{"id":7447,"date":"2016-01-21T04:00:27","date_gmt":"2016-01-21T12:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7447"},"modified":"2026-05-13T22:35:49","modified_gmt":"2026-05-14T05:35:49","slug":"six-intimacy-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122"},"content":{"rendered":"

At my Cherished for Life Weekend, Gigi told me she wanted to have intimacy in her marriage, but didn\u2019t really know what it looked like.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been married for over 20 years,\u201d she confessed, \u201cand I feel like I just don\u2019t even know what intimacy is.\u201d<\/p>\n

I know what she means; I was similarly baffled in the early days of my marriage. Was intimacy just physical–just another way to say \u201csex\u201d? What did emotional intimacy look like? I wasn\u2019t sure.<\/p>\n

Whatever it was, I knew I wanted to have it.<\/p>\n

And although I knew I had experienced it at times, I really had no idea why that happened, or how to create more of it.<\/p>\n

I had no concept of the Six Intimacy Skills, or that there was anything I could do to nurture intimacy. I didn\u2019t realize I was unwittingly crushing the emotional and physical connection in my marriage.<\/p>\n

I thought intimacy and tenderness was something that just happened if you picked the right guy.<\/p>\n

I believed that it looked something like those vacation brochures where the handsome guy throws the beautiful woman up in the air in the pool.<\/p>\n

I also had a deep, dark fear that intimacy was reserved only for those who are lovable.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t sure I was lovable, and I was deathly afraid to find out. I was scared that I was too damaged, too needy, too strong-willed and not pretty enough.<\/p>\n

Even after I was married, I worried I would always feel the gnawing misery of loneliness, and that there would be nothing I could do about it because it wasn\u2019t in my control.<\/p>\n

I believed that some lucky people experience intimacy, and that the unlucky ones don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Of course, I knew that if I wanted to be a good volleyball player, or be able to make a mean risotto or deliver moving talks from the stage, I just needed to learn how, and practice.<\/p>

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But intimacy–that was different. It was more mysterious, I thought.<\/p>\n

I had no idea it was a matter of expertise, like everything else, and that there were Six Intimacy Skills that would not only help me feel lovable and loved every single day, but would also make me more attractive.<\/p>\n

The Six Intimacy Skills are not theoretical. They are proven, time and again, with many thousands of women in 17 languages in 28 countries. And now that I know them, I can\u2019t shut up about them!<\/p>\n

I want every woman to know the simple, practical things she can do to create the gratifying, exhilarating, addicting experience of being loved every day, just for being herself.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s something you want too, let\u2019s get you started with The Six Intimacy Skills. Here\u2019s how:<\/p>\n

1. Skill #1: Make yourself happy by doing three things a day that bring you enjoyment.<\/p>\n

One thing I love about practicing The Intimacy Skills is that they involve doing fun things that you want to do anyway, but maybe don\u2019t let yourself. Like this first one–which is making sure you get your daily dose of pleasure and delight–three times a day, in fact.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re gonna wanna do this as a practice.<\/p>\n

The way you get to have a relationship where your guy is seeking out your company, tripping over himself to make sure he gets you your favorite kind of pasta–and then pulling you toward him for a kiss while you\u2019re stirring that pasta–is to make yourself have fun.<\/p>\n

No matter how busy you are and how much responsibility you have, doing three fun things a day is the indispensable first step to passion and playfulness. I just don\u2019t know a way around it.<\/p>\n

Everything that\u2019s worthwhile in life takes some energy, naturally, and you won\u2019t have the energy to make your relationship great if you don\u2019t fill yourself up first. Therefore, fun just shot up to the top of your to-do list–with a red circle around it.<\/p>\n

What do I mean by \u201cfun\u201d?<\/h3>\n

It could mean you gab with your friend.<\/p>\n

It might be hugging a tree or reading a blog. It could be listening to funny podcasts, or snuggling with your pet, or riding your bike.<\/p>\n

It could be crafting, rollerblading, window shopping, planting or picking flowers, or watching your favorite show.<\/p>\n

You might choose listening to music you love, journaling, solitude or jumping on the bed. You could play games on your phone.<\/p>\n

How will you know if you\u2019re doing this right?<\/h3>\n

There\u2019s just one way to know if you did this skill correctly, and that is\u2026<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll feel happy. <\/em><\/p>\n

If you aren\u2019t happy yet, maybe you just haven\u2019t done enough \u201cfrivolous\u201d stuff for your own self-care–the more frivolous, the better, in my experience.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not talking about 5 fruits and veggies a day, and 30 minutes of cardio, and 8 hours of sleep. Unless those make you so happy you can\u2019t wipe the silly grin off your face.<\/p>\n

This will make you as attractive as a supermodel<\/h3>\n

All of the skills work together to create the magic of connection, but this one skill alone made me a lot more attractive than I had been before.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s because prior to learning the skills, I was in the habit of using misery to get the attention and acknowledgment I craved.<\/p>\n

So my previous approach was to complain and seek sympathy: \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t believe what I had to do, what happened to me, how much work I had, how little sleep I got, what someone else did to me!\u201d<\/p>\n

As you already know, that just didn\u2019t make me irresistible. At all.<\/p>\n

But with practicing this skill, with being diligent about tickling my own spirit, and making sure I\u2019m feeling James Brown-level good\u2014well, I might as well be a supermodel now, judging by the way my husband responds to me.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not just me–this is what I\u2019ve seen with women of every kind all over the world for over 17 years:<\/p>\n

We\u2019re hottest when we\u2019re happy, smiling, laughing, singing and dancing.<\/p>\n

But what if you really just do not have time?<\/h3>\n

That\u2019s where Intimacy Skill #2 is going to rock your world. It\u2019s going to give you more time, more dignity and more peace.<\/p>\n

The problem is, this blog is already pretty long, and there are still five more Intimacy Skills.<\/p>\n

Plus, I have another agenda, truth be told.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s my agenda: I want to give you more than I can give you in just a blog: More secrets, more inspiration, more insight on how this applies to your life.<\/p>\n

I also want to show you:<\/p>\n