{"id":6149,"date":"2015-06-11T05:00:38","date_gmt":"2015-06-11T05:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=6149"},"modified":"2025-05-14T14:28:59","modified_gmt":"2025-05-14T21:28:59","slug":"how-to-stop-a-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-a-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Steps for Women on How to Stop a Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Divorce is like tooth decay: totally preventable for a woman with the right skills and habits.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately most women didn&#8217;t have good relationship role-models.<\/p>\n<p>We are largely the product of single parents, broken homes or marriages that we wouldn&#8217;t wish on our worst enemy &#8212; the equivalent of learning oral care from parents with false teeth.<\/p>\n<p>We aren&#8217;t born with the skills to foster intimacy, passion and peace anymore than we&#8217;re born with a Sonicare and good flossing habits.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, any woman can learn intimacy skills and use them to create trust, tenderness and connection.<\/p>\n<p>Here are the six proven intimacy skills your mother never taught you that lead to satisfying, lifelong love:<br \/>\n<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-a-divorce\/#1_Do_at_Least_Three_Things_a_Day_for_Your_Own_Pleasure\" title=\"Do at Least Three Things a Day for Your Own Pleasure\">Do at Least Three Things a Day for Your Own Pleasure<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-a-divorce\/#2_Relinquish_Control_of_People_You_Cant_Control\" title=\"Relinquish Control of People You Can&#8217;t Control\">Relinquish Control of People You Can&#8217;t Control<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-a-divorce\/#3_Receive_Gifts_Compliments_and_Help_Graciously\" title=\"Receive Gifts, Compliments and Help Graciously\">Receive Gifts, Compliments and Help Graciously<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-a-divorce\/#5_Express_Gratitude_Three_Times_Daily\" title=\"Express Gratitude Three Times Daily\">Express Gratitude Three Times Daily<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-a-divorce\/#6_Strive_to_be_Vulnerable\" title=\"Strive to be Vulnerable\">Strive to be Vulnerable<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Do_at_Least_Three_Things_a_Day_for_Your_Own_Pleasure\"><\/span>1. Do at Least Three Things a Day for Your Own Pleasure<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>There&#8217;s a direct correlation between your self-care and your level of tolerance for your husband.<\/p>\n<p>Self-care is a profound act for opening the door to intimacy.<\/p>\n<p>Relationships require patience and compassion, but if you&#8217;re tired, frazzled or undernourished, you give yours little chance of thriving. Self-care &#8212; focusing on your own pleasure &#8212; takes the pressure off your husband to make you happy (he can&#8217;t anyway).<\/p>\n<p>Your good mood also signals to him that he can succeed in delighting you, which inspires him to want to do just that.<\/p>\n<p>By treating ourselves well, we also teach other people how to treat us.<\/p>\n<p>Having fun every day is not only critical for a satisfying romance, it&#8217;s part of a life well-lived.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1392250197\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Relinquish_Control_of_People_You_Cant_Control\"><\/span>2. Relinquish Control of People You Can&#8217;t Control<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&#8220;Helpful&#8221; in wife language is controlling in husband language. When you correct your man&#8217;s driving or what he wears or does at work, you&#8217;re saying he&#8217;s not competent.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-695382513\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>That unwitting criticism is an attack and pushes intimacy away no matter how well-meaning your comment. Intimacy needs safety and encouragement to thrive, and vanishes with criticism.<\/p>\n<p>Take a step back and trust him to run his own life without any help from you, and watch him take a step forward and start acting like the man you fell in love with.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Receive_Gifts_Compliments_and_Help_Graciously\"><\/span>3. Receive Gifts, Compliments and Help Graciously<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Receiving is the opposite of rejecting.<\/p>\n<p>When your husband gives you something that&#8217;s not what you had in mind, receive it anyway by saying, &#8220;You&#8217;re so thoughtful. Thank you.&#8221;Deflecting a gift or a compliment is rejecting the giver and the emotional connection you could have had.<\/p>\n<p>When your husband offers to bathe the kids, accept his help graciously no matter how imperfectly he does it. Rejecting a gift, compliment or help greatly reduces the quality of your marriage and your life.<\/p>\n<p>Receive graciously and watch as more gifts start coming your way almost immediately.