{"id":7904,"date":"2016-06-16T04:00:03","date_gmt":"2016-06-16T11:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=7904"},"modified":"2024-09-17T13:25:33","modified_gmt":"2024-09-17T20:25:33","slug":"my-husband-is-a-narcissist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-narcissist\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband is a Narcissist"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Being married to someone who\u2019s preoccupied with his own attributes is lonely and tiring.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re in a relationship with a narcissist, hypersensitivity is the norm.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s frustrating when you make a comment and he gets defensive at the perceived attack when you didn\u2019t intend one.<\/p>\n<p>Narcissists are known for having challenges in sustaining satisfying relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Of course they are\u2014they lack empathy and are busy building up themselves to be more important than they are.<\/p>\n<p><iframe title=\"How to be Happily Married to a Narcissist - Empowered Wife Podcast With Laura Doyle EP #11\" width=\"580\" height=\"326\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/_3hKBQroiw8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Can being married to a narcissist ever be gratifying?<\/p>\n<p>Can someone so self-absorbed ever bring the tenderness, thoughtfulness and admiration that every wife craves and deserves?<\/p>\n<p>Your narcissist can and will bring the tenderness when you do these 4 simple things for a month.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-narcissist\/#1_Pretend_hes_Not_a_Narcissist\" title=\"Pretend he\u2019s Not a Narcissist\">Pretend he\u2019s Not a Narcissist<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-narcissist\/#2_Consider_Doing_an_Experiment\" title=\"Consider Doing an Experiment\">Consider Doing an Experiment<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-narcissist\/#3_Have_You_Changed\" title=\"Have You Changed?\">Have You Changed?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-narcissist\/#4_What_if_You_Expected_the_Best_from_Him_Not_The_Worst\" title=\"What if You Expected the Best from Him, Not The Worst?\">What if You Expected the Best from Him, Not The Worst?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Pretend_hes_Not_a_Narcissist\"><\/span>1. Pretend he\u2019s Not a Narcissist<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Stay with me here\u2014I\u2019ll explain.<\/p>\n<p>You have a diagnosis.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve been told by a professional who conducted an assessment, or your therapist, or you filled out an online test and the results were clear.<\/p>\n<p>Plus you have your own experience of reading the list of symptoms and nodding so hard your head nearly fell off.<\/p>\n<p>So it seems incredibly obvious that your man has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3393569918\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>And that\u2019s validating to know.<\/p>\n<p>I still remember the immense validation and relief I felt from <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/does-my-husband-have-aspergers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">finding out the diagnosis for my husband <\/a>that I felt explained all of our relationship challenges. He was diagnosed with ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder.<\/p>\n<p>I remember thinking, \u201cI knew there was something wrong with him!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>His diagnosis relieved me from having to reflect on my own shortcomings for several more years.<\/p>\n<p>Why should I bother thinking about how I might be contributing to our problems? He was the one with the disorder, I figured.<\/p>\n<p>But that didn\u2019t actually make me happier.<\/p>\n<p>If anything, it distracted me from doing the one thing that finally made my marriage shiny and amazing again: changing how I treated my husband.<\/p>\n<p>And by changing, I mean I went back to treating him the way I did when we first met and fell in love.<\/p>\n<p>Then the strangest thing happened: he turned back into the man who had wooed me.<\/p>\n<p>The one that I thought was so smart, funny, handsome and talented. The one who didn\u2019t seem to have a disorder at all.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-178614412\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Consider_Doing_an_Experiment\"><\/span>2. Consider Doing an Experiment<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>What could it hurt to try something different? Just for a month?<\/p>\n<p>If it doesn\u2019t work, you can always go back to the way things were just before you read this blog.<\/p>\n<p>I know it may feel like a departure from reality to act like he\u2019s not disordered and start expecting the best from him instead of the worst.<\/p>\n<p>But the funny thing about reality is that it\u2019s squishy, depending on how you look at it.<\/p>\n<p>What you focus on increases, so if you\u2019re focused on your husband\u2019s narcissism, you\u2019re going to see a lot of it. And that\u2019s not what you want, so why focus on it?<\/p>\n<p>If that sounds too woo-woo to you, think of it in more scientific terms, like research bias. Research bias is \u201cthe tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one&#8217;s preexisting beliefs or hypotheses, while giving disproportionately less consideration to alternative possibilities,\u201d according to Wikipedia.<\/p>\n<p>If your bias is that he\u2019s going to be a cold, self-centered jerk, then guess what you\u2019re going to experience more?<\/p>\n<p>If your bias is that he\u2019s a loving, thoughtful, giving husband, then guess what you\u2019re going to experience more?<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve seen two versions of your husband: one that was attractive and delightful enough to want to marry and spend the rest of your life with&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;And one who is incurably haughty, self-centered and uncaring.<\/p>\n<p>Which one is the real him?<\/p>\n<p>In my experience, the man you fell in love with originally will come back when you go back to treating him the way you treated him then.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Have_You_Changed\"><\/span>3. Have You Changed?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When you fell in love with your man, you were doing lots of smiling, flirting, showing your gratitude and admiration. Are you still showing up that way now?<\/p>\n<p>Because if you\u2019ve changed how you\u2019re treating him, he may be responding to you differently.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s good news, because it means if you change how you treat him, he\u2019ll respond to you differently.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve been so hurt and frustrated by his behavior that you don\u2019t feel you can show up the way you used to. But you can see how refusing to go first ends up in an unhappy stalemate for both of you, right?<\/p>\n<p>What if you decided to be the bigger person and be the first one to treat him respectfully, even if you don\u2019t feel like it?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_What_if_You_Expected_the_Best_from_Him_Not_The_Worst\"><\/span>4. What if You Expected the Best from Him, Not The Worst?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I know there are plenty of experts who will tell you that it won\u2019t work, that narcissists are incurable, or that it takes two to make things better.<\/p>\n<p>But this expert is here to tell you that every woman I\u2019ve ever seen who chose her faith that her husband is a good man over her fear that he was fatally flawed saw the NPD arrested.<\/p>\n<p>There have been thousands.<\/p>\n<p>In my experience, you can expect your narcissistic husband to write you love notes, take you to musicals, and spend hours making you organic vegetarian chili even though he\u2019s a carnivore.<\/p>\n<p>You can expect him to call you to ask what his hottie is up to, to come home from work early to be with you, and hang all the curtains while you\u2019re out because he knows you want them up.<\/p>\n<p>You can expect him to reach for your hand again, even though it\u2019s been years.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe your husband is different. Maybe he won\u2019t ever respond the way you want him to.<\/p>\n<p>But if there\u2019s a chance that you could make the relationship amazing again, don\u2019t you want to take it?<\/p>\n<p>Me, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being married to someone who\u2019s preoccupied with his own attributes is lonely and tiring. When you\u2019re in a relationship with a narcissist, hypersensitivity is the norm. It\u2019s frustrating when you make a comment and he gets defensive at the perceived attack when you didn\u2019t intend one. Narcissists are known for having challenges in sustaining satisfying\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-narcissist\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16332,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[715],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-7904","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband is a Narcissist: 4 Secrets to Save Your Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"His ego is bigger than his affection for you and that jeopardizes your marriage. It\u2019s time to change your husband\u2019s narcissistic ways for good! Here\u2019s how.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-narcissist\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Husband is a Narcissist: 4 Secrets to Save Your Marriage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"His ego is bigger than his affection for you and that jeopardizes your marriage. It\u2019s time to change your husband\u2019s narcissistic ways for good! 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