{"id":7650,"date":"2016-03-31T04:00:38","date_gmt":"2016-03-31T11:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7650"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:35:12","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:35:12","slug":"husband-not-affectionate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/","title":{"rendered":"Husband Not Affectionate"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When I was at the lowest point in my marriage&#8211;feeling completely dejected and lonely because my husband was not affectionate&#8211;I kept reading advice from experts who insisted that the solution was to say, \u201cI have a serious concern about your lack of affection.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The underlying premise of this advice is that my husband just did not know that I liked affection.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe he didn&#8217;t realize that he did not show affection. He just somehow\u2026forgot.<\/p>\n<p>But telling him to be more affectionate never works, as I\u2019m sure you already know from trying it yourself.<\/p>\n<p>If anything, that drove my husband farther away.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes he\u2019d leave tire marks in the driveway.<\/p>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10577\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/husband-not-in-love.jpg\" alt=\"Husband Not In Love\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/husband-not-in-love.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/husband-not-in-love-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/husband-not-in-love-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/husband-not-in-love-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/husband-not-in-love-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/husband-not-in-love-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It wasn\u2019t until I learned the 4 simple concepts below that I stopped feeling the urge to ask why my husband wouldn&#8217;t show affection.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because the smooching, the pats on the butt, and the fireworks in the bedroom came back.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the cure for a non-affectionate man:<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/#1_Stop_Talking_about_It\" title=\"Stop Talking about It\">Stop Talking about It<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/#2_Employ_the_Worlds_Best_Aphrodisiac_for_Men\" title=\"Employ the World\u2019s Best Aphrodisiac for Men\">Employ the World\u2019s Best Aphrodisiac for Men<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/#3_Bring_Back_Emotional_Safety\" title=\"Bring Back Emotional Safety\">Bring Back Emotional Safety<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/#4_Be_the_Girl_of_Fun_and_Light\" title=\"Be the Girl of Fun and Light\">Be the Girl of Fun and Light<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Stop_Talking_about_It\"><\/span>1. Stop Talking about It<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Periodically reminding my husband that he was not affectionate was the surefire way to make him show affection. Everybody said so.<\/p>\n<p>So I did that. Repeatedly. But whether I begged, cajoled, demanded or made friendly suggestions, it never worked.<\/p>\n<p>Not once.<\/p>\n<p>Oh sure, there were times when he obediently hugged and kissed me, but that didn\u2019t scratch my itch.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-962390\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>If anything, it made my pain and dejection more acute. Because the truth is, getting him to hug and kiss me wasn\u2019t what I wanted; I wanted him to WANT to hug and kiss me.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10578\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/aphrodisiac-for-men.jpg\" alt=\"Aphrodisiac For Men\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/aphrodisiac-for-men.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/aphrodisiac-for-men-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/aphrodisiac-for-men-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/aphrodisiac-for-men-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/aphrodisiac-for-men-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/aphrodisiac-for-men-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I wanted to feel desired, just like the old days when he was always smooching me or patting my butt.<\/p>\n<p>Since I had to order him to be affectionate, it was evident that he didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n<p>And that hurt. A lot.<\/p>\n<p>Begging for kisses and hugs feels lousy&#8211;even if he complies.<\/p>\n<p>Not only did I feel needy and undignified doing it, it only pushed him further away.<\/p>\n<p>So step one for me was to stop listening to that terrible advice (which, to this day, makes me roll my eyes!).<\/p>\n<p>Instead, consider that he may not be <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-love-me\/\">feeling loved<\/a> either, even if you are being affectionate with him.<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, rather than telling him what he should do, you can naturally restore the petting and flirting by being your best self again.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1234003529\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Employ_the_Worlds_Best_Aphrodisiac_for_Men\"><\/span>2. Employ the World\u2019s Best Aphrodisiac for Men<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>What\u2019s that? You didn\u2019t know there was an aphrodisiac for men? And that it\u2019s super effective, works fast, and is free?<\/p>\n<p>Me, neither&#8211;for years. No one ever told me. Maybe no one has ever mentioned it to you either.<\/p>\n<p>When someone finally did tell me, I had no idea what they were talking about.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll spell it out (while you imagine Aretha singing it): R-E-S-P-E-C-T.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the thing: if you\u2019re anything like I was, you have no idea what that looks like. I thought I WAS being respectful even though I was disrespectful at least 27 times a day.<\/p>\n<p>Hopefully you\u2019re not as bad as I was \u2019cause there was a lot of eye-rolling, sighing, complaining about what he did and questioning his judgment going on around here. Like, tons. Not to mention constructive criticism, interrogation, accusation, and downright rude comments.<\/p>\n<p>I thought of it as \u201cbeing helpful,\u201d or doing what the experts suggested by \u201cexpressing a concern.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All of it seemed justified to me&#8211;and all of it ruined my chances that he was ever going to come in for a passionate kiss.<\/p>\n<p>I had no idea that was why my husband didn\u2019t show affection for me. But when I look at these pictures now, it seems pretty obvious:<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10579\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/disrespecting-your-spouse.jpg\" alt=\"Disrespecting Your Spouse\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/disrespecting-your-spouse.