{"id":16800,"date":"2025-06-16T20:00:11","date_gmt":"2025-06-17T03:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/?p=16800"},"modified":"2025-06-16T23:21:09","modified_gmt":"2025-06-17T06:21:09","slug":"what-is-emotional-cheating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/what-is-emotional-cheating\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Emotional Cheating?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you suspect your man is just a little too emotionally intimate with another woman, that feels terrible. It\u2019s threatening because emotional intimacy was a big part of how you two fell in love to begin with. So it could signal that he\u2019s falling for someone else. And that\u2019s scary because it\u2019s not what you agreed to, and it\u2019s not right.<\/p>\n<p>You shouldn\u2019t have to feel afraid that some other woman is having the connection with him emotionally that you want to have or that she might have bigger plans for his future.<\/p>\n<p>But where\u2019s the line on emotional cheating? If he is over the line or headed there, then should you confront him and make him admit that he is cheating emotionally?<\/p>\n<p>Of course, you want to wake him up and make him realize that he\u2019s not honoring his vows to you, so he\u2019ll go back to being emotionally intimate with you and only you before it\u2019s too late. You want him to blow her off. Like he should.<\/p>\n<p>But what if he\u2019s not over the line? What if he\u2019s just friends with a woman and there\u2019s no harm in it?<\/p>\n<p>Here are some questions that can help you find peace and restore your own sense of safety about your husband\u2019s emotional connections.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/what-is-emotional-cheating\/#1_What_Would_You_Have_That_You_Dont_Have_Now_if_Your_Husband_Werent_Cheating_Emotionally\" title=\"What Would You Have That You Don\u2019t Have Now if Your Husband Weren\u2019t Cheating Emotionally?\">What Would You Have That You Don\u2019t Have Now if Your Husband Weren\u2019t Cheating Emotionally?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/what-is-emotional-cheating\/#2_How_Is_the_Emotional_Safety_at_Your_House\" title=\"How Is the Emotional Safety at Your House?\">How Is the Emotional Safety at Your House?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/what-is-emotional-cheating\/#3_Whats_Happening_on_Your_Paper\" title=\"What\u2019s Happening on Your Paper?\">What\u2019s Happening on Your Paper?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_What_Would_You_Have_That_You_Dont_Have_Now_if_Your_Husband_Werent_Cheating_Emotionally\"><\/span>1. What Would You Have That You Don\u2019t Have Now if Your Husband Weren\u2019t Cheating Emotionally?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16820\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/emotional-cheating-is-dangerous.jpg\" alt=\"emotional cheating is dangerous\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/emotional-cheating-is-dangerous.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/emotional-cheating-is-dangerous-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/emotional-cheating-is-dangerous-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/emotional-cheating-is-dangerous-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/emotional-cheating-is-dangerous-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Imagine that your man voluntarily removed himself from the emotional cheating situation completely. She\u2019s out of his life. Phew! Isn\u2019t that a relief?<\/p>\n<p>Now what do you have that you didn\u2019t have before? How is your life better?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you feel more secure. Maybe you feel more special. Maybe you get more of his time and attention because he\u2019s having more intimate conversations with you now that he\u2019s not having any with someone else.<\/p>\n<p>Your life is so much better because she\u2019s out of the picture, right?<\/p>\n<p>But is it really?<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what I mean,.<\/p>\n<p>This isn\u2019t the same as emotional cheating at all, but at my house, my husband watched a lot of TV. And it upset me greatly because, first of all, I thought it was bad for him and he shouldn\u2019t be rotting his brain, and also because the TV was robbing me of a lot of time together. So I had a fantasy about getting rid of the TV. I just knew that my life would be so much better if it were gone, because then he couldn\u2019t watch it so much.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3109740969\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>But now that I\u2019ve been practicing the Intimacy Skills for a couple of decades, I realize the TV wasn\u2019t the problem. We have an even bigger TV with more channels now, but this isn\u2019t an issue at our house. He doesn\u2019t even watch much TV now. But if he did decide to, I\u2019d be fine with it. I\u2019d probably make him snacks. I\u2019d <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-thinks-he-does-nothing-wrong\/\">see it as his self-care<\/a> because the TV is not a threat to our relationship.<\/p>\n<p>My focus on the TV robbing me of intimacy and connection with John was just an illusion.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut Laura,\u201d you might say, \u201cEmotional cheating is so much different. There\u2019s a woman he\u2019s texting and laughing with and sharing with. Your husband was never going to leave you to be with his TV.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And I get that. That\u2019s scary. You can certainly make a case that his confiding in another woman is dangerous, and you need to do something about it ASAP.<\/p>\n<p>Which brings me to the next question to ask yourself.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3333827086\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_How_Is_the_Emotional_Safety_at_Your_House\"><\/span>2. How Is the Emotional Safety at Your House?