{"id":8156,"date":"2016-10-27T04:00:31","date_gmt":"2016-10-27T11:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8156"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:52","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:52","slug":"revive-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/revive-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Revive Relationship: The 30-Day Challenge"},"content":{"rendered":"

Can a relationship really turn around in just a month when it\u2019s been struggling along or falling apart for years?<\/p>\n

It definitely can, but only if the wife gets the right information and applies it. She holds the key.<\/p>\n

It won\u2019t help if the husband tries to apply it, and this isn\u2019t for couples.<\/p>\n

But any woman can use this 30-day plan to stop the bickering and get back the sizzle.<\/p>\n

But what if the husband or boyfriend is the real problem, you might wonder?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m glad you brought that up because that\u2019s the beauty of this 30-day plan: He will change too as you implement it, even if he doesn\u2019t know you\u2019re implementing it.<\/p>\n

It won\u2019t be hard work, but it will take some focus and energy, like everything in life that\u2019s worthwhile.<\/p>\n

Here is the 30-day plan to revitalize your relationship:<\/p>\n

The night before: get plenty of sleep. You\u2019ll want to be well-rested as you begin.<\/p>\n

Day 1:<\/h4>\n

Do something frivolous and fun to make yourself ridiculously happy. Then do something else that you like even more. Then do one more thing that brings you joy. If you can\u2019t stop smiling, you will know you’ve done this step well.<\/p>\n

Day 2 \u2013 Day 7:<\/h4>\n

Repeat directions from Day 1. Make a list of all the frivolous, fun things that you like to do.<\/p>\n

Day 3:<\/h4>\n

Notice that your happiness does not depend upon your man and what he does or doesn\u2019t do.<\/p>\n

Day 4:<\/h4>\n

Chat with a woman who gets you–a girlfriend, your sister or your mom. Tell her you\u2019re on Day 4 of a 30-day plan for revitalizing your relationship. Tell her how it\u2019s going so far. Talk about everything in the world.<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Day 5:<\/h4>\n

Get some solitude–even if it\u2019s only for 15 minutes.<\/p>\n

Day 6:<\/h4>\n

Write down the three fun things you did today. Ask yourself how happy you are. If you\u2019re not happy yet, do something else for frivolous fun until you are.<\/p>\n

Day 7:<\/h4>\n

Decline to do something that would be exhausting or make you resentful, even if you feel guilty about not doing it. Say, \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d Rest up for the happy week ahead.<\/p>\n

Day 8:<\/h4>\n

Be the Girl of Fun and Light today–for the whole day. Start a disco in the kitchen. Wear sexy shoes or a hat. Smile at your husband. Laugh at his jokes. Sing at the top of your lungs. Have no expectations except to have fun.<\/p>\n

Repeat Day 1 instructions every day this week.<\/p>\n

Day 9:<\/h4>\n

Think of something you want to control about your husband\u2014something that bugs you or seems unacceptable to you. Have you thought of it yet? Next time it comes up and he says he\u2019s going to do the very thing that you want to control, say to him, \u201cWhatever you think,\u201d or, \u201cWhatever you think\u2014I trust you.\u201d<\/p>\n

After all, you\u2019ve tried telling him not to already and that didn\u2019t work. Why not experiment with showing him you trust his decisions and see what happens?<\/p>\n

Day 10:<\/h4>\n

Spend an hour listening to your husband by saying only, \u201cI hear you,\u201d or, \u201cUh-huh.\u201d Instead of reacting to what he says, consider just bearing witness. Give him the gift of being heard and understood. Notice how much more he has to say than usual.<\/p>\n

Day 11:<\/h4>\n

Recall something you\u2019ve said to your husband that offended him, and say these words: \u201cI apologize for being disrespectful when I\u2026said you are always grumpy.\u201d Fill in the blank with the thing you said. Notice how he glows when you say those words.<\/p>\n

