{"id":7859,"date":"2016-06-02T04:00:14","date_gmt":"2016-06-02T11:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7859"},"modified":"2024-01-05T20:30:46","modified_gmt":"2024-01-06T04:30:46","slug":"my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Does Not Make Enough Money"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Just think&#8211;by the time you\u2019re done reading this, you\u2019ll know how to inspire your husband to be more prosperous.<\/p>\n<p>What I\u2019m going to share with you is powerful, whether he\u2019s out of work, retired, or just under-earning.<\/p>\n<p>But it is not at all obvious. In fact, it\u2019s completely counter-intuitive. At least, it was for me, and has been for many of the women I\u2019ve worked with.<\/p>\n<p>It took me many years to figure this out, and even when I did, it was hard to believe.<\/p>\n<p>But now that I\u2019ve seen it work&#8211;not just in my own marriage, but in thousands of marriages all over the world&#8211;I can\u2019t deny that it\u2019s ridiculously effective.<\/p>\n<p>The results I see are husbands starting businesses, or growing their businesses, and getting promotions\u2014three in one year, sometimes\u2013\u2013or winning sales contests and getting raises.<\/p>\n<p>And it was all because their wives took this scary, but enormously gratifying, approach.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/#1_Stop_Talking_About_It\" title=\"Stop Talking About It\">Stop Talking About It<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/#2_Focus_on_What_You_Have_Not_What_You_Dont\" title=\"Focus on What You Have (Not What You Don\u2019t)\">Focus on What You Have (Not What You Don\u2019t)<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/#3_Decide_to_Trust_Him\" title=\"Decide to Trust Him\">Decide to Trust Him<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/#4_Honor_Your_Desires\" title=\"Honor Your Desires\">Honor Your Desires<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/#5_Express_Your_Gratitude_to_Him\" title=\"Express Your Gratitude to Him\">Express Your Gratitude to Him<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Stop_Talking_About_It\"><\/span>1. Stop Talking About It<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019re anything like me, you\u2019ve tried telling your husband that he needs to make more money, or that things are tight, or that you think he\u2019s capable of making more.<\/p>\n<p>Or you\u2019ve suggested things he could do to get more income, or job changes he should consider, or asked him if he\u2019s ever thought about going back to school.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve tried being encouraging about it.<\/p>\n<p>As you already know, none of that works.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, just like jealousy, it has the opposite effect, which I explain here: <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/laws-of-attraction-in-relationships\/\">The Law of Attraction for Relationships<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>First my husband made less, then he made nothing as I continuously hinted, reminded, <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-wife-to-stop-nagging\/\">nagged<\/a> and urged him to find a way to earn more income.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3429181666\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>It all sounded like complaining and criticism to him.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because it was.<\/p>\n<p>Trying to explain or show him how to make more money is the same as saying, \u201cYou\u2019re not very capable.\u201d That is a sure way to create a lot of resentment and tension in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>So the first thing to consider is not talking about how you want him to earn more.<\/p>\n<p>He already knows anyway.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-4105992177\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Focus_on_What_You_Have_Not_What_You_Dont\"><\/span>2. Focus on What You Have (Not What You Don\u2019t)<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Wanting my husband to make more money was actually a colossal distraction from another problem I had, which was that I worried about money. A lot.<\/p>\n<p>And by a lot, I mean it was my hobby. I might as well have subscribed to \u201cFinancial Fear Weekly\u201d or \u201cDebt and Disaster Daily.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Of course, it\u2019s not that fun to think about all the ways financial disaster might strike, but that didn\u2019t stop me.<\/p>\n<p>My fantasy was that my husband would make more money and that would put an end to my unfulfilling pastime. If we had a certain amount in the bank, or paid off all the debt, or had a particular income, THEN&#8211;and only then&#8211;did I believe that I could stop fretting.<\/p>\n<p>That was my logic, but it turned out to be backward.<\/p>\n<p>I had feelings of financial insecurity because I focused on them, and what you focus on increases. <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/059-the-law-of-attraction-for-relationships\/\">I was focused on what I didn\u2019t have<\/a>, so I never had enough. That\u2019s just how life works.<\/p>\n<p>The only person who could change that was me.<\/p>\n<p>I had focused on how much I lacked, which made me lack more, and then I wanted my husband to defeat the laws of the universe by somehow making me feel abundant.<\/p>\n<p>It simply wasn\u2019t possible. There\u2019s plenty of money in the world, but there was never going to be much in MY world because of how I thought.<\/p>\n<p>I thought my husband could fix me by providing more, even as I stifled that possibility with my incessant worrying.<\/p>\n<p>What actually fixed me was the only thing that could fix me, which was making a different choice about what I focused on.<\/p>\n<p>Choosing a policy of focusing on what I had instead of what I didn\u2019t have by making a daily <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/the-power-of-expressing-gratitude-in-relationships\/\">gratitude<\/a> list for all the abundance I was enjoying in the moment was a great first step, and I highly recommend it.<\/p>\n<p>You might notice as you\u2019re making your list that you write something like, \u201cI have food in the fridge,\u201d and the next thought is, \u201cBut we won\u2019t pretty soon if we don\u2019t get some more money!