{"id":7630,"date":"2016-03-24T04:00:31","date_gmt":"2016-03-24T11:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7630"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:35:06","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:35:06","slug":"depressed-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"Depressed Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Being married to Eeyore is excruciating. You\u2019ve got to wonder why your guy doesn\u2019t just look on the bright side.<\/p>\n<p>But that\u2019s not how depression works.<\/p>\n<p>It makes sense that you want his depression to lift already so that the two of you can get back to laughing and having fun again.<\/p>\n<p>His dark mood may be causing you more work, more loneliness and more heartbreak than you\u2019d like to admit.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s frustrating.<\/p>\n<p>Of course you\u2019re not responsible for your husband\u2019s depression, since you can only control yourself.<\/p>\n<p>But you have tremendous influence over his outlook on life, including whether he feels confident and can-do or spirals into what\u2019s-the-use mode.<\/p>\n<p>Here are four powerful ways you can make the sun come out tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>Bet your bottom dollar on it:<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#1_Make_Yourself_Happy\" title=\" Make Yourself Happy\"> Make Yourself Happy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#2_Act_Like_You_Trust_Him\" title=\" Act Like You Trust Him\"> Act Like You Trust Him<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#3_Ask_for_His_Help_with_Your_Problem\" title=\" Ask for His Help with Your Problem\"> Ask for His Help with Your Problem<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#4_Appreciate_Him_Three_Times_a_Day\" title=\" Appreciate Him Three Times a Day\"> Appreciate Him Three Times a Day<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Make_Yourself_Happy\"><\/span>1) Make Yourself Happy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>You\u2019re not the one who\u2019s depressed, I realize, but you can\u2019t say you\u2019re overjoyed either, I bet.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how I know: husbands take a great deal of their sense of self-worth from knowing they are making their wives happy.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve asked thousands of men about this. They all say the same thing about how vital it is for their wives to be happy.<\/p>\n<p>Every. Single. One.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-1595492351\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>If you\u2019re not happy, then he feels he\u2019s failing at that vital mission.<\/p>\n<p>And if you\u2019ve been unhappy for years, he\u2019s likely to feel that he\u2019s got an impossible job he\u2019ll never succeed at.<\/p>\n<p>Who wouldn\u2019t be depressed?<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, instead of focusing on how he\u2019s so blue, get into the pink yourself.<\/p>\n<p>You may feel like his gloominess is the reason it\u2019s hard to be happy yourself, and I get that. But there are still good times to be had.<\/p>\n<p>Listen to your favorite up-tempo song five times in a row and do your happy dance.<\/p>\n<p>Watch a movie you love, and talk to the friend who makes you laugh the hardest.<\/p>\n<p>Have a chocolate \u00e9clair and a cup of coffee at a pretty caf\u00e9 while you read a gossip page for 20 minutes.<\/p>\n<p>While you\u2019re in the afterglow, say out loud, while he\u2019s in earshot, \u201cI\u2019m so happy! I feel great.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Do whatever you can to make yourself smile so that he has a chance of feeling successful at making you happy.<\/p>\n<p>Granted, you did it yourself, but now he knows that it\u2019s possible for you to be happy, and he will want to pile on.<\/p>\n<p>This step is indispensable for busting up your man\u2019s blues because his outlook won\u2019t improve one bit until yours does.<\/p>\n<p>But on the flip side, as soon as he hears you laughing and sees you doing your groove thing down the hall, he will perk up.<\/p>\n<p>I see it happen all the time.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3883261980\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Act_Like_You_Trust_Him\"><\/span>2) Act Like You Trust Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Depressed husbands need love the most when they deserve it the least.<\/p>\n<span class='bctt-click-to-tweet'><span class='bctt-ctt-text'><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7630&#038;text=Husbands%20feel%20loved%20when%20they%20know%20you%20see%20them%20as%20capable%20and%20competent.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Husbands feel loved when they know you see them as capable and competent. <\/a><\/span><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D7630&#038;text=Husbands%20feel%20loved%20when%20they%20know%20you%20see%20them%20as%20capable%20and%20competent.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank' class='bctt-ctt-btn'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n<p>If he\u2019s been out-of-sorts for a while, you may have started covering for him by putting the kids\u2019 cheer competition on his calendar so he won\u2019t forget, or reminding him to call his mom, or suggesting that he go to the doctor for antidepressants, for example.<\/p>\n<p>You mean to help, but implicit in your actions is the message, \u201cI don\u2019t trust you to run your own life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That translates into, \u201cYou\u2019re not capable and competent.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For a husband, saying this is the same as saying, \u201cYou\u2019re not lovable.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Actions really do speak louder than words, and you can imagine how hearing that message from the woman who knows him best in the world would weaken his spirit.<\/p>\n<p>I know you didn\u2019t mean to make your husband\u2019s gloomy mood worse. I didn\u2019t either. But that\u2019s what I unwittingly did before I knew any better.<\/p>\n<p>It wasn\u2019t until I started acting like I trusted him to take care of his life and some things for the both of us that my husband started to regain his optimism and confidence.<\/p>\n<p>But as soon as I did, everyone noticed something was up with my husband.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat happened to John?\u201d they would ask me. \u201cHas he been working out? He looks different.\u201d One friend even said, \u201cJohn looks taller.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because he was standing taller.<\/p>\n<p>The same will happen to your husband when you start acting like you think he\u2019s competent\u2014even if that means you have to pretend.