Day 12:<\/h4>\n

Take stock of everything you appreciate about your husband. Write down at least 10 good qualities.<\/p>\n

Day 13:<\/h4>\n

Read that list of good qualities from yesterday to yourself.<\/p>\n

Day 14:<\/h4>\n

Pick one thing off your list and tell your husband how grateful you are for that one thing.<\/p>\n

Day 15:<\/h4>\n

Repeat Day 1 instructions today and everyday this week. Also, give yourself a gold star for your progress so far. You\u2019re halfway there! What changes have you noticed in yourself? What changes do you notice in your relationship?<\/p>\n

Day 16:<\/h4>\n

Focus on saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d to all the compliments you get today\u2014not just from your man, but from everyone. No arguing\u2014just smile sweetly and say \u201cthanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Day 17:<\/h4>\n

Accept all the help that you\u2019re offered\u2014to move the chairs, to take the groceries to the car, to clean up after the party\u2014and accept it graciously even if it feels uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

Day 18:<\/h4>\n

Think of a problem you have that\u2019s not related to your relationship. Say to your man, \u201cCan I borrow your brain? I\u2019m trying to solve this problem\u2026\u201d Let him help you. If his solution isn\u2019t quite what you want, keep saying what you want. See what he has to say.<\/p>\n

Day 19:<\/h4>\n

For the whole day, focus on not interrupting your guy. When he\u2019s speaking, stop what you\u2019re doing, put down your phone and give him your attention. What do you notice that you hadn\u2019t before?<\/p>\n

Day 20:<\/h4>\n

Spend some time contemplating your desires. What do you want? Make a list. Make it long.<\/p>\n

Day 21:<\/h4>\n

Repeat Day 1 instructions today, and for the entire week. Also, take something from your list of desires and say out loud, \u201cI would love…a cup of coffee,\u201d or whatever is true for you.<\/p>\n

Day 22:<\/h4>\n

Think of something you wish your husband was more of, like tidier, more romantic, ambitious, funny, attentive. Just pick one thing. Today, look for evidence that he IS that thing, even if it\u2019s small.<\/p>\n

Day 23:<\/h4>\n

Find more evidence that your guy is the positive thing you want him to be.<\/p>\n

Day 24:<\/h4>\n

Find still more evidence that your man is exceptionally gifted in the quality that you picked on Day 22.<\/p>\n

Day 25:<\/h4>\n

Tell your husband how grateful you are that he\u2019s tidy, romantic, ambitious, funny or attentive, even if it feels like a huge stretch. It\u2019s okay\u2014you have several days\u2019 worth of evidence.<\/p>\n

Day 26:<\/h4>\n

Give your husband three gratitudes for ordinary things that he does\u2014taking out the trash, working hard to support the family or making the coffee. Tell your friend, mom or sister how much you appreciate that he does those things.<\/p>\n

Day 27:<\/h4>\n

Give your husband three more gratitudes. Look for ways you were disrespectful and apologize using the phrase from Day 11.<\/p>\n

Day 28:<\/h4>\n

Repeat the instructions for Day 1, and give your husband three more gratitudes. Express a desire from your list out loud.<\/p>\n

Day 29:<\/h4>\n

Make yourself available for physical intimacy. Send him a flirtatious signal that you\u2019re not expecting\u2014just hoping.<\/p>\n

Day 30:<\/h4>\n

Fill yourself up with frivolous fun and thank your husband for making you ridiculously happy for all these years.<\/p>\n

Take stock of how dignified, confident and peaceful you feel.<\/p>\n

Repeat as needed to keep your relationship playful, passionate and fun.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Can a relationship really turn around in just a month when it\u2019s been struggling along or falling apart for years? It definitely can, but only if the wife gets the right information and applies it. She holds the key. It won\u2019t help if the husband tries to apply it, and this isn\u2019t for couples. But\u2026 Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8162,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[714],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nRevive Relationship: The 30-Day Challenge<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Miss the passion and playfulness? 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