{"id":7204,"date":"2015-10-08T09:00:47","date_gmt":"2015-10-08T16:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7204"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:35:19","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:35:19","slug":"how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Get Your Husband Or Boyfriend To Talk To You"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I think you\u2019ll agree with me when I say that sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is to get a man to talk to you.<\/p>\n<p>You ask how his day was and he grunts.<\/p>\n<p>You tell him your news for the day and he keeps eating without even looking up.<\/p>\n<p>You try to get him to open up, but he gets annoyed.<\/p>\n<p>It turns out, you can dramatically increase the gratifying conversations with him by creating an environment that will make him want to open up and share with you more intimately.<\/p>\n<p>In this post, I\u2019m going to show you what the secret is\u2026and exactly how you can use it in your relationship.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you\/#1_The_Secret_to_Getting_Your_Husband_or_Boyfriend_to_Talk_to_You\" title=\"The Secret to Getting Your Husband or Boyfriend to Talk to You\">The Secret to Getting Your Husband or Boyfriend to Talk to You<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you\/#2_What_Emotional_Safety_Looks_Like\" title=\"What Emotional Safety Looks Like\">What Emotional Safety Looks Like<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you\/#3_What_Do_You_Say_When_Your_Man_Completely_Screws_Up\" title=\"What Do You Say When Your Man Completely Screws Up?\">What Do You Say When Your Man Completely Screws Up?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you\/#4_How_to_Create_an_Even_Higher_Level_of_Emotional_Safety\" title=\"How to Create an Even Higher Level of Emotional Safety\">How to Create an Even Higher Level of Emotional Safety<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you\/#5_Getting_Those_Intimate_Connected_Conversations_Started\" title=\"Getting Those Intimate, Connected Conversations Started\">Getting Those Intimate, Connected Conversations Started<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_The_Secret_to_Getting_Your_Husband_or_Boyfriend_to_Talk_to_You\"><\/span>1. The Secret to Getting Your Husband or Boyfriend to Talk to You<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>It starts with the most basic ingredient for any intimate relationship&#8211;the thing that makes him want to be his most authentic self, and has him feel excited to share his thoughts. It\u2019s the thing that makes him feel he really is loved.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s something that\u2019s not all that easy to come by. You can\u2019t buy it, but you can definitely make it at home.<\/p>\n<p>It may take a little practice. It certainly did for me.<\/p>\n<p>The magical ingredient that will make your guy want to talk to you about anything and everything is emotional safety.<\/p>\n<p>You may be thinking, \u201cSounds good\u2026but what does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Emotional safety means that your husband feels free to say things to you knowing that you won\u2019t criticize him, correct him or try to teach him a better way.<\/p>\n<p>Emotional safety means he can speak without fear of negative consequences like having you yell or give him the silent treatment.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3224009516\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Of course, no one can guarantee that she won\u2019t get upset at what her husband says, I realize. But I have a few specific suggestions for you, which I\u2019ll describe in detail.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1925313683\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_What_Emotional_Safety_Looks_Like\"><\/span>2. What Emotional Safety Looks Like<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>First, let\u2019s talk about this part of the equation for emotional safety:<\/p>\n<span class='bctt-click-to-tweet'><span class='bctt-ctt-text'><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7204&#038;text=What%20if%20you%20never%20criticized%20your%20husband%2C%20no%20matter%20how%20much%20it%20seemed%20like%20he%20deserved%20it%3F%20&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">What if you never criticized your husband, no matter how much it seemed like he deserved it?  <\/a><\/span><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7204&#038;text=What%20if%20you%20never%20criticized%20your%20husband%2C%20no%20matter%20how%20much%20it%20seemed%20like%20he%20deserved%20it%3F%20&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank' class='bctt-ctt-btn'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n<p>The first time I heard that suggestion for a better relationship, I was completely unimpressed.<\/p>\n<p>I remember asking the wife that suggested it, \u201cHave you got anything else?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It didn\u2019t seem possible to me to never criticize my husband, but that was before I knew what I\u2019m about to tell you in this post.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say your man was speeding and rear-ended another car.<\/p>\n<p>Or he bought a risky investment and lost your joint money.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe he was watching the baby and let her fall down the stairs.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone knows it\u2019s best not to berate the man, but surely you have the right as his significant other to say something about it when he really blows it, right?<\/p>\n<p>That depends on what price you\u2019re willing to pay.<\/p>\n<p>You already have a problem: Car damage, less money or a crying baby.<\/p>\n<p>One problem you don\u2019t have is a conflict in your relationship. And you won\u2019t have that problem&#8211;unless you tell him what he should have done differently or how he was bad or stupid&#8211;even if it\u2019s only implied.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s when you say, \u201cI\u2019ve told you so many times to slow down and pay attention to your driving!\u201d that you create the conflict.<\/p>\n<p>Or, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you ask me about this investment before you made it?!\u201d That will make him defensive for sure.<\/p>\n<p>Or \u201cI guess I can\u2019t trust you to watch the baby while I\u2019m out for an hour,\u201d That\u2019s letting him know you think he\u2019s a moron.<\/p>\n<p>Now you have another problem in addition to the smooshed car, the lost money and the crying baby: A fight with your husband or boyfriend.