{"id":8321,"date":"2016-12-15T04:00:11","date_gmt":"2016-12-15T12:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8321"},"modified":"2022-12-16T02:00:49","modified_gmt":"2022-12-16T10:00:49","slug":"my-husband-lies-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-lies-to-me\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Lies to Me: 4 Reasons Why He&#8217;s Dishonest"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019ve ever caught your husband lying about where he was, who he was with or what he was doing, you know how much it stings.<\/p>\n<p>If the lies were to cover up his drinking or smoking or who he was with, it can shake you to your core.<\/p>\n<p>After all, how much worse can it get than him lying to his wife? What else is he lying about?<\/p>\n<p>Isn\u2019t honesty a basic requirement of a marriage?<\/p>\n<p>Your friends and family will likely add fuel to the fire by assuring you that him lying to you is a serious problem.<\/p>\n<p>But before you give him an ultimatum or stop trusting him completely, consider an approach that will preserve the connection between you first.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how to keep your husband honest.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-lies-to-me\/#1_Give_Him_Autonomy\" title=\"Give Him Autonomy\">Give Him Autonomy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-lies-to-me\/#2_Give_Him_Privacy\" title=\"Give Him Privacy\">Give Him Privacy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-lies-to-me\/#3_Create_Emotional_Safety\" title=\"Create Emotional Safety\">Create Emotional Safety<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-lies-to-me\/#4_Receive_His_Protection\" title=\"Receive His Protection\">Receive His Protection<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Give_Him_Autonomy\"><\/span>1. Give Him Autonomy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14633\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/honesty-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Honesty In Marriage\" width=\"1280\" height=\"853\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/honesty-in-marriage.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/honesty-in-marriage-150x100.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/honesty-in-marriage-480x320.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/honesty-in-marriage-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/honesty-in-marriage-1200x800.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1280px) 100vw, 1280px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Gina encouraged her husband to quit smoking for years, and finally, he did!<\/p>\n<p>Then one day she smelled smoke on him, but he reassured her that it was because he had been talking to his friend Joe while Joe was smoking. She was doubtful, but she wanted to believe him.<\/p>\n<p>Then she caught him red-handed, smoking a cigarette. Two butts in the ashtray.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m not stupid. I know he started smoking again a while ago, and now I realize that not only is he a smoker, he\u2019s not an honest person.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But what Gina wasn\u2019t considering was the high price she had been making her husband pay for being honest.<\/p>\n<p>What if he\u2019d admitted to her, \u201cHey honey, I started smoking again.\u201d She would likely have been unhappy and possibly critical or shaming of that decision.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3185121227\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Although she called it encouragement before he quit, her husband might very well have thought of her efforts as nagging and <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/top-10-ways-to-control-your-husband\/\">control<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Naturally, he didn\u2019t want to go back to that. As a mere mortal man, he decided to save himself the hassle and just fib until he quit again.<\/p>\n<p>We had the same problem around here when I was constantly monitoring what my husband John spent, or how he prioritized his tasks around the house\u2014he lied to me to get me off his back.<\/p>\n<p>That doesn\u2019t make it right. That doesn\u2019t make it okay.<\/p>\n<p>But it does make sense when you consider human nature.<\/p>\n<p>Research done at the University of Alabama showed that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.uab.edu\/news\/research\/item\/12398-new-research-shows-most-people-are-honest-except-for-a-few\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">people are mostly honest<\/a> and do not lie for the most part.<\/p>\n<p>So one way to create a more honest culture in your relationship is by giving your guy autonomy over his own choices\u2014like smoking, drinking, who he talks to, and what he watches.<\/p>\n<p>Even if you think it\u2019s best that he cut back or stop certain behaviors, know that telling him so is discouraging him from being honest with you.<\/p>\n<p>If it\u2019s honesty you want, consider relinquishing inappropriate control of his life and focusing more on your own happiness.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-4219720272\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Give_Him_Privacy\"><\/span>2. Give Him Privacy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14634\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/privacy-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Privacy in Marriage\" width=\"1280\" height=\"853\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/privacy-in-marriage.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/privacy-in-marriage-150x100.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/privacy-in-marriage-480x320.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/privacy-in-marriage-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/privacy-in-marriage-1200x800.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1280px) 100vw, 1280px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>As a newlywed, I (wrongly) assumed it would be okay for me to read my husband\u2019s journal because now that we were two who had become one, there was nothing he would want to hide from me.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s embarrassing to admit now! But that\u2019s how I thought then.<\/p>\n<p>These days I see my husband as a sovereign individual who is entitled to some privacy.