{"id":8110,"date":"2016-09-15T04:00:37","date_gmt":"2016-09-15T11:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8110"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:54","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:54","slug":"my-husband-is-a-workaholic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-workaholic\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband is a Workaholic"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s lonely to be married to a workaholic.<\/p>\n<p>If he\u2019s not at work, he\u2019s sleeping or working from home.<\/p>\n<p>Or he\u2019s too tired from working so much to be much fun.<\/p>\n<p>He neglects not just you, but also the kids.<\/p>\n<p>You feel like a single mom going to get-togethers without him, always for the same, tired reason: he has to work.<\/p>\n<p>If only you could get him to spend more time with the family.<\/p>\n<p>Well, you can.<\/p>\n<p>Here are 4 ways to inspire a workaholic to linger and lounge with you.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-workaholic\/#1_Be_Happy_to_See_Him\" title=\"Be Happy to See Him\">Be Happy to See Him<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-workaholic\/#2_Make_Him_Feel_Successful_as_a_Husband\" title=\"Make Him Feel Successful as a Husband\">Make Him Feel Successful as a Husband<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-workaholic\/#3_Make_Him_Feel_Successful_as_a_Dad\" title=\"Make Him Feel Successful as a Dad\">Make Him Feel Successful as a Dad<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-workaholic\/#4_Honor_Your_Desires\" title=\"Honor Your Desires\">Honor Your Desires<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Be_Happy_to_See_Him\"><\/span>1. Be Happy to See Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>It can be hard to get happy when he\u2019s home well after dinner and the kids are in bed\u2014again!<\/p>\n<p>But if he comes home and your face is sour and the air is thick, it\u2019s not going to inspire him to want to come home earlier the next night.<\/p>\n<p>Quite the opposite.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine he\u2019s getting affirmed and respected at work for his accomplishments, and then when he comes home, he\u2019s in the doghouse.<\/p>\n<p>Where will he want to spend more time?<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-4151723740\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>I know you want him to come home earlier, and being happy to see him at 11 p.m. when you want him to come home at 6 p.m. seems counterintuitive.<\/p>\n<p>But if you smile when he walks through the door and he knows you are happy to see him, he\u2019ll associate being home with feeling good.<\/p>\n<p>That will inspire him to be more efficient at work so he can be home more.<\/p>\n<p>You may not be convinced about that, I realize.<\/p>\n<p>But if the approach you\u2019re using now isn\u2019t working, what could it hurt to experiment and see what happens?<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1170986363\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Make_Him_Feel_Successful_as_a_Husband\"><\/span>2. Make Him Feel Successful as a Husband<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Let\u2019s say your husband mostly feels competent, capable and appreciated at work. Let\u2019s suppose he feels respected there.<\/p>\n<p>How does that compare to how he feels at home?<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re anything like I was and you remind him he\u2019s not keeping up on getting the trash out, or question the way he handled that incident with his mom, or let him know you\u2019re not happy with having to do everything\u2026that leaves him feeling profoundly disrespected.<\/p>\n<p>And for husbands, feeling disrespected feels the same as being unloved.<\/p>\n<p>Feeling unloved is something most people try to avoid.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, consider learning <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-respect-your-husband\/\">how to be respectful<\/a> and then putting your attention on your own happiness.<\/p>\n<p>I know that sounds nutty and maybe even selfish, but it turns out the way to make a husband feel successful is to make yourself happy.<\/p>\n<p>Otherwise, how will you be able to do #1 above?<\/p>\n<p>To start, think about what\u2019s gratifying, frivolous fun for you.<\/p>\n<p>Now, go do it.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019ll pick up on the happy vibes, and they will be like a magnet to steel.<\/p>\n<p>He may even do what Patty\u2019s always-working husband did when she started making herself happy and he saw her smiling so much more: leave work early and take you on a picnic.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Make_Him_Feel_Successful_as_a_Dad\"><\/span>3. Make Him Feel Successful as a Dad<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>It\u2019s agonizing to see your kids missing their dad, and that makes you want to tell him about how much he\u2019s missing and how hard it is for them.