{"id":8350,"date":"2016-12-29T04:00:05","date_gmt":"2016-12-29T12:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8350"},"modified":"2024-01-01T20:48:45","modified_gmt":"2024-01-02T04:48:45","slug":"save-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"The Scary New Year\u2019s Resolution that Will Actually Save Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re anything like I was, this isn\u2019t the first year you\u2019ve resolved to improve your relationship. I said it year after year because I was so stuck and didn\u2019t know what to do to get my husband to pay attention to me, be more affectionate, and be more responsible.<\/p>\n<p>But this new year, your marriage can actually be different. And I don\u2019t mean because you\u2019re going to try harder. That never works, but it is very tiring. I\u2019m tired just thinking about trying harder.<\/p>\n<p>Going to counseling won\u2019t make this year any better than last year either, in my experience. Many couples who get marriage counseling end up separated or divorced anyway.<\/p>\n<p>It won\u2019t be because you decide to be more giving and supportive to your man. I know you hear that everywhere, but in my experience, that\u2019s not the road you want to go down in the new year.<\/p>\n<p>Not if you want your marriage to last and thrive. And who doesn\u2019t want that?<\/p>\n<p>Here are 3 things that changed everything at my house and will make your relationship vibrant and shiny this new year.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/#1_Find_a_Safe_Place_to_Share_Whats_Happening\" title=\"Find a Safe Place to Share What\u2019s Happening\">Find a Safe Place to Share What\u2019s Happening<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/#2_Know_Youre_Not_Alone\" title=\"Know You\u2019re Not Alone\">Know You\u2019re Not Alone<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/#3_Join_the_Club\" title=\"Join the Club!\">Join the Club!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Find_a_Safe_Place_to_Share_Whats_Happening\"><\/span>1. Find a Safe Place to Share What\u2019s Happening<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15888 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/get-support-from-your-husband.jpg\" alt=\"Get Support from your Husband\" width=\"800\" height=\"337\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/get-support-from-your-husband.jpg 800w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/get-support-from-your-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/get-support-from-your-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/get-support-from-your-husband-768x324.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When I was near <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-threatens-divorce\/\">divorce<\/a>, I tried to keep our troubles under wraps so no one else would know how messed up we were.<\/p>\n<p>I thought I was hiding the hostility pretty well, but looking back, I wasn\u2019t about to be nominated for an Academy Award. People who knew me knew something was up.<\/p>\n<p>I was trying to keep up appearances, which was exhausting.<\/p>\n<p>It wasn\u2019t until I started telling the truth to some of my friends\u2014embarrassing and shameful as I thought it was\u2014that I got the breakthrough I dreamed of.<\/p>\n<p>When I finally admitted to some close friends that there was no sex, that we were having cold wars for days, and that I thought I\u2019d made a mistake when I married him, I was terrified that I would be kicked out of the tribe and left for the wolves.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, I started to get the support I needed\u2014support that had eluded me when I was acting like we were the perfect couple. Looking back, I can see how acting like everything was fine made it seem like I didn\u2019t need any support because I already had all the answers.<\/p>\n<p>For me, and for many wives I\u2019ve talked to, there\u2019s magic in living out loud\u2014in telling trustworthy people the truth about where I\u2019m feeling hopeless, broken or overwhelmed.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-1390400631\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17020\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Kathy Murray squirmed like a third grader who had just eaten all her Halloween candy when she first shared with me that her marriage was sexless. She felt ashamed that maybe she wasn\u2019t desirable to her husband, so she didn\u2019t want anyone to know. But trying to keep up appearances wasn\u2019t working for her either.<\/p>\n<p>So she took a risk and shared the truth with me. I was in no position to judge her because we\u2019d had the same problem at my house! So Kathy was so relieved to tell that secret because it busted the shame and let her know she wasn\u2019t the only one. And since I related to her, she could see the challenge in a new way. It was not something to be ashamed of, but something she could get support with and even fix in her marriage, which is exactly what she did.<\/p>\n<p>There was so much healing in her sharing vulnerably with me that she then shared the same thing from a stage, live in front of a whole audience of strangers. And that was freeing too.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why she shared that tender information about her marriage with the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bbc.com\/news\/magazine-37861459\">BBC, who featured her in their 100 Women series<\/a>. And guess what, it went viral on several continents. Now the entire world knows about the inner workings of her marriage when it was at its worst.<\/p>\n<p>Today Kathy is a master relationship coach. She not only has the marriage of her dreams, her living out loud has been crucial for saving so many other marriages around her.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s an incredible inspiration to so many.<\/p>\n<p>None of it was possible until she opened her mouth and told the truth.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-2060843139\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Know_Youre_Not_Alone\"><\/span>2. Know You\u2019re Not Alone<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15889 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/be-your-best-self.jpg\" alt=\"Be Your Best Self\" width=\"800\" height=\"337\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/be-your-best-self.jpg 800w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/be-your-best-self-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/be-your-best-self-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/be-your-best-self-768x324.