<\/p>\n<p>If your husband has done something in the past that feels like a <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-cheated-on-me\/\">betrayal<\/a>, then you might feel that he should be completely transparent. You might think that he should give you the password on his phone\u2014or else it\u2019s proof that he\u2019s doing something he shouldn\u2019t be.<\/p>\n<p>The flip side is that it\u2019s pretty suffocating to know that someone else is watching your every move and wants to know your every thought.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s enough to cause someone to be less than honest so they can breathe a little.<\/p>\n<p>What to do instead?<\/p>\n<p>Consider making a decision to trust him and affirming that decision out loud to him and to yourself. You could say, \u201cI\u2019m grateful to have such a trustworthy husband.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>People tend to rise to your expectation of them, so why not expect the best?<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Create_Emotional_Safety\"><\/span>3. Create Emotional Safety<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14635\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-safety-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Emotional Safety in Marriage\" width=\"1280\" height=\"853\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-safety-in-marriage.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-150x100.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-480x320.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-safety-in-marriage-1200x800.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1280px) 100vw, 1280px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When Curtis was nearly five, his parents discovered that someone had written C-U-R-T-I-S on the wall in crayon.<\/p>\n<p>When they asked him if he knew who had done that, he shook his head with a vehement \u201cNo! It wasn\u2019t me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Curtis\u2019s motives for lying were pretty obvious: he didn\u2019t want to be punished for marking up the wall.<\/p>\n<p>If he hadn\u2019t feared an unpleasant consequence, he wouldn\u2019t have bothered to lie. He would have just said, \u201cYep, that\u2019s my name! Curtis!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A study published on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0022096514001817\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Science Direct<\/a> showed that children who heard internal appeals with no expected punishment were significantly less likely to lie.<\/p>\n<p>Same thing goes for your husband. If he doesn\u2019t fear an unpleasant consequence, like being criticized, rejected or punished, then he will be free to tell you the truth.<\/p>\n<p>Creating a culture of emotional safety is a powerful way to foster honesty.<\/p>\n<p>If you find out he was with his friend Joe, who you think is a bad influence, and you say only, \u201cHow\u2019s Joe doing?\u201d (without rolling your eyes), then he learns that he doesn\u2019t have to cover his tracks when he\u2019s with Joe. He can just tell the truth.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s the magic of emotional safety.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Receive_His_Protection\"><\/span>4. Receive His Protection<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14636\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-security-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Emotional Security in Marriage\" width=\"1280\" height=\"853\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-security-in-marriage.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-security-in-marriage-150x100.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-security-in-marriage-480x320.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-security-in-marriage-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/emotional-security-in-marriage-1200x800.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1280px) 100vw, 1280px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>To this day I sometimes get riled up hearing about the customers who don\u2019t pay my husband\u2019s business on time.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve noticed he rarely mentions those slow payers anymore. So I brought it up, saying, \u201cI haven\u2019t heard much about your slow-paying customers lately.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He replied, \u201cI know you don\u2019t like to hear about negative things, so I try to keep you from hearing the bad stuff if you don\u2019t need to know about it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So sweet, right?<\/p>\n<p>In other words, he was protecting me so I could focus on important things like the new paint color in my office and working on my mission to end world divorce.<\/p>\n<p>My husband may have a slow-paying client right now, and it could be on his mind and I wouldn\u2019t know about it. He\u2019s not volunteering that because I don\u2019t need to know. It doesn\u2019t affect me.<\/p>\n<p>You could argue that he\u2019s less than forthcoming about that topic, and I\u2019d say I probably need to work harder on step #1 of this blog, giving him autonomy, if I want to be included in that conversation.<\/p>\n<p>But for the moment, I\u2019m content not to hear about those slow payers. I see his decision to keep that aspect of his business to himself as protection, rather than lying by omission.<\/p>\n<p>Once you create a culture of honesty in your relationship, you\u2019ll rarely have suspicions or concerns about whether your husband is being honest and forthright.<\/p>\n<p>As a fringe benefit, following the suggestions in this blog will also lead to more intimacy, connection and peace between you, and that\u2019s no lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019ve ever caught your husband lying about where he was, who he was with or what he was doing, you know how much it stings. If the lies were to cover up his drinking or smoking or who he was with, it can shake you to your core. After all, how much worse can\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-lies-to-me\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8325,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Lies to Me [4 Reasons Why He&#039;s Dishonest]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Your husband is lying and you\u2019re not sure how to end the deception? 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