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s okay. That\u2019s gonna happen at first.<\/p>\n<p>Just let those thoughts fly by and stay focused on what you have. That\u2019s the key.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Decide_to_Trust_Him\"><\/span>3. Decide to Trust Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Besides what I was saying to my husband about how he needed to please find some way to bring home more money, I didn\u2019t trust him to handle our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wsj.com\/articles\/couples-who-combine-finances-are-happier-so-why-dont-more-do-it-11670174525\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">family finances<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I felt I should do them, as I was positive that I was much better at doing that than him.<\/p>\n<p>Except that I was wrong. He handles them now, and it\u2019s much better for us, both financially and in terms of the connection in our marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Lots of things got better when I decided to hand over that chore and demonstrate through my actions that I trusted him to do well.<\/p>\n<p>People tend to rise to your expectations. My husband definitely grew, felt the full weight of the responsibility for our finances, and got the inspiration to start a successful business.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve seen the same thing happen for lots of other couples where the wife found her faith instead of acting on her fear.<\/p>\n<p>I know there are probably dozens of reasons it doesn\u2019t seem like a good idea to let your husband handle the finances. There were for me, too. But mostly, I was just used to being afraid we would run out of money.<\/p>\n<p>One woman who was a CFO for a $40 million private school took five years to take this leap, but when she finally did, her husband stepped up and doubled his business and bought her a brand new house. She quit her job and went back to school.<\/p>\n<p>What would happen if you did the same thing?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Honor_Your_Desires\"><\/span>4. Honor Your Desires<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Here\u2019s a critical element of this approach that some women skip, but that\u2019s like leaving the spaghetti sauce out of the spaghetti.<\/p>\n<p>If you know money is tight, you may have a tendency to dial back your <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/116-how-to-ask-for-what-you-want-in-marriage\/\">desires<\/a>, to squish them down so they go away. They bubble up and you tell them to get lost because you think there\u2019s no money for that.<\/p>\n<p>That never works. All you\u2019re doing is cheating yourself out of the things your heart yearns for, and also cheating your husband out of the opportunity to provide them for you.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, consider honoring those desires by stating them to yourself and to him. Maybe you want a vacation, or a bigger house or a newer car.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you want to cut back on your work hours, or to buy some new clothes.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever it is, the more you acknowledge them to yourself and to him, the more inspired he\u2019ll be to want to get them for you.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s because what motivates and <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/podcast\/070-5-ways-to-inspire-him-to-be-a-better-man\/\">inspires husbands<\/a> more than just about anything is being able to make their wives happy.<\/p>\n<p>I know it may not seem like that at your house right now, but keep in mind that he may be defending himself from your inadvertent criticism. I know you didn\u2019t mean to demoralize him, but that\u2019s what happens when you encourage him to make more money.<\/p>\n<p>Once he sees that you think he\u2019s smart and capable again, that morale will improve and then his drive to please you will be back in full swing.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to know what you yearn for and express it to yourself and others. Not that you\u2019re expecting anything\u2014you\u2019re just hoping.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Express_Your_Gratitude_to_Him\"><\/span>5. Express Your Gratitude to Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Your husband contributes to making your life more abundant and easier everyday. I know it doesn\u2019t seem like he does enough, but he does do some&#8211;and that\u2019s what you want to focus on, because the next step is to appreciate him.<\/p>\n<p>Making your list of things you\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-doesnt-appreciate-me\/\">grateful<\/a> for (step #2) is going to serve as a way to keep your focus on what you want to increase, and it will also help you express your appreciation.<\/p>\n<p>His contribution may be really tiny. Maybe all you can come up with is that he made the coffee or he took out the trash. Maybe he drove one of the kids somewhere, or picked up cereal at the store.<\/p>\n<p>Those are all good things to appreciate about him.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever he contributes to the family financially is also worth appreciating, because what you focus on increases.<\/p>\n<p>For the sake of your family\u2019s prosperity, consider experimenting with these five steps in your relationship to see what emerges. You might be surprised at how rich you feel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Just think&#8211;by the time you\u2019re done reading this, you\u2019ll know how to inspire your husband to be more prosperous. What I\u2019m going to share with you is powerful, whether he\u2019s out of work, retired, or just under-earning. But it is not at all obvious. In fact, it\u2019s completely counter-intuitive. At least, it was for me,\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7862,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[712],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-finance-in-marriage"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Does Not Make Enough Money | Laura Doyle<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"5 Steps to Inspire Him to Become More Prosperous. 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