{"id":8719,"date":"2017-06-29T04:00:42","date_gmt":"2017-06-29T11:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8719"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:37","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:37","slug":"my-husband-flirts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-flirts\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Flirts and Thinks It\u2019s No Big Deal"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Catching your husband ogling other women feels bad.<\/p>\n<p>It can shake your confidence and make you feel less desirable.<\/p>\n<p>But when you hear his voice lilt when he\u2019s speaking to another woman or catch him texting or Facebooking her, that sets your alarms off and makes you feel truly terrible.<\/p>\n<p>Can you really trust him? Is it completely innocent, like he claims? Or is he crossing the line?<\/p>\n<p>Where does it stop?<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes there\u2019s no real way to know, so your mind wanders and strikes fear in your heart.<\/p>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10659\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/why-am-i-so-insecure-about-my-husband.jpg\" alt=\"why am i so insecure about my husband\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/why-am-i-so-insecure-about-my-husband.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/why-am-i-so-insecure-about-my-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/why-am-i-so-insecure-about-my-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/why-am-i-so-insecure-about-my-husband-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/why-am-i-so-insecure-about-my-husband-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/why-am-i-so-insecure-about-my-husband-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, you can restore your confidence, get the respect you deserve and preserve the passion, all at the same time.<\/p>\n<p>Here are 4 questions to ask when your husband flirts and says it\u2019s nothing:<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-flirts\/#1_Ask_Yourself_What_Am_I_Afraid_Of\" title=\"Ask Yourself \u201cWhat Am I Afraid Of?\u201d\">Ask Yourself \u201cWhat Am I Afraid Of?\u201d<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-flirts\/#2_Ask_Yourself_Is_My_Fear_Realistic\" title=\"Ask Yourself \u201cIs My Fear Realistic?\u201d\">Ask Yourself \u201cIs My Fear Realistic?\u201d<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-flirts\/#3_Ask_Yourself_Can_I_Control_His_Flirting\" title=\"Ask Yourself \u201cCan I Control His Flirting?\u201d\">Ask Yourself \u201cCan I Control His Flirting?\u201d<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-flirts\/#4_Would_It_Be_Worth_the_Intimacy_It_Costs_to_Try_to_Control_Him\" title=\"Would It Be Worth the Intimacy It Costs to Try to Control Him?\">Would It Be Worth the Intimacy It Costs to Try to Control Him?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Ask_Yourself_What_Am_I_Afraid_Of\"><\/span>1. Ask Yourself \u201cWhat Am I Afraid Of?\u201d<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Here\u2019s an insight that changed my whole life: <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/give-up-control\/\">Whenever I\u2019m tempted to control<\/a> the way my husband interacts with other people, it\u2019s because I\u2019m afraid.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m afraid he\u2019ll make the wrong impression and I\u2019ll feel embarrassed, or that he won\u2019t get a good deal and I\u2019ll have to go without.<\/p>\n<p>If I\u2019m not afraid, I don\u2019t have to try to control.<\/p>\n<p>When you find yourself trying to get your husband to stop flirting with other women, it\u2019s because you\u2019re afraid of something.<\/p>\n<p>Knowing the answer to the question \u201cWhat are you afraid of?\u201d is a good start to tapping into your power to inspire his undying loyalty to you and only you.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3159191566\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>When I learned that my husband had looked up three ex-girlfriends on Facebook, it gave me pause.<\/p>\n<p>I remember wondering why he would do that. I realized I was afraid he was still thinking about them, which I didn\u2019t like.<\/p>\n<p>I was afraid he might reconnect with one of them and renew their relationship.<\/p>\n<p>If I kept going, I could worry that would lead to him cheating or abandoning me for someone else.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe that\u2019s what you\u2019re afraid of too.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10661\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/my-husband-complimented-another-woman.jpg\" alt=\"my husband complimented another woman\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/my-husband-complimented-another-woman.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/my-husband-complimented-another-woman-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/my-husband-complimented-another-woman-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/my-husband-complimented-another-woman-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/my-husband-complimented-another-woman-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/my-husband-complimented-another-woman-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Or your fear might be something else entirely. Once you unearth your fear, let\u2019s move on to the next question.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-445216544\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Ask_Yourself_Is_My_Fear_Realistic\"><\/span>2. Ask Yourself \u201cIs My Fear Realistic?\u201d<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I knew it was realistic that my husband still thought of his ex-girlfriends occasionally. After all, he had looked them up after decades of being out of touch, so clearly they had crossed his mind.<\/p>\n<p>But when I ask myself whether it\u2019s realistic that he would ever rekindle a relationship with any of them in person, much less cheat and leave me, I have to admit that seems unlikely.