<\/p>\n<h3>4. Respect The Man You Chose<\/h3>\n<p>Being respectful will resurrect the man you fell in love with.<\/p>\n<p>You&#8217;re too smart to have married a dumb guy, so if he seems dumb now, it&#8217;s because you&#8217;re focused on his shortcomings.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s not that you made a mistake in marrying him, it&#8217;s that you&#8217;ve been focused on his mistakes since you married him.<\/p>\n<p>A man who feels respected by the woman who knows him best also feels self-respect, which is far more attractive than cowering and hostility.<\/p>\n<p>Lack of respect causes more divorces than cheating does because for men, respect is like oxygen. They need it more than sex.<\/p>\n<p>Respect means that you don&#8217;t dismiss, criticize, contradict or try to teach him anything.<\/p>\n<p>Of course he won&#8217;t do things the same way you do; for that, you could have just married yourself.<\/p>\n<p>But with your respect, he will once again do the things that amazed and delighted you to begin with &#8212; so much so that you married him.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Express_Gratitude_Three_Times_Daily\"><\/span>5. Express Gratitude Three Times Daily<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Gratitude has magical powers. It turns an ordinary meal into a feast, an average relationship into a lifelong romance and an ordinary husband into your hero.<\/p>\n<p>I used to be reluctant to thank my husband for anything because I thought that I was doing more anyway and it was unfair because he wasn&#8217;t thanking me.<\/p>\n<p>I was also afraid he would stop doing the things I thanked him for and consider them optional, but I was wrong.<\/p>\n<p>Today I thank him for washing dishes, replacing light bulbs and working hard at his business.<\/p>\n<p>The more grateful I am for what he does, the more inspired he is to do things I appreciate, which makes me feel cherished and adored.<\/p>\n<p>The same will happen for you when you practice expressing gratitude.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Another bonus: You can&#8217;t be grateful and resentful at the same time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6_Strive_to_be_Vulnerable\"><\/span>6. Strive to be Vulnerable<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Intimacy and vulnerability are directly connected. If you want intimacy, then you&#8217;ll need to take the risk of admitting that you&#8217;re lonely, embarrassed or hurt.<\/p>\n<p>This is not the same as weakness; it actually requires great strength.<\/p>\n<p>When you&#8217;re vulnerable you don&#8217;t care about being right, you&#8217;re just open and trusting enough to say &#8220;I miss you&#8221; instead of &#8220;you never spend time with me.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>It means you simply say, &#8220;ouch!&#8221; when he&#8217;s insensitive instead of retaliating.<\/p>\n<p>That vulnerability completely changes the way he responds to you.<\/p>\n<p>Vulnerability is not only attractive, it&#8217;s the only way to get to that incredible feeling of being loved just the way you are by someone who knows you well.<\/p>\n<p>There&#8217;s nothing like the joy of intimacy that results from vulnerability.<\/p>\n<p>It really is worth dropping the burden of being an efficient, overscheduled superwoman to have it.<\/p>\n<p>If your mother didn&#8217;t teach you these six skills, maybe she didn&#8217;t know them, but that doesn&#8217;t mean you&#8217;re doomed to have the same outcome in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>An intimate, passionate, peaceful relationship is not a matter of luck-it&#8217;s a matter of skill and good habits, just like maintaining those pearly whites.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Divorce is like tooth decay: totally preventable for a woman with the right skills and habits. Unfortunately most women didn&#8217;t have good relationship role-models. We are largely the product of single parents, broken homes or marriages that we wouldn&#8217;t wish on our worst enemy &#8212; the equivalent of learning oral care from parents with false\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-a-divorce\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16777,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[709],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-6149","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-and-separation"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>6 Steps for Women on How to Stop a Divorce<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Laura Doyle talks about her 6 Steps for Women on How to Stop a Divorce. Click the link to learn more.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/laura-doyle\/its-the-intimacy-stupid-6_b_2147499.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"6 Steps for Women on How to Stop a Divorce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Laura Doyle talks about her 6 Steps for Women on How to Stop a Divorce. 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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