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Ask_for_His_Help_with_Your_Problem\"><\/span>3) Ask for His Help with Your Problem<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>On his show The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan helped a couple whose dog was restless and destructive by making a backpack for the dog to carry.<\/p>\n<p>When the couple walked the dog with his backpack on, it changed the dog\u2019s whole demeanor. You could see the dog puffing up with pride that he had made a contribution to his \u201cpack.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Your husband has the same inner drive to feel useful, and may feel similarly distressed if you\u2019re eliminating the need for him to contribute by operating independently.<\/p>\n<p>Consider running a problem past him and asking for his thoughts on how to solve it.<\/p>\n<p>Ask if you can \u201cborrow his brain.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It could be something at work that you\u2019re not sure how to handle, or a worry about your mom, or his advice on how to get your phone to stop playing music randomly.<\/p>\n<p>You may not feel you need his help, but wouldn\u2019t it be nice to have it?<\/p>\n<p>He may come up with something you never would have thought of. Husbands often do. That\u2019s one of the reasons you married him.<\/p>\n<p>If you like his idea, great&#8211;you can thank him and be on your way.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t like his idea, chances that means there\u2019s something else you want that he doesn\u2019t know about and he needs that information to help you get it.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you want to solve the problem without troubling your boss, or bring your sister along, or to have your phone just behave itself without carving out time for tech support\u2026and his plan doesn\u2019t allow for that additional thing you want.<\/p>\n<p>Even if what you want doesn\u2019t seem all that reasonable, that\u2019s okay&#8211;you can let him know that part too by saying, \u201cI also wanted _____.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Continue to express each desire as you recognize it during this conversation so he can make suggestions that take those into consideration.<\/p>\n<p>The goal is not for you to just do what he suggests because he suggests it. The goal is for you to have what you really want.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what he wants too&#8211;to make you happy.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Appreciate_Him_Three_Times_a_Day\"><\/span>4) Appreciate Him Three Times a Day<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Here\u2019s where we are so far: you\u2019re happy and your husband sees that, and he knows he can succeed in making you happy.<\/p>\n<p>He also knows you think he\u2019s competent and capable.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s even feeling the glow of knowing that he\u2019s solved your problem.<\/p>\n<p>Who wouldn\u2019t be feeling more optimistic already, right?<\/p>\n<p>You might even catch him whistling, or laughing, or making bedroom eyes at you again, like his old self.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s how successful and light he\u2019s going to feel when you implement these suggestions. And that\u2019s true if he\u2019s been diagnosed with depression and he\u2019s on medication, or he\u2019s been diagnosed and he\u2019s not on medication, or he refuses to get diagnosed.<\/p>\n<p>None of that matters nearly as much as what he sees when he looks in his wife-mirror.<\/p>\n<p>Now it\u2019s time to put the frosting on the frosting by appreciating him at least three times a day for his contributions, big or small.<\/p>\n<p>You can be grateful he made your coffee, or shuttled one of the kids to their lessons, or that he works so hard to support the family (even if you do, too).<\/p>\n<p>Appreciate that he unloaded the dishwasher, that he listened to your problem, and that he was so accommodating when your family was over.<\/p>\n<p>Acknowledge that he lightens your load because he takes good care of the cars, handles the taxes or whacks the weeds.<\/p>\n<p>When you do, you\u2019ll no longer find yourself tempted to tell him to \u201csnap out of it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You won\u2019t need to because soon, he will be out of the depressed fog and seeing possibilities and feeling hopeful.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019ll also be feeling proud, competent and accomplished again.<\/p>\n<p>After all, the woman who knows him best in the world treats him that way.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s all the evidence he needs that all is right with the world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being married to Eeyore is excruciating. You\u2019ve got to wonder why your guy doesn\u2019t just look on the bright side. But that\u2019s not how depression works. It makes sense that you want his depression to lift already so that the two of you can get back to laughing and having fun again. His dark mood\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7637,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[715],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Depressed Husband [4 Effective Ways to Help Him]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Struggling to help your depressed husband? You\u2019re not alone. I\u2019ve compiled a list of effective ways women in your position create a healthy relationship.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Depressed Husband [4 Effective Ways to Help Him]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Struggling to help your depressed husband? You\u2019re not alone. I\u2019ve compiled a list of effective ways women in your position create a healthy relationship.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-03-24T11:00:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:35:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/depressed-husband-ft.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"Depressed Husband\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-03-24T11:00:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:35:06+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/\"},\"wordCount\":1462,\"commentCount\":40,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/depressed-husband-ft.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Mental Health\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/\",\"name\":\"Depressed Husband [4 Effective Ways to Help Him]\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/depressed-husband\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/depressed-husband-ft.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-03-24T11:00:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:35:06+00:00\",\"description\":\"Struggling to help your depressed husband? 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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