{"id":7363,"date":"2015-11-30T04:00:02","date_gmt":"2015-11-30T12:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7363"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:35:14","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:35:14","slug":"give-up-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Give Up Control in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"font-size: 23px;\"><strong>15 Things Happen When You Give Up Control<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>The World-Famous System for Relinquishing Control has Unexpected Side Effects<\/em><\/p>\n<p>What happens when 18 women tell the up-close and personal story of how their marriages were struggling in some way, and describe exactly how they stopped controlling to restore the passion and playfulness?<\/p>\n<p>First, you get an inspiring book of best practices for a playful, passionate marriage, which you can then apply to your own relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Second, some other patterns emerge.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say you\u2019re in the habit of giving your husband \u201chelpful suggestions,\u201d like all of us were.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe you\u2019re less subtle about it, and you just come right out and tell him what to do, like we also did.<\/p>\n<p>And let\u2019s say that one day you decide to stop controlling\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Then what?<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what we found out by putting all the first-hand accounts together in the book Surrendered Wives Empowered Women: Inspiring True Stories of Women Who Made Their Relationships Intimate, Passionate and Peaceful Again: As soon as you stop controlling your guy, your relationship gets so much better!<\/p>\n<p>AND all of this happens too\u2026<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#1_You_discover_your_real_purpose_in_the_world\" title=\"You discover your real purpose in the world.\">You discover your real purpose in the world.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#2_You_regain_your_dignity\" title=\"You regain your dignity.\">You regain your dignity.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#3_You_get_a_lot_more_energy\" title=\"You get a lot more energy.\">You get a lot more energy.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#4_You_become_more_attractive\" title=\"You become more attractive\">You become more attractive<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#5_Your_sex_life_improves\" title=\"Your sex life improves\">Your sex life improves<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#6_You_have_more_fun\" title=\"You have more fun\">You have more fun<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#7_You_get_more_help\" title=\"You get more help\">You get more help<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#8_You_feel_more_feminine\" title=\"You feel more feminine\">You feel more feminine<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-9\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#9_Youre_more_attracted_to_him\" title=\"You\u2019re more attracted to him\">You\u2019re more attracted to him<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-10\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#10_You_have_more_tender_moments\" title=\"You have more tender moments\">You have more tender moments<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-11\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#11_Your_other_relationships_improve\" title=\"Your other relationships improve\">Your other relationships improve<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-12\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#12_You_feel_the_fear_and_do_it_anyway\" title=\"You feel the fear and do it anyway\">You feel the fear and do it anyway<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-13\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#13_You_stop_fighting_city_hall\" title=\"You stop fighting city hall\">You stop fighting city hall<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-14\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#14_You_get_more_presents_and_compliments\" title=\"You get more presents and compliments\">You get more presents and compliments<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-15\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/#15_You_become_your_best_self\" title=\"You become your best self\">You become your best self<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_You_discover_your_real_purpose_in_the_world\"><\/span>1. You discover your real purpose in the world.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>This one is obvious if you think about it.<\/p>\n<p>Being the arm-chair critic of your man\u2019s life is a big distraction from your own life, which you\u2019re not paying attention to when you\u2019re trying to control him.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-803035069\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>It\u2019s like your life is riding around in a car with no one at the wheel, maybe faking an injury so it can get some attention.<\/p>\n<p>What emerged is that as we stopped focusing on him, our real purpose in the world was there waiting for us, calling us to come out of hiding.<\/p>\n<p>Relinquishing inappropriate control led us to the joy of doing what we were born to do.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-2385087303\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_You_regain_your_dignity\"><\/span>2. You regain your dignity.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>None of us liked feeling like our mother on her worst day.<\/p>\n<p>The part where you keep calm and carry on like a Londoner during The Battle of Britain in WWII? Surprisingly gratifying.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_You_get_a_lot_more_energy\"><\/span>3. You get a lot more energy.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Controlling someone you can\u2019t control is exhausting.<\/p>\n<span class='bctt-click-to-tweet'><span class='bctt-ctt-text'><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7363&#038;text=When%20you%20stop%20controlling%2C%20it%E2%80%99s%20like%20quitting%20your%20second%20job%20and%20drinking%203%20energy%20drinks%20right%20after%20you%E2%80%99ve%20slept%20for%20nine%20hours.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">When you stop controlling, it\u2019s like quitting your second job and drinking 3 energy drinks right after you\u2019ve slept for nine hours. <\/a><\/span><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7363&#038;text=When%20you%20stop%20controlling%2C%20it%E2%80%99s%20like%20quitting%20your%20second%20job%20and%20drinking%203%20energy%20drinks%20right%20after%20you%E2%80%99ve%20slept%20for%20nine%20hours.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank' class='bctt-ctt-btn'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_You_become_more_attractive\"><\/span>4. You become more attractive<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Talk about an extreme makeover.<\/p>\n<p>No matter how beautiful you are physically, control spoils your good looks.<\/p>\n<p>A wife who\u2019s smiling, laughing and flirting (which is what you tend to do when you stop controlling) is a supermodel as far as her husband is concerned.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Your_sex_life_improves\"><\/span>5. Your sex life improves<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>For many of us sex had gone missing. Turns out, men aren\u2019t sexually attracted to their mothers, or their mothering wives.