{"id":8905,"date":"2018-04-19T04:00:49","date_gmt":"2018-04-19T11:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8905"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:22","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:22","slug":"finding-your-purpose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/finding-your-purpose\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Your Purpose while Fixing Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When you have the vague feeling you have a calling in life that you\u2019re not responding to, it\u2019s like having an itch you can\u2019t quite scratch.<\/p>\n<p>Your soul is whispering to you that there\u2019s something you\u2019re here on the planet to do&#8211;something important, but how do you find it?<\/p>\n<p>Even worse, when you\u2019re not feeling purposeful, exhilarated or joyful in your work, that will lead to a strain in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p>And if your relationship is struggling, that robs you from accomplishing all you want to do.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, the two pain points are tied together and aggravate each other.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t realize that when my marriage was struggling. I just thought my husband was a loser pants and that work was hard but I could retire in 40 years (unless I got fired again).<\/p>\n<p>Fortunately, I was wrong about everything.<\/p>\n<p>I haven\u2019t been fired for decades now. I do exhilarating work every day. And my marriage is amazing.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Your broken relationship can be the portal to living your purpose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Here are 3 ways to transform your relationship and find your purpose at the same time:<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/finding-your-purpose\/#1_Start_with_Honoring_Your_Desires\" title=\"Start with Honoring Your Desires\">Start with Honoring Your Desires<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/finding-your-purpose\/#2_Think_of_Your_Fear_as_a_Guide\" title=\"Think of Your Fear as a Guide\">Think of Your Fear as a Guide<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/finding-your-purpose\/#3_Tell_Your_Embarrassing_Stories\" title=\"Tell Your Embarrassing Stories\">Tell Your Embarrassing Stories<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Start_with_Honoring_Your_Desires\"><\/span>1. Start with Honoring Your Desires<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>If someone had told me to honor my desires back in the bad old days, I would have rolled my eyes and thought, \u201cYou have no idea, buddy!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Turns out I had no idea myself. I just knew I didn\u2019t want the job I had, or the housework, or the car or the husband. I knew what I didn\u2019t want, and that\u2019s not the same as knowing what you do want. At all.<\/p>\n<p>I would have told you that I had no choice because that was the job I could get, the mess I had to clean, the car I could afford and the man I\u2019d married.<\/p>\n<p>In other words, I would have complained.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-1850684844\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Not very empowering, I know. But that\u2019s how I thought back then. I didn\u2019t know any better.<\/p>\n<p>Admitting my desires, much less honoring them, just didn\u2019t seem like a good idea since I thought I was stuck with my circumstances.<\/p>\n<p>But it turns out that just the opposite is true. Knowing what I want and expressing it without control have been vital for making my marriage magical again.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of just hearing me complain, my husband heard opportunities to delight me&#8211;and seized them&#8211;when I said I wanted ice cream, a new bicycle or to see a Broadway show.<\/p>\n<p>Seeing him respond to my desires so enthusiastically restored my faith in his desire to make me happy.<\/p>\n<p>Seeing how powerful that skill was in my marriage, I decided to do the same thing in my work.<\/p>\n<p>The results blew my mind.<\/p>\n<p>For example, last year I expressed a desire to have my own TV show&#8211;at first just to myself. Then I told my husband. Then I shared my desire with my coaches.<\/p>\n<p>The very day I told my coaches, an Emmy-nominated producer approached me about having my own TV show.<\/p>\n<p>Within a few months, I got to make an Amazon Prime series.<\/p>\n<p>I know! I was amazed too! What a dream come true.<\/p>\n<p>Not a bad outcome for knowing what I wanted and being willing to honor it.<\/p>\n<p>I say that not to brag but to show what\u2019s possible for you.<\/p>\n<p>I see it with my clients all the time, who quit their jobs or cut back their hours or switch careers or become relationship coaches as a result of learning the Six Intimacy Skills\u2122.<\/p>\n<p>All because they express their desires.<\/p>\n<p>How did that happen, you might ask?<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not sure. Then again, I don\u2019t know how electricity works either. But I know that it does.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3830107267\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Think_of_Your_Fear_as_a_Guide\"><\/span>2. Think of Your Fear as a Guide<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>The problem with expressing your desires is it\u2019s scary. It feels vulnerable.<\/p>\n<p>What if, when I shared my dream, someone had said it wasn&#8217;t realistic or that I didn\u2019t have the right look for TV or that I say \u201cum\u201d too much to be on the small screen?<\/p>\n<p>It could have been hurtful.<\/p>\n<p>But once I get a desire and I notice myself feeling nervous or anxious about it, or just shying away from wanting to entertain it, I pay close attention to that.<\/p>\n<p>Because it turns out everything I ever wanted requires me to go somewhere unfamiliar&#8211;somewhere I\u2019ve never been before.<\/p>\n<p>I know I can\u2019t grow from staying where I am or going where I\u2019ve been before.<\/p>\n<p>So whenever I feel desire and fear together, I see that as a directional urging me to steer that way.<\/p>\n<p>It becomes my GPS.<\/p>\n<p>Public speaking sounds terrifying, so I proceed.