{"id":8456,"date":"2017-03-09T04:00:19","date_gmt":"2017-03-09T12:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8456"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:44","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:44","slug":"my-husband-has-low-self-esteem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Has Low Self Esteem"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A confident man is a sexy man.<\/p>\n<p>But an insecure guy is not very appealing.<\/p>\n<p>When you see his doubts and low self-esteem, his indecision or inability to handle a situation you could manage with half your brain tied behind your back, it\u2019s a turnoff.<\/p>\n<p>You start to wonder what you ever saw in the guy. You want him to believe in himself already.<\/p>\n<p>You want to see some conviction and manliness.<\/p>\n<p>Every wife wants her husband to be confident. So how do you cultivate that?<\/p>\n<p>Isn\u2019t it something he\u2019s got or he doesn\u2019t? Can you even influence his self-esteem?<\/p>\n<p>Of course you can. Just not the way you think. Not by telling him to be more confident.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re the woman who knows him best in the world, and what you think of him has a profound impact on what he thinks of himself.<\/p>\n<p>Here are 11 ways to make your man more confident.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#1_Stop_Doing_Things_for_Him\" title=\"Stop Doing Things for Him\">Stop Doing Things for Him<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#2_Let_Him_Do_Things_for_You\" title=\"Let Him Do Things for You\">Let Him Do Things for You<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#3_Get_Happy\" title=\"Get Happy\">Get Happy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#4_Expect_the_Best_Outcome\" title=\"Expect the Best Outcome\">Expect the Best Outcome<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#5_When_He_Asks_What_He_Should_Do_Give_Him_Your_Trust\" title=\"When He Asks What He Should Do, Give Him Your Trust\">When He Asks What He Should Do, Give Him Your Trust<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#6_When_He_Asks_Your_Desire_Tell_the_Truth\" title=\"When He Asks Your Desire, Tell the Truth\">When He Asks Your Desire, Tell the Truth<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#7_When_He_Asks_Your_Opinion_Give_Him_Your_Appreciation\" title=\"When He Asks Your Opinion, Give Him Your Appreciation\">When He Asks Your Opinion, Give Him Your Appreciation<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#8_Smile_When_He_Comes_Home\" title=\"Smile When He Comes Home\">Smile When He Comes Home<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-9\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#9_Say_Yes_to_Sex\" title=\"Say Yes to Sex\">Say Yes to Sex<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-10\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#10_Let_Him_Solve_Your_Problems\" title=\"Let Him Solve Your Problems\">Let Him Solve Your Problems<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-11\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/#11_Listen_for_an_Hour\" title=\"Listen for an Hour\">Listen for an Hour<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Stop_Doing_Things_for_Him\"><\/span>1. Stop Doing Things for Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If you\u2019re anything like I was, you see lots of things you can do better than your husband, and you\u2019ve started doing them for him.<\/p>\n<p>You hang up his clothes the right way so he doesn\u2019t look like he has a growth on his shoulder where the hanger was digging into the fabric.<\/p>\n<p>You rewrite his resume so he can get a better job.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2696254365\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>You pack his lunch so he gets something nutritious.<\/p>\n<p>Consider resigning from those jobs\u2014and anything else he can do himself.<\/p>\n<p>Since he was a capable, grown man when you married him, that includes everything.<\/p>\n<p>Why? Because men are different from women in this way: They feel better when they do stuff for themselves. They feel more like men and less like little boys whose mom does stuff for them.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, helping him out can steal his swagger.<\/p>\n<p>I wouldn\u2019t have believed it if I hadn\u2019t lived it.<\/p>\n<p>I stopped doing most things for my husband long ago, and he has never seemed so self-assured to me.<\/p>\n<p>Case in point: After a video shoot with his lawyer clients, my husband told me how, when things didn\u2019t seem very organized, he told the lead lawyer, \u201cLet\u2019s get all of these knuckleheads out of here so we can get these other shots done first.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The lawyer agreed and said to all the other lawyers, \u201cAll of you knuckleheads get out of here and we\u2019re going to get some other shots done first.\u201d Everyone filed out of the room.<\/p>\n<p>My husband called his clients \u201cknuckleheads\u201d and they liked it. So self-assured!<\/p>\n<p>Next he said to me, \u201cNow I\u2019m going to come home and you\u2019re going to pour me a beer.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He was so appealing I poured that beer for him.