{"id":8886,"date":"2017-09-21T04:00:05","date_gmt":"2017-09-21T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8886"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:33","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:33","slug":"communication-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Communication In Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s natural to want to feel close to your man by sharing your feelings and hearing his feelings too.<\/p>\n<p>But what if he has no idea how to do that?<\/p>\n<p>What if you ask how he\u2019s feeling and he just shrugs and clams up? What if the only feeling he\u2019ll acknowledge is\u2026 hunger?<\/p>\n<p>You know he has feelings, but he just won\u2019t talk about them. You wonder if he\u2019s defective and maybe doesn\u2019t even know what he\u2019s feeling, which does not seem healthy.<\/p>\n<p>I used to worry about that with my husband, but then I learned a thing or two about a thing or two.<\/p>\n<p>Now that we have an unbreakable emotional connection, I realize I was going about things all wrong.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how to know what your husband is feeling. <!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/#1_Stop_Asking_Him_How_He_Feels\" title=\"Stop Asking Him How He Feels\">Stop Asking Him How He Feels<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/#2_Give_Him_the_Floor\" title=\"Give Him the Floor\">Give Him the Floor<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/#3_Listen_for_His_Heart_Message\" title=\"Listen for His Heart Message\">Listen for His Heart Message<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/#4_Know_that_He_Feels_Deeply_Too\" title=\"Know that He Feels Deeply Too\">Know that He Feels Deeply Too<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Stop_Asking_Him_How_He_Feels\"><\/span>1. Stop Asking Him How He Feels<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I know it seems like a very basic human skill to say how you feel, and sometimes your husband or boyfriend will express a feeling&#8211;but rarely when you\u2019re asking him to.<\/p>\n<p>When I used to ask my husband how he felt, he said it made him uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that. He felt like a deer in headlights and couldn\u2019t think of anything.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, it made him defensive, which meant I had a better chance of connecting&#8211;which is what I really wanted&#8211;if I\u2019d never asked!<\/p>\n<p>Turns out it\u2019s not just my husband. I\u2019ve since learned that women have the gift of emotional brilliance, whereas feelings are not a very comfortable topic for men.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, turning my inquiry to how I feel has created the connection I crave more than asking him how he feels, which I don\u2019t do anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Why would I? It never got me what I wanted. I hear the same thing from thousands of women I\u2019ve worked with.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2591162959\"><p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<!--HubSpot Call-to-Action Code --><span class=\"hs-cta-wrapper\" id=\"hs-cta-wrapper-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><span class=\"hs-cta-node hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" id=\"hs-cta-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\"><!--[if lte IE 8]>\n\n<div id=\"hs-cta-ie-element\"><\/div>\n\n<![endif]--><a href=\"https:\/\/cta-redirect.hubspot.com\/cta\/redirect\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" ><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"hs-cta-img\" id=\"hs-cta-img-72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969\" style=\"border-width:0px;\" src=\"https:\/\/no-cache.hubspot.com\/cta\/default\/21708589\/72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969.png\"  alt=\"Free Webinar\"\/><\/a><\/span><script charset=\"utf-8\" src=\"https:\/\/js.hscta.net\/cta\/current.js\"><\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\"> hbspt.cta.load(21708589, '72e5b617-d76c-41d0-9b4d-efd92801e969', {\"useNewLoader\":\"true\",\"region\":\"na1\"}); <\/script><\/span><!-- end HubSpot Call-to-Action Code -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-1507390571\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Give_Him_the_Floor\"><\/span>2. Give Him the Floor<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Another way to find out what\u2019s on your husband\u2019s mind is to make an effort to give him some dedicated air time.<\/p>\n<p>One great way to do that is to say simply \u201cI hear you\u201d when he is talking. Nothing else. Just let him know that you\u2019re paying attention to what he\u2019s saying. You might add \u201cmm hm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You may be surprised to hear how much he has to say when you try this exercise, which isn\u2019t as easy as it sounds.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll likely feel tempted to jump in with suggestions or reassurance or to share a similar experience. But if you can manage to only listen, you\u2019ll create emotional safety, which will motivate him to want to open up to you even more.<\/p>\n<p>Listening involves not just accurately hearing what your husband says but also hearing who he is and how he views life, what concerns he has, what he thinks about and more.<\/p>\n<p>It won\u2019t be the same way you think. But learning to respect other styles of thinking also helps you develop a deeper acceptance and appreciation for your own.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Listen_for_His_Heart_Message\"><\/span>3. Listen for His Heart Message<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Although it\u2019s often overlooked, listening is a vital skill for emotional connection. One way to listen is to look for a heart message.<\/p>\n<p>A heart message is a statement that sounds like one thing on the surface but means something else when you probe a little deeper.<\/p>\n<p>Your husband may not be explicit about his emotions, but you\u2019ll hear his vulnerability and his truth if you listen carefully.<\/p>\n<p>Heart messages are sometimes hidden under what sounds like a complaint. But if you can develop your skill to hear what\u2019s underneath, you\u2019ll not only have better connection, you\u2019ll feel more loved.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll also create a culture of tenderness and safety.<\/p>\n<p>One woman noticed her husband was grumbling about money a lot and how he had to work so hard to earn it.<\/p>\n<p>At first she was annoyed that he was complaining so much. But then she wisely listened for his heart message. Why would he be complaining about having to work?<\/p>\n<p>She suspected he was trying to say \u201cI don\u2019t feel appreciated.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Instead of dismissing him or rolling her eyes, she told him how happy and grateful she was that he worked so hard to support the family. She was amazed when her husband immediately relaxed.<\/p>\n<p>He seemed relieved that she got him.<\/p>\n<p>The connection between them grew stronger in that exchange, even though he never said how he felt.<\/p>\n<p>Listening with your heart will not only enhance your marriage, it will improve your relationships with family and friends too.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Know_that_He_Feels_Deeply_Too\"><\/span>4. Know that He Feels Deeply Too<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Monique told the story of being in a terrible mood and feeling irritated by her husband because he wouldn\u2019t just let her be. Although she had been practicing Intimacy Skills for a while, she was just not at her best that morning.<\/p>\n<p>They had been bickering on and off all morning when she finally said, \u201cWhy won\u2019t you just leave me alone?!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He bravely responded, \u201cBecause I\u2019m scared.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Luckily there was some intimacy in the bank at Monique\u2019s house and he let her know exactly how he felt, but not because she\u2019d asked him.<\/p>\n<p>Even if they don\u2019t talk about it much, my experience is that big, strong men also feel hurt, unappreciated, scared and vulnerable in their relationships. Mine sure did before I learned what I know now about how to have a playful, passionate relationship.<\/p>\n<p>I was slow to realize it, I\u2019m sorry to say.<\/p>\n<p>It was so much easier to restore the connection once I learned how to listen with my heart.<\/p>\n<p>What will you try with your husband to become a better listener?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s natural to want to feel close to your man by sharing your feelings and hearing his feelings too. But what if he has no idea how to do that? What if you ask how he\u2019s feeling and he just shrugs and clams up? What if the only feeling he\u2019ll acknowledge is\u2026 hunger? You know\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15395,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[708],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8886","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Communication In Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Communication In Marriage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s natural to want to feel close to your man by sharing your feelings and hearing his feelings too. 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You know\u2026 Read More &raquo;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/communication-in-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-09-21T11:00:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:34:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/communication-in-marriage-1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" 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