{"id":8528,"date":"2017-04-13T04:00:19","date_gmt":"2017-04-13T11:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8528"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:42","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:42","slug":"how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Get Your Husband to Pay Attention to You"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes it feels like everything else is more important to your husband than you are: work, the kids, whoever is texting him. Even the dog gets more of his time than you do!<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re craving his attention so much it hurts, and yet the whole day passes&#8211;and the next and the next&#8211;and he has barely acknowledged that you exist.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s easy to get resentful and feel unimportant. Him just asking about your day or sitting next to you on the couch would be so simple to do and go such a long way with you.<\/p>\n<p>But he doesn\u2019t. He won\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>I still remember what that was like.<\/p>\n<p>Since you can\u2019t control anyone except yourself, how do you get him to improve?<\/p>\n<p>There are 4 powerful ways to get your man to be attentive.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how to solve this painful dynamic:<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you\/#1_Consider_Your_Feminine_Gifts\" title=\"Consider Your Feminine Gifts\">Consider Your Feminine Gifts<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you\/#2_Find_Evidence_that_He_Pays_Attention_to_You\" title=\"Find Evidence that He Pays Attention to You\">Find Evidence that He Pays Attention to You<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you\/#3_Provide_Emotional_Safety\" title=\"Provide Emotional Safety\">Provide Emotional Safety<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you\/#4_Use_This_Spouse-Fulfilling_Prophecy\" title=\"Use This Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy\">Use This Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Consider_Your_Feminine_Gifts\"><\/span>1. Consider Your Feminine Gifts<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Part of what makes romantic relationships so electrifying is the gender contrast between you.<\/p>\n<p>You were attracted to him because of his manliness.<\/p>\n<p>He was attracted to you because of your femininity.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t mean just physically feminine. This is not about lip gloss or strappy sandals (although I\u2019m sure he likes that part too). I\u2019m talking about your feminine spirit.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s intensely gratifying when masculine and feminine collide and connect.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-831894926\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Remember the magic you felt when that happened?<\/p>\n<p>You were <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-be-feminine\/\">bringing your feminine self<\/a>, maybe without even knowing it. You were receptive and therefore a powerful magnet to him.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why you never had to ask for his attention then. He was fascinated by your emotional brilliance and softness&#8211;so fascinated that he committed to you above everyone else on the planet.<\/p>\n<p>He signed up for a lifetime of being around your feminine spirit.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve since fallen into feeling angry, he can no longer see that irresistible spirit of yours.<\/p>\n<p>He misses it as much as you miss his attention, but he doesn\u2019t know how to get it back either.<\/p>\n<p>I know it doesn\u2019t seem like you\u2019re choosing anger; it seems like the anger is a response to his neglect. But it\u2019s blocking you both from something you very much enjoyed together.<\/p>\n<p>You can make a different choice than being mad. You can take off that rusty anger armor and be as shiny as you always were.<\/p>\n<p>Your femininity holds the key.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-312838310\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Find_Evidence_that_He_Pays_Attention_to_You\"><\/span>2. Find Evidence that He Pays Attention to You<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Ava was convinced that her man didn\u2019t love her anymore, as she outlined point after point when we spoke.<\/p>\n<p>She had a very solid case against him.<\/p>\n<p>And that was the problem.<\/p>\n<p>When she thought about him, she was focused on all the things he didn\u2019t do. He didn&#8217;t text her. He hadn\u2019t called. He was away and incommunicado.<\/p>\n<p>Each one of those things made her mad! And disappointed. And scared that she was not going to be loved.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s nothing scarier than feeling you aren\u2019t going to be loved.<\/p>\n<p>So by finding that evidence of him not loving her, she was causing herself to get upset and then angry, which obscured her beautiful feminine spirit, which, in turn, was proving her right.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, she was creating what she focused on, just like we all do.<\/p>\n<p>When I suggested that she make a list of the proof that he did love her, she said it was too painful because it wasn\u2019t true.<\/p>\n<p>But truth is a funny thing. It changes when your perspective changes.<\/p>\n<p>When she finally started her list of 22 things that proved her man did love her, she only got to number 14 before she asked, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me this would make me feel so much better?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That moment, she was pleasantly surprised to get a text from him that started, \u201cHey beautiful! What are you up to?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You could chalk it up to coincidence. But I see that kind of thing happen too much to doubt that changing her focus changed her experience.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Provide_Emotional_Safety\"><\/span>3. Provide Emotional Safety<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>In the heat of your anger, you might want him to hurt. That\u2019s just human.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/anger-management-for-women\/\">When you\u2019re angry at him<\/a>, he knows it. And like a little boy who\u2019s in trouble with the principal, he avoids you to avoid his punishment.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s so immature.<\/p>\n<p>But retaliating in anger won\u2019t get you the attention you crave. Quite the opposite.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019ll go out of his way to avoid the criticism, and therefore you.<\/p>\n<p>I still remember how hard that was to wrap my brain around. I thought if I stopped criticizing his neglect, I was giving up on getting the attention I wanted, but my experience has been just the opposite.<\/p>\n<p>When I started listening without judging or telling him what to do, he wanted to talk more.<\/p>\n<p>When I smiled as he was leaving and when he came back instead of scowling and pouting, he came back faster.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you don\u2019t feel like you want to smile at him. At all!<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s okay. You don&#8217;t have to feel like it to experiment with it. You could just put a smile on the way you do for the receptionist at the dentist.<\/p>\n<p>I find I feel better when I\u2019m smiling anyway. So the fringe benefit of creating emotional safety for my husband is that I feel happier.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Use_This_Spouse-Fulfilling_Prophecy\"><\/span>4. Use This Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Do you say things like \u201cYou never pay attention to me!\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Besides criticizing him, you\u2019re also affirming the outcome you don\u2019t want.<\/p>\n<p>What would it hurt to <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-make-your-husband-love-you-again\/\">start affirming the outcome you do want<\/a>?<\/p>\n<p>You could say to him (and yourself), \u201cI love how attentive you are to me\u201d or \u201cI appreciate you giving me so much attention\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m so lucky to have such an attentive husband.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Saying that seems scary or uncomfortable at first because you\u2019re so used to focusing on the negative outcome. You may feel like you\u2019re leaving reality.<\/p>\n<p>But since you\u2019re not enjoying this reality that much, why not leave it in favor of having the attention you crave and deserve?<\/p>\n<p>Changing my life for the better usually does feel scary and uncomfortable.<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s also been exhilarating to have a husband who seeks my company and hurries home just to give me his attention.<\/p>\n<p>If I can create that kind of relationship, you can too!<\/p>\n<p>Which of these 4 ideas are you going to put into practice first? I\u2019d love to hear. Post your comment below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes it feels like everything else is more important to your husband than you are: work, the kids, whoever is texting him. Even the dog gets more of his time than you do! You\u2019re craving his attention so much it hurts, and yet the whole day passes&#8211;and the next and the next&#8211;and he has barely\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-get-your-husband-to-pay-attention-to-you\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8776,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Get Your Husband to Notice You [without Having to Beg]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is your husband not paying any attention to you? 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