<\/p>\n<p>But most of the time, I let him do things for himself.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3957002919\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Let_Him_Do_Things_for_You\"><\/span>2. Let Him Do Things for You<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I know it\u2019s like a cruel joke that no one tells you these things before you get married, but your husband would rather you didn\u2019t do things for him at all while he does things to make your life better and easier.<\/p>\n<p>Really! You can read all about it right <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/can-you-be-a-feminine-feminist\/\">here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>So when he offers to run to the store to get Cocoa Puffs because he knows you want them for breakfast, let him do it.<\/p>\n<p>If you say, \u201cThat\u2019s okay, you don\u2019t have to go to the store\u201d and suck it up and eat oatmeal instead, you\u2019ll be missing a chance to shore up his sense that he contributes to your life\u2014that he makes it better.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, you sucking it up is bringing him down.<\/p>\n<p>Consider being grateful while you let him spoil you silly.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Get_Happy\"><\/span>3. Get Happy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If you take a bath while he goes out in the rain for the Cocoa Puffs and then you\u2019re so happy when he gets back because you\u2019re relaxed and rejuvenated, that will make him more self-assured.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re feeling good, he figures he did that. He made you happy. And that makes him feel successful.<\/p>\n<p>The happier you are, the more successful he\u2019ll feel. The more he feels like a success, the more he\u2019ll trust himself. The more he trusts himself, the more appealing he\u2019ll be to you and the more you\u2019ll trust him.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s impossible for him not to feel more confident when he\u2019s in this virtuous cycle, and it all starts with you <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/make-your-marriage-happier\/\">getting happy<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Expect_the_Best_Outcome\"><\/span>4. Expect the Best Outcome<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When he\u2019s leaving for the store, don\u2019t call out \u201cBe careful!\u201d or \u201cDon\u2019t buy the wrong kind again!\u201d or \u201cThe store will probably be closed when you get there.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The subtext of all of those is \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure you\u2019re going to screw up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He can hear that loud and clear, even if you didn\u2019t say it exactly.<\/p>\n<p>The whole neighborhood can hear it.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, expect what you\u2019d expect from the male lead in the movie of your life. That is, if you want your movie to be a rom-com and not something depressing.<\/p>\n<p>Of course he\u2019s going to do well and return triumphant. You can act like you expect that, even if you don\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>You could say, \u201cI\u2019ll be here in the tub, awaiting your victorious return with the Cocoa Puffs.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s you deciding to have confidence in him, just the way you want him to have confidence in himself.<\/p>\n<p>At that point, he might as well be Ryan Gosling in La La Land. That\u2019s how confident he feels knowing you think he\u2019ll succeed.<\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t mean he\u2019ll become perfect. But it does mean he\u2019ll do better, because people tend to live up to your expectations for them.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_When_He_Asks_What_He_Should_Do_Give_Him_Your_Trust\"><\/span>5. When He Asks What He Should Do, Give Him Your Trust<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If he asks you which store he should go to or whether to use cash or plastic to pay for the Cocoa Puffs or what he should wear to the store, that\u2019s the perfect opportunity to show that you esteem him.<\/p>\n<p>You can do that by using this magical phrase: <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-respect-your-husband\/\">\u201cWhatever you think.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Maybe he\u2019s used to you telling him how to make decisions, like my husband was.<\/p>\n<p>But not this time. This time you\u2019re going to act like you trust him to make his own decisions.<\/p>\n<p>When he sees that you, who know him so well, trust him to decide where to go, how to pay and what to wear on his own, that will go straight to reinforcing his self-esteem.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6_When_He_Asks_Your_Desire_Tell_the_Truth\"><\/span>6. When He Asks Your Desire, Tell the Truth<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Sometimes a woman will get so fired up about using \u201cWhatever you think\u201d to show her husband she trusts his thinking that she misses the opportunity to let him know what she desires.