<\/p>\n<p>But once again, the focus is on his shortcomings, and not the fact that he\u2019s keeping everyone in Pokemon and Disney movies.<\/p>\n<p>Even if you work too, his work is contributing to the family\u2019s standard of living, and it helps to acknowledge and appreciate that.<\/p>\n<p>Plus, he probably does SOME things as a dad that you could also be focusing on. I know it\u2019s not as much as you want, but if he has ever helped with homework, he could be considered the homework hero, for example.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe that feels like a stretch.<\/p>\n<p>But why wouldn\u2019t you stretch to reach if it would give your kids that home-court advantage you\u2019re longing for them to have?<\/p>\n<p>Make a <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/laws-of-attraction-in-relationships\/\">Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy<\/a> that he\u2019s a good dad and watch him live up to your words and come home more to be that dad you see in him.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Honor_Your_Desires\"><\/span>4. Honor Your Desires<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>You may think your husband already knows what you want, and he\u2019s just choosing work above spending time with you anyway.<\/p>\n<p>But consider the possibility that he doesn\u2019t know what you want.<\/p>\n<p>Not enough to make it so.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, he knows that you\u2019re unhappy that he\u2019s always working or exhausted.<\/p>\n<p>But that doesn\u2019t give him the vital information he needs to make you happy. That just tells him what you\u2019re upset about.<\/p>\n<p>Complaining is not the same as expressing a desire that he could fulfill, which would give him the chance to be your hero.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say he did come home from work at a normal time. Would that make you happy?<\/p>\n<p>I know it would be one thing off your checklist of things you\u2019re not happy about. And you might feel less lonely, for sure.<\/p>\n<p>But would you be truly happy?<\/p>\n<p>Of course it seems like you would, but that\u2019s why it\u2019s such an interesting question. Is that what\u2019s standing between you and happiness?<\/p>\n<p>Because, as you already know, your happiness doesn\u2019t depend on anyone else.<\/p>\n<p>It depends on how much you honor your desires.<\/p>\n<p>Your happiness depends on how much you let yourself wade into the waves at the beach, or get out the paint and easel even though it\u2019s messy, or listen to your favorite music.<\/p>\n<p>If you knew what you wanted and you told your husband, and he saw that he had a chance of making you happy, that could very well draw him home&#8211;no matter what\u2019s going on at work.<\/p>\n<p>Marta\u2019s husband had been a workaholic for their entire 15-year marriage, and although she said she was used to it herself, it broke her heart that the kids never saw their dad.<\/p>\n<p>She told me it was unlikely that he would ever change, but she decided to do the things I recommend in this blog anyway.<\/p>\n<p>She started to be happy to see him when he came home from work, no matter how late it was when he came through that door.<\/p>\n<p>Isn\u2019t that what people who love each other do?<\/p>\n<p>As she got happy to see him, he got happy to see her. And because coming home was so pleasant, he started coming home earlier. They were even eating dinner together most nights.<\/p>\n<p>Then, something amazing happened.<\/p>\n<p>Her husband decided to change jobs to find one that would allow him to spend more time with his family.<\/p>\n<p>That was pretty shocking to Marta, and wonderful&#8211;but there\u2019s more.<\/p>\n<p>As long as he was changing jobs, Marta\u2019s husband decided to take the opportunity to take six weeks off between jobs.<\/p>\n<p>Guess what he wanted to do with those six weeks?<\/p>\n<p>He wanted to spend it with his family.<\/p>\n<p>Your workaholic guy will also respond to you differently when you go back to being the happy, respectful, pleasable wife you once were.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s lonely to be married to a workaholic. If he\u2019s not at work, he\u2019s sleeping or working from home. Or he\u2019s too tired from working so much to be much fun. He neglects not just you, but also the kids. You feel like a single mom going to get-togethers without him, always for the same,\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-a-workaholic\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband is a Workaholic [4 Powerful Ways to Inspire Change]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Feeling the loneliness creep in because he\u2019s always working? 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