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16821\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/restore-emotional-safety.jpg\" alt=\"restore emotional safety\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/restore-emotional-safety.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/restore-emotional-safety-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/restore-emotional-safety-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/restore-emotional-safety-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/restore-emotional-safety-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Emotional safety is when you can admit a big mistake you made and not feel judged or blamed. It\u2019s where you know that no matter what you say, the listener is on your side and sees you as the hero in the story, not the bad guy or the village idiot. Every human craves that because we all want to feel seen, heard, and understood.<\/p>\n<p>One way to tell if it\u2019s emotionally safe at your house is that there\u2019s laughter and playfulness. Like when John locks me out in the backyard just so he can look through the sliding door and say \u201cHa ha ha!\u201d And I say, \u201cGrow up, John!\u201d So immature and silly.<\/p>\n<p>But what <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/013-how-to-make-your-marriage-emotionally-safe\/\">if there\u2019s no emotional safety<\/a> at your house? What if you feel defensive or scared, or he does? What if it\u2019s tense and uncomfortable because you feel he\u2019s cheating on you emotionally? What about that?<\/p>\n<p>In my experience, you have a lot of power to restore emotional safety single-handedly by expecting the best from him, not the worst. By seeing him as a trustworthy guy, not someone you&#8217;d better spy on to make sure he hasn\u2019t crossed the line or someone you need to explain emotional cheating to.<\/p>\n<p>You might worry that acting like you trust him when you have plenty of evidence that you can\u2019t is leaving reality, which would just make you a fool.<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s amazing how people live up to your expectations for them. If you focus on how he\u2019s cheating emotionally, there\u2019s a subtext that he\u2019s already betrayed you or plans to betray you, and he knows that.<\/p>\n<p>What if you went back to seeing him as the good guy? How might that restore emotional safety? And how might having lots of emotional safety make you feel safe and special, like you want?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Whats_Happening_on_Your_Paper\"><\/span>3. What\u2019s Happening on Your Paper?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-16822\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/self-care.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/self-care.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/self-care-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/self-care-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/self-care-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/self-care-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>One big mistake I was making when I was obsessing over John\u2019s TV watching was neglecting my own life. Part of the reason I was so desperate for him to change so I could be happy was that I wasn\u2019t making myself happy. So I was bored, tired, and overworked. That was dreary.<\/p>\n<p>At first, I didn\u2019t even know what would make me happy. Except for him to pay more attention to me and stop watching so much TV, which he wouldn\u2019t do, and now I can see why. That\u2019s what I thought was wrong. But really, I wasn\u2019t letting myself have so many things, like volleyball. Or creative self-expression in writing, which I also love. Or girl talk, sushi, and so many other things.<\/p>\n<p>My life was going by, and no one was tending to it.<\/p>\n<p>So I was cranky. I was a prickly porcupine wife he didn\u2019t want to hurt but didn\u2019t want to get too close to either out of self-preservation. Then I got happier, which made me safer for him to be around, and now he wants to connect with me all day every day. And he connects with other people too, just like I do.<\/p>\n<p>So it might be interesting to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-rekindle-a-marriage\/\">check on your paper<\/a>, where you have all the power to decide how you spend your time, when you go to bed, how much work you do, and the words you use.<\/p>\n<p>If you dedicated yourself to your happiness, what would you be doing today that you haven\u2019t been doing? And once you\u2019re feeling ridiculously happy, how would you show up differently today?<\/p>\n<p>When I\u2019m filled up, relaxed, and happy, I can see through the illusion that if someone else changes it will make me happy. I don\u2019t like to waste my energy or hurt the intimacy trying to control something I can\u2019t control, like his other relationships.<\/p>\n<p>And funny thing, when I stop trying to control, I get such a better response from my husband. That\u2019s when I can most clearly see that while he\u2019s not a perfect man, he\u2019s perfect for me.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s one thing you\u2019ll do today to feel more peaceful and restore safety?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you suspect your man is just a little too emotionally intimate with another woman, that feels terrible. It\u2019s threatening because emotional intimacy was a big part of how you two fell in love to begin with. So it could signal that he\u2019s falling for someone else. And that\u2019s scary because it\u2019s not what you\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/what-is-emotional-cheating\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16819,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-16800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What Is Emotional Cheating?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here are some questions that can help you find peace and restore your own sense of safety about your husband\u2019s emotional connections.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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