<\/p>\n<p>Once you stop acting like his mother, you go back to enjoying being his lover forever.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6_You_have_more_fun\"><\/span>6. You have more fun<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I\u2019m cheating on this one, because having more fun actually comes ahead of giving up inappropriate control of your husband or boyfriend.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, you have to START having more fun to STOP being so controlling. In the 17 years I\u2019ve been doing this work, that\u2019s the only way I\u2019ve ever seen anybody pull it off.<\/p>\n<p>That said, it\u2019s also true that when you stop controlling, you spend a lot more time doing the things you love.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7_You_get_more_help\"><\/span>7. You get more help<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Maybe you feel like your husband is not that useful or capable or smart. That\u2019s how we felt too. Why do you think we were so controlling?<\/p>\n<p>But then when we stopped controlling, inexplicable things started happening. Our husbands researched the health insurance and found a better plan, started doing the dishes and putting the kids to bed, and got the computer working right.<\/p>\n<p>We found that every time we turned around, our guys were doing something helpful, although usually not the way we envisioned them doing it.<\/p>\n<p>I know, I know\u2014we couldn\u2019t believe it either. Go figure!<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"8_You_feel_more_feminine\"><\/span>8. You feel more feminine<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Managing everybody and everything can make you feel masculine. We started to feel downright hairy. Not on purpose, obviously.<\/p>\n<p>Giving up trying to control our guys made us softer. Receiving gifts, compliments and help that we previously rejected made us feel more like women\u2013\u2013well looked-after, adored women.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"9_Youre_more_attracted_to_him\"><\/span>9. You\u2019re more attracted to him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>A perfume commercial reminded us, \u201cWant him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When you stop being so hairy, he seems to grow some hair on his chest and suddenly you remember that you\u2019ve always liked hairy chests.<\/p>\n<p>Fireworks ensue.<\/p>\n<p>He also feels the drive to become a better man&#8211;and so he becomes one.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"10_You_have_more_tender_moments\"><\/span>10. You have more tender moments<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>One woman wrote about how her husband spontaneously apologized&#8211; without her complaining, fuming or sighing heavily&#8211;for making them late to a family party.<\/p>\n<p>It was a special moment for her because she couldn\u2019t remember him having done that previously. Ever.<\/p>\n<p>Our husbands got more romantic and gave us more compliments too. They held our hands, or held our face as they kissed us. They shared their deepest secrets and their wacky ideas.<\/p>\n<p>We loved every minute of it.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"11_Your_other_relationships_improve\"><\/span>11. Your other relationships improve<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Relinquishing inappropriate control gets to be so relaxing, beautifying, and enjoyable that you start doing it with your BFFs, your dad, your kids, and everybody else.<\/p>\n<p>And they start opening up to you more because they trust you. You have a deeper connection than you\u2019ve ever had.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"12_You_feel_the_fear_and_do_it_anyway\"><\/span>12. You feel the fear and do it anyway<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>All control is based in fear, so when you stop controlling someone you really couldn\u2019t control anyway, all you\u2019re doing is giving up your costly coping mechanism.<\/p>\n<p>When you stop trying to control someone else, it\u2019s scary at times.<\/p>\n<p>But when you start deciding to choose your faith instead of your fear, it\u2019s empowering, too. You gain courage for other scary things in life.<\/p>\n<p>Like fulfilling your purpose.<\/p>\n<p>You start living out loud and honoring yourself like never before. It\u2019s terrifying and exhilarating.<\/p>\n<p>This is living.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"13_You_stop_fighting_city_hall\"><\/span>13. You stop fighting city hall<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When we started focusing on our own feelings and desires, we discovered superpowers that we never knew we had before.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s so easy and fun to get what you want by expressing a desire in a way that inspires your man that fighting anybody over anything just seems like too much effort.<\/p>\n<p>We were no longer victims who felt powerless, and the anger we felt about all the injustices in the world just\u2026.dissipated.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"14_You_get_more_presents_and_compliments\"><\/span>14. You get more presents and compliments<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>There are more flowers for no reason, more diamond rings, more road trips and more sushi dinners, even when he doesn\u2019t like sushi.<\/p>\n<p>He says how beautiful you are and how lucky he is to have you and says it more often.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"15_You_become_your_best_self\"><\/span>15. You become your best self<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>All of us decided to relinquish control of our husbands and boyfriends because we wanted better relationships. We wanted to be loved. But a funny thing happened along the way.<\/p>\n<p>We gained confidence, and a sense of calm. We were more pleasant and grateful, and even respectful. We were happier.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, we became the best version of ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>At least, that\u2019s what the authors of Surrendered Wives Empowered Women and I have experienced.<\/p>\n<p>A surrendered wife knows she can\u2019t change anyone besides herself, so she doesn\u2019t try. She focuses on her own happiness, and that improves the intimacy.<\/p>\n<p>True, we don\u2019t tell our husbands what to wear, or what to eat or how to drive or what to do at work anymore. But then again, that never seemed to get us what we wanted anyway.<\/p>\n<p>The passion, the playfulness, and the intimacy&#8211;and the other 15 cool things that we got when we let go of control&#8211;were all through the magical door marked, \u201csurrender.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>15 Things Happen When You Give Up Control The World-Famous System for Relinquishing Control has Unexpected Side Effects What happens when 18 women tell the up-close and personal story of how their marriages were struggling in some way, and describe exactly how they stopped controlling to restore the passion and playfulness? First, you get an\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7368,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Give Up Control in a Relationship [15 Side Effects]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"15 surprising things happen when you give up control. 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