{"id":7070,"date":"2018-04-26T04:00:18","date_gmt":"2018-04-26T11:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7070"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:21","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:21","slug":"saving-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Life Hacks for Saving Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019ve been working really hard on your relationship. At least it feels like hard work because it\u2019s so draining and takes up so much time and energy.<\/p>\n<p>The bad news is you were probably working on fixing the wrong things.<\/p>\n<p>The good news is that, no matter how bad it seems now, it\u2019s not too late to save the relationship\u2014and get the fulfilling one you set out to have when you first fell in love.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s true even if you\u2019re separated, there\u2019s been an affair, or the divorce has already started.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what you can do to restore the peace, passion and connection you once shared:<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#1_Duct_Tape\" title=\"Duct Tape\">Duct Tape<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#2_Naps\" title=\"Naps\">Naps<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#3_Coffee_Klatches\" title=\"Coffee Klatches\">Coffee Klatches<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Duct_Tape\"><\/span>1. Duct Tape<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<span class='bctt-click-to-tweet'><span class='bctt-ctt-text'><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7070&#038;text=Not%20only%20does%20it%20hold%20the%20universe%20together%2C%20duct%20tape%20can%20also%20keep%20your%20relationship%20together%E2%80%93%E2%80%93if%20you%20put%20it%20over%20your%20mouth.%20&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Not only does it hold the universe together, duct tape can also keep your relationship together\u2013\u2013if you put it over your mouth.  <\/a><\/span><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7070&#038;text=Not%20only%20does%20it%20hold%20the%20universe%20together%2C%20duct%20tape%20can%20also%20keep%20your%20relationship%20together%E2%80%93%E2%80%93if%20you%20put%20it%20over%20your%20mouth.%20&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank' class='bctt-ctt-btn'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n<p>Whenever you\u2019re tempted to tell your spouse how to cut an onion, eat more leafy greens or ask the boss for a raise, duct tape is indicated.<\/p>\n<p>If your goal is connection and playfulness, consider trusting your partner to figure it out, even if he seems clueless.<\/p>\n<p>You might be wondering, \u201cWhat if I\u2019m better at those things than he is?\u201d or \u201cWhat\u2019s so bad about helping him improve by teaching him what I know?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The answer is right there in the question: <em>nobody wants to be improved<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Trying to improve your partner creates distance and defensiveness. You probably don\u2019t feel all that good hearing yourself giving orders like a third-grade teacher anyway: \u201cGo sit down.\u201d \u201cPut that away.\u201d<br \/>\nIt\u2019s not attractive or conducive to intimacy. Why should being efficient take precedence over faith and trust in your partner\u2019s ability? You wouldn\u2019t have picked him if you didn\u2019t think he was capable to begin with.<\/p>\n<p>But if you\u2019re anything like me, <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/\">giving up trying to control your partner<\/a> cold turkey is like trying to stop thinking about elephants right now.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a hard habit to break without these next two life hacks. They will give you the reserves and the perspective you need to keep the duct tape on when you need it the most.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-2737026728\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Naps\"><\/span>2. Naps<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Think napping is only for babies?<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3406338292\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>You\u2019re more likely to act like a baby when you\u2019re overtired, including overreacting to your partner\u2019s loud phone conversation or the dishes left in the living room again.<\/p>\n<p>The world just doesn\u2019t look right when you\u2019re depleted, so when your spouse is getting on your very last nerve it could be\u2014and often is\u2014that <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/self-care-activities\/\">your energy account is simply overdrawn<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Your level of tolerance is directly proportional to how much rest and relaxation you\u2019ve had. Think your relationship problems are bigger than just sleep-deprivation?<\/p>\n<p>Go lie down for an hour and let\u2019s find out.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re well-rested and rejuvenated, you might appreciate that the loud phone conversation that had you gritting your teeth was him taking care of the health insurance so you don\u2019t have to, and that the dishes are in the living room because he made his world-famous chili for everyone while you were out.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Coffee_Klatches\"><\/span>3. Coffee Klatches<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Relying on just one person for all your social and emotional needs is just not a good setup. That\u2019s why you need a knitting circle, poker buddies, or a running club to save your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>It takes more than one person to meet anyone\u2019s emotional needs. In my case, it takes two sisters, three friends and my husband to make me feel better on a bad day.<\/p>\n<p>You also need friends\u2014preferably with coffee cups.<\/p>\n<p>You might explain to them how much better you are at cutting an onion than your partner, for example. They might remind you to take a nap.<\/p>\n<p>You might also talk about how stressed you are at work or challenged by your kid\u2019s poor grades or your mom\u2019s forgetfulness. Sure, you can tell your spouse these things, but why not tell more than one person?<\/p>\n<p>We humans need several other humans to bear witness to our experiences. Your social community can help uphold your marriage by doing some of the witnessing.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll feel nurtured instead of needy by the time you get home to your spouse, and that happy grin from all the knitting, poker, running and talking will not only make you more attractive, it will go a long way toward creating a good mood at home.<\/p>\n<p>Sure, you\u2019ll still wish he\u2019d clean up more, spend less or not indulge the kids so much. You\u2019ll still be frustrated at times because he\u2019s not listening or paying more attention to you.<\/p>\n<p>But the more you use these three life hacks, the smaller those problems will seem. The more emotionally safe, well rested and supported you are, the happier your marriage will be.<\/p>\n<p>And unlike your partner\u2019s behavior, all of those hacks are well within your control.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019ve been working really hard on your relationship. At least it feels like hard work because it\u2019s so draining and takes up so much time and energy. The bad news is you were probably working on fixing the wrong things. The good news is that, no matter how bad it seems now, it\u2019s not too\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7074,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[709],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7070","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-and-separation"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Three Life Hacks for Saving Your Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Your relationship is hard work because you&#039;ve been working on the wrong things. That&#039;s the bad news. The good news is these life hacks will fix you up fast.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Three Life Hacks for Saving Your Marriage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Your relationship is hard work because you&#039;ve been working on the wrong things. That&#039;s the bad news. The good news is these life hacks will fix you up fast.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-04-26T11:00:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:34:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/saving-your-marriage-ft.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"Three Life Hacks for Saving Your Marriage\",\"datePublished\":\"2018-04-26T11:00:18+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:34:21+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/\"},\"wordCount\":840,\"commentCount\":13,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/saving-your-marriage-ft.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Divorce &amp; Separation\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/\",\"name\":\"Three Life Hacks for Saving Your Marriage\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/saving-your-marriage\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/saving-your-marriage-ft.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2018-04-26T11:00:18+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:34:21+00:00\",\"description\":\"Your relationship is hard work because you've been working on the wrong things. 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