{"id":8042,"date":"2016-07-28T04:00:29","date_gmt":"2016-07-28T11:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8042"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:56","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:56","slug":"my-husband-ignores-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-ignores-me\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Ignores Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Around here, the TV seemed to be the main problem.<\/p>\n<p>If I could just get rid of the TV, I would get a lot more of my husband\u2019s attention&#8211;or so I believed.<\/p>\n<p>Other women report that their husbands play video games incessantly, or work 117 hours a week, or have poker games every night.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes it\u2019s surfing or golf or helping his mother.<\/p>\n<p>Either way, she never gets his time and attention.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s lonely and frustrating.<\/p>\n<p>But there\u2019s plenty you, as a wife, can do to change this situation, and you\u2019ll both be happier for it.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how to inspire your man to pay attention to you.<\/p>\n<p>Not just dutifully, but because he\u2019s drawn to you and can\u2019t resist you. He\u2019ll seek out your company. <!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-ignores-me\/#1_Follow_His_Lead\" title=\"Follow His Lead\">Follow His Lead<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-ignores-me\/#2_Examine_Your_Words\" title=\"Examine Your Words\">Examine Your Words<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-ignores-me\/#3_Relinquish_Inappropriate_Control\" title=\"Relinquish Inappropriate Control\">Relinquish Inappropriate Control<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-ignores-me\/#4_Remember_to_Chill\" title=\"Remember to Chill\">Remember to Chill<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Follow_His_Lead\"><\/span>1. Follow His Lead<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If he\u2019s watching sports, it might be tempting to tell him to stop, or even to turn off the TV. My idea was to throw ours off of a cliff.<\/p>\n<p>But instead, consider following his lead.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t mean that you should sit with him and watch sports too&#8211;I mean that you should find <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/make-your-marriage-happier\/\">something to do that makes you feel just as happy<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>When you find yourself thinking he\u2019s lazy, consider it a reminder that it\u2019s okay to be lazy sometimes&#8211;and kick back yourself.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2939911925\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>If you\u2019re thinking, \u201cBut I can\u2019t because of the kids and work and laundry!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s just what I thought, too! I believed that if I goofed off as much as he did, everything would fall apart.<\/p>\n<p>I was the self-appointed martyr who had to keep everything together.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-12106510\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Examine_Your_Words\"><\/span>2. Examine Your Words<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>And part of keeping it together was telling him how long he had been watching TV&#8230;and letting him know it was time to turn it off and get off the couch.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I really said embarrassing things like that.<\/p>\n<p>It gets worse, actually.<\/p>\n<p>I also said that he shouldn\u2019t be watching so much TV because it was bad for him.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, I was an unpleasant toothache of a wife.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine you have the choice to spend time watching TV, or spend time with a toothache. Which would you choose?<\/p>\n<p>Well, exactly.<\/p>\n<p>My husband was ignoring me because I had become resistible.<\/p>\n<p>A big part of my resistibility was control. I was often telling him what to do and how to do it.<\/p>\n<p>As in, \u201cYou could unload the dishwasher since you\u2019re just sitting around.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then, if he did unload the dishwasher&#8211;which was pretty rare in those days&#8211;I would give him instructions like, \u201cThat goes with the mixing bowls, not the cereal bowls.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then I would say, \u201cHow many resumes did you send out today? None? Well what DID you do today?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Even a supermodel would start to seem pretty unattractive by this point.<\/p>\n<p>The issue wasn\u2019t that TV was so gripping to my husband. <strong>He wasn\u2019t so much ignoring me as soothing himself with the TV. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>My husband was married to a porcupine, and whenever he interacted with me he was getting pricked.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Relinquish_Inappropriate_Control\"><\/span>3. Relinquish Inappropriate Control<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>What made me so painful to be around was my incessant attempts to control him.<\/p>\n<p>I might as well have been screaming, \u201cYou\u2019re not very smart or capable!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Nothing ruins the intimacy faster than control.<\/p>\n<p>But here\u2019s the good news: when I relinquished inappropriate control of him, he wanted to hang with me again.<\/p>\n<p>When I first started <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-in-a-relationship\/\">relinquishing inappropriate control<\/a>, I felt like a complete mess most of the time.<\/p>\n<p>I was so scared! Which makes sense, because the root of the urge to control is fear. So every time I told him what to do, it was because I was afraid.<\/p>\n<p>Afraid I would have to work harder, pay more, wait longer, drive in traffic or be lonely if I didn\u2019t control things.<\/p>\n<p>When I decided to stop indulging my fear and choose my faith instead, I wasn\u2019t very good at it at first.<\/p>\n<p>I would start to say something controlling, then stop mid-sentence and try to cover it up by pointing to something shiny.<\/p>\n<p>Other times, just not saying anything controlling led me to feel like I had nothing to say to him. I felt like a mute.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Remember_to_Chill\"><\/span>4. Remember to Chill<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>But my husband didn\u2019t seem to notice my struggles or my silence. Or if he did, it didn\u2019t bother him a bit.<\/p>\n<p>Quite the opposite. He was smiling more, talking more and\u2014check this out!\u2014seeking out my company.<\/p>\n<p>I remember coming home one memorable day, and his face lit up when he saw me.<\/p>\n<p>That felt so good!<\/p>\n<p>In other words, when I stopped controlling, he stopped ignoring me.<\/p>\n<p>I had the key the whole time, but didn\u2019t realize it.<\/p>\n<p>My husband wasn\u2019t rejecting me&#8211;he was just trying to avoid being stabbed by my porcupine barbs.<\/p>\n<p>When I got soft again, he was right there, ready to snuggle up to me and talk about his day.<\/p>\n<p>Right now, he\u2019s sitting next to me even though I\u2019m writing my blog. He just wants to be nearby.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, my husband still watches TV, but not that often. And when he does, it\u2019s my reminder.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, time to chill.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Around here, the TV seemed to be the main problem. If I could just get rid of the TV, I would get a lot more of my husband\u2019s attention&#8211;or so I believed. Other women report that their husbands play video games incessantly, or work 117 hours a week, or have poker games every night. Sometimes\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-ignores-me\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8043,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8042","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Ignores Me [4 Proven Reasons Why]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Does your husband pick the T.V. over you? 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