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>But Kathy is not the norm. There\u2019s a divorce every 13 seconds in the United States. All of those divorces started out as hopeful marriages, full of promise and possibility. Then things went kablooey.<\/p>\n<p>So if you\u2019ve suffered in your marriage and felt lost and wondered what to do about it, you\u2019re definitely not the only one.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re not the first to worry that you may need to divorce, that it may be hopeless\u2014or that he may divorce you. But being another statistic is no comfort at all.<\/p>\n<p>Being part of a club of women who have felt the same way\u2014and are now enjoying a great connection, tenderness and laughter\u2014however, is inspiring.<\/p>\n<p>If you hang out at the hair salon, you\u2019re probably going to get a haircut. Hang out with women who are learning to create connection, tenderness and passion, and that will rub off on you, too.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve found that the environment I put myself in matters. I\u2019m a social creature, and I feel safest and strongest when I\u2019m with a like-minded tribe.<\/p>\n<p>So joining a club of wives who have been in the doldrums with their relationship and are now getting love letters every day or being told how pretty they look in their pajamas while they\u2019re petting the cat or being whisked away on romantic getaways is powerful.<\/p>\n<p>One such club is the <a href=\"https:\/\/connect.lauradoyle.org\/rhw-waitlist\">Ridiculously Happy Wife<\/a> program. That\u2019s what we do in there. We admit the painful things happening at home. And we share what worked to transform that pain.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Join_the_Club\"><\/span>3. Join the Club!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15890 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/find-like-minded-women.jpg\" alt=\"Find like minded women\" width=\"800\" height=\"337\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/find-like-minded-women.jpg 800w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/find-like-minded-women-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/find-like-minded-women-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/find-like-minded-women-768x324.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Ridiculously Happy Wife is a group coaching program and a community of like-minded women who are all focusing on using their formidable feminine powers to make their relationships playful and passionate.<\/p>\n<p>Some RHWs have just arrived on our campus, and many others have been practicing <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The 6 Intimacy Skills\u2122<\/a> along with the Connection Framework for years.<\/p>\n<p>All of us have committed to becoming our best selves so we can have the best relationships.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what it means to be a member of RHW\u2014that you\u2019re learning and practicing skills that nurture intimacy while being authentic in your relationship so you can make your marriage last and thrive.<\/p>\n<p>Some women joined RHW right when everything looked the most hopeless\u2014there was an affair, a separation, a divorce pending.<\/p>\n<p>Others just want the sizzle back.<\/p>\n<p>All of them find a sisterhood of women who support them making their relationships magical.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m so grateful to belong to this club and our community of relationship coaches. Because having that support is what finally gave me the marriage I have now. Just as runners have running clubs, speakers have speaking clubs, and investors have investment clubs, I want to belong to a club that supports me in having an amazing, vibrant marriage forever.<\/p>\n<p>If I were just starting with fixing my marriage, knowing what I know now, my New Year\u2019s resolution would be to give myself the support of a like-minded community, full of women who think that marriage is important. Because it is!<\/p>\n<p>And that\u2019s exactly what I wish for you and yours in the new year! Happy New Year! Let\u2019s make it a playful and passionate one.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s your resolution for your relationship? I\u2019d love to hear below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you\u2019re anything like I was, this isn\u2019t the first year you\u2019ve resolved to improve your relationship. I said it year after year because I was so stuck and didn\u2019t know what to do to get my husband to pay attention to me, be more affectionate, and be more responsible. But this new year, your\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15886,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[709],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8350","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-and-separation"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Scary New Year\u2019s Resolution that Will Actually Save Your Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here are 3 things that changed everything at my house and will make your relationship vibrant and shiny this new year.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Scary New Year\u2019s Resolution that Will Actually Save Your Marriage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here are 3 things that changed everything at my house and will make your relationship vibrant and shiny this new year.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-12-29T12:00:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-01-02T04:48:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/how-save-your-marriage.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"The Scary New Year\u2019s Resolution that Will Actually Save Your Marriage\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-12-29T12:00:05+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-01-02T04:48:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/\"},\"wordCount\":1302,\"commentCount\":5,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/save-your-marriage\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/how-save-your-marriage.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Divorce &amp; 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