{"id":8858,"date":"2017-09-07T04:00:14","date_gmt":"2017-09-07T11:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8858"},"modified":"2025-11-13T12:51:37","modified_gmt":"2025-11-13T20:51:37","slug":"relationship-intimacy-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"Will the Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 Work for You?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If your relationship feels unbearably hard and hopeless right now, that tells me you\u2019re probably very hurt, and you\u2019ve been getting hurt for a long time now.<\/p>\n<p>You just want that to stop&#8211;the way you\u2019d want to stop hitting your head with a hammer.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re feeling that hurt, it\u2019s hard to see possibilities. The only rational thing to do is raise the drawbridge and put on your armor for battle.<\/p>\n<p>If all your recent interactions with your significant other have been antagonistic, then it seems logical to expect the bloodshed to continue.<\/p>\n<p>But past performance is no indication of future results in relationships, especially if you get the element of surprise on your side.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what happened when real women like you surprised their husbands:<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>When I say they surprised their husbands, I mean that women just like you, who felt just as hurt and hopeless, practiced the Six Intimacy Skills\u2122.<\/p>\n<p>I asked these women to report how they knew the Intimacy Skills were working for them. Here\u2019s what they told me, in their own words:<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/#1_They_Got_More_Affection\" title=\"They Got More Affection\">They Got More Affection<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/#2_They_Got_to_Relax_More\" title=\"They Got to Relax More\">They Got to Relax More<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/#3_They_Got_More_Compliments\" title=\"They Got More Compliments\">They Got More Compliments<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/#4_They_Got_Better_Husbands\" title=\"They Got Better Husbands\">They Got Better Husbands<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/#5_They_Got_What_Theyd_Always_Wanted\" title=\"They Got What They\u2019d Always Wanted\">They Got What They\u2019d Always Wanted<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/#6_They_Felt_Empowered\" title=\"They Felt Empowered\">They Felt Empowered<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/#7_They_Felt_Hopeful\" title=\"They Felt Hopeful\">They Felt Hopeful<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_They_Got_More_Affection\"><\/span>1. They Got More Affection<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><em>I knew it was working when he offered to buy me a present and I didn\u2019t refuse, and he held my hand the rest of the trip.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Marta<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>My husband will now just come and sit by me on the sofa and hold my hand.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Charlotte<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>I knew it was working when, instead of facing away from me, he began to roll over in bed, wrap his arm around me and pull me tightly to him&#8211;like a child does to a teddy bear. I had become his comfort, his soft place to land at the end of a hard day.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Kate<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-4226102263\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_They_Got_to_Relax_More\"><\/span>2. They Got to Relax More<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><em>My husband, kids and I are on vacation at the beach. Right now, at this very moment, he\u2019s playing whiffle ball with the teen boys and I\u2019m sitting on my beach chair reading a book and drinking wine. He just took a break from whiffle ball, came over to me, leaned in and kissed me and told me he loved me and asked how I was. Before the Intimacy Skills, I know I\u2019d be here in my chair angry with him about something, but the anger, resentment and loneliness are gone. We\u2019ve been married 18 years now, and we\u2019re truly falling in love with each other all over again.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Meghan<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_They_Got_More_Compliments\"><\/span>3. They Got More Compliments<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><em>I knew the Intimacy Skills were working when my husband, who has verbally complimented me about five times since we\u2019ve been married in spite of many requests from me to do so, told me last weekend without any prompting that I looked really pretty when we were at his work function. That\u2019s a huge win. These Skills have changed my marriage more in several months than in all my many years of nagging and complaining.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8211;Benita<\/strong><\/em><\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-4148994723\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><em>My husband and I have been married 7 years, and due to his work he spends a lot of time overseas. The Skills have created an unbreakable bond between us, where each reunion is like a honeymoon. He tells me regularly I am his best friend and confidant&#8211;the best wife in the world. He goes out of his way to keep me close, no matter where he is. I\u2019m truly blessed and grateful for learning the Skills before we married.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Willow<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_They_Got_Better_Husbands\"><\/span>4. They Got Better Husbands<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><em>I knew the Intimacy Skills were working when my husband started giving up things I had nagged about constantly.