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019ll feel more confident and secure when he knows exactly how to please you, so if he asks what you want, tell him.<\/p>\n<p>If he says, \u201cWhat kind of cereal should I get?\u201d he is asking your preference, and if you don\u2019t give it to him, he\u2019s going to feel insecure because he doesn\u2019t know exactly how to make you overjoyed.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s going to seem nervous and anxious. He won\u2019t seem self-assured at all.<\/p>\n<p>But you can save the day by simply saying what you desire most.<\/p>\n<p>As in, \u201cI would love Cocoa Puffs!\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7_When_He_Asks_Your_Opinion_Give_Him_Your_Appreciation\"><\/span>7. When He Asks Your Opinion, Give Him Your Appreciation<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If he asks, \u201cWhat did you think of me going to the store in the storm to get you Cocoa Puffs,\u201d that is not the time to question his judgment or comment on the weather.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, he\u2019s fishing for appreciation, but why not let him have some?<\/p>\n<p>You could say, \u201cI felt so special and loved that you did that for me!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It can\u2019t hurt, but it could just help him walk a little taller knowing that you think he did something great.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"8_Smile_When_He_Comes_Home\"><\/span>8. Smile When He Comes Home<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Since a big source of self-esteem for your husband is knowing that he pleases his wife, consider being happy to see him whenever you do.<\/p>\n<p>Give him a smile that says \u201cHere comes my hero!\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"9_Say_Yes_to_Sex\"><\/span>9. Say Yes to Sex<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Knowing that you are reliably available for physical intimacy is a big source of confidence for your husband.<\/p>\n<p>I know the problem is that you\u2019re not always in the mood.<\/p>\n<p>Why is it that when husbands are in the mood and try to initiate sex, wives never are?<\/p>\n<p>I dunno.<\/p>\n<p>But I do know that just because I don\u2019t start out in the mood doesn\u2019t mean I won\u2019t get into the mood once I get started. I almost always do.<\/p>\n<p>I notice my husband feels pretty good about that.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"10_Let_Him_Solve_Your_Problems\"><\/span>10. Let Him Solve Your Problems<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When I have a challenge that has me perplexed, I ask my husband if I can borrow his brain.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s crazy how often he has a great idea that I just didn\u2019t think of! So helpful!<\/p>\n<p>But sometimes he comes up with a solution that throws out the baby with the bathwater from my perspective.<\/p>\n<p>When that happens, I know he just doesn\u2019t have enough information yet. So I keep going with expressing my desires, letting him know what I want that I forgot to mention before.<\/p>\n<p>Since what we both want is for me to be happy, all we have to do is keep going.<\/p>\n<p>When he finds a solution, I feel better and he feels all smart because he solved my problem. Win-win!<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"11_Listen_for_an_Hour\"><\/span>11. Listen for an Hour<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Everyone needs to be heard and understood.<\/p>\n<p>I love using the phrase <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-respect-your-husband\/\">\u201cI hear you\u201d<\/a> to listen to people I care about so they know that their words and thoughts are important to me and that I trust they know what\u2019s best for their lives.<\/p>\n<p>Consider giving your husband the entire evening to talk while you just listen and say \u201cI hear you.\u201d Or if not the whole night, try to do it just for an hour.<\/p>\n<p>You don&#8217;t have to announce it. Just give him the space, look him in the eye, and do your best listening.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s funny how much people have to say when they feel heard and safe.<\/p>\n<p>Actions speak louder than words, and listening is a powerful way to say \u201cYou\u2019re important.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And feeling important? I hear it\u2019s great for self-esteem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A confident man is a sexy man. But an insecure guy is not very appealing. When you see his doubts and low self-esteem, his indecision or inability to handle a situation you could manage with half your brain tied behind your back, it\u2019s a turnoff. You start to wonder what you ever saw in the\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-has-low-self-esteem\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8460,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[715],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8456","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Has Low Self Esteem [11 Ways to Make Him Confident]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My husband\u2019s low self esteem is ruining our marriage - help! 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