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/disrespecting-your-spouse-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/disrespecting-your-spouse-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/disrespecting-your-spouse-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/disrespecting-your-spouse-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/disrespecting-your-spouse-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Okay, so those aren\u2019t me, but they are reasonable facsimiles of how I appear when I\u2019m <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/disrespect-in-marriage\/\">disrespectful<\/a> versus respectful.<\/p>\n<p>You know how you want him to see you as irresistible, beautiful and lovable? He wants you to see him as smart, capable and strong in the same way.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t, he won\u2019t be affectionate.<\/p>\n<p>When you start acting like he is smart, capable and strong, that will go a long way toward bringing back the makeout sessions, snuggling and <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-attract-your-husband-in-bed\/\">sex you\u2019re craving<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Bring_Back_Emotional_Safety\"><\/span>3. Bring Back Emotional Safety<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>What is emotional safety?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s when you admit that you just threw a handful of M&amp;Ms into the living room for your kids to find so you could talk on the phone without interruption for a few minutes, and your friend doesn\u2019t judge you but says, \u201cWow, great idea!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10585\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/emontional-safety.jpg\" alt=\"Emotional Safety\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/emontional-safety.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/emontional-safety-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/emontional-safety-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/emontional-safety-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/emontional-safety-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/emontional-safety-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s when your husband tells you that he just lost a grip of money because the stocks he bought went down. Way down. And you say, \u201cOh well, it\u2019s only money,\u201d instead of telling him he should have checked with you first.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s knowing you won\u2019t be ridiculed, humiliated, outcast, or criticized even when you sing a Katy Perry song that\u2019s way out of your range.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s what you had early in your relationship, when he was affectionate and you felt desired and you admired him so much for who he was.<\/p>\n<p>Familiarity really does breed contempt sometimes, but it doesn\u2019t have to. You could decide to be as admiring now as you were back then.<\/p>\n<p>Start by letting him talk and just listening by saying \u201cUh-huh\u201d or \u201cMmmm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Letting him talk without correcting, suggesting, teaching, advising or freaking out is a very good start <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">to restoring your magnetism<\/span>.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Be_the_Girl_of_Fun_and_Light\"><\/span>4. Be the Girl of Fun and Light<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Remember that time you went camping and you and your friend couldn\u2019t stop laughing for an hour?<\/p>\n<p>Or the other day when you were doing your Zumba moves in the kitchen?<\/p>\n<p>What about when you put cereal boxes and fake blood on your shirt for Halloween and called yourself a cereal killer?<\/p>\n<p>Those are just a few examples of being the real you\u2014the Girl of Fun and Light (GOFL).<\/p>\n<p>You are at your best when you\u2019re the manifestation of Cyndi Lauper\u2019s astute anthem \u201cGirls Just Wanna Have Fun.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I am calling you a girl even though you\u2019re well over 12 because every woman has an inner just-wanna-have-fun girl, and if you haven\u2019t honored her in a while, it could be time to find your hula hoop, your lip gloss and some tunes that make you shimmy and twirl.<\/p>\n<p>The GOFL is always looking for a good time and is open to that taking priority over doing the laundry.<\/p>\n<p>She brings a sense of fun to every situation, even when it all goes wrong and the entire bag of Cheetos is dumped onto the white couch or she accidentally squirts herself with the hose or her husband walks on the freshly mopped floor with muddy boots.<\/p>\n<p>The GOFL sees mishaps as punch lines in the slapstick comedy of life.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10581\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/how-to-give-yourself-affection.jpg\" alt=\"How to Give Yourself Affection\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/how-to-give-yourself-affection.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/how-to-give-yourself-affection-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/how-to-give-yourself-affection-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/how-to-give-yourself-affection-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/how-to-give-yourself-affection-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/how-to-give-yourself-affection-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Granted, it\u2019s not always easy when the kids are sick, you worked a 12-hour day, and the mortgage is late.<\/p>\n<p>But if you can\u2019t remember what you like to do and let yourself do it, you\u2019re not showing much affection for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Fretting is not going to make your husband more affectionate. But dancing the Macarena at the grocery store? It definitely could.<\/p>\n<p>After all, you were all smiles and laughter when he first put the moves on you.<\/p>\n<p>And he will again when you start giving yourself what you really want: fun.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I was at the lowest point in my marriage&#8211;feeling completely dejected and lonely because my husband was not affectionate&#8211;I kept reading advice from experts who insisted that the solution was to say, \u201cI have a serious concern about your lack of affection.\u201d The underlying premise of this advice is that my husband just did\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15853,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[716],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7650","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-life-and-physical-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Husband Not Affectionate [Until Wife Used These 4 Secrets]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Think your man will never change? I want to show you 4 Ways to Stop Begging and Restore Your Magnetism. Use this approach and you won\u2019t have to say a word.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Husband Not Affectionate [Until Wife Used These 4 Secrets]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Think your man will never change? I want to show you 4 Ways to Stop Begging and Restore Your Magnetism. 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