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_What_Do_You_Say_When_Your_Man_Completely_Screws_Up\"><\/span>3. What Do You Say When Your Man Completely Screws Up?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Of course you\u2019re allowed to have your reaction when there\u2019s a mishap, but that\u2019s not the same as telling him he\u2019s wrong, stupid or bad.<\/p>\n<p>You still get to express how you feel about the situation, and as long as it\u2019s not a veiled criticism, you won\u2019t cause any discord.<\/p>\n<p>For example, you might still say, \u201cI\u2019m bummed about the car,\u201d or \u201cI hate when that happens,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m scared she may be seriously hurt and we don\u2019t realize it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>None of those are a criticism of him. That\u2019s about how you feel, and even though they may make him feel even worse than he already does (and make no mistake about it\u2014your guy feels terrible when he messes up), you haven\u2019t attacked him verbally and he won\u2019t feel obliged to defend himself.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a huge difference. It\u2019s the difference between being able to snuggle and comfort each other through a crisis, or tearing each other down when things are already stressful.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_How_to_Create_an_Even_Higher_Level_of_Emotional_Safety\"><\/span>4. How to Create an Even Higher Level of Emotional Safety<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019re pretty good about not criticizing your husband\u2014you don\u2019t laugh at him, roll your eyes, dismiss him or tell him what to do. You\u2019re way ahead of where I was early in my marriage.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, you\u2019re ready to go to the next level.<\/p>\n<p>The next level up from not criticizing him or making him wrong, is to let him off the hook easy by saying, \u201cThat\u2019s why we have insurance\u2026Are you okay?\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s only money\u201d or \u201cGood thing kids are resilient.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You might express to your girlfriends how inconvenient it is to take the car to the shop, or how much you hate when the stock market \u201ccorrects.\u201d You could tell your mom about how it broke your heart to hear the baby crying when she hurt herself.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s important that you get to say how you feel.<\/p>\n<p>But there\u2019s no benefit to saying those things to your man.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not as though he doesn\u2019t realize that he\u2019s made a mistake. Nobody needs to tell him that.<\/p>\n<p>But something amazing happens when you don\u2019t tell him what a numbskull he is.<\/p>\n<p>He doesn\u2019t have to defend himself against you, and that\u2019s when he hears his own voice in his head.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it says, \u201cI\u2019m going to drive slower.\u201d Or, \u201cI won\u2019t make that mistake again,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll make sure those stairs are blocked from now on!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s not stupid\u2014just exercising his right to be wrong.<\/p>\n<p>We all have that right as mere mortals. And it\u2019s a huge relief to know that even when we exercise our right to make goofy mistakes, we\u2019re still lovable.<\/p>\n<p>And when you acknowledge that gracefully by letting screw-ups go by without commenting, you\u2019re not being weak\u2013\u2013you\u2019re nurturing the intimacy. You\u2019re creating emotional safety.<\/p>\n<p>Sure, he\u2019s not perfect. But he\u2019s perfect for you.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Getting_Those_Intimate_Connected_Conversations_Started\"><\/span>5. Getting Those Intimate, Connected Conversations Started<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>The kind of emotional safety makes him open up to you because he knows that no matter how much he screwed up, you\u2019re still going to accept him and respect him.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes you\u2019ll try to pry something out of your husband and you get nowhere. Chances are, he\u2019s exercising his right to remain silent lest anything he says can and will be used against him.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s okay. Leave him be.<\/p>\n<p>Go call your sister or a friend. That\u2019s not where the connection is going to come from, from trying to force it. That never works.<\/p>\n<p>If you become emotionally safe, it\u2019s going to come when you least expect it.<\/p>\n<p>Like the time my husband and I were out to lunch when he started telling me about his marathon training plans.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not especially interested in marathon training plans, but these were his ideas, and it was his voice, his face\u2026and he\u2019s my beloved. And he was telling me\u2014someone he feels emotionally safe with\u2014what he cared about, what was on his mind.<\/p>\n<p>I realized in that moment he was being open, telling me about what he was thinking\u2013\u2013just like I always wanted him to.<\/p>\n<p>I felt a rush of pride about being his confidante as I listened to him talking about where he was going to hide his water bottles and which route he would take.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t offer any improvements or suggestions\u2014just enjoyed the intimate moment.<\/p>\n<p>Your husband will open up too, as soon as he feels emotionally safe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I think you\u2019ll agree with me when I say that sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is to get a man to talk to you. You ask how his day was and he grunts. You tell him your news for the day and he keeps eating without even looking up. You try\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-or-boyfriend-to-talk-to-you\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7206,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[708],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7204","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How To Get Your Husband Or Boyfriend To Talk To You<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The secret to getting your man to talk to you is the same critical ingredient that skyrockets the intimacy and connection. 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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