{"id":8413,"date":"2017-02-16T04:00:47","date_gmt":"2017-02-16T12:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8413"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:45","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:45","slug":"husband-never-apologizes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Never Apologizes for Anything"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Having your husband let you down or say something that hurts you is bad enough. But what if he won\u2019t admit it and say he\u2019s sorry?<\/p>\n<p>You wonder whether he\u2019s callous or just clueless.<\/p>\n<p>The pain feels more intense when you think about how easily he could offer the words you\u2019re longing to hear\u2014but he won\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>It makes you wonder: did he think it was okay to blame you that the car broke down then leave you stranded?<\/p>\n<p>And what about those nasty things he said during a fight? Doesn\u2019t he want to take them back?<\/p>\n<p>And what part of \u201cHaving drinks with a female coworker is not okay\u201d doesn\u2019t he understand?<\/p>\n<p>Why can\u2019t he just admit he was wrong and apologize?<\/p>\n<p>Here are 3 ways to get your husband to apologize and stop hurting you.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#1_Let_Him_Listen_to_His_Conscience\" title=\"Let Him Listen to His Conscience\">Let Him Listen to His Conscience<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#2_Let_Him_Exercise_His_Right_to_Be_Wrong\" title=\"Let Him Exercise His Right to Be Wrong\">Let Him Exercise His Right to Be Wrong<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#3_Clean_Up_Your_Side_of_the_Street\" title=\"Clean Up Your Side of the Street\">Clean Up Your Side of the Street<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Let_Him_Listen_to_His_Conscience\"><\/span>1. Let Him Listen to His Conscience<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14511\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/taking-a-break-during-an-argument.jpg\" alt=\"Taking a break during an argument\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/taking-a-break-during-an-argument.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/taking-a-break-during-an-argument-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/taking-a-break-during-an-argument-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/taking-a-break-during-an-argument-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/taking-a-break-during-an-argument-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Sarah let her husband know she wanted to get to a birthday party early with her contribution to the food. He agreed they would leave early.<\/p>\n<p>So she was disappointed when he got home too late for them to be on time, much less early.<\/p>\n<p>In the old days, she would have let him know she was upset and reminded him that he had said he would be home earlier and explained all the headaches he was causing for her.<\/p>\n<p>She would have included heavy sighs and interrogation about what the holdup had been. And probably made a sarcastic remark or two.<\/p>\n<p>But not this time. This time she was practicing the <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">Six Intimacy Skills\u2122<\/a>, so she made a different choice.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-1326068232\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Sarah played it out in her head and couldn\u2019t think of one good outcome from the previous times she\u2019d taken that approach.<\/p>\n<p>He had never apologized in that old scenario, and she didn\u2019t exactly feel dignified afterward. It hadn\u2019t made him more prompt the next time.<\/p>\n<p>So this time she decided to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/\">relinquish control<\/a>, chalk up her husband\u2019s transgression to his being a mere mortal man, and say only, \u201cHi! I\u2019m ready to go.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>They hadn\u2019t even made it out of the driveway when her husband gave her a heartfelt apology for making them late\u2014the first one ever, according to Sarah.<\/p>\n<p>She said it was a very special moment for her, especially since she believed her husband was just not the kind of guy to be emotionally supportive.<\/p>\n<p>As this story illustrates, her husband already knew she was disappointed without her saying a word or raising an accusing eyebrow. So there was nothing more to say.<\/p>\n<p>She was already late to the party, but one problem she didn\u2019t have was a conflict with her husband.<\/p>\n<p>Saying nothing about his tardiness left a space for him to hear his own conscience, which probably said something like, \u201cYou disappointed your wife. You should say you\u2019re sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So he did.<\/p>\n<p>If she had followed her old pattern, that still small voice inside him would have likely been drowned out with thoughts like, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t know what my day was like. I deserve more respect than this. She\u2019s not perfect either.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The takeaway? If your husband already knows you\u2019re hurt or <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-disappoints-me-all-the-time\/\">disappointed<\/a>, leave some quiet space for him to listen to his own heart.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3870816915\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Let_Him_Exercise_His_Right_to_Be_Wrong\"><\/span>2. Let Him Exercise His Right to Be Wrong<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14512\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/respect-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Respect in Marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/respect-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/respect-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/respect-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/respect-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/respect-in-marriage-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>You might be thinking that example of being late is a small thing compared to what your husband has done. True, being late is a minor offense.<\/p>\n<p>How do you let a big thing slide without comment? How do you not explode?<\/p>\n<p>In my experience, the same principles apply to much bigger letdowns.<\/p>\n<p>Pointing out my husband\u2019s shortcomings, no matter how justified I feel, just doesn\u2019t get the tender words I\u2019m longing for.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t make him shape up.<\/p>\n<p>It certainly doesn\u2019t make him see things from my point of view. Not authentically.