<\/p>\n<p>First of all, I heard about this offense from him sharing it with me. There was no sense of secrecy about it.<\/p>\n<p>But even if he did reconnect with those women in some way, I know that my husband is committed to me.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you too feel confident that while your husband can be a flirt at times, he\u2019s also completely devoted to you.<\/p>\n<p>Deep down, you know he\u2019s not going anywhere with anybody else.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10662\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-wife.jpg\" alt=\"how to stop being controlling wife\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-wife.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-wife-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-wife-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-wife-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-wife-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-wife-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>In that case, it\u2019s kind of fun to pull out your fear and acknowledge that it\u2019s unfounded&#8211;like looking under the bed for the monster and finding it\u2019s just a boot and a pair of socks. Phew!<\/p>\n<p>Asking yourself whether your fear is realistic is a great way to stop feeling bad when your husband compliments another woman or uses a sweeter-than-usual voice to greet a female coworker.<\/p>\n<p>This is also a good time to remind yourself that despite the jolt of adrenaline that comes up when you hear him sounding flirtatious, you are safe. He\u2019s just being friendly or playful&#8211;not trying to form another relationship.<\/p>\n<p>You can choose your faith over your fear by deciding not to give him the stink eye, for example. Instead, you could show him that you expect the best outcome, not the worst.<\/p>\n<p>Like responding to him looking up an ex on FB by playfully saying, \u201cI bet you\u2019re glad you married me instead of her, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve found that\u2019s very powerful for getting the outcome I want.<\/p>\n<p>But what if you don\u2019t feel safe?<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you\u2019ve been cheated on before or have been left for another woman.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe your husband himself was unfaithful in the past and you\u2019re terrified it will happen again.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s completely understandable. Of course you would want to do everything in your power to avoid that painful experience.<\/p>\n<p>So maybe your answer to this question is a resounding \u201cYes! My fears are completely realistic.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In that case, let\u2019s proceed to the next question.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Ask_Yourself_Can_I_Control_His_Flirting\"><\/span>3. Ask Yourself \u201cCan I Control His Flirting?\u201d<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>What you want is for him to stop paying attention to other women&#8211;to stop looking into their eyes, making them giggle or rubbernecking at their bikinis.<\/p>\n<p>The more you focus on trying to get him to stop flirting with other women, the more your husband will feel constricted, controlled and criticized.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10663\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/lack-of-connection-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"lack of connection in marriage\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/lack-of-connection-in-marriage.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/lack-of-connection-in-marriage-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/lack-of-connection-in-marriage-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/lack-of-connection-in-marriage-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/lack-of-connection-in-marriage-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/lack-of-connection-in-marriage-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>The more he feels that way, the greater his urge to be the master of his own destiny. In other words, he\u2019s going to have an inner compulsion to do the very thing you\u2019re trying to get him to stop doing just to show that you\u2019re not the boss of him.<\/p>\n<p>Humans are contrary like that. Fruit seems sweeter when it\u2019s forbidden.<\/p>\n<p>This is true of all control, not just control around flirting. Whatever I\u2019ve tried to get my husband to do or not do using control has backfired on me.<\/p>\n<p>Every. Single. Time.<\/p>\n<p>When I tried to control him by making endless spreadsheets showing who was responsible for what housekeeping (so he could see all the duties he was shirking), all I got was wall-to-wall hostility&#8211;not the gleaming bathroom and dust-free shelves I wanted.<\/p>\n<p>The truth is I was afraid that if I didn\u2019t tell him which chores were his, I would turn into a kitchen elf who had to do everything herself.<\/p>\n<p>So guess what happened because I tried to control him?<\/p>\n<p>I became an exhausted kitchen elf who had to do everything myself.<\/p>\n<p>Mission unwittingly accomplished.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, my control had the opposite effect of the one I wanted.<\/p>\n<p>Granted, dodging the dusting is different than winking at women. The point is that trying to control my husband into doing things differently made things worse. Much worse.<\/p>\n<p>So it\u2019s valid to ask yourself: Is getting upset or telling him not to flirt actually getting you the outcome you\u2019re looking for?<\/p>\n<p>When Janice insisted that her husband stop working out with his female coworker, not only did he not stop, he also let her know she wasn\u2019t the boss of him.<\/p>\n<p>He seemed more intent to meet up with his workout buddy than ever.<\/p>\n<p>Telling your man to stop flirting is very likely to have the same contrary outcome.