09T09:00:12+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-07-10T05:07:28+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/\"},\"wordCount\":1044,\"commentCount\":4,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/my-husband-doesnt-respect-me.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Love &amp; 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