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>First he gave up hard liquor, which was causing him to make bad choices. One day he just said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking of giving up Fireball, etc. and just drinking beer. \u201d My response was, \u201cWhatever you think, babe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then next, he had started smoking weed at 50 years old as part of his midlife crisis and announced one day, \u201cI\u2019m thinking of giving it up.\u201d Again, \u201cWhatever you think, babe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lastly, he said, \u201cI think I\u2019m gonna start hanging out with married men my own age rather than partying with 21-year-old kids to make myself feel young. Again, same response from me.<\/p>\n<p>Today, I looked him in the eyes and said, \u201cI couldn\u2019t be happier than I am right now. The amount of respect I have for you right now is not even measurable in words. You are everything I have dreamed of in a husband.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because I have stayed on my own paper and followed the Skills, he has made decisions to change things on his own!<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Darla<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_They_Got_What_Theyd_Always_Wanted\"><\/span>5. They Got What They\u2019d Always Wanted<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><em>I knew the Skills were working when I said to my husband, \u201cI want to have a nice vacation this year,\u201d and he booked a great vacation for the kids and us at the beach. This was after almost 3 years being in a crisis and him wanting to get out of the house. The Skills helped me become aware of the things I was doing wrong!!!<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Therese<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>I knew the Skills were working when I made peace with expressing desires I didn\u2019t think I could have. I expressed many times how much having a cat would make me happy, even though we had agreed that we didn\u2019t feel right getting one because we couldn\u2019t make a long-term commitment to being in this country. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Did that stop him? Nope. On my birthday I opened a printed piece of paper with a picture of a cat on it and a note telling me he had arranged for us to look after someone else\u2019s cat for three weeks! I was so moved by his creative way of fulfilling my desire. Now the cat comes to stay with us whenever her owners go on holiday.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Bethany<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>I know the Skills are working because when I first met my fianc\u00e9 I told him I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I wanted a farm, and I wanted a house with a nice kitchen. He has made each one come true by his own choice.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Lilah<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6_They_Felt_Empowered\"><\/span>6. They Felt Empowered<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><em>I knew it was working (and this is a month into it) when my boyfriend thanked me for not critiquing him and leaving him (in his words) nasty voicemails and emails about us not spending enough time together when he\u2019s had his teenage sons with him most of the summer, has moved and is working especially hard in his business! <\/em><\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve been having the nicest, most peaceful times together lately. The big change is inside of me. Changing my attitude, my perceptions and seeing him with gratitude have made me fall in love again.<\/p>\n<p>He is 65 and I am 63, so you\u2019re never too old. Wish I\u2019d learned these things 40 years ago!<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Jeannie<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7_They_Felt_Hopeful\"><\/span>7. They Felt Hopeful<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><em>Shortly after starting SWEW, I went to dinner with my husband, and rather than ask him questions and try to control the conversation, I was quiet. I was nervous that my husband would interpret it as an unhappy quiet rather than a Girl-of-Fun-and-Light quiet, so I just sat there smiling at him and people watching. He turned to me and said, \u201cDid you ever think we would be this happy?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Of course, the first time he called instead of texting and the first time he looked up and smiled when I came home were milestones too!<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Marina<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>I knew the Intimacy Skills were working each time I had an \u201caha!\u201d moment&#8211;either realizing some behavior I had used in the past had caused damage or realizing I had a new Skill that would work better in certain circumstances. The moments of clarity and realization have been filled with emotions of sadness and regret but also hope and empowerment.<br \/>\n<strong>&#8212; Candace<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Will the Intimacy Skills work for you too? You can experiment and see.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d love to hear below how you know they\u2019re working for you.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If your relationship feels unbearably hard and hopeless right now, that tells me you\u2019re probably very hurt, and you\u2019ve been getting hurt for a long time now. You just want that to stop&#8211;the way you\u2019d want to stop hitting your head with a hammer. When you\u2019re feeling that hurt, it\u2019s hard to see possibilities. The\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/relationship-intimacy-skills\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8869,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Relationship Intimacy Skills [6 Life-changing Skills]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"&quot;Women\u2019s firsthand stories of how the element of surprise transformed their marriages.&quot;\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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