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s very hard for people to hear their conscience when they\u2019re busy defending themselves and feeling hurt.<\/p>\n<p>And even though my husband seems like a big, strong man, my words can hurt him.<\/p>\n<p>Same with your husband.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not proud to admit that I\u2019ve said many hurtful things over the years.<\/p>\n<p>One thing that helps me stay out of that kind of trouble now is reminding myself that my husband has the right to be wrong.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s only human. The human I chose to marry and promised to respect.<\/p>\n<p>And when I show up respectfully in our marriage, my husband\u2019s confidence grows because the woman who knows him best in the world thinks he deserves respect.<\/p>\n<p>And you know what confident people are more likely to do than those who feel insecure?<\/p>\n<p>Apologize.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not easy for anybody, and it takes some self-confidence to muster the humility. The more your husband feels respected, the more likely he is to feel that confidence.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Clean_Up_Your_Side_of_the_Street\"><\/span>3. Clean Up Your Side of the Street<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-14513\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/apologizing-to-husband.jpg\" alt=\"Apologizing to Husband\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/apologizing-to-husband.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/apologizing-to-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/apologizing-to-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/apologizing-to-husband-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/apologizing-to-husband-1200x505.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When I first learned <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/what-men-want-in-a-relationship\/\">what respect looks like<\/a>, I was pretty shocked at all the ways I wasn\u2019t respectful.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019d asked me before that, I would have said I DID respect him. Except for how messy he was and how much TV he watched.<\/p>\n<p>Which was not very respectful. At all.<\/p>\n<p>But it was worse than that in my case. I was trying to help my husband all the time. Which meant he felt criticized all the time because that\u2019s how \u201chelpful\u201d in wife language translates for husbands.<\/p>\n<p>When I opened my eyes a little wider and got a glimpse of all the destruction in the wake of my disrespect, I realized I had plenty to apologize for.<\/p>\n<p>Not that I felt like apologizing! I preferred pointing out what my husband should apologize to ME for, like the crusty old Muppets in the balcony on The Muppet Show.<\/p>\n<p>But that never worked. It didn\u2019t get me apologies, and it didn\u2019t get me connection or feeling loved and desired.<\/p>\n<p>Once I turned my attention to cleaning up my own side of the street and found the willingness to apologize for the specific times I\u2019d fallen short of my own standards, something shifted.<\/p>\n<p>The culture in our relationship changed. The walls came down so fast it made me nervous in a butterflies-in-my-stomach way.<\/p>\n<p>And in the tender space that remained, there were lots of apologies\u2014mine and his.<\/p>\n<p>The funny thing is that I no longer felt so attached to hearing those words.<\/p>\n<p>Once I owned my own failings, the tension was broken.<\/p>\n<p>I wasn\u2019t nearly as fixated on him saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Suddenly I just wanted to sweep past what seemed like minor incidents and get back to feeling the good vibrations.<\/p>\n<p>And today, that\u2019s mostly what we do around here.<\/p>\n<p>Now that we\u2019re so used to holding hands, smooching and dancing in the living room, I\u2019m quite sure that my husband didn\u2019t mean to hurt me even when he does.<\/p>\n<p>That makes an apology seem a lot less important than the other words I like to hear, like how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.<\/p>\n<p>Who knew that getting myself to apologize would lead to the outcome I was craving.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m so sorry I didn\u2019t know sooner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Having your husband let you down or say something that hurts you is bad enough. But what if he won\u2019t admit it and say he\u2019s sorry? You wonder whether he\u2019s callous or just clueless. The pain feels more intense when you think about how easily he could offer the words you\u2019re longing to hear\u2014but he\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14510,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[708],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8413","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Husband Never Apologizes for Anything or Says He&#039;s Sorry<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d isn\u2019t in his vocabulary and every argument is unresolved. From personal experience, I share how you can change a husband who never apologizes.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Husband Never Apologizes for Anything or Says He&#039;s Sorry\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d isn\u2019t in his vocabulary and every argument is unresolved. From personal experience, I share how you can change a husband who never apologizes.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-02-16T12:00:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:34:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/my-husband-never-apologizes.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@lauramdoyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laura Doyle\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"headline\":\"My Husband Never Apologizes for Anything\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-02-16T12:00:47+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:34:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/\"},\"wordCount\":1237,\"commentCount\":96,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/96ba2d9652e0d061581f6148ca656678\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/my-husband-never-apologizes.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/\",\"name\":\"Husband Never Apologizes for Anything or Says He's Sorry\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-never-apologizes\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/my-husband-never-apologizes.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-02-16T12:00:47+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-12-21T06:34:45+00:00\",\"description\":\"\u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d isn\u2019t in his vocabulary and every argument is unresolved. 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