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Would_It_Be_Worth_the_Intimacy_It_Costs_to_Try_to_Control_Him\"><\/span>4. Would It Be Worth the Intimacy It Costs to Try to Control Him?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>When he flirts, it hurts.<\/p>\n<p>As his wife, you may feel it\u2019s within your rights to ask him to stop Facebooking a coworker or working out with her at the gym. Plenty of people would tell you that it\u2019s your prerogative to draw the line.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10664\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/trusting-my-husband.jpg\" alt=\"Trusting My Husband\" width=\"1336\" height=\"562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/trusting-my-husband.jpg 1336w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/trusting-my-husband-150x63.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/trusting-my-husband-480x202.jpg 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/trusting-my-husband-768x323.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/trusting-my-husband-325x137.jpg 325w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/trusting-my-husband-1024x431.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1336px) 100vw, 1336px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve certainly done things like that in my efforts to get my husband to do what I wanted (or not do what I didn\u2019t want him to).<\/p>\n<p>Not only did it not work, it cost me intimacy. Big time.<\/p>\n<p>I felt the need to draw the line recently when he wanted to save a limp houseplant that I wanted to throw out.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll put it in the backyard,\u201d he announced.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of expressing a desire, I decided to supervise this plant placement so that the backyard would not look messy.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, I chose my fear and my need to control in that moment.<\/p>\n<p>He set it down next to the bench, and I <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-controlling-in-a-relationship\/\">\u201chelpfully\u201d<\/a> suggested a different spot. He moved it to my spot but didn\u2019t like it there so he picked it up again, and I asked where he was going to put it as he walked across the yard with it.<\/p>\n<p>At which point he dramatically dropped the plant and said, \u201cJust forget it!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Clearly he felt controlled. That\u2019s because I was being controlling.<\/p>\n<p>Oops.<\/p>\n<p>It took half an hour before things were back to feeling connected and easy between us again, and that\u2019s a long time for us these days.<\/p>\n<p>Over a plant!<\/p>\n<p>Trying to control costs me the intimacy and connection I\u2019m used to having now. And it doesn\u2019t make my husband do what I think he should do. That\u2019s true whether it\u2019s telling him where to put a plant, who to talk to or how to talk to them.<\/p>\n<p>In my better moments, I choose my faith instead because I want to keep holding hands and laughing together. And because I want to be my best self.<\/p>\n<p>Here are three ways I help myself do that:<\/p>\n<p>First, I remind myself that I\u2019m the <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/\">Girl of Fun and Light<\/a> (GOFL). Since I want him to flirt with me, I make sure I\u2019m in good flirting form with my smile and laughter at the ready.<\/p>\n<p>The GOFL is always up for a good time, and I signal that by doing my happy dance around the house or saying how ridiculously happy I am.<\/p>\n<p>Second, I check to make sure I\u2019ve been respectful. Respect is like oxygen to men, and I want to make sure there\u2019s plenty of that when he\u2019s around me so he\u2019s not gasping for it.<\/p>\n<p>Next, I make myself drop and do ten. Gratitudes, that is, about the many ways I feel loved and chosen by my husband&#8211;the many ways he\u2019s loyal to me.<\/p>\n<p>He chose to marry me above everyone else, sleeps with me every night, makes love to me and only me, spends money on me, kisses me, sends flirty texts to me, has made himself beloved in my family, makes up silly songs every day about how cute I am, makes me laugh and makes me tea every morning.<\/p>\n<p>I could go on, but ten are usually enough to calm me down so I can choose my faith by trusting him.<\/p>\n<p>Ten gratitudes are enough to make me stop fretting and realize I\u2019m lucky I have a man who\u2019s as faithful as the U.S. election cycle is long.<\/p>\n<p>My husband is a mere mortal man meant to be attracted to the female form, but I don\u2019t see him making anybody else\u2019s tea every morning.<\/p>\n<p>I see him being true to me. I focus on that because that\u2019s what I want to continue to manifest.<\/p>\n<p>When my husband looks into my eyes and sees that faith I have in him, he responds to me with pride in how loyal he is to me.<\/p>\n<p>That leaves me feeling special and gives me the inner strength that makes it easy to trust my husband.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Catching your husband ogling other women feels bad. It can shake your confidence and make you feel less desirable. But when you hear his voice lilt when he\u2019s speaking to another woman or catch him texting or Facebooking her, that sets your alarms off and makes you feel truly terrible. Can you really trust him?\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-flirts\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8723,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Husband Flirts: 4 Questions to Stop That Annoying Behavior<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"He flirts and you think it\u2019s getting out of hand. Ask these 4 questions to get the respect you deserve without causing a fight.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-flirts\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Husband Flirts: 4 Questions to Stop That Annoying Behavior\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"He flirts and you think it\u2019s getting out of hand. 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