{"id":8037,"date":"2016-07-20T23:00:17","date_gmt":"2016-07-21T06:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8037"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:57","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:57","slug":"how-to-become-more-confident","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Become More Confident"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019re not the only person who feels insecure, of course.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone does sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s a worthy goal to want to feel more confident\u2014to want to feel comfortable in your own skin.<\/p>\n<p>Second-guessing what you just said and wishing you\u2019d said something else, and wanting to make yourself disappear gets old and exhausting.<\/p>\n<p>Having anxiety about whether you\u2019re acceptable or lovable sucks up your vitality and takes up the energy you could have been using to do something way more fun and productive.<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s hard to know how to get out of the trap of feeling like you\u2019re not good enough, that you\u2019re missing some crucial information that everyone else seems to have, or that you\u2019re just too broken or hopeless to ever feel like you can totally relax.<\/p>\n<p>Becoming more confident will definitely make you more attractive.<\/p>\n<p>Who doesn\u2019t want that?<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, no matter how messed up you feel or your childhood was, you can become self-possessed and secure.<\/p>\n<p>You can start making yourself confident with these 7 practical steps.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#1_Ask_yourself_how_you_feel\" title=\"Ask yourself how you feel\">Ask yourself how you feel<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#2_Ask_yourself_what_you_want\" title=\"Ask yourself what you want\">Ask yourself what you want<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#3_Spend_time_on_frivolous_fun_everyday\" title=\"Spend time on frivolous fun everyday\">Spend time on frivolous fun everyday<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#4_Consider_Your_Limits\" title=\"Consider Your Limits\">Consider Your Limits<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#5_Take_in_Compliments_as_The_Truth\" title=\"Take in Compliments as \u201cThe Truth\u201d\">Take in Compliments as \u201cThe Truth\u201d<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#6_Fill_Your_Own_Tank\" title=\"Fill Your Own Tank\">Fill Your Own Tank<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#7_Pretend_You_Are_Confident\" title=\"Pretend You Are Confident\">Pretend You Are Confident<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Ask_yourself_how_you_feel\"><\/span>1. Ask yourself how you feel<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>This sounds so simple, but I find that many women are not well-trained in this, even though emotional brilliance is one our feminine gifts.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re geniuses at knowing how we feel and expressing it, but if no one modeled it for you, you may not be tapping into your genius.<\/p>\n<p>That means you\u2019re walking around without the indispensable information you need to honor yourself, which is what confident people do.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-1573846895\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Ask yourself how you feel, and then answer with a feeling word, like afraid, sad, hurt, angry, grateful, happy.<\/p>\n<p>It could also be a physical feeling, like tired or hungry or relaxed.<\/p>\n<p>Once you inform yourself about how you\u2019re feeling, it will be a whole lot easier to take care of yourself, which will make you feel more secure.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1337715214\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Ask_yourself_what_you_want\"><\/span>2. Ask yourself what you want<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Most women are not trained in this at all, which is tragic because this is the seat of feminine power.<\/p>\n<p>Confident people honor themselves, and knowing what you want and being able to say it directly is a critical part of confidence.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll always get what you want, but it\u2019s definitely a great start.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone wants things. Not knowing what they are, or pretending you don\u2019t or ignoring what you want is equivalent to living in low-self-esteem land.<\/p>\n<p>To move to the other side of the tracks, just think about what you want.<\/p>\n<p>Make a list. Update it periodically as your desires change.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Spend_time_on_frivolous_fun_everyday\"><\/span>3. Spend time on frivolous fun everyday<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Confidence comes when you\u2019re willing to put other people off&#8211;including kids and husbands&#8211;to take care of yourself first.<\/p>\n<p>Having frivolous fun is part of caring for yourself, especially for a woman.<\/p>\n<p>Denying yourself fun may seem virtuous, but it\u2019s actually eating away at your confidence by forcing you to cope with life without regular refueling and relaxing.<\/p>\n<p>Start by carving out time for sitting on a porch with your book and lemonade, or shopping, or taking yourself to a caf\u00e9 or for a bike ride.<\/p>\n<p>As long as the activity brings you joy, it doesn\u2019t have to do anybody else any good.<\/p>\n<p>This is what confident people do. They enjoy themselves.<\/p>\n<p>Feeling good also contributes to you feeling more relaxed and self-assured.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Consider_Your_Limits\"><\/span>4. Consider Your Limits<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Whenever someone wants me to do something that is going to cause me to be overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed out or resentful, I politely decline.<\/p>\n<p>Here are the magic words I use to decline such invites: \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s it. I don\u2019t explain that I will resent the person if I don\u2019t say no. I just use those two magical words.<\/p>\n<p>They keep me out of loads of trouble. Like the time my BFF wanted to talk after I\u2019d talked all day for work.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d was all I said.<\/p>\n<p>That didn\u2019t make her love me any less, even though she really wanted to talk to me.<\/p>\n<p>It made her look forward to talking to me more.<\/p>\n<p>I was looking forward to talking too, just as soon as I felt up to it.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Take_in_Compliments_as_The_Truth\"><\/span>5. Take in Compliments as \u201cThe Truth\u201d<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When someone says you look beautiful, or have an amazing voice, or are so funny or so smart, consider believing them without reservation.<\/p>\n<p>Why not?<\/p>\n<p>If they think it, and they are saying it to you, how does it serve you to dismiss, contradict or undermine that positive point of view?<\/p>\n<p>To become more confident, simply smile and say, \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You could even pause to take it in&#8211;even if it feels like a lie, and even if the conversation comes to an awkward halt when you do.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s the worst that could happen?<\/p>\n<p>You might feel more beautiful, talented or bright.<\/p>\n<p>Those are all confidence-inducing feelings.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6_Fill_Your_Own_Tank\"><\/span>6. Fill Your Own Tank<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I used to ignore the first five steps above and get anxious, depleted and cranky a lot.<\/p>\n<p>It felt awful, and I was desperate to feel better.<\/p>\n<p>In those moments, I wanted my husband to do something because I wanted someone else to fix me, and he happened to be nearby.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, that\u2019s not actually possible. I\u2019m the only one who can fix me, first of all.<\/p>\n<p>And once I\u2019ve overdrawn myself like that, there\u2019s no fixing me for a while, anyway.<\/p>\n<p>But that didn\u2019t stop me from getting angry and disappointed with him for not fixing me.<\/p>\n<p>Learning to fill my own happiness tank before it got low freed me of that feeling of desperation and neediness.<\/p>\n<p>When I stopped feeling needy and desperate, it improved my relationship greatly, allowing for more closeness and connection, which made me feel more loved.<\/p>\n<p>Feeling loved has been great for giving me confidence.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7_Pretend_You_Are_Confident\"><\/span>7. Pretend You Are Confident<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Some of the things I\u2019m suggesting probably feel highly unnatural.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe some of them don\u2019t even make sense to you.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s okay. Find your spirit of adventure and experiment with them anyway.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, you might feel anxious or afraid while you\u2019re becoming more confident.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s normal. Being confident doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re never anxious or nervous.<\/p>\n<p>It just means that you trust that you\u2019re worthy of the air time, the break, the good cut of beef, the compliment, the gift and the help that comes around.<\/p>\n<p>You may not feel that way yet. That\u2019s okay. You can still pretend that you do. Because here\u2019s a little secret about confidence:<\/p>\n<p>Pretending to be confident is how you become confident.<\/p>\n<p>As you keep playing the part of a confident woman, something magical happens: you become more dignified, calm and attractive.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll still be yourself, but you\u2019ll be the best version of you: the one who knows her worth and treats herself well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019re not the only person who feels insecure, of course. Everyone does sometimes. But it\u2019s a worthy goal to want to feel more confident\u2014to want to feel comfortable in your own skin. Second-guessing what you just said and wishing you\u2019d said something else, and wanting to make yourself disappear gets old and exhausting. Having anxiety\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8038,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[715],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8037","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Become More Confident<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"7 Steps That Will Make You Super Self-Assured. 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Fortunately, no matter how messed up you feel or your childhood was, you can become self-possessed and secure\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-07-21T06:00:17+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:34:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/how-to-become-more-confident.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"How to Become More Confident\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-07-21T06:00:17+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:34:57+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/\"},\"wordCount\":1162,\"commentCount\":16,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/how-to-become-more-confident.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Mental Health\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/\",\"name\":\"How to Become More Confident\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-become-more-confident\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/how-to-become-more-confident.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-07-21T06:00:17+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:34:57+00:00\",\"description\":\"7 Steps That Will Make You Super Self-Assured. 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