<\/p>\n<p>Going on national TV scares the stuffing out of me, so I suit up and show up.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve gone straight along the highway of founding an international coaching organization since that seems intimidating.<\/p>\n<p>Yikes, yikes, and yikes!<\/p>\n<p>Scary stuff. Exhilarating stuff. Thrilling stuff because I care so much about the outcome.<\/p>\n<p>Guess where I learned to be so courageous like that? In my distressed marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Remember the loser pants? I decided to try trusting him even though it seemed pretty obvious that I couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>But the more I practiced trusting him&#8211;even though I worried something bad would happen&#8211;the more I saw that choosing my faith instead of my fear got me a better outcome.<\/p>\n<p>My husband started showing up like a competent, capable, smart guy. Like the one I\u2019d fallen in love with.<\/p>\n<p>Seems he wasn\u2019t a loser pants after all. He just has an acute allergy to an overbearing wife.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Tell_Your_Embarrassing_Stories\"><\/span>3. Tell Your Embarrassing Stories<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I\u2019m so grateful to get to do the work I do everyday as an author and relationship coach because I love it and I feel so purposeful doing it, but the truth is I had to work for myself because I kept getting fired from my jobs.<\/p>\n<p>If you keep getting fired, that\u2019s one sign you\u2019re not living in your purpose.<\/p>\n<p>And if you think that\u2019s embarrassing, you\u2019re right. It is.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019m telling you anyway because this has also been key to my success: admitting things out loud that I feel shameful about.<\/p>\n<p>Shame is the lie that we are separate, but we\u2019re not.<\/p>\n<p>And while you may not have had the lousy experience of being fired or screwing up your marriage, perhaps you have felt utterly fallible in some way too.<\/p>\n<p>Turns out, that\u2019s how it works. Sure I\u2019m a confident, bestselling author and media personality.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m also a complete mess sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>And the more I show up like the mess that I sometimes am in my marriage, the more my husband is drawn to me like a magnet to steel.<\/p>\n<p>So I started practicing being vulnerable at home with my husband. I liked how authentic I felt, how relaxed and how loved.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s nothing to hide when I\u2019m just being myself.<\/p>\n<p>Then that authentic me started to show up in the rest of the world too.<\/p>\n<p>Granted, I have many detractors. But lots of women tell me that I seem so much like them that we may be the same person. They seem happy about it.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m happy about it too. I love the connection I feel with them.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, I love it so much that I\u2019ve surrounded myself with women like you, who want to feel purposeful in their lives and passionate in their relationships. Some even feel called like I do to carry the message of the Six Intimacy Skills to the women struggling in their communities. These women train with me to learn the Intimacy Skills at the highest level and become powerful relationship coaches who stand shoulder to shoulder with me in the mission to end world divorce.<\/p>\n<p>Next month, I\u2019ll start training just 20 committed women who feel called to help other women with their relationships.<\/p>\n<p>If that\u2019s something you\u2019re curious about, I invite you to come to my free course, <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/purpose\/\">Purpose, Prosperity, and Intimacy: How to Have All Three and Help Others Have the Same<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>If your soul is whispering that there\u2019s something you\u2019re here on the planet to do&#8211;something important&#8211;and you want to discover it, then I invite you to save your seat <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/purpose\/\">by registering now<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I think you\u2019re going to be really glad you came.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you have the vague feeling you have a calling in life that you\u2019re not responding to, it\u2019s like having an itch you can\u2019t quite scratch. Your soul is whispering to you that there\u2019s something you\u2019re here on the planet to do&#8211;something important, but how do you find it? Even worse, when you\u2019re not feeling\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/finding-your-purpose\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8908,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[706],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8905","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-coaching"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Finding Your Purpose while Fixing Your Relationship<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/finding-your-purpose\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Finding Your Purpose while Fixing Your Relationship\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When you have the vague feeling you have a calling in life that you\u2019re not responding to, it\u2019s like having an itch you can\u2019t quite scratch. Your soul is whispering to you that there\u2019s something you\u2019re here on the planet to do&#8211;something important, but how do you find it? Even worse, when you\u2019re not feeling\u2026 Read More &raquo;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/finding-your-purpose\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Laura Doyle Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/lauradoyle.org\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-04-19T11:00:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-12-21T06:34:22+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/finding-your-purpose.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"628\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laura Doyle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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