{"id":7852,"date":"2016-05-26T04:00:05","date_gmt":"2016-05-26T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7852"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:35:01","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:35:01","slug":"how-to-communicate-with-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Communicate with Men"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Everybody knows communication is the key to a good relationship. That\u2019s obvious.<\/p>\n<p>But what if it isn\u2019t?<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m a good talker. I started talking early, and I never really shut up.<\/p>\n<p>Growing up, my sport was Scrabble. I even majored in communication in college.<\/p>\n<p>So when there were big problems in my marriage just a few years in, I knew it wasn\u2019t me who wasn\u2019t <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/effective-communication-in-marriage\/\">communicating properly<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>The problem was clearly him. I noticed he didn\u2019t even like to communicate. He didn\u2019t listen, and he didn\u2019t want to talk.<\/p>\n<p>When I asked him how he felt, he said, \u201cHungry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Exasperating!<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when I realized I was in for a long \u201c\u2019til-death-do-us-part.\u201d Divorce started to sound pretty tempting.<\/p>\n<p>Miraculously, I then learned a few things about communication that they never taught me in school. And the funny thing is that after I learned them, my husband became a much better communicator.<\/p>\n<p>Here are the 5 life hacks for communicating with men so they hear and get you:<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/#1_Stop_Communicating_with_Him_Like_This\" title=\"Stop Communicating with Him Like This\">Stop Communicating with Him Like This<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/#2_Talk_to_Your_BFFs_Instead\" title=\"Talk to Your BFFs Instead\">Talk to Your BFFs Instead<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/#3_Say_What_You_Want\" title=\"Say What You Want\">Say What You Want<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/#4_Respect_His_Thinking\" title=\"Respect His Thinking\">Respect His Thinking<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/#5_Keep_it_Light\" title=\"Keep it Light\">Keep it Light<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Stop_Communicating_with_Him_Like_This\"><\/span>1. Stop Communicating with Him Like This<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When I heard that communication was the key to a happy relationship, I thought that meant that my husband and I should talk a lot.<\/p>\n<p>And if some talking wasn\u2019t doing the trick, that meant more talking would definitely be called for.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2219061873\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>But that never worked. We spent endless hours on the couch communicating, and that never got me what I wanted&#8211;which was to know that he loved me like crazy and thought I was beautiful and special and amazing.<\/p>\n<p>But the conversation never, ever got to that. Instead, they were painful, annoying, and relentless attempts to get him to see things my way.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve since discovered that saying very little is a much better alternative to that kind of communicating.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not talking about a cold war, where you just don\u2019t speak and he knows you\u2019re mad at him. I mean just deciding to let it ride for now, and maybe sleep on it and talk about it later if it still seems important.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m talking about leaving State of The Union addresses to the President, and saying what you want in short, little, teeny sentences.<\/p>\n<p>Now, I know there is never a need for a long conversation to hash things out. We haven\u2019t had one in over a decade.<\/p>\n<p>The quicker way to get to the outcome I want (intimacy, passion, and peace) is to put metaphorical duct tape over my mouth until I can formulate a simple sentence about what I want, or issue an apology for criticizing him, or get some rest and perspective.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, saying nothing is a much better choice than pummeling my husband under the guise of \u201ccommunicating.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3596001141\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Talk_to_Your_BFFs_Instead\"><\/span>2. Talk to Your BFFs Instead<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>What does talking to your girlfriends have to do with communicating with men?<\/p>\n<p>Plenty.<\/p>\n<p>For one thing, it\u2019s a great place to go with a problem that might hurt the intimacy if you communicate it to him. Like, I might say to my sister, \u201cMy husband\u2019s office is so messy, it\u2019s really driving me bananas!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And she can remind me that I can close the door so I don\u2019t have to see it.<\/p>\n<p>Problem solved.<\/p>\n<p>But if I say to my husband, \u201cYour office is so messy, it\u2019s driving me bananas!\u201d I\u2019ve just criticized him, and that hurts the intimacy.<\/p>\n<p>You might be thinking, \u201cBut what if it\u2019s true!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But speaking that kind of truth just makes me a porcupine wife who is prickly to be around, and that\u2019s not worth the price of admission.<\/p>\n<p>My husband already knows if his office is messy. He doesn\u2019t need me to tell him.<\/p>\n<p>But that\u2019s not the only reason talking to my BFFs helps me communicate with my husband. It also just helps me get all my words out. And it makes me happy.<\/p>\n<p>Remember how I haven\u2019t shut up, pretty much since birth?<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I give my husband a break by talking to someone else for a while. He seems to appreciate that.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Say_What_You_Want\"><\/span>3. Say What You Want<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When we haven\u2019t had to sit on the couch to \u201ctalk\u201d (read: fight) for an hour and I\u2019m in a good mood from chatting with my BFFs, the atmosphere around here is great.<\/p>\n<p>One way to ruin that in a hurry is by complaining.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, complaining is not an effective way to communicate with men. They can\u2019t even hear you when you\u2019re complaining, as far as I can tell.<\/p>\n<p>Using this skill instead is like magic for communicating with men in my experience, because they not only hear you, they get all motivated to make it happen.<\/p>\n<p>That skill is telling him what you want, instead of going on and on about how you can\u2019t live like this for one more second.<\/p>\n<p>So complaining would be, \u201cThere\u2019s no room on the digital recorder for the new season of Fixer Upper, and it\u2019s because it\u2019s all clogged up with other shows that we\u2019re never going to watch.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Saying what I want would be, \u201cI want some space to record the new season of Fixer Upper.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>See the difference? Now he knows what to do to make me happy: make some space for my show!<\/p>\n<p>And my husband, like all husbands, wants to make his wife happy.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Respect_His_Thinking\"><\/span>4. Respect His Thinking<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Men need respect like they need oxygen. Just like I want to be desired and adored, my husband wants to know I think he\u2019s capable and competent.<\/p>\n<p>Otherwise, he won\u2019t feel loved.<\/p>\n<p>And when people don\u2019t feel loved, they get defensive. And when they\u2019re defensive, they seem like jerks, and that tends to ruin the good vibrations.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, when he thinks something completely different from what I think&#8211;like we should save the recording of The 10 Commandments from a couple of years ago because we might want to watch it later&#8211;I can either argue with him by saying that if we haven\u2019t watched it in all this time, it seems unlikely that we ever will, or I could just say, \u201cWhatever you think.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As long as I have room to record Fixer Upper, what do I care?<\/p>\n<p>I just saved myself an argument and gave him the respect for his thinking that he craves and deserves.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Keep_it_Light\"><\/span>5. Keep it Light<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>The longer I\u2019m married (nearly 27 years now), the more I think humor might be the answer to every problem.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve learned from my husband that when one of us is struggling to put up the curtains, and they slide completely off the rod onto the floor&#8211;the best thing to say is, \u201cHey, quit messing around!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think he got that from his heroes, the Three Stooges. Now he\u2019s got me saying it too.<\/p>\n<p>That beats, \u201cHey, watch what you\u2019re doing!\u201d every time for keeping the air clear and the connection strong.<\/p>\n<p>One great way to communicate and still keep the connection strong is by keeping it light.<\/p>\n<p>Referencing inside jokes, making silly faces, cutting the Quaker Oats man\u2019s picture off the box and leaving him hidden around the house for the other person to find, splashing him at the sink&#8211;all of that is a good way to communicate with a man.<\/p>\n<p>The message will come through loud and clear: I\u2019m happy and confident in this relationship, and I\u2019m glad I\u2019m in it with you.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s one of the best messages a man can hear from the woman he loves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Everybody knows communication is the key to a good relationship. That\u2019s obvious. But what if it isn\u2019t? I\u2019m a good talker. I started talking early, and I never really shut up. Growing up, my sport was Scrabble. I even majored in communication in college. So when there were big problems in my marriage just a\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-communicate-with-men\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7855,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[708],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7852","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Communicate with Men | Laura Doyle<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"5 life hacks